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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My wife wants children and I don't she knew this when we married. Am I selfish?
Q. My Wife thinks I'm selfish because I don't want to have children, whereas she is desperate. I'm 29 and she is 30, we've been together 5 years, married just under 1 year. To be honest I don't like kids, I've never understood the appeal of children. ...
A. 15 April 2015: No you are not being selfish. You told her NO children, she married you anyway. she is the one being selfish by demanding you change your mind.
OTOH, IF she knew you didn't want children and you knew she did why did you two get married? D... (read in full...)
Random Girl In Library Was Rude To Me - How Would You Have Reacted?
Q. I walked into my library a few hours ago and sat down at a long study desk (there's a row of chairs where people can sit) next to some random other girl (it's busy today so there aren't many spaces left). I noticed her staring at me the whole time I ...
A. 15 April 2015: No I would not have said anything. I may have moved.
why are you reapplying sunscreen while IN THE LIBRARY?
... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any suggestion/herbal remedies for a crying always hungry baby?
Q. This is not a relationship question but I hope it will be printed anyway ... because it is for the good cause of helping a distressed new mother. A younger friend of mine just had on March 3rd her first baby. The baby is healthy, beautifu...
A. 15 April 2015: I'm late but here's my sad tale of woe from 31 years ago.
I had a totally breastfed baby. He turned out to have allergies to almost everything but mom (dairy and soy)... he was cranky. He cried all the time, He never slept. I learned to do every... (read in full...)
Why continuously flirt if you don't mean anything by it?
Q. There’s this guy I used to work with, I now work for another company but in the same building and the same floor as the guy does, well, he passes by my office everyday and takes the stairs when there’s an elevator he could take that’s even closer to ...
A. 15 April 2015: Wow you have it bad. You have dates and exact things written and what not. either you have a VERY good memory or you journal and keep notes on this guy.
his taking the stairs has NOTHING to do with you.
you asked "do you have a gf?" ... (read in full...)
I have developed feelings for my FWB!
Q. Hey everyone! I've recently moved to a new place and started a new job. Pretty quickly I began sleeping with somebody I work with. Normally I'd agree that this is a terrible idea, but we were kind of friends beforehand and came to an agreement - ...
A. 15 April 2015: Sadly FWB rarely works. And having FWB with a co-worker can be awkward.
I agree that you need to let him know where you stand and how you feel. He may feel the same or he may back off.
If he feels the same then go with the flow an... (read in full...)
Why did my girlfriend embarrass me in front of my coworkers?
Q. We are a lesbian couple and I went to my coworkers house to get assistance granted it was late after they got off work but we needed to work on the assignment that night to turn in the following day. I told my girlfriend where and why I was going ...
A. 13 April 2015: You can't fix this. You can't control her.
Next time, turn off the phone and when she blows up with HER insanity you look at her and say "you MAY be right, let me think about it and get back to you when we can discuss it calmly" then walk aw... (read in full...)
At least for the next year my Bf will be away regularly, including weekends. How can I cope with this?
Q. My boyfriend got himself a new job a few weeks ago which I was so happy for him, it's better, better role and can lead him to better things however the only thing I really don't like is the fact he's working away all week and is only home at ...
A. 13 April 2015: You continue to have YOUR LIFE. You should not be living your life to accommodate your BF.
Go out with friends, take classes... shop, exercise, work, clean the house, do the laundry, catch up on your shows and reading.
My DH and I wer... (read in full...)
I sent a text to my boyfriend that was meant for my boss. Will my BF get upset?
Q. Hi all. Let me start by saying my BF of two years can be insecure and has expressed jealousy at times. I was texting my boss trying to set up a meeting and sent the text by accident to my BF as I have both conversations saved on my phone....
A. 13 April 2015: YOU are NOT responsible for your BOYFRIEND's stinking thinking.
I would not bring it up. and I would not pander or cater to him and his insecurity. If after 2 years he does not trust you and you have never done anything to warrant distrust the... (read in full...)
