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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Just started dating, communication is all one way
Q. Thank you for reading. Last Tuesday I went out on a first date. I've known her for 4 years because she works in a coffee shop in a city I pass through for work reasons about once every 3 weeks. Over the years we have always got along and ha...
A. 22 July 2015: Sounds to me like she's of the belief that men have to initiate everything. Give it time. Let her know that you are ok with her starting a conversation or contact.
... (read in full...)
Is it healthy to keeps talking to your ex when your breakup is fresh?
Q. I broke up with my ex boyfriend 2 days ago but we've been talking ever since like we're still dating. I ended things because of who I became dating him(I was sad and not my self). I know it's hard for him and he probably thinks am joking as this w...
A. 22 July 2015: IF you want to get away from him stop talking to him.
Pick up the phone and call all the friends you abandoned when you started with this guy. Apologize for being a bad friend and ask to see them. go for coffee or something and pick up where... (read in full...)
Does anyone believe it is possible to love two people at the same time?
Q. I am not exactly young or naive, but does anyone believe it is possible to love two people at the same time? I don't understand why so many peole think it is impossible to truly love to people when you can love more than one child, more than one ...
A. 22 July 2015: Of course you can. The problem is that society in general frowns upon it so it's not encouraged or accepted.
IF all parties involved are ok with it then carry on as you all see fit.
... (read in full...)
How can I rekindle the fire that existed between the two of us?
Q. How do you rekindle the fire? I have been away all summer working in a different state far away from home. I left home on May 24th and will not get back until August 15th. I have been in a long distance relationship since January, but we were only...
A. 21 July 2015: if going away for a short term "messes things up" then things were not good to begin with.
... (read in full...)
Are guys generally talkative? Or are talkative guys trying to impress girls?
Q. Hi, I've met a guy a few months ago at a party and he seems to always trying to open a conversation almost everyday lately. He talks a lot non stop and keeps asking me personal questions, and when I ask him a simple question he gives me all the ...
A. 21 July 2015: GUYS are not one way or the other. They are individuals. THIS guy is a chatterbox.
he is talking to you because he likes you...... (read in full...)
Is this rebound sex for an ex-lover or something else? I want to stop seeing him.
Q. SO I have this situation that is a little bit odd, not wanting to be judged, just trying to understand from other people's points of view: SO the back story goes something like this: Six years ago I had a sexual relationship with this guy while my...
A. 21 July 2015: This is him using you for sex. Does your partner know you are having sex with your friend? IF not you are cheating on your partner with this guy.
... (read in full...)
Two dates and already I have never felt so comfortable with a guy. Is this normal?
Q. I've known this man for two weeks and been on two dates with him. We haven't had sex or anything. But wow, already we hold hands, we kiss each other on the cheek and forehead or very briefly on the neck. On our second date, we got back from da...
A. 21 July 2015: It can be normal. But it doesn't mean it's love or anything healthy.
I would be very careful and not go back to his place or yours and no "falling asleep cuddling" it's a situation that you don't need to deal with.
You like him and he likes... (read in full...)
I do want him back. We can't seem to break free of each other. What can I do now that it's become a friends with benefits situation?
Q. I'm in love with my ex. We talk several times a week, hook up regularly and have done for more than a year- basically since we broke up. He's cold and distant and at times when we meet up I feel unwanted and like i've become a "friends...
A. 21 July 2015: You will never get him back the way you want. Why should he. You give him sex and let him treat you the way you do so that you can have his crumbs of attention.
This will never change. He will continue to take what you give and give you bac... (read in full...)
Is More Communication Really The Key To Keeping Our Long Distance Relationship Exciting?
Q. We've discussed how we want our long distance: I stated I don't want tooo much communication (eg. no more than once a week. Maybe 2 weeks even. Or even once a month). He stated he didn't want to use social media like whatsapp. Our reas...
A. 21 July 2015: Is this break just for six months and then he returns home or is this permanent? If this is permanent move for him will you be joining him eventually? If not, then I would strongly urge you to just go with the flow and know that all LDRs must ... (read in full...)
