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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I don't want to seem mean to my new neighbors but feel they are asking too much of me
Q. About 4 months ago, a new family moved in across the street from me and the mother seemed to be struggling moving boxes into her house so I went over to both help her and welcome her into the neighborhood. I met her and her 3 children and the...
A. 24 September 2015: Wow... amazing.
I would let them know that visits after 7 pm are not acceptable.
In addition, to still be wonderful and helpful you can offer to give her a lift WHEN you are going anyway.
I have asked my neighbors often "I'm heading... (read in full...)
My father is dying and his partner of 20 years is unsupportive! How do I help my dad?
Q. This is not a LOVE relationship issue but it is a relationship issue. I normally am the one to give advice but this is something I am willing to hear all sides on. Background: My dad is nearly 81 and he is dying. He has non-treatable meta...
A. 24 September 2015: Tisha the irony is my mom died 20 years ago from lung cancer and she smoked. Dad quit when I was a kid.
They have NEVER permitted smoking in the house... she has always gone outside so that's good.
I am worried that his immune system is... (read in full...)
My mother was abusive and still is today. What can I do to get her out of my life?
Q. I have always and am currently having a real difficult time with my mom. I really need advice as to get my mom completely out of my life. Now I know this sounds awful but I feel as I have no other choice. My mother was very abusive to me gr...
A. 24 September 2015: Oh this is a hard one.
I'm so sorry your mom has not been a mom you deserve.
I would get the restraining order
I would also call the cops when she shows up and bangs on your door and have her arrested for violating the RO.
I would let all... (read in full...)
My insurance does not help with skin removal surgery after weight loss! I'm upset and unhappy with my body! Anyone have advice for me?
Q. I'm hoping someone has been through something like this and can help me out. I am a 28 y/o woman who has been severely obese since early teenage years. It wasn't until I was 25 that I had gastric bypass and have lost 250 pounds putting me now a...
A. 23 September 2015: I'm not much help. I used family money to pay for the entire procedure (I was on the operating table over 6 hours and the bill was 17k)
we were reimbursed about 5k by my insurance after ONE denial and an appeal because the doctor that submitte... (read in full...)
My now ex Bf goes missing in action, but is furious if I don't pick up the phone. What gives?
Q. My Now ex boyfriend of 2 and a half years gets really annoyed with me if I don't answer my phone or text back or call back quickly. He always said "keep me updated". He made it clear how he feels and I honor this request as best I can. He has had ...
A. 23 September 2015: I think you are 100% correct for ending the relationship.
He has a double standard. He demands to know all about you but expects you to just let him come and go as he pleases and at 48 he's behaving like he's 20 something.
He's basically do... (read in full...)
My insurance does not help with skin removal surgery after weight loss! I'm upset and unhappy with my body! Anyone have advice for me?
Q. I'm hoping someone has been through something like this and can help me out. I am a 28 y/o woman who has been severely obese since early teenage years. It wasn't until I was 25 that I had gastric bypass and have lost 250 pounds putting me now a...
A. 23 September 2015: Congrats on the surgery. Yesterday was my 6 yr surgiversary I went from 293 pounds highest weight to 135 lowest weight.
I had a full tummy tuck (abdominalplasty) and a breast lift mastopexy about 18 months after surgery.
MY INSURANCE covere... (read in full...)
He talks about getting me pregnant, but is it just all talk?
Q. Hi,(long story) im 23 and my guy is 19 yrs older. He uses the pull-out method. A few times he's came inside me. He askes about when im gonna have his baby. He says i hope you're ready to have a baby. But sometimes he says you better not get preg...
A. 23 September 2015: Sounds to me like he's all talk and has you snowed.
GET ON hormonal BC right away. Be the one in control here. DO not let this man "sweet talk" you and manipulate you into anything.
The pull out method is the best route to parenthood.... (read in full...)
Fiance wants to leave for a 3-month internship. How do I tell her I can't do a 3 month LDR ?
Q. My fiancé is planning on leaving for a 3-month internship next summer. We are both almost 25 years old, I am a real-estate developer and she is working towards her PhD in computer science. We have been living together now for several months, and we ...