Can masturbating with a shower jet cause lasting damage?
Q. A question for the ladies, is it possible to cause any permanent damage/desensitizing to 'the clit' by masturbating with a shower head? I read online recently about how masturbating with a shower jet might damage the nerves. Did concern me as...
A. 13 April 2015: I have been using an hand held shower head for YEARS... literally longer than you have been on this earth.
No nerve damage... and to be honest I don't find it hinders my other ways to have orgasm either.
... (read in full...)
I'm confused and feeling guilty but think I need to end my marriage to my gambling husband
Q. I feel so confused and riddled with guilt. I am married to someone I've been with for nearly 4 years. I do love and care about him very much. However a few days ago I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore because I'm not inlove with him...
A. 13 April 2015: I think you should stay where you are.
I also strongly urge you to get to an Al-anon meeting. While your husband is not an alcoholic he is an addict. He has a gambling addiction and Al-anon can help YOU learn how to cope with him and his beha... (read in full...)
How do we continue to enjoy ourselves despite the language obstacle?
Q. As most of them go, I met him online. He's a German intern only around until June and this works fine for me as I was not looking for anything too long term either. However, I have little knowledge of German, and only speak English and Xhosa. He is ...
A. 13 April 2015: Third vote for OVER THINKING it..
just let go and have fun.... (read in full...)
I'm struggling with jealousy in my FWB!
Q. Hi everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read my question. Basically, my issue is to do with jealousy. At the moment I'm in a FWB with a girl, we've been on this arrangement for about 7 months. Through this time we've had a few bad pat...
A. 13 April 2015: FWB is FRIENDS with benefits so YEAH friends hang out without having sex... so the F part is there.
FWB do not have any say in anything the other is doing. That's the whole point... Boyfriends and girlfriends argue. FWB do not.
As for Jeal... (read in full...)
Do I try to convince my boyfriend that he still loves me?
Q. Yesterday my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. It is all rather confusing. But this week I saw a girl had been texting him and he was trying to bring up her self esteem by calling her hot but I saw it as flirtatious. We met up and we made up. ...
A. 13 April 2015: Bonnie Raitt sang a song called "I can't make you love me (if you don't)" and it's so true.
He's already checked OUT of the relationship by "building the self-esteem " of some other woman. GOOD LINE...
he's done with you honey.. begging... (read in full...)
Do you struggle with people's scathing comments daily, if it offends you like this & how you deal with it?
Q. I've recently rescued a beautiful dog. My very first dog, who I love dearly. Having a dog, I've been out socialising more at the local dog playgroup. I thought this would not only be a great way to socialise my boy, but also an ideal chance to meet ...
A. 13 April 2015: My dogs LOVED their crates. Most well trained dogs do.
Dogs are DEN animals and they will go to the crate if properly trained by choice.
Dogs are also PACK animals so sleeping with their humans is normal. There are two schools of thoug... (read in full...)
Do girls enjoy having their bodies rubbed with other men in crowded bus?
Q. Before I continue, I want you to know that I am around 19 and an attractive male. People and friends adore me every now and then, I don't have girlfriend though and don't even have female friends. The reason for all that is I am shy and not much ...
A. 13 April 2015: NO they are not being sexual and no they are not enjoying it.
You got off the bus early you "enjoyed" it so much...
the bus was crowded... that's public transportation.
... (read in full...)
I want him to be able to pay for himself!
Q. Hey everyone.....I have known my boyfriend for almost two years and we've been dating for seven months. I love him and I know he loves me too. We've decided to get married next year. Here is a little background. We both have degrees from the univ...
A. 13 April 2015: I would not be considering marrying a man who does not manage money well.
if he takes home 1500 a month and he has a 500 dollar a month car payment then 1/3 of his take home is a car payment that's a bit high...
I agree that you should let h... (read in full...)