My 47 year old boyfriend was texting his friend, a 15 year old girl!
Q. Did I overreact and jump to a gross conclusion ? my boyfriend is 47 I am 31 we have dated for six moths I recently dumped him for texting with his best friends 15 year old daughter but let me give you some background. We having been dating for ...
A. 21 July 2015: Your judgement is correct trust it and run away from this guy. I'm very very VERY tolerant and forgiving of humans way more than I should be. In this case red flags abound on so many levels I could not even begin to cope with this mess.
I thi... (read in full...)
What happens after we die?
Q. I wonder if anybody cares about this issue , but I think about it all the time. I'm not religious, but I feel sort of not really strong in any theoeies about after life. I wish if there would be nothing after we die, but I just have this s...
A. 20 July 2015: The best explanation i have seen recently is this:
two babies (twins) are having a conversation in the womb...
baby one says "do you think there is life after birth?"
baby two says "no way this is it once we are born there is nothing." ... (read in full...)
How can I rekindle the fire that existed between the two of us?
Q. How do you rekindle the fire? I have been away all summer working in a different state far away from home. I left home on May 24th and will not get back until August 15th. I have been in a long distance relationship since January, but we were only...
A. 20 July 2015: I would stop trying till you get home.
Since you are only gone a few more weeks, I'd let it go.
When you get home see what happens... but if he still remains cold assume he has replaced you with a closer warm body.
Don't be so quick t... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and female. Is it normal that I really enjoy watching porn all the time?
Q. Is it normal for a 22 year old woman to watch porn all the time? I sometimes even watch it while I'm at work. My sex life is OK I wouldn't say great at the moment. But for the past month or so I've been really getting into porn and I am craving sex ...
A. 20 July 2015: I agree if you can't refrain from watching porn at work, then yes you have a problem and should probably seek medical/psychological help.... (read in full...)
I can see the rest of my life with him... but I can dread it at the same time!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 and a half years, we've been through a lot together and done a lot together but I can't decide where I stand with him; if I love him enough to stay or if he cares at all about me. I'm really not sure whether ...
A. 20 July 2015: My advice... I'll cut to the chase.. you will in the long run be unsatisfied with this man as a life partner.
If you "dread" the idea of being with him,
if he's never said I love you
if he does not compliment you
if your ideas of romance don... (read in full...)
Why can't a man his age be upfront about things?
Q. I recently joined a dating site, match.com, I met a guy who was in his early 50s, I am 40. We met 5 times in all and the last time we met he invited me over to spend the night, he was flirty and I took this as I sign he wanted things to go further,...
A. 20 July 2015: Chronological age does not equal maturity.
I'm married to a 42 yr old 12 yr old. He has no maturity. He behaves as if he was 12.
just because someone is middle aged does no mean they can behave like a grown up.
Chalk it up to experi... (read in full...)
He says he wouldn't marry a slut and then he calls me one!
Q. What does it mean when a man says he loves sluts like the ones in porn but wouldn't want to marry one' anf then in arguments calls you a slut repeatedly He later claims he didn't mean if and was just angry but I can't seem to get over this and don'...
A. 20 July 2015: he calls you names. that's abuse.
he's beating you up emotionally.
plan an exit from the relationship as soon as you can.
... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting by considering breaking up with gf because she went to see male strippers?
Q. Hi. So, let's describe the events before asking the question. Because they are lenghty, I am starting with the TOO LONG:DIDN'T READ version TL:DR: She went to a strip show while I don't nor have I done the same. Am I over reacting that she wen...
A. 20 July 2015: I love the Thunder from down under or even Chippendales... the guys don't get naked at all... it's good clean fun imo for a bunch of women to go.. the ones that have the most fun are older than me and i"m middle aged.
I've also been to fema... (read in full...)
I don't want to cheat on my husband but don't know how long I can go being unsatisfied
Q. So basically for the past 2 weeks or so I've been extremely horny. Like to the point that I think I might cheat on my husband if given the opportunity. I also gave myself my first orgasm ever last night. I am not being satisfied by my husband at the ...
