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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 7 December 2015: block him now. their is NO emergency he could have that would require an EX girlfriend to attend to. You are still letting him in and permitting him space in your brain to manipulate you.
get through the holidays...
THEN send a lovel... (read in full...)
Why is my ex, who said we should go NC, reading my online journal entries? Does that mean anything?
Q. I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time. At any rate, she said as she was breaking up with me, that we...
A. 4 December 2015: OP more and more your comments convince me that you are wanting something you will never have.
When you say things like "permanently platonic" it sounds like you two are currently platonic.... does this mean you have ALWAYS been platonic... (read in full...)
Why is my ex, who said we should go NC, reading my online journal entries? Does that mean anything?
Q. I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time. At any rate, she said as she was breaking up with me, that we...
A. 4 December 2015: OP,
many girls like star wars and sci-fi I do so do many of my friends.
I met my husband gaming (board games)
I love cars
and I don't drink.
NONE of what you have listed is specific to her and there are many who are like that.
... (read in full...)
Why is my ex, who said we should go NC, reading my online journal entries? Does that mean anything?
Q. I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time. At any rate, she said as she was breaking up with me, that we...
A. 4 December 2015: I do not think there is anything you can write or say or do that will "get her back"
IF it was not LDR I might hold out hope... but not with this LDR...
she is really just checking on stuff to help her transition to being without you.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 4 December 2015: Is there a chance to make this work you ask?
WHY would you want to?
Add up how much this man has "borrowed"from you via himself or his "family" and then ask if you want to go through this forever with him?
Is settling for a mooch l... (read in full...)
He broke a cup I gave him, but has chosen to not replace it. Should I let this upset me so much?
Q. I bought my hubby a cup with the words, love you more then shoes on it. He accidently broke it and said he would get another but he still hasnt. it hurts me that he hasnt replaced it and it shows he doesnt care. I've reminded him to get it and s...
A. 3 December 2015: If it was a wedding band I would understand. My husband lost his wedding band and knowing how important it was to me he ordered a replacement the second we got home from the trip we were on. That told me a lot.
But this is a cup.... it ... (read in full...)
My husband is not the most attractive man but I fear I'm not good enough for him
Q. Beem with my husband 23 years married 19. I have no confidence in myself and hate the way i look but try to make the most of myself. I have blonde hair that sits on my shoulders and im thinking of getting it cut shorter as i feel like a new ...
A. 3 December 2015: he said it looks nice... why don't you trust him or believe him?
other than being on his phone and twitter what else makes you think he's cheating?
it seems to me that the issues are all in your head and you are looking for a reason to end ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 3 December 2015: the whole family is scamming you..
STOP BEING a bank. never buy anything for them because it's "easier" for you.
JUST say NO.
and let him come to see you. and pay for it himself.
this is a very one sided relationship and YES you c... (read in full...)
I told my ex he needs to reflect on himself and be honest and he says there is nothing wrong with him!
Q. Hi, I broke up with a guy on Sunday after 8 months. It's the usual story, he was overly keen to begin with, texting, calling and constantly knocking on my door (we live in separate flats in the same house) After 7 months we slept together and as ...
A. 3 December 2015: And what do you need us to help you with?
are you wondering why he's the way he is?
we have no clue]
or are you wondering if you did anything wrong... you did not.
how can we help you?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 3 December 2015: Stop buying him things, stop sending him money. And tell him the next time he asks you to "lend " him money that if he asks you again it's over (and then END it with him when he asks again)
how often do you see this guy? what's the plan to ... (read in full...)
Can our love survive this religious zeal?
Q. My girlfriend of little over two years how now decided that she wants us to be celibate until marriage. She is a Christian and recently has taken active steps to get closer to God. I am an agnostic. I am doing my utmost to support her in her belie...
A. 3 December 2015: well yeah if it's not just about sex and you don't follow the same religion or you don't believe with the same zeal then yes you should end it now.
i think that "no sex" is just one aspect of this new found religious zeal... what else is invol... (read in full...)
Can our love survive this religious zeal?