I feel my boyfriend has just given up on getting a job and I'm tired of paying for everything!
Q. My boyfriend is very on and off with jobs but now it's gotten to a point where he is unable to take me out anymore. When i first met him he was working hard at two jobs. He moved to an area where it is very isolated, no bus and he had no car. We ...
A. 13 April 2015: You are NOT being selfish
stop paying for things
stop going to see him
stop rowing the relationship boat and see if he steps up.
He will take what he can get and continue to use you for your money. Stop giving him an excuse.
If you s... (read in full...)
We've been married only a year and have big problems. When do you call it a day?
Q. I‘ve been married for almost a year now and already we're in a bit of a crisis. We have many issues in our relationship, too many to mention but i'll give some examples. I think he's become very controlling since we got married, I am admittedly ...
A. 13 April 2015: If you discussed it before marriage and you were led to believe that NOTHING would change and he pulled the "switcheroo" on you and magically turned into a "husband" then yes end the marriage.
who you marry is the same person before as af... (read in full...)
My mother needs to stop undermining my parenting!
Q. I have a four year old daughter who Macey who is my whole life and I have tried to do everything in my power to do right by her. However, my family keep undermining my parenting. For example, when she was a baby I breast fed, and they made fun of ...
A. 13 April 2015: I'm sorry but grandparents who are NOT raising children are for spoiling grand babies.
Totally withholding treats from your child will possibly create even more food issues than you had.
Interesting comment from my now grown sons a few... (read in full...)
My LDR said he would move because I can't, but now he says his work comes first.
Q. I'm a LDR with a great guy for a bit over a year and were friends for a few years before hand. We have a close relationship and I trust him a lot. Whenever we spoke about ending the distance, he said he would move to where I live and planned on ...
A. 13 April 2015: He was supposed to move 4 months ago and now he's changing his mind... what was he doing to get ready for the move?
If he was not updating his resume (CV) and looking for a new job then he was just giving you lip service.
You have two choi... (read in full...)
Past experiences have made my boyfriend insecure and it's killing our relationship
Q. I love my boyfriend but he's overly insecure! It's from past relationships that has made him that way. He constantly looks into everything and over thinks things and it's brings me to the point I want to give up. having a social drink together has ...
A. 13 April 2015: You have no control over him. He will not change until he works on his issues and you staying with him will not fix it.
Overthinking things may just be his personality.
IF you have ended it, then let it remain ended. You ended it for a r... (read in full...)
We haven't spoken since Monday, do I reach out or wait for him to contact me?
Q. So, we got into an argument about him not keeping his word and he was apologising but I questioned his apology and said he says this kind of thing all the time and how was i supposed to regain trust if he always lets me down. He got angry and was ...
A. 13 April 2015: I would wait for him to contact you. And do not sit around pining away... get out and be busy.
and I agree IMPORTANT conversations need to be face to face.... (read in full...)
Should we take a break?
Q. Let me start off by saying that I've never liked the idea of taking a break in a relationship, but I don't really know what to do in my situation. I'm in a long distance relationship, going on my 3rd year with my boyfriend. In our relationship, he's ...
A. 13 April 2015: Personally I think that "a break" is just the prelude to the final "break up"
you are unhappy... unless you both take the break to do the necessary work to get emotionally healthy then when you get back together it's still the same old sam... (read in full...)
Do you think it's worth texting this potential FWB that I'll be visiting his town?
Q. I gave my number to some guy that was in town for a few days and I thought well why not have some fun if he texts me to meet up. A day later he texts to see if I want to hang out at the beach and so I went. We talked for hours and it was just him...
A. 13 April 2015: oh text him... go ahead... there are no rules in this case... you want it... if he wants it go for it.
ENJOY!... (read in full...)
Should I invite my crush and his friend out to swim?
Q. I met a cute guy in the fall in my swim class that i unintentionally fell for. We talked a few times in the fall, but not a lot. During the winter, we didn't have class together, so i never saw him. But its the beginning of the spring quarter and ...