A. 20 July 2015: if he has permission to sleep with other women, then you have the same permission to sleep with other men.
clearing it with the spouse in advance is not cheating.
the issue is he may not have any need or want of other women now... therefo... (read in full...)
Should I forget about sleeping with her because I ccan't protect myself?
Q. I want to have sex with a girl but I think she practises safe sex and have had girls and guys before. I don't know what to do because I don't want to get anything because she's slept around and I know she doesn't use condoms. So should I try for...
A. 17 July 2015: but if you can't ASK her to get tested then she's not an appropriate partner anyway.
you need to be able to talk to your partners about any and everything related to sex. if you can't then you are not in a position to be having sex with the... (read in full...)
Should I forget about sleeping with her because I ccan't protect myself?
Q. I want to have sex with a girl but I think she practises safe sex and have had girls and guys before. I don't know what to do because I don't want to get anything because she's slept around and I know she doesn't use condoms. So should I try for...
A. 17 July 2015: of course you can be safe. use a dental dam.
for further information see this site:
http://www.avert.org/lesbians-bisexual-women-sex.htm
... (read in full...)
He is in very regular contact with his ex. What do you think of his reasoning and actions???
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. I visit my boyfriend once every 4-6 weeks. I have two issues I'd like your opinion with. Thanks Aunties and Uncles! 1. On my recent trip to visit him, I discovered that ...
A. 17 July 2015: and right now this minute are you sure she is blocked?
are YOU SURE his splash screen is you?
you are trying to control something that you have NO CONTROL over.
I hope you find peace with this situation. keep us updated.... (read in full...)
Breaking up was not my choice. Do I tell my current Bf that I have feelings for my ex?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am so confused and would really appreciate any advice. I am currently in a relationship with a really amazing guy. He's kind and funny and treats me the utmost respect. And my parents like him, which is a great bonus. But there is ...
A. 16 July 2015: you don't tell him and you don't stay with him.
NEVER start a new relationship until you have processed and are over the old one.... (read in full...)
My fiance's ex accused him of bodily harm and he was arrested. We are to get married in 5 weeks and now I'm scared!
Q. Please help because I am a little scared. I am due to be getting married in 5 weeks to a lovely lovely man who has 2 wonderful children who I adore. We have been together for 4 years and so so happy. However, after going through court to get...
A. 16 July 2015: he has to get a good attorney and fight this with his ex now but time is the only healer for his relationship with his children.
this too shall pass.... (read in full...)
Should I go to the funeral of a very dear friend even though I'll feel like an outsider?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, Recently I received the devasting news that a friend of mine has passed away and not only am I grieving for him but it has brought up a lot of sad feelings. I knew my friend for many years (16 years) and he was best frien...
A. 16 July 2015: Funerals are for the living and people can not mandate who attends or not.
I would go. Sit in the back if you feel uncomfortable but go
... (read in full...)
He is in very regular contact with his ex. What do you think of his reasoning and actions???
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. I visit my boyfriend once every 4-6 weeks. I have two issues I'd like your opinion with. Thanks Aunties and Uncles! 1. On my recent trip to visit him, I discovered that ...
A. 16 July 2015: So if you set it up for him to LIE to you (show you a splash screen that he can change the red hot minute you are gone) how will this reassure you?
YOU do not have the right to demand that he tell you when she contacts him (or him her) or what... (read in full...)
He is in very regular contact with his ex. What do you think of his reasoning and actions???
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. I visit my boyfriend once every 4-6 weeks. I have two issues I'd like your opinion with. Thanks Aunties and Uncles! 1. On my recent trip to visit him, I discovered that ...
A. 15 July 2015: I'm not Honeypie but I think your requests are ludicrous.
You can ask and he can do it then change it right back.
that's just bullshit posturing. either you are ok with him being in contact with his ex or not. IF not, then end it.
If yo... (read in full...)
