A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, I don't doubt that my bf loves me. He has never done things with his past girlfriends and I know it because I was his friend before we are bf-gf.Anyway, last night while we were making love. While he was very hot, I thought I heard him mention his ex gf's name. I am not sure or was it just my imagination. Yesterday, he left his laptop open and out of curiosity, I opened his messenger. He organized his list by grouping people. One group says "friends" and in that list of persons is his ex gf of which he told me openly that he sometimes chats with her. I really don't mind this as I am friends with my exes too and I also chat with them sometimes.There's another group name in his messenger and it says "love", the only person listed there is me. So i was relieved.This i found out only yesterday and last night we made love and I thought I heard him mention this ex's name. However, I am not very sure if he is speaking in his native language or I just heard it wrong as it's not clear. He just mumbled something.Anyhow, can anyone advise me if I should make this a big deal? Should I confront him? Is it possible that he still fantasizes her? Does that mean he doesn't love me coz it's another person in his mind? Is that a sign he still has feelings for her? He always tells me that ever since I became his gf, I changed his outlook in life and that no other girl has ever made him feel as strong as he feels for me. I don't want to start thinking that he is a liar.Thanks in advance!
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male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Oh lord, those of us who have made this faux pas cringe about it forever. And it takes a genuinely self-confident woman to laugh it off.I haven't seen my ex for close to 20 years, and frankly I'd cross the street to avoid her. But periodically her name comes into my head, sometimes during sex. I don't know why. Whatever it is, it's no reflection on my wife and certainly nothing she should be worried about.With your b/f it might be something he's conditioned to do -- a "habit" as it were -- and not an indication that he'd rather be with someone else. Let him know that he did it -- but later, outside of the bedroom.
A
female
reader, FiveoJen  +, writes (26 March 2011):
You said, "However, I am not very sure if he is speaking in his native language or I just heard it wrong as it's not clear." so I would assume that he speaks more than one language. Here's how I would approach.."Hey babe..Last night was amazing..I love when you get so into it that you start talking to me in {insert language here}...what was it that you said last night that sounded like..{similar sounding word here} because that was so incredibly sexy..what does it mean?"You can work around that however you see fit, but trust me, its going to come out alot better than "Who the hell were you calling me last night?!? You bleeping bleeper!!" Its ALL about milking a man's ego when it comes to milking them for information...And by the way..You DON'T know that he never had sex with another female. Just because you guys were friends doesnt mean he would tell you every little detail about his relationship. Especially if he was into you. He obviously wouldn't want to give you explicit details of his sex life if he was crushing on you.
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