Q. My girlfriend of little over two years how now decided that she wants us to be celibate until marriage. She is a Christian and recently has taken active steps to get closer to God. I am an agnostic. I am doing my utmost to support her in her belie...
A. 2 December 2015: your compromise won't work. Celibacy is an all or nothing thing.
now asking if there will be necking or petting is different than asking for occasional sex.
is theree a reason you can't marry sooner?... (read in full...)
Why is my ex, who said we should go NC, reading my online journal entries? Does that mean anything?
Q. I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time. At any rate, she said as she was breaking up with me, that we...
A. 2 December 2015: nothing is going on other than IMO she's transitioning from being your gf to not.
she may know it's over but sometimes it's hard to totally let go.
I know that when my now ex and I broke up it was friendly enough and I checked his page o... (read in full...)
Can I tame this player?
Q. Hi. I’m a 23 year old girl and I’m falling head over heels for a boy at my university. The problem is he’s a real player and sleeps around A LOT. But could he be relationship material? He’s literally all I can think about lately. He’s 21 and ha...
A. 1 December 2015: you are asking for heartbreak if you sleep with him or try to have a proper relationship with him.
nothing you say or do will change his personality.
... (read in full...)
Fiancée's attitude makes me sick but how can I leave?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my fiancée of 2 years went to her parents house for her mom's birthday. It was there, her mother told the family she was sick. This is the wonderful woman who put my fiancée through school twice!, bought her a car when she ...
A. 1 December 2015: It seems odd but some folks just are NOT caretakers.
When my mom was sick 20 years ago my father never left her side and if she said jump he did then asked if it was high enough and should he try again....
recently my dad was very ill (he die... (read in full...)
His house is filthy but he wants me to move in - Agh!
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He has been wanting me to move in for awhile now ( we live 40 mins apart) and well, I really don't want too. Here is why- His house is a wreck. He does not sweep or dust. He has two 130 pound dogs ...
A. 1 December 2015: have you told him WHY you don't want to move in?
if not that would be my first place to start. Being honest is never a bad thing in a relationship. "Sweetie, while I love you (if you do) your chosen lifestyle is not acceptable for me." ... (read in full...)
I like him but why treat me like this?
Q. Hi. I'm confused about this guy's behavior and need advice. So I finally started liking a guy after 2 years of getting out of a long term relationship. I still like him a lot. He lives in a diff city and whenever we are in each other's city, we meet ...
A. 1 December 2015: Do not let the bad behaviors of others make you feel bad.
He is not interested in a relationship with you but does not know how to say "no" to you so he says Yes then bails out.
I would just let it go, delete him from phone, memory and ot... (read in full...)
I think he cheated, he's denying it and I don't know what to do
Q. Basically I found out My boyfriend cheated on me. We went to a freqklash together in June which is a rave and at about 1 in the morning he just left without telling me n was supposed to stay at mine. I thought it was strange. Then I got told about a ...
A. 30 November 2015: So you believe he cheated and is lying about it now.
You want to see it from HER because why? will it change anything?
He is upset that he got caught. Be glad you dodged the bullet before you moved in with the kids...
you will probably... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my father being a heavy presence in my life and the guilt?
Q. My beloved mom passed away 5 years ago. i am married and live 10miles away from my father who is single and has been living in the same house he's been living his whole life. The hose is clean because he has a cleaning lady but in terrible ...
A. 30 November 2015: My dad just died two weeks ago so I feel your pain having an ill father. I lost my mom 20 years ago.
You are bringing the discomfort on yourself.
You are not responsible for his feelings or his wants or desires.
you should not pity him. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has let his house go it makes me uncomfortable and I can't talk to him about it
Q. My boyfriend in the last few months has really let his house go and it's a real mess. It's got to the stage where I don't want to be there, we're long distance so coming to mine isn't always an option. When I've tried to discuss it with him he ...
A. 30 November 2015: I'm with Honeypie.
do not clean his house.
AND consider long term... I was able to maintain spic and span and spotless for my OCD hubby for about 3 months. I'm a disorganized Pile maker. if it bothers my hubby I tell him to clean it. ot... (read in full...)