A. 13 April 2015: OF course you should ask him... what is the WORST thing that he could do if you ask him????
what is the best?
... (read in full...)
It turned me off that he accepted my offer to split the bill on our first date!
Q. I went on a first date with a guy I met, we connected and I really liked him, but then he was ok with me paying for my dinner. I offered to pay before he reached for the bill and he said "sure, if you want to." So he told the waiter to split it. He ...
A. 13 April 2015: I think you need to look at WHY you offered to pay if you think a man who doesn't pay on the first date is not dating material.
If he asked to split the check without you offering, that's one thing, but YOU offered and you WANTED him to say ... (read in full...)
There is an eleven year age gap!
Q. In December last year I met a girl standing in line at a fast food place, I was standing behind her. When it was her turn to pay, turns out she forgot her money in the car. I saw this and offered to pay. After I had payed, she thanked me over and ...
A. 12 April 2015: 11 years... well it's more than most folks like but an older man and younger woman is very acceptable.
try mine.. I'm 13+ yrs older than my husband.
just know that it may not last forever as what you want at 21 is not what you want at 30.... (read in full...)
We've been married only a year and have big problems. When do you call it a day?
Q. I‘ve been married for almost a year now and already we're in a bit of a crisis. We have many issues in our relationship, too many to mention but i'll give some examples. I think he's become very controlling since we got married, I am admittedly ...
A. 12 April 2015: Whatever you do, do not be bullied into having children.
If you want to try to make it work I suggest a bit of counseling to work on things that "appear to have happened" AFTER the marriage... was he NOT like this before you married?
... (read in full...)
I think my Ex GF Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Q. I've recently broken up with my gf of about a year. I loved her more than any woman I've ever been with, but throughout the relationship she exhibited signs of mental instability that I overlooked or made excuses for because I love her. Someone ...
A. 9 April 2015: Agreed. Not your Circus not your monkeys... let it go.
... (read in full...)
I've fallen deeply for a man I haven't met yet!
Q. I need to ask for advice about something very special and a very complicated situation. Two years ago I got divorced and after had been enduring a very tough relationship. I always knew I would eventually move on and find someone who would deserve ...
A. 9 April 2015: OP I hate to have to join the "slow your roll" chorus but red flags abound here.
1. the fact that you are a dirty secret. Men in love want the world to know it. keeping you a secret and blaming it on work is wrong. and it's a lie.
2. y... (read in full...)
I'm 15 dating a 21 year old and don't know how to tell my parents
Q. I'm 15 and my boyfriend recently turned 21 I'll be turning 16 in june, my brothers 18 and he and the rest of my siblings and cousins are okay with it, weve been dating 7months yesterday and im really happy....but i really want to tell my parents but ...
A. 9 April 2015: Are you allowed to date appropriate boys? IF so then you know very well why you are so scared to tell your parents.
I think that every person who is under 18 should only date with parental approval and knowledge as until you are 18 they are the ... (read in full...)
My father-in-law insults me!
Q. Finding this site is a true blessing. I need some advice on my inlaws because I feel like I'm losing my mind. So I've been with my partner for 12 years now. My inlaws are eccentric types. My father in law has always been in poor health so wh...
A. 9 April 2015: OH how difficult for you.
I recently have learned that i have NO control over other people only myself.
and one of the best tools for this is what I do when my husband says something stupid or wrong.
He says "you should not be eat... (read in full...)
What should I do about my nitpicking fiancé?
Q. I am at my ropes end. My fiance asked me to move in with him. I will admit I had a lot of stuff from my previous marriage (I am widowed) when I moved in with him. I was married for 24 years, so take that into account when a couple accumulates ...
A. 9 April 2015: OH I get this.
Personally I think if two people are moving in together that it's better for them to get a new place together vs one moving in to the other's home.