Should I be more strict in regards to visitation? Or just let it go?
Q. I need some advice on how to deal with a situation I'm facing in regards to my little girls dad, and how best to approach this. I had my daughter when I was 16 and her dad was 17. We have always had a good relationship even when we broke up when...
A. 15 July 2015: whatever you do, do not go against any court ordered visitation. do not set it up to have to go to court and get this fixed.
Ask to meet her again. IN fact, why not invite them go out for a meal with your daughter...everyone on neutral terr... (read in full...)
He's suffocating me. Voicing threats against my friends. why does he begrudge the time I spend with male friends?
Q. I've now been dating a guy for 6 months. We were friends before we dated and I liked him because he was funny and we used to go on nights out with our friends and have a really good time. However since we've been dating he doesn't want to ...
A. 15 July 2015: Being clingy is not showing he cares. IT shows he's childish, insecure and immature.
a two year age gap does not make him old and decrepit and not want to go out and party, that's his personality.
you are seeing his true colors and they will... (read in full...)
He is in very regular contact with his ex. What do you think of his reasoning and actions???
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. I visit my boyfriend once every 4-6 weeks. I have two issues I'd like your opinion with. Thanks Aunties and Uncles! 1. On my recent trip to visit him, I discovered that ...
A. 15 July 2015: Asking over and over and getting the same answer that upsets you and taking no action tells him that he can keep doing it, listen to your "lip service" agree with you move on and disregard what you say anyway.
You are not there most of the ... (read in full...)
Based on his past actions, am I being too judgemental here, or is this a red flag?
Q. I have been chatting to a guy who was married for 15 years and has been divorced five years and who has two thirds of childcare responsibility as his ex wife has a mental health condition. He told me he had an affair when the two children wer...
A. 15 July 2015: He's telling you he's selfish and inconsiderate and a cheater and a liar.
Anyone who can lie to and cheat on their spouse will make excuses as to why it was acceptable to do so.
Knowing that he was able to lie to his wife who struggl... (read in full...)
This love-rat LDR guy has been chatting to me for a year. I thought it was a relationship. How do I pick myself up after all this?
Q. Please help! A man I had met online found me on Facebook and started chatting to me. More than ONE YEAR later he left Facebook, started a Twitter account and my whole world has fallen apart. I found him sending sexy comments to a particul...
A. 15 July 2015: Did he say to you any time over the last year that you two were in a committed relationship?
IF he did then yes you have a right to be upset, hurt and angry.
IF all he did was call you sweet names and pay attention to you but never made that ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that I want to see my girlfriend naked? Should I ask her?
Q. I am 16 and curious to see my girlfriends body. I have been dreaming of seeing her in the nude. I really want to know what she looks like naked. She is so beautiful. I want to ask her, but I want to know. is this normal to ask? Would a girlfrien...
A. 15 July 2015: It is normal to want this.
IT is not a good idea to ask.
everyone becomes intimate on their own timetable and if she is not ready asking her may put pressure on her to do something she really does not want to do or is not ready.
... (read in full...)
Apart from seeing the doctor and taking the medication Dr recommends and all I've tried: What else will get rid of my recurrent thrush?
Q. Hi, For almost a year now I have been struggling with long term thrush symptoms. Sounds silly but it's driving me insane and affecting my sex life. I have been to the doctors about this on more than one occasion as try just tell me to buy the ...
A. 15 July 2015: I had a friend years ago who was a breastfeeding mom who had thrush in her throat. Peanuts were the issue. It was an allergy.
My son had oral thrush and I had it on my nipples...that is very painful Cream cleared that up.
IF you have t... (read in full...)
Have I messed things up with guy I met online?
Q. Hey guys..... So I met a guy online and I'm totally new to the online dating thing, and not sure If I'm entirely comfortable........ So we went on a couple of dates and things seemed to be going well, he said he liked me and I do really like ...
A. 15 July 2015: OP I would not contact him. Rather I would chalk it up to lessons learned and move forward to the next guy.
No sense in making an effort this hard this early out.
