A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband used to be in very great shape (he was in the military.) But for the past several years, he's pretty much doubled his size (he's now 350 lbs.) He was working full-time until a couple of months ago, but now all he does is sleep all day - and when he's not doing that, he's overeating. I've tried talking to him about this, but he'll start a diet that lasts for a couple of days, then go right back to his old ways. I've tried working out with him, but he'll come up with some excuse not to work out. It's getting to a point where I'm starting to resent him because he just seems soooo lazy and seems not to care about himself. We have a child, and I don't want his bad habits being passed along. Also, our bedroom life is pretty much non existent - his weight prevents us from doing things, plus it's hard to be attracted to a man who looks pregnant all the time. Need some advice please...
View related questions:
military Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 Ill recommend a supplement called c4, its a preworkout and its insane. gets the motivation up and gives u clean energy and on track to a solid workout program and its extremely cheap. research it. try it. he doesnt wanna work out cause his diet makes him tired and cranky and very unmotivated. Thats kind u care about this.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (27 October 2012):
it sounds as though he could be depressed and his increase in his weight is making this worse. I know you are probably a healthy weight but the best way around this is to suggest you get fit together and exercise together. that way you are not victimising him or making him feel inferior, it is something you can do together. if this fails tell him you are worried about him and you would like to see him happy, make sure you put the focus on his health and happiness, not so much the weight as he is probably feeling very self conscious already. he is lucky to have someone loving like you. good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 October 2012):
 C Grant has really touched on something here.
I know personally that I am in the minority in that working out gives me a lot of pleasure in life, and my health demands that I carefully guard everything I put into my body, so I reap the natural rewards of making sure I use proper fuel and maximize my metabolism in order to maintain a level of fitness.
Most people I've met that go to the gym or go out walking tell me that it is a boring, time wasting chore. Those I know who have made running a way of life more relate to me because running gives a certain high that's not easily matched.
Your husband was in the military. No one who is lazy by nature would ever last in the military, especially if he was in it within the past 12 years. Most people in the military were deployed to war.
With your husband, I agree with C Grant here. Some of the trauma now is because he lost his job in the past 2 months. That is a serious blow to anybody. Add to that the fact that he has been eating at the level that sustained his body when he was in the strenuous military, but is now no longer serving him.
I also know that most people who stay and maintain a fit lifestyle do so because their activity gives them pleasure. My husband is a very avid bicyclist. To him, it's almost a spiritual activity for him. He also adores team sports.
I say that to say this -- he needs purpose in life, and he needs help with his feelings of despair. His life is miserable now. Being healthy starts with the mind. While working out with you might give him no pleasure, being competitive might have the nice side effect of good health.
Who does the food shopping in your household? It might be time to stop bringing in junk food and sugar drinks. Who's cooking, or are you both relying on takeout? Is he eating to medicate himself? Are there a lot of snacks or alcohol consumed?? Is he a beer drinker? Example - one can of Mich Golden is 152 calories. Having 4 of those on a lazy Sunday watching the game is 608 calories! Mike's Harder Lemonade does 1600 for 4 of those things.
I always recommend the book "Eat This Not That" for people looking to tweak their diet with minimal pain. But if you are doing the shopping, nothing gets into that house without you doing it. If you're upset at his health habits while picking up a huge vat of ice cream, a big bag of Doritos, or a big Halloween bag of Hershey's miniatures, you're condoning it.
Change the diet first before incorporating exercise. Greaseball food gums up the mind and body. Get good, cleansing vegetables and lean meats in, focusing on vibrant tastes and variety, and he'll start feeling his mind unclogging. I love steamed green beans! I can eat those and raw carrots like other people snack on french fries!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): Like the response above, I have a feeling there are psychological issues at play here. Would he be open to therapy (either individual or couples)?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): He could be depressed, too, especially if he was laid off. Get him to counselling
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 I have to wonder if his military background might not be a clue here. Was he deployed to a conflict zone? If so, he may have an OSI (Operational Stress Injury), or its more serious cousin, PTSD. People tend to discount the non-visible wounds that go with deployment, but they can be every bit as serious as visible wounds.
Have you looked into what's available for vets in terms of counselling and such? Might be a good place to start.
...............................
|
