A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know there has been one or two similar posts, but I would really appreciate negative or positive reponses on the following, from females or males who have experience in this.You meet a guy you think is cute at a party, bar etc, get on really well with him, maybe cuddles and kisses and either he takes your number, agree to meet up or go straight to his or your house(same would happen after phone call). Before the latter he sits down with you and explains that he doesn't want actual sex, just a romp in the bed with plenty of foreplay etc. My question is, at that stage would this be a deal-breaker for you and you would say good bye or would you continue with him.
View related questions:
foreplay Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 May 2015):
 Hard to say without being put on the spot, but, yeah, personally I would not be interested
Why ? because in your scenario, it has all the markings of a casual hook up, or ONS, and I could not be bothered. Honestly, I can't CARE if he has "good " reasons, ( a psychological block, or he has ED problem , or religious scruples or what else )- that's his problem. As for me, with all the tons of men who are after casual sex, might as well pick instead a fully functional one who can give full service.
And note- I can do without penetrative sex, occasionally. It's not that I consider it mandatory. But, it's like going to the restaurant : I want them to bring a full menu, even if eventually I may only order an appetizer and no entree' ( or viceversa ). Regardless - on principle, I want to know that a whole range of dishes is at my disposal .
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 May 2015):
 A long time ago I had a short term relationship with a guy who was very intimate with me and performed every act for me but would never let me near him... WHILE it sounds like a dream come true to lay back and be pleasured by someone and not have to reciprocate, it's not.
It made me feel weird. I think now based on what i know that he had ED severely... I wish he had been open about it... it would not have been a deal breaker for me but at the time it made me feel less attractive than I would have if I had know that "the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak" It made me feel like I was not good enough after a while.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015): You wish, if you knew it was definitely ED, would it still be a deal breaker? That wouldn't make you nervous, would it?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 May 2015):
 I'd wonder how long he's been seeing his doctor for erectile dysfunction, OR whether or not he has an STI he hasn't yet disclosed to you. Either way, yes, it's a dealbreaker because it would make me nervous.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sin'dorei +, writes (7 May 2015):
This wouldn't bother me at all. In fact, I'd consider it a good thing, since PIV sex isn't something I'm really interested in. But a lot of girls might find it a little weird I guess, just because it's unusual for a guy to be that way and you're not actually in a relationship with them so they probably just expect the encounter to be "normal" and generic. Really, they should be happy though. Because isn't it better than a guy who just wants to stick his penis in? Especially if you're taking time to please the girl, I don't see how it could be bad...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015): I have to ask first, what does, "he doesn't want actual sex,just a romp in the bed with plenty of foreplay etc." contextually mean to you? Is this just touchy feely, or is orgasm part of the deal?I think this would be very situational. As a guy, any sexual contact that I'm in the mood for is fine by me IF orgasm is to be expected. I initiate or engage in sexual activity with the expectation of orgasm, hers then mine. To engage in foreplay with a woman and not make an effort to get her off seems cruel.Otherwise,to me, there is no real point outside of a dedicated, committed, and much in love relationship. i.e. I want to please you bc I love you type of deal. Concerning any other connections seems a moot point as I can achieve more by myself with porn, with less hassle or inconvenience. But that's just me, I'm sure there are people out there that the contact is the sexual high and not any sort of specific act or purpose. Like food or shoe fetishes (and the woman doesn't have to be in them...odd to me .)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015): Op here. Sageoldguy, she has agreed to go to his house or take him to hers, so he does not need to advance momentum. If he wants sex he can almost certainly have it. So if he says "no sex", then that is what he wants, not she. There are some guys who want this, albeit rare.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 May 2015):
 When a guy wants "...plenty of foreplay etc...." they, necessarily, expect that that will advance the momentum to EXACTLY what they REALLY want. i.e. For YOU to put out.
IF you buy this.... then YOU are being naive.... DON'T EVER go somewhere to have "plenty of foreplay".... unless you're planning to have $*x.
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (7 May 2015):
When this happened to me it was because the guy turned out to be married. Somehow he thought that "fooling around" without penetrative sex wasn't real cheating - and, yes, that was a deal breaker for me.
Another guy I dated for a few months who wanted to stick to "just fooling around" for much longer than I expected turned out to have erectile dysfunction (which wasn't an immediate deal breaker but we turned out to be incompatible in other areas too)
It's probably best not to leap straight in to sexual liaisons with men until you know them a little better.
...............................
|