My husband is not the most attractive man but I fear I'm not good enough for him
Q. Beem with my husband 23 years married 19. I have no confidence in myself and hate the way i look but try to make the most of myself. I have blonde hair that sits on my shoulders and im thinking of getting it cut shorter as i feel like a new ...
A. 30 November 2015: Men will look at women until they are dead.
My 81 yr old father was ill and just a few weeks before he died was in the car with me and i watched him turn his head to watch a cute girl in a mini skirt and heels walk.. she was younger than my ... (read in full...)
I'm angry that my partner returned the iPhone he found to its owner
Q. What would you do if you found a I phone? My partner found one by his car and it belonged to a woman because it had a case with flowers on to protect it and a photo of her and her fella. My partner said to see if she rang for her phone and if...
A. 30 November 2015: I so agree with everyone else here. doing nice things for strangers is just NICE.
and IMO the Karma bus is a slow moving bus that when you drive it is a nice ride and when it runs you over hurts badly.
Why in the world are you so insecure ... (read in full...)
He barely texts me after 5th time sex!
Q. I was dating with this guy from work almost 6 months and slept with him after a month. He was taking me on a date and everything was perfect until I receive an answer from him to the question how was his night was after 3 months. Saying he was in ...
A. 13 November 2015: you can't change his mind.
you can't make him want you
he only wants sex
stop having sex with him and see what happens... he will go poof...... (read in full...)
His ex is driving me crazy
Q. My boyfriend lives with me, and I am completely in love with him. I am looking forward to our future and possibly a marriage (They were separated when our relationship begun).But his ex wife is crazy! She makes up lies about me and tells their 4 ...
A. 13 November 2015: I totally agree with Honeypie.
She does what she does because she gets a reaction.
You can and should block her 100%
if she gets abusive on your property you call he police and have her removed.
HE needs to deal with her and interaction... (read in full...)
How long should a break last?
Q. So my problem is that my boyfriend of 6 years ended our relationship last week. I had noticed he'd been acting a bit strange for a few days, distant and things, but didn't really think much of it until he started ignoring me. It went on all day,...
A. 13 November 2015: Oh Sweetie... he wanted to break up... you asked for a break and are just putting off the inevitable. I would bet a years salary that you guys will not be a couple ever again. DO not fall into the belief that "make up sex" will get him ... (read in full...)
My fiance has been sleeping with his phone and clearing his history. Is he cheating?
Q. I have been with my fiancée almost five years now, we have a 16 month old daughter together. Recently he has been coming home late from work with lame excuses and has been distant. For the first time yesterday he wasn't able to get an erection for ...
A. 13 November 2015: If you are checking his phone (you must be if you know he's clearing his internet history), then YOU DO NOT TRUST HIM. Why not?
I take my phone with me to bed. But I use it as an alarm some days.
To me clearing internet history is more abou... (read in full...)
I'm pale but my genitals aren't.
Q. I apologize as this is quite personal. I am a 21 year old Caucasian female. My vagina lips are very dark, almost black. My anal area is the same but not as bad. I'm not sure why this is going on or how to lighten the area, it's quite emb...
A. 13 November 2015: It's very very common and it's normal.
It will get worse after pregnancy and childbirth and extend down your inner thighs too. It's actually one way to tell if a woman has had a child or not.
It has to do with blood flow etc. It was n... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend has changed his number
Q. My Boyfriend of 5 years just up and decided he wanted to be with someone else and live with them without telling me until months into him cheating on me. The other day i tried to call him just to get some closure and he had changed his number.. I ...
A. 13 November 2015: You have closure, you just don't want to accept it.
He's changed his number and is not in contact with you... trust me he has no interest in patching things up ever.
But the bigger concern is that you would want to patch things up with... (read in full...)
Has he changed or is he still the player he was before?
Q. I'll keep things simple. I met this guy a few years ago. We got along really well and I started to like him as more than just a friend(but I never told him how I felt). He said he liked me and wanted me to give him a chance. Life got in the way a...
A. 10 November 2015: IF you are pulling back, then IMO he sees this as a game and his goal is to win the game. That means getting you...bedding you and moving on.
you say in the same post:
" I started to like him as more than just a friend"
and then: "... (read in full...)
