A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My dad is 53yrs old.. a very simple, sober and decent man who practices meditation daily. But today when I went on his laptop, there were loads of porn (hardcore) websites in his browsing history.Is it normal for a person like him to be looking at that sort of stuff? I feel very annoyed with this.. should i write to my father about this... please help..!!!!!
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 Just because he watches porn and you don't it does not make him sick or twisted or indecent, etc. If he enjoys porn, so be it. Who cares? Is it ruling his life? If not, then, again, who cares? Unlike texas gal, I find, and the women that have been in porn, find it empowering. It is one more right that we have been afforded to do with our bodies as we please. I have been in porn for a playgirl type spread. I did not feel devalued or anything. I felt empowered. I had wanted to pose nude for a long time. I felt like it, and I did. If you want to look at the thing that is stripping apart the very fabric of society, how about you look at the church and the jesuits going bankrupt in the northwest USA on account of being child molesters, etc.? My point is not that the church is bad, but that there are a few bad apples that ruin everything for everyone. Yes, there is snuff porn and yes there is rape porn. Rape porn as in the fantasy rape porn where some woman does it voluntarily on her own terms to help get over a rape that happened to her, is legit. The real rape porn where people are literally raping someone, is wrong. Those represent the bad apples. The people that claim porn made them rape, are the bad apples with no self accountability. The problem lies with schooling and parenting, not porn! WWE doesn't kill people. WWE doesn't cause a boy to body slam his sister to death. It is the lack of guidance and parenting. Now, with all this said, I am going to ask you, "Do you think your dad is indecent, misguided, misdirected, or a possible threat to women? Does he need parenting and guiance? If not, then don't worry about it, it's just porn.
A
female
reader, texas_gal +, writes (23 March 2011):
You were on his computer. Is it possible that someone else has been on his computer, too? A visitor or another household member?
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A
female
reader, texas_gal +, writes (22 March 2011):
Porn is wrong in any situation, anytime,anyone,anywhere, anyhow, anywho, whether in any aspect of making, selling distributing, or consuming porn. If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
As long as there is a demand for porn, there will be a criminal element that will take advantage of vulnerable people, including children and women, for their monetary gain and sick, disgusting pleasure. Human trafficking (for prostitution and porn) is right behind drug and arms trafficking in volume.
Porn contributes to the devaluation of women and children and to the deterioration of the family as the basic unit of society. Being exposed to porn at an early age contributes to feelings of sexual inadequecy in boys growing up (they can't measure up to the suerhuman depictions of sexual prowess as seen in porn).
No,not all guys look at porn. And no,it is not harmless. These are myths. Please wake up and see the light, or in this case see what a dark shadow porn casts over us all. It is degrading to all the individuals involved and erodes the basic fabric of our society.
As for specific advice for you, vis-a-vis your father...You did not mention his relationship status or civil status; is he married, widowed,or divorced? If he is in a relationship, there is probably some need which is not being met, as others have mentioned. If he is not in a relationship, how long has it been? You describe him as "very simple,sober, and decent". Perhaps he is having difficulty forming a relationship and thinks a fantasy sex life with porn is easier than pursuing real sex in a real relationship. You are an adult now. Be his friend. He must be very lonely. Try to figure out the need that is not being met, and try to help him find a healthier way to fulfill it. Don't be judgemental. Be patient and kind. It may take time.
I hope both of you can get over this hurdle. Perhaps your relationship can become stronger out of this.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (22 March 2011):
I am 45 and yes i like sex. heck son and daughters are a direct result from fathers that have intercourse with a female.
Yes you should write your father an apology for snooping in his things. He may take it as disrespect that you went through it but you owe it to him to come clean.
Remember this, if he not hurting anyone then its none of your business...
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (22 March 2011):
Yes I would say looking at porn is normal behaviour, in general. Some people do it obsessively but in general humans have been making erotica for centuries and internet porn is just part of the human fascination with sex.
What is of interest is that you weren't expecting it of your dad, and that you had some strong feelings about it, a strong reaction. This is an opportunity for you to have a conversation with your dad about a difficult issue, some people are sensitive or private about sexual issues, but I would say its healthy to be able to talk about these things, and any issues of emotional importance, with your parents. Give it a go, its a challenge but can help you have a more adult to adult relationship with your dad, and you get to speak your mind and be true to yourself which is a good thing, as long as you can give your dad the space to do the same.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (22 March 2011):
 I'm gonna disagree with all the other posters here. I agree with you that it IS a big deal to find hard-core porn on your dad's computer.
Many of us have ideals of our parents (if we were lucky to have parents whom we respected). Even when we are grown, we still look to them as role models who have shaped us into what we became today. Their morals and beliefs continue to guide us consciously or unconsciously.
To find out your father is a consumer of hard-core porn, well, that changes your image of him. It would disturb me too for a number of reasons: first, it points to a need which is going unmet; also, it kind of debases him, since watching two other people have sex can be seen as a low, animalistic drive (taking pleasure from two people using each other).
But there are some unanswered questions. How long has he been watching it? As I said, it might point to something else lacking in his life. Is he still married to your mother? Perhaps there is a problem in their relationship.
Also, it is just possible that your father takes pleasure from porn, and you might have to readjust your image of him. It does not mean, however, that you have to adjust your moral position on watching porn. You are old enough to make your own moral decisions.
I think it is worth talking to him about to find out what is going on. Don't speak to him in an accusatory way, but rather calmly as two adults. Such a conversation may also make your relationship stronger and more mature.
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A
male
reader, sam44  +, writes (22 March 2011):
"Son, mind you own business" - that's going to be your dad's answer to your question.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Sure, why not? A person doesn't stop being sexually active after their reach their 50ties. And yes, your dad has had sex in his life, how do you think you were made?
Don't contact your dad about this. Just stop going on his computer if you don't like what you will see.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): I'm sure it's something you could have done without seeing, but the truth is that it doesn't in any way shape or form detract from the fact that he's 'a simple, sober and decent man'. If you have thought highly of him up until now, there's no reason at all why this should suddenly change (unless the porn involved children or animals).
As queasy as it might make us feel, the fact is that parents have sex lives too, and not always as straightforwardly wholesome as we might have assumed. If he's a good guy, he's still a good guy, end of story.
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A
male
reader, guy-2011  +, writes (21 March 2011):
i take it you mean 18+ porn? People look at porn on the internet. there is nothing wrong with that. Im sure at 53 years old men don't just Stop looking at things like that. i think its a totally normal thing to do it. its not cheating, or causing any harm in just watching something on the internet. You're probably feeling embaressed, but there is nothing wrong with that. My gf's dad who is 64, has photos of his "man hood" on his mobile phone. and it was his son's gf who saw it on there.(i laughed, she didn't) so i think its just totally normal for your dad.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (21 March 2011):
 I suppose it depends on what sort of relationship you have with him. But my first instinct here is to wonder how on earth this is any of your business? What do you expect him to say to you? Do you really want to know about his sex life? If my son came to me with something like that I'd tell him, politely but firmly, to get lost.
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A
male
reader, helpOut.GuY +, writes (21 March 2011):
 dude every guy looks at/watches porn. nothing to be concerend about!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): He's human.
And you were snooping.
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