Since you moved in to his place it was incumbent on him to make room for... (read in full...)
Have never had sex with my boyfriend of 6 years.....
Q. I am in a situation with my boyfriend and I am completely lost as to what to do.... My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 6 years. I am 34 years old and he is 36. He is the second boyfriend I have ever had as I was in a relatio...
A. 9 April 2015: YOu can't control him. You can't motivate him.
Yes it's possible that if you leave it will be his breaking point and he will fix his problem...
if the ONLY problem was lack of penetrative sex I would not encourage you to leave. ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to keep secrets in a relationship?
Q. My bf wants to know everything about me and wants no secrets between us. If I tell him something is a secret like what I did last weekend he pressures me to tell him what it is. Is it okay to not share everything in a relationship? seeing him for 3 ...
A. 9 April 2015: Well quite honestly if after 3 years you can't tell him what you did over a weekend, then maybe there is an issue.
I don't have to tell my husband who I had lunch with or where I ate but if he asks I will.
"what did you do this weekend?" i... (read in full...)
He's wonderful, yet I feel like he's not the one for me. What do I do?
Q. I have the most loving, attentive, handsome, and caring man I could ever ask for. And yet I feel like he's not the one for me. We've been together for two plus years and I love him so much. But when I think about going further in the ...
A. 8 April 2015: If he proposed you would say no; therefore I think it's kindest for him and for you to let him know that while you love him and enjoy his company you do not think it's going to go further than what it currently is.
Then you can let him know you... (read in full...)
How do we help our sister in dealing with infidelity in her marriage?
Q. My sister (35) has this week discovered her wife has been having an affair for most of their two year marriage. Needless to say she is devastated and blindsided. Extreme anger giving way gradually to depression. Worst of all she was undergoing ...
A. 8 April 2015: Leave her be to mourn her loss for a few weeks.
I agree check on her regularly, bring her food or treats or offer to take her out. IF she declines going out offer to come over... but she needs about 4-6 weeks of misery before she can start fe... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's friend is flirting with me and I'm not sure what to do about it
Q. Hi, this is kind if a weird question but here it goes. So, my boyfriend and I have been together for about three years, and I love him to bits. Recently we started hanging out with some of his old friends more, which I am super happy about because ...
A. 8 April 2015: Oh he's a real piece of work. Has your BF said anything?
personally if it was ME I would say something to my husband about it and have him talk to his friend 'Bob I know you are just being friendly and would NEVER think it's ok to make a mo... (read in full...)
Six years together and he hasn't proposed. Am I stupid for hanging on?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Although he talks about the future, he has not proposed to me and says he is not happy to do so until he is happy in himself (his family life is difficult due to bereavement etc). I feel like a mug holding ...
A. 8 April 2015: I agree. IF you want to marry HIM and you want to know where he stands you can propose. IF after 6 years you are ready and he is not, he may NEVER be ready or his time table may not match yours.
I would propose and I would not let it be open e... (read in full...)
I can't read this man, is he interested or just friendly?
Q. I have been separated from my husband for 2 years and have not been interested in another man for over 15 years until now. There is a man at my church whose situation is very similar to mine, I think I am developing some very strong feelings...
A. 8 April 2015: He may be interested. BUT you are both legally married and until the divorces are final dating is not a good idea.
In addition, men (in general) tend to only focus on one big thing at a time while women can multitask more often (a generaliz... (read in full...)
I need to talk to my b/f about trust since I caught him texting. How do I start the convo?
Q. Around 5-6 months ago I found that my boyfriend of almost two years had been messaging other girls. Some messages were friendly however others weren't, I confronted him about it and he didn't give me a straight answer at first until I kept asking ...
A. 8 April 2015: When I want to know how my relationship is doing I ask my husband "how are WE?" which is very different from "how are you?"
you could start with "how are we?" and when he says "I'm fine" or "we're fine" you could say 'well I am not quite... (read in full...)
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