A. 23 September 2015: It's not wrong if you don't want her to go.
IT IS WRONG if you tell her not to.
IF it's ONLY 3 months an it's something that will advance her career and it's something she really wants and it's something that is worthwhile (this so... (read in full...)
LD Crush. Should I consider this guy as a friend and nothing else? Age differences and difference cultures.
Q. A few years back I used to work with a nice guy. We always got along great and I don't know if the feeling was mutual or not, but I was always attracted to him. At the time he was married (and I knew who is wife was, talked to her on several ...
A. 23 September 2015: I would stick to just being friends with this guy for several reasons.
1. he is still legally married and emotionally invested in his STBXW.
2. you have strong feelings that are getting stronger and that puts you in this particular situa... (read in full...)
My father is dying and his partner of 20 years is unsupportive! How do I help my dad?
Q. This is not a LOVE relationship issue but it is a relationship issue. I normally am the one to give advice but this is something I am willing to hear all sides on. Background: My dad is nearly 81 and he is dying. He has non-treatable meta...
A. 23 September 2015: Thank you all so much... when you are the one in the middle of it, it's hard to see what you can clearly see for others.
I appreciate the PMs too!
to the last poster. I HOPE I'm not pregnant. I'm 55... this is my first grandbaby on the... (read in full...)
My father is dying and his partner of 20 years is unsupportive! How do I help my dad?
Q. This is not a LOVE relationship issue but it is a relationship issue. I normally am the one to give advice but this is something I am willing to hear all sides on. Background: My dad is nearly 81 and he is dying. He has non-treatable meta...
A. 22 September 2015: OH thanks all.
Let me be clear.. the expenses after are for routine maintenance and taxes only.. her life style is to be funded by her first husband and his lovely large alimony check.
I hate to say this but I technically am a trust fund baby... (read in full...)
My father is dying and his partner of 20 years is unsupportive! How do I help my dad?
Q. This is not a LOVE relationship issue but it is a relationship issue. I normally am the one to give advice but this is something I am willing to hear all sides on. Background: My dad is nearly 81 and he is dying. He has non-treatable meta...
A. 22 September 2015: OH Tisha thank you so much... GOOD idea... PERFECT actually.
Karma is funny. I just called them. Daddy sounds pretty good today. "Agatha" (I love that) has a cold and sounds horrible.
I love the whole "appeal to her social side" aspect... (read in full...)
My father is dying and his partner of 20 years is unsupportive! How do I help my dad?
Q. This is not a LOVE relationship issue but it is a relationship issue. I normally am the one to give advice but this is something I am willing to hear all sides on. Background: My dad is nearly 81 and he is dying. He has non-treatable meta...
A. 22 September 2015: I don't expect her to change. I know she can't.
I don't care about her feelings. Clearly she doesn't care about mine, my brothers or my children.
The will already stipulates she gets the house till her death. AND WE COVER THE EXPENSES. NOTHI... (read in full...)
How to resolve a problem when the other person gets upset and yells when you bring it up?
Q. Quick question, If your in a relationship with someone and there happens to be a problem that is effecting your life that the other person is causing. Is it wrong to try to talk it over to resolve the problem with the other person or should it ...
A. 22 September 2015: It's not wrong to want to talk about it but it may be the approach that's the issue.
If you try to talk about it and the person won't talk about it, then you have no choice but to extract yourself from the situation.
can you give us more inf... (read in full...)
When did dating become so confusing? Do I cut him off or give him a chance?
Q. I have known this man for 2 yrs, we were friends first. We dating a bit last year and were physical when were seeing each other. All was going well and then he disappeared on me. We kept in touch but it looked like he was dating other peop...
A. 22 September 2015: I'm so sorry to break this to you but he's NOT THAT INTO YOU.
He will NEVER be what you want or need in a relationship. He keeps coming back in hopes that he can get easy sex from you knowing how you feel. Sadly this works all too often as... (read in full...)
Should I be worried if I keep on finding gay porn on my Bf's phone?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend 2 years, living together 1 year. I recently for the first time, checked his phone out of curiosity because I know he watches porn and was getting upset by the lack of sex we were having so decided to check it out... ...
