A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my.boyfriend for over 2 years and we live together I'm 21 and he's 22.We used to have fun together, do stuff together, go everywhere together. But now all he does is sit at home stay in side and play his stupid video games. He don't leave the house unless it's to go to work or go see his friends. We used to love sitting outside on the porch at night and he don't even want to do that. He also will not clean up after himself! We both work and I have a 3 year old daughter. I come home and straighten up when I get off work he's gotten trash, dishes clothes and everything laying every where and I'm just sick of everything! I've bitched at him for 2 years to clean up after himself and he still wont! Even when I don't bitch he still won't. I've let the place get a complete dump and he still just adds on to the mess. I love him but I'm not sure how much more I can take. I've tried talking to him over and over and still nothing has changed. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 May 2015):
 Cut off the internet. I know that might not work... but it's a thought.
Have you ever asked him, hey while I vacuum can you take out the trash and clean the dishes? Instead of the bitching?
If you have.... I don't see this guy changing, you might bitch about it, but you also pick up and clean so...what you SAY goes in one ear and out the other. You are living with a momma's boy. I'm betting his mom did EVERYTHING for him when he lived at home and now (sadly) you have taken over the mom role.
So you have a 3 year old and a 21 kid that you have to pick up after.
Personally, I'd find a small place that you can afford, for you and your daughter - let him live in the pigsty. Personally I could not live with a messy person like that. I am OCD. I like my house just so (it's NOT clinically clean) but it is neat, tidy, picked up and clean. My husband is a bit of a slob with some things (like laundry) he will just toss it on the floor wherever he stand when getting undressed or dressed (usually our bedroom) and NOT put the dirty stuff in the hamper. I USED to pick it up and wash it, NOW I have "trained" myself to ignore his piles of dirty clothes. IF he does put it in the hamper I DO wash it.. otherwise... HE does his own laundry. Thankfully the clothes is really the only "slob issue" with him.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (15 May 2015):
 You cannot change people, but you CAN teach them.I never understood why women complain about men when you have the tool to teach us.It's call SEX !!! Why did GOD give women the ability to be amazing in bed??? To teach men how they should be.When you reward a man with sex no matter what WRONG thing he does...what are you saying to him? Most women live in this fear that if they don't have sex with their man he will leave them for someone else...That is very true...if you as a woman SUCK in bed...and by that I mean lazy. But if you rock his world each time...and let him know...treat me right and I will light up your night...see what happens to his behaviour.Sex is not a weapon to get what you want...it's an amazing motivational tool in the right hands, and foolishness in the wrong ones.Look at it this way...If a child, dog, or anyone else does what you don't want them to do, are you there ready to give them a reward for their bad behaviour? Of course not. So why let someone who suppose to love you, treat you however they want, and still get a reward?If you women truly understood the power of sex...What do we men spend our time looking for? You have it, and just give away because you THINK that is how you show your love. Would a restaurant give away their food to everyone just because the costumers are rude?Be sexy to him. Let him think he is going to get lucky. Then stop and say.."Sorry...I would give you some, but I have to clean up the mess you made. Since I have to clean up after you all the time, I don't get in the mood." The moment he cleans up after himself...Rock his world to seal that good behaviour. Now he knows...if I keep this up...hehe.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2015):
 You don't. You accept that he is who he is and this is the way he is.
I am like him, I don't see the mess... it drives my OCD hubby nuts. We actually had to get a maid since I won't clean to his satisfaction and he won't do it, expecting me to do it.
I refused to be treated like a maid and clean to his satisfaction since it didn't bother me.
When a house is totally messy it's very overwhelming for folks like me, what helped us was having to redo the entire house during a renovation... the other option was to move.
If it's just daily clutter then perhaps a list on the fridge of things that have to be done.
He is who he is... have you asked him if it even bothers him?
does he see it? If he does not see it he can't fix it.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (15 May 2015):
 Make him pay for a cleaning lady to come in and clean the place regularly. This will alleviate some stress for you. If he does not want to do this, then I would suggest that you live in separate residences, but you can still remain a couple.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (15 May 2015):
 you can't change someone and make them a different person, no more than you can change the spots on a cat. he has habit's, and side you may not like.
if he is lazy in this area he may be in other areas also including work? he may have had a mom to do all his picking up for him growing up.
more than likely he is use to the junk, and mess and see's it as normal. options find a new boyfriend or pick up behind him, or live with it.
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A
male
reader, Alwayswondering +, writes (15 May 2015):
If he has been doing this for as long as you've been together, then I doubt he is going to change. If he just wants to play video games all day, this isn't the man who you got romantically involved with, and the onus is not on you to change him. I don't know if there is more to this, but coming home after a long day of work to raise your daughter and pick up after him is going to burn you out (seem to already have). You're young. There will be other romantic partners.
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