Am I supposed to enjoy this?
Q. Im hoping you can help me answer some questions relating to sexuality. So the other day my wife was performing oral sex on me, and when she was in the act; she licked her finger and started playing around with my anus while performing oral ...
A. 10 November 2015: If you like it, then yes you are supposed to enjoy it.
liking anal play does not make you gay or bisexual.
... (read in full...)
Should I explore the topic of three- and foursomes with my wife?
Q. So my wife and I have been friends with another couple for years. Got along great, no issues. They moved away a few years ago and recently came to visit. It was like they never left, just amazing friendship. All four of us are relatively young...
A. 10 November 2015: Swinging ruined my last marriage. In fact, my ex and I talked about it over the weekend...
I would stop getting drunk with friends and hoping it happens... it will probably be the beginning of the end of your marriage.
IT takes very spe... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a virgin to feel horny?
Q. Helo. Ok i want to know if its usual to be horny even when you never had sex before. I am a virgin but sometimes i crave sex. If its normal, how do i control it since i have no boyfriend and im waiting to have my first time with someone very special ...
A. 10 November 2015: totally normal.
if you wish to wait for "mr right" then figure out how to "take care of yourself" so that you don't make a decision based on being horny.
... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have deal breakers in relationships?
Q. My Boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Recently we talked about deal breakers. Both of us agreed cheating is a deal breaker. Then I told him if he ever took drugs at a party it'd be a deal breaker for me. I did not know he used to do ...
A. 9 November 2015: I don't think so.
My husband is an alcoholic. He is in recovery since January 5th. He knows if he drinks I will be leaving. He misses his alcohol but he loves me more so he does NOT drink.
Your BF has a great out BTW... you said he c... (read in full...)
I can look past the religious stuff to give it a shot with him, what do I do?
Q. We got coffee, the next day he said we couldn't be more than friends cause I'm not is religion. We kept hanging out as friends, but he kept flirting and taking me out. Then he came over one night, we watched tv and talked a bunch, eventually he ...
A. 9 November 2015: Cut it off.
In Judaism there is a "joke" that says "shiksas are for practice"
it means that if a Jewish boy sleeps with a non-jewish woman (a shiksa) that he's just having sex he will NOT marry her.
IF he has said that religion is an iss... (read in full...)
Am I horribly inconsiderate for not being ready when my bf expects me to be?
Q. Hi, we have more problems than this in our relationship and maybe it's doomed but I'd just like to get some outside perspective on this one issue. This has happened two or more times already, two times recently. One early evening he drove an hour to ...
A. 9 November 2015: My husband does this and it drives me CRAZY. IF we have an appointment at 6 I will tell him we need to be there at 5:45. I do this all the time. I have no choice otherwise we are late. He's still not figured it out thankfully.
You know how... (read in full...)
I'm worried my Gf will cheat on me while she's away enjoying her cruise. What should I do?
Q. I'm worried my grl friend of almost a year tht she is going to cheat on me on the cruise she just left on .ee didn't have sex for lie three weeks before she left and she loves to have sex she says only with me but I was busy working and her too and ...
A. 4 November 2015: What else other than not having sex causes you to not trust her?
Cheating is more than just scratching an itch. IF a person cheats it's because of multiple reasons.
you have been together a year, do you not trust her or is this about you... (read in full...)
Having sexual thoughts about an older man
Q. Hello aunts I need some advice on what to do about this older guy. I'm 24 and he's 32, now I've never been attracted to older guys. Never! But I keep thinking about him in a sexual way. We're both single but I just want to "sleep" with him because...
A. 2 November 2015: Older men are not better in bed...
it has NOTHING to do with age. GOOD in bed has to do with personality... my 42 yr old husband sucks in bed.
you are interested in a guy that is a mere 8 years older than you and at 24 that seems insurmount... (read in full...)
Should I show my girlfriend what her ex texted to me?
Q. My gf of three months had a nasty break up with her ex. He was verbally abusive and in the end became physically abusive. We started dating shortly after they broke but he recently just found out through Facebook that we are dating. Last night I ...