A. 22 September 2015: My advice is to not worry about if he is gay or not but rather worry about the lack of sex. Even if he is NOT gay his sex drive is VERY low FOR YOU. He is using porn but NOT having sex with you...
you have considered marrying him... why? wi... (read in full...)
Could his reaction, to me touching him, be regarded as him flirting with me?
Q. I like this guy and i met him 3 weeks ago in my college and he has 2 of the same lessons as me. We take the same bus home and i sit next to him. Today, i sat next to him and kept touching him and he was like stop touching me or i'll punch you. ...
A. 22 September 2015: No he's not flirting. He's also NOT interested in you as other than a school chum.
... (read in full...)
I don't have a college degree, is this why I'm not being hired?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but I could use some advice. I was laid off from my job of 4 years almost a year ago and since then have had no luck finding a new job. I believe I have a great resume, I have put in applications both on...
A. 21 September 2015: I do not know if it is or it is not the issue.
Honeypie makes great points.
I will only tell you my story.
In 1978 I graduated high school and went to college.
In 1981 I left college in my senior year and got married and did the baby thi... (read in full...)
Monday through Friday, he's the man I fell for. But Friday to Sunday, I don't recognise him! How do I get through to him?
Q. I'm worried about my boyfriend's drinking buy I have no idea how to get it through to him that he may have a problem. He is 13 years older, making him 37 and myself 24. We have been together for two years and although both families had an ...
A. 21 September 2015: "HERE I come to save the day...." whenever my name gets mentioned I feel like I should reply too...
I'm not even going to go to potential at this point.
What you have is an alcoholic boyfriend. Just because he stays sober during the wee... (read in full...)
I need advice about my daughter's boyfriend please ?
Q. Hi there, I need advice please about my daughter's boyfriend. First of all, a bit of background info. re. my daughter. We now have no family at all - no aunts, uncles, grandfather's etc. No one. It has been this way for many years and, before t...
A. 3 September 2015: my son is just 29 his new wife (married in may) is 27. I have met her 3 times. ONE of them at their wedding.
she wanted to move 800 miles away and my son happily followed her.
I never talk to her. I never have contact with her.
She... (read in full...)
Why did he encourage me to move all this way and bring all my things with me, but now he wants me to leave? What can I do? I feel stuck and penniless.
Q. am so confused, I need some good opinions. So, I have been with my now xboyfriend for over two years. I am from SC and him PA. We have moved back and forth together for awhile but it never works out from bad luck and the fact that we break up all ...
A. 3 September 2015: If you are afraid, contact a local woman's shelter and see if you and your child can stay there till you get your money together to get home... forget taking any of your stuff.. .just get you and child on a bus and get home.
it should be ar... (read in full...)
Four years of dating, so why is my Gf continuing to refuse penetrative sex, with so many "no" excuses?
Q. My girlfriend won't have penetrative sex with me, although we enjoy other forms of intimacy. She gives excuses like soreness, or thrush, but even on the few occasions I have started full sex she doesn't allow me complete entrance. I'm a 67 years...
A. 2 September 2015: IF she has gone through menopause then it's possible that intercourse is painful for her but she does not wish to admit it or know that there are meds for it.
Some women with menopause get a thinning of the vaginal walls that causes extreme pain... (read in full...)
How much effort do I put in to getting his father to attend my son's birthday party?
Q. My son's father and I are estranged. He hasn't spoken to me since June, though I've kept him updated on our son. His mother keeps in touch pretty well, but I cannot get him to respond to one text. Our son will be turning one in a few weeks and I'm ...
A. 2 September 2015: I think you should continue to invite him and keep him updated but not expect anything from him in terms of his actually being there.
Let his mom be a part of the baby's life... eventually he MAY come around but if not, it's his loss.
... (read in full...)
Can our LDR survive if we're not able to meet face to face until 4-5 months time?
Q. I joined an online dating site a few months ago. The first thing you need to know is that I'm currently living abroad. When I joined the site, my plan was to move back to the U.S. At the beginning of next year. But, things have happened since t...
