A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay I have a simple yet complex question. My boyfriend and I were arguing and he was calling me out for having said that I used to think my boyfriend was well endowed and once I got with him, my thoughts on that changed.Whether that makes sense or not is not the issue at all what is is that I know he has an attractive ex girlfriend, he has told me many times. I asked him, well you say I'm lying about that, were you lying to me when I would ask you if shes prettier than me? He said that although he used to think she was prettier than me his thoughts on her changed and therefore he no longer thinks she is prettier than me. Does that make sense? Guys is it possible for you to think one person is physically more attractive than the other and when your thoughts on that person change then the other person becomes more attractive or "prettier"?It doesnt really matter I could care less if he thinks shes prettier she has moved on has a baby with some other guy so if he wants her then he can have her sloppy seconds ass. I just want to know if its bullcrap because he is calling me a liar about changinng my mind regarding my exs attributes yet he is doing the exact same thing.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 May 2015):
 It's NEVER a good idea to compare a current beau to a former lover. Same for the men... comparisons do not hing but hurt people.
THAT being said, When you love someone they become prettier and more handsome.
The movie "Shallow Hal" points out how beauty is really in the eye of the beholder in a weird sort of way.
My husband has gained a lot of weight in the time I've known him. Had i met him at the weight he is now I never would have gone after him. He's just not appealing in that way at this time.... BUT because I love him now all I see is the man that melts my heart and to me he's the hottest thing in this world.
You didn't lie and neither did he but NEITHER of you are thinking clearly on this matter... stop bringing up the past. It's the past.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 May 2015):
 You both have a LOT to learn when it comes to relationships. Comparing your partner or yourself (or his/her body parts) to an ex is ridiculous, petty and hurtful.
And it's something you can't really take back.
While I DO get what you BF said (and I think he IS telling the truth) he shouldn't have brought up her look in COMPARISON to you. While looks can "fade" in a sense - because HE no longer have strong feelings for her... a guys penis doesn't CHANGE size.
You say you don't care what he think of her looks, but you do. THAT is why you brought up the ONE thing you KNEW instinctively would hurt his feeling. PENIS size.
From now on HE will doubt ANYTHING you say with regards to his penis and sexual prowess. And YOU made that happen.
YOU asked him if she was prettier. Because you WANTED him to say, no YOU are prettier. BUT he didn't HE told you the "truth" as he saw it.
You know the whole " DO my ass look fat in this dress" thing? It's a lose/lose question. JUST like the pretty question. If he had told you, NO you are prettier, you wouldn't have believed him, you would have presumed he lied.And when he tells you the "truth" he is an asshole..
A guy can't "win" that argument. And no matter WHAT he said someone will get her feelings hurt.
Penis size question? NEVER go there. EVEN if he asks. Just say (in the future) I didn't pull out a measuring tape so I don't know. Instead of jabbing him with OH IT WAS BIGGER...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 May 2015):
 Why the hell is this even a conversation you're having?!? Talking about ex's penises and looks?? Do you WANT to blow up your relationship with your current boyfriend??
YOU DON'T COMPARE exes to current lovers. Don't get caught in it, don't even THINK of asking "Was she prettier than me?", and DEFINITELY don't compare penis sizes. Talking to a guy about his penis size in relationship to other guys' penis size you've been previously intimate with is a recipe for retroactive jealousy, and when that gets in there, you're talking about a timebomb that will go off every single time you fight from now to eternity.
Consider this:: Talking to a guy about his penis size in comparison to others...in fact, SAYING to a guy that his penis is other than gorgeous and desirable would be as if he started calling you a fat wildebeest compared to other women in his past. IT IS NOT DONE.
When you get into another relationship, everything about your past intimate encounters is dead to you, and you should feel the same about his past as well. Now, you've got him accusing you of lying on a subject he should know NOTHING about. Who CARES if she was prettier?!? Who CARES if your ex had a longer penis?! That is shallow beyond shallow on both accounts. Have we gone to the stone age where all a guy was was a caveman and foreplay consisted of a club to the head and a big penis?!
Yeesh. I'd rather be with a guy with a small penis who was a great lover and an honorable guy than a big-pricked asshole who thought that giving me pleasure was the sum of a 20-second thrust-fest and then he was done. And as far as the "prettier" ex was concerned, having insecurities can turn the prettiest girl ugly and jealous. So work on yourself and forget anything about the past...his AND yours. If he brings it up again, tell him that you don't even want to THINK about anyone else's penis than HIS, and that he is all you need. End of story.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2015): calling you a liar sounds like he is trying to make you feel bad while bigging himself up and also retaining the right to change his mind. Why dont you retain your right to change your mind and find someone who leaves you with a warmloving glow, rather than a thorn in your side as this will be a pattern of future events.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 May 2015):
 I think your bf is telling you the truth. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ; perception is subjective and can shift,for better or for worse, according to what you feel for a given person. He is saying that you have " grown " on him.
I remember distinctly that once on a summer day I was walking a few steps behind a guy in Bermuda shorts and I thought uncharitably :" If I had chicken legs like those, I surely wouldn't flaunt them ". Then, in passing him, I realized that he was an ex of mine that a few years before I was crazily infatuated with and thought he had the best body in the world : tall, lean... He was the same, but my perception had changed from " tall and lean" to " chicken legs " because I did not like him any more.
With endowement it is not exactly the same thing, because while you can't measure "beauty ", you can measure a penis. So let's say that your ex was 7 inches, and you thought THAT was well endowed- then you found out that the new guy is 7 and 1/2 , well, that redefined your idea of well endowed. That would seems obvious, maybe your bf is accusing you of telling him lies just because for some weird reason most males are absurdly paranoid about their " endowement" and always tend to think that it does not quite measure up , no matter what size. Or.... because some women are foolishly given to want to reassure their partners about their " equipment" and will tell them
" Sure big boy , you are the best, you are the biggest I have ever seen "- which the guy would like to believe, but deep down can't ,and suspects it's just said to appease him.
Anyway- excuse me, but ... you two young lovers, haven't you got anything more romantic and interesting to talk about than your ex's penis ; or his ex's boobs ?!
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