IF he gets in touch with you later on feel free to see him but don't hold y... (read in full...)
My fiancée has outstanding mental health problems, and we are constantly arguing. How do I fix this?
Q. Alright before i proceed with my question, i ask please do not answer or respond with "then why are you with him" or "just leave him" or such. I would really like to know your advice on how.to fix things and strengthen my relationship rather then ...
A. 14 July 2015: I get wanting to stay.
I get loving a dysfunctional person. My husband is very dysfunctional and I love him. He's made some huge changes this year for me including getting sober for the first time in his life. Yet his bad behaviors are still ramp... (read in full...)
Guy sending me a girl's photo? Is he trying to make me jealous?
Q. Hello, so here is a guy that I saw at a party then he added me later on social media and talked to me. At first he kept asking normal question and convo lasted for a 15 minutes maximum. He talked to me again after a week or so and also did the...
A. 14 July 2015: I agree stop hinting. When he flirts you say "bob i'm sorry that kind of talk makes me uncomfortable"
if he comes out and asks you can easily say "I like you as a friend but nothing more"
make it clear to him he has no chance. It will sto... (read in full...)
Why is he so commitment phobic? Is he frightened of commitment?
Q. I am a 51 year old women who looks quite young for my age. I work as Air Cabin Crew and also as a college lecturer. I met up with my first love a few days ago after not seeing him for over 12 years. He came to me in a dream and I felt it was a ...
A. 14 July 2015: My advice... stop pipe dreaming that this man can become what you want and need.
He may be commitment phobic in general. He may in time meet someone he is willing to commit to. I know a guy who didn't marry till he was 53. He just had never me... (read in full...)
Is this acceptable? Recently started dating but he wants that fact to remain a secret.
Q. We recently started dating and he told me he wants us to stay a secret. My family knows but he is afraid his conservative dad will be upset with him. I know I need to wait to see if this relationship is going anywhere but is this a red flag? Should ...
A. 14 July 2015: Is son the same age as you?
Is father paying the bills?
how long have you been together?... (read in full...)
Have I messed things up with guy I met online?
Q. Hey guys..... So I met a guy online and I'm totally new to the online dating thing, and not sure If I'm entirely comfortable........ So we went on a couple of dates and things seemed to be going well, he said he liked me and I do really like ...
A. 14 July 2015: I believe that men and women are wired differently for the most part.
Just because a guy comes on like gangbusters and then pulls back to regroup does NOT mean he is losing interest. IT often means he's taking time in his own brain to eva... (read in full...)
Does losing one's virginity cause decreased libido?
Q. Before I used masturbate like once or twice day. Sometimes with porn, sometimes without. However, after losing my virginity a few weeks ago, I have had no desire to masturbate, or sexual desire whatsoever. For example, I check out girls, and i...
A. 14 July 2015: so you lost your virginity a few weeks ago with a woman. Is she a special girl? or was it just a way to dip your wick so to speak?
IF she was a special girl you care deeply about and you can't get rock hard and have per-ejaculate with other gi... (read in full...)
How can I determine and confirm if he just wants sex?
Q. I met a guy online and we talked for a few weeks before having our first date today at a coffee shop. We had a lot in common and he said very sweet things to me, which made me think he liked me. He knew that I was a virgin and that I had never...
A. 14 July 2015: He is NOT serious. A man who is serious about you would not take you to his car to make out.
He would not cop a feel on a first date.
there is NO way to make out on a first date and keep it classy.... (read in full...)
Is this acceptable? Recently started dating but he wants that fact to remain a secret.
Q. We recently started dating and he told me he wants us to stay a secret. My family knows but he is afraid his conservative dad will be upset with him. I know I need to wait to see if this relationship is going anywhere but is this a red flag? Should ...
A. 14 July 2015: why would his conservative dad be upset about you? or is he not permitted to date?
how long has it been and what is he afraid of?
see a lot depends.
6 weeks of dating is different than 6 months
if it's been a long time and the man ... (read in full...)
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