A. 31 August 2015: Well until you MEET it's not a relationship in the truest sense of the word but yes if all you can manage is once or twice a year on a TEMPORARY basis then it' can work.
But you can't sustain it for long. LDRS have to have ONE goal which is... (read in full...)
Online dating. Is me asking her when we will get together a bad thing? She will not give me a solid answer
Q. I have been in a online relationship for quite sometime now and I wont say it has been easy, I have made a few mistakes and put our trust on thin ice so she has a hard time trusting me. We have been working on this together very diligently and duri...
A. 31 August 2015: IF you have never met face to face and it's more than 6 months then it's really a NON relationship and you need to realize it's a time waster for you.... (read in full...)
Should I be scared about starting to look for another Gf, due to the fact that I believe I have a small penis?
Q. Okay so I am 16 I am scared to start looking for another gf as I have a small penis there's nothing I can do about it but it sucks. I don't want to get a gf and lose her because my penis is really small. I can't stop thinking about my ex, we've not...
A. 31 August 2015: you are quite young... what you will learn is that it's not the size that matters.. it's the man it's attached to and the OTHER skills he brings to the bedroom.
... (read in full...)
Is it time to bring this to a close? Seems I am now just a text friend and there has been no apology.
Q. May I ask for advice I fell out with a guy I got close to He gave me the impression he was finished with the person who he was with but was not the case as he has bought into a flat and had to see out the contract Anyway because I felt le...
A. 31 August 2015: I agree there is nothing there to salvage.. An apology is not for you but for him... since he does not care neither should you.... (read in full...)
Should I ask my boyfriend if he is uncomfortable with my male friend being around so much?
Q. I have a question for Males out there. I have been dating this guy for 5 months, and I completely felt in love with him over the past few months. I recently bought a house and a Male friend is helping with the renovation. My current boyfriend has ...
A. 26 August 2015: "Should I ask my boyfriend if he is uncomfortable...?"
I would not. Why go looking for trouble. If he's that uncomfortable he should say something. But if he's that uncomfortable maybe he's insecure or inappropriate.
"Am I overreact... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has a problem with me having a male surgeon
Q. I think my bf is overreacting on a simple issue. I ought to have a surgery on my breast in few weeks time. The surgeon is a male. I have no problem with the gender of this surgeon. Surprisingly my bf said he doesn't like the idea of him being a male ...
A. 26 August 2015: Is your GYN a woman?
your BF is an idiot. He's beyond OVER-reacting and has progressed to just plain WRONG.
He's not even making sense... this is the surgeon's JOB for god's sake.
I would be very cautious about continuing a rela... (read in full...)
Can a married man have a mistress for 10 years and love her?
Q. Can a married man have a mistress for say 10 years and be in love with her? Otherwise if it was just sex, wouldn't he had dumped her ages ago? ...
A. 26 August 2015: He may love her but he does not love her enough. Or the right way.
... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with ruling someone out if you don't feel instant chemistry?
Q. I met a genuinely nice guy on an online dating site and we've gone on two dates. I had to psyche myself up for both of these dates because a) I haven't been on a date in a while and b) I didn't feel any attraction when I looked at his profile ...
A. 25 August 2015: I have always given them three dates.. but if I'm not feeling it after that I end it. I have never done the "let's be friends" if you are actually dating it's to find a mate...
if you don't feel it after 3 fates it's not there.
... (read in full...)
How can my boyfriend be so unreasonable? He has the nerve to be angry because I slept with someone before him!
Q. I'm having a huge argument with my boyfriend and I'd like some advice on how to handle it. About a month before I ever met him I was dating quite a bit, we met each other on a dating site so he was quite aware that I was dating people before I ...
A. 25 August 2015: You ask "how can men have such double standards"
NOT all men do. HE does. THIS alone makes him not a good match for you.
the fact that he invaded your privacy is another strike against him.
YOU will NOT be able to change his mind.... (read in full...)
How can I have a pleasurable orgasm without penetration?
Q. feywild126 again, with a question in the same ballpark as my previous one. The guilt from having an orgasm is gone now, and now I'm wondering if someone can give me tips on how to masturbate? I hope that question isn't inappropriate for this site; I ...