A. 2 November 2015: I would not show her.
I would also not respond to him at all.. IGNORE HIM
block him if you can.
He expects you to make a scene or start something
DO NOT Respond to him, do not show her, ignore it.... (read in full...)
I'm in a new relationship and want to know if I should tell him about sleeping with my ex when we were just starting to date?
Q. Hello, I am in a new relationship which is going so well and I am extremely happy, when I first dated this man I was still in contact with my ex on a civil level or as friends as most would say, I went on a few dates with this new man and didn't ...
A. 29 October 2015: anonymous male... i agree that cheating is anything you can't won't or don't tell your PARTNER..however after two dates he was NOT her partner... he was at that time just a guy she was dating without any commitment.... (read in full...)
I want to play the player and give him a dose of his own medicine!
Q. Hello, people! I've got this common yet plaguing issue. I am currently in a long-term relationship with a guy with not-so-good past (well, I too have a horrible past). Some 2 months back, our relationship hit a low phase and for the first time eve...
A. 29 October 2015: if you hate him you still have feelings for him... negative feelings are still feelings...
you can't play a player... you need to let it go.
you need to IGNORE This guy that's bugging you...
you need to block him from contacting you via ... (read in full...)
Why can't people just accept not everyone wants children?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have no children because we chose not to have any- we are both very happy with our lives and children are not for us. My cousin who got married 8 months after us has just revealed she is ...
A. 29 October 2015: my brother is gay. He never wanted to tell our grandparents since they would not understand so every time they asked him "when are you getting married?" he would say "when I meet the right girl" he knew there was no right girl for him so it was ... (read in full...)
Does this sound like a marriage of convenience?
Q. Well, let's see if I can get good advice ^_^ I've known a man, he's English and living in the UK while I'm in the states, for about a year now...this September I went over and stayed with him for a month, came back to the states, and over Skype he ...
A. 28 October 2015: It's a marriage for him to get a green card or some other benefit and you fit the bill as a naive young woman with hopes and dreams.
just say no... do NOT marry this man.
do NOT put your life on hold for him either.
... (read in full...)
He only texts me at night. What does it mean?
Q. A few months ago I met this boy in a different state and we hungout and talked for a while and he told our mutual friend that I was really hot and he wished I was older. He's in college and I'm a sophomore in highschool now. (I was a freshmen then) ...
A. 28 October 2015: Whats going on is he's testing the waters to see if he can have sex with a young lady (you) that LOOKS like a woman and thinks like a teen....
It's very inappropriate for an adult MAN (and if he's over 18 and in college he's an adult even i... (read in full...)
I'm in a new relationship and want to know if I should tell him about sleeping with my ex when we were just starting to date?
Q. Hello, I am in a new relationship which is going so well and I am extremely happy, when I first dated this man I was still in contact with my ex on a civil level or as friends as most would say, I went on a few dates with this new man and didn't ...
A. 28 October 2015: NO! just NO.
NONE Of his business... you were not committed and therefore I would LET IT GO...... (read in full...)
Why does my married lover remain with his wife if they've stopped sexual relations with each other?
Q. Been with my married lover for a few years now and the other night I asked him if he was sleeping with his wife? He didn't like me asking because I have kept mentioning it, anyway he said he didn't and if he was to cuddle his wife she would be ...
A. 28 October 2015: I totally agree with Honeypie... he does not leave because he does not want to.
Why is he with her? It's easier. He probably still loves her (no matter what he says to you) and to be honest...for all you know he's having sex with her and lyin... (read in full...)
Is it possible to loose your virginity to someone without being emotionally attached?
Q. Hi, im 18 a virgin ,by choice, but i met this guy im thinking of loosing it to, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship but stills wants to have sex. on one hand im thinking to do it because i know the sex would be AMAZING so i would have a ...
A. 27 October 2015: I would NOT recommend it.
sex can be purely pleasure and you don't have to be involved with someone to enjoy it but NOT to lose your virginity...
I promise you that waiting for the right person will be worth it.... (read in full...)
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