A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 16 year old daughter came up to me last night while I was making dinner and asked for birth control. At first I didn't say anything I was in total shock. Let me give you some back story. She's a good kid. She's no straight A student and she's not perfect, but she's good. She does well in school and tries her hardest. She has nice friends (some boys) and I trust her. I noticed that she has been going out with boys alone recently. Just a couple like on little dates. Before it would be a group of guys and girls not it's just her and a boy. Anyway, when she asked me at first I was silent. The first thing I asked her was if she was still a virgin and she said yes. Then I said "Let me...let me..." and I waved my hands at her. Not in a mean way or an angry way, but just so she would get the hint to go to her room. I didn't want to say "let me think about it" because that just sounds silly. This is so tough. Her father would never approve, but that's beside the point. On one hand birth control is like condoning sex. "Yeah go out and have a great time. have sex with all the men in the world" On the other hand if she wants sex, she wants sex I'm not going to stop her. So why not help her stay safe and protected? Get her some condoms too. I'm so overwhelmed by this I don't know what to say and I have to talk to her soon. Did I handle it right? She's my baby girl in my eyes, but I also see she is a young women. She was smart enough to ask me. I don't know how to feel. She says she's still a virgin and I believe her, so it means she just wants to be safe. So what should I do? And how did you think I handled it? Please give me some advise!
View related questions:
condom, still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CuppenZeCake +, writes (27 March 2011):
 Our society today is all about sex and its good its bad do it dont do it, its not weird that youre overwhelmed. Birth control isnt just for the prevention of pregnancy, it helps with pms and cramps and periods in general. Your daughter is 16 and she's asking for birth control? That sound pretty responsible to me. Trust her! In 2 years she'll be a legal adult and going out in the world and this is just a step in the process. It's better she's asking for birth control now then to break the news that she's pregnant. It sounds like she's thought about this and was ready to ask you. Feel confident about this!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): You definitely handled it better than my mother...
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Give yourself a big pat on the back. If it's tough for you to hear, imagine how tough it was for her to ask! But you have nurtured a close enough relationship that she was able to do the responsible thing -- that's as good as parenting gets.
And, as the others have said, make sure she understands that birth control is just that -- it doesn't save you from STD's and all. And by all means encourage her to wait for a guy about whom she feels very strongly and has good reason to trust.
...............................
A
male
reader, uncle bob +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Did I hear someone say "Mom of the Year"?
I think you handeled it wonderfully, considering none of us ever wants our little girls to grow up.
Be proud of her and her respect for you.
As far as what to do, I'm afraid your just going to rely on what's in your heart. I know you'll do the right thing.
Sorry, I wish I could have been more help.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I took my daughter at 15 and put her on the pill.the parents that preach abstinence are called grandma and grandpa200 years ago 16 yr old girls were often married and making babies... her body is ready.. her hormones are ready.feel PROUD that you raised her so well that she TRUSTS you enough to come to you for help. she's behaving in a mature responsible manner and you should treat her accordingly.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 March 2011):
 You did fine. I have 3 girls and I'm scared to death for that day to come.However, mum, your daughter is being responsible, sensible and SMART! She might be thinking of sex, unfortunately both good and bad kids that age THINK about it. A lot.Now as much as you are going to hate it, you need to sit her down and talk to her. Ask her why she wants to be on BC. Is it because she wants to be "prepared" for whenever "that" day come or because she is wanting to "plan" having sex.I know you want to put your fingers in your ears and go: " nananana I can't hear you!". But, isn't it better that she feels like she can some to you an ask instead of 6 months down the line say: Mum I got knocked up, what do I do?"TAKE this opportunity to talk about sex, std's, saying NO, waiting for the right person, you know the whole spill ;)*hugs Mum* you can do it. Remember you did something really right with this girl. You made her stop, think and come to you.Now breaking it to her Dad.. that is a whole other kettle of fish!
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I think you did just fine. I think you reacted like most parents. You didn't freak out at her or make her feel bad for coming and talking to you. She does sound like a solid girl, and even more so for coming to you and talking about something that can be pretty weird and awkward to talk about.The important thing here is to educate her and help her to be safe. Answer her questions. Go with her to the doctor and talk about birth control, and how to stay 100% safe. Please address the topic of oral sex as well... so many teenagers don't understand that oral sex IS sex and you can get just about as many STI's from that as you can from vaginal sex. Getting her birth control will not be condoning sex, it will be allowing a young woman to make a good decision and to keep herself safe. It is an awkward conversation to have, but all the studies show that the more you, the parent, are able to talk to your kid about sex and protection, the better decisions they will ultimately make in life. Good luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 You handled it like most mums handle it...a bit shocked but you know you have to respect her choices...just takes a while to get your head around. She's a good sensible kid so thats why she asked you and she obviously feels close to you and able to talkt to you about such a delicate thing. I faced this with both my daughters and reacted much like you did (more shocked with my eldest)but they were going to have sex anyhow so I helped them with information about where they could get contraception.It's just one of those rites of passage to growing up, she's 16, young I know but thats kinda the age that most kids start.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): Going on birth control is a good idea. You should be proud of her for being brave enough to come to you for help. Just because she's thinking about preserving her academic future doesn't mean you should think less of her.Support her. Take her to the clinic. Discuss the options. Find out about the side effects. Choose the one thats right for her. Buy her an ice cream, she deserves it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Well honestly. I'm not a mom and have never been in this situation. But what I would want my mom to tell me is...You're young and a virgin. You can only lose that once!!! Tell her you want to save it for someone she is in love with, otherwise she will regret it for the rest of her life. Then tell her you will get her birth control as soon as she lets you meet this guy.
...............................
|