A. 25 August 2015: My choice is a hand held shower head set on pulse held near the clitoris... NO penetration. MOST women do NOT orgasm from penetration.
you could also just get some good silicone based lube and massage the area of your clitoris until YOU fi... (read in full...)
Why is it the older I get the harder it is to control my hormones?
Q. Why does it seem that the closer I get to my twenties the more my hormones seem to crave sexual activities? At eighteen, I have managed to stay a virgin, but it seems to be getting harder to avoid sexual thoughts and the desire to be an attention ...
A. 24 August 2015: It's only going to get worse....
Women have hormonal fluctuations monthly forever... EVEN after menopause...
BTW your sex drive will get stronger as you get older.
It's very unfair but I think every woman age 35 and older should get ... (read in full...)
My manager's crush makes him act inappropriately. Should I film him and send it to his supervisor and wife?
Q. Has anyone ever cringed at their Manager, I work in retail and My Married should I add Store Manager has such an obvious crush on a customer. A young women around late 20s comes in every other day and my Manager, makes no secret he is checking her ...
A. 24 August 2015: It's not your place to judge or "rat him out"
for all you know his wife knows....
it's NONE OF YOUR CONCERN...
rather you should look at WHY this bothers you so much.
Married people are NOT DEAD and we find other people attractive... (read in full...)
Should I get breast implants because my boyfriend wants me to?
Q. My boyfriend wants me to get breast implants, and I don't know how I feel about it. I am naturally very flat chested, an A cup. I've never really liked having small breasts but as I've gotten older I've learned to accept it. My boyfriend wa...
A. 21 August 2015: I have had a mastopexy which is a breast lift. I came home with drains in both breasts that drained blood and fluid and had to be cleaned every few hours....
I've been there done that. I had it for reconstructive purposes.
If you are ... (read in full...)
Is it something that couple's therapy will help resolve? My Bf is not yet over his ex
Q. My boyfriend is not over his ex. They dated for a year over five years ago and we are together 3 years. I know he loves me and I love him and we want to be together but I don't know what to do anymore. He gets angry when we talk about it because...
A. 19 August 2015: My husband has issues that need to be resolved. My own therapist has met him and pointed out to me that couples therapy is USELESS in this case and won't fix the problems we have that they are related to my husband's personal internal issues.
... (read in full...)
My father left everything to my stepmother! How do I cope?
Q. My father passed away in early August. I am devastated because we were very close. I am also very upset about how his will turned out for my sister and I. My father was quite wealthy and literally everything went to his wife, a woman he was onl...
A. 19 August 2015: DO NOT talk to the attorneys that wrote the will.. GET a third IMPARTIAL party to see if you can contest it.
DO NOT roll over and let her get away with this.... (read in full...)
Her hot temper leads to fights. So I asked another girl out. Can I continue like this or should I just walk away from my hot tempered original Gf?
Q. I am a teenage guy of 18 , currently I have a gf we have been together For over a year now. She's got all I want, but she has hot temper. We fight a lot of times and this make me think about our future. I decided to ask another girl out, the...
A. 19 August 2015: I agree using her temper as an excuse to cheat is not cool.
You should end it with her and move on.... (read in full...)
My father left everything to my stepmother! How do I cope?
Q. My father passed away in early August. I am devastated because we were very close. I am also very upset about how his will turned out for my sister and I. My father was quite wealthy and literally everything went to his wife, a woman he was onl...
A. 18 August 2015: Agreed. My dad is very concerned that he provide a safe place for my qsm to live so he's made it clear he's leaving her the house... but I know the family trust that she has no access to is not going to her.
see an attorney that speciali... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but dating him is turning into a nightmare because of his ex
Q. Recently I have started seeing a guy who lives in my town. I moved here last summer, and I met him through a few of the people I have become friends with at my work place. I was instantly attracted to him when I first met him but at the time he h...
A. 18 August 2015: The only person that can fix this is your boyfriend. He has to take control and block her and cut her off.
IF he does NOT do that.. and he "allows" her to call, text, visit etc.. then he is party to this behavior.
All he has to do is bloc... (read in full...)
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