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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why can't I leave this pill popping pot smoking drunk?
Q. Hi everyone, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and he's a major pill addict and smokes pot and is an alcoholic. Trust me I had no idea he did all these things when we started dating. We now live together with my ...
A. 4 January 2016: congrats OP... now STAY STRONG... go to AL-anon for support on this one... it's free and it's a huge help.
... (read in full...)
He's nice and he's flirty. But is he really just a player ?
Q. I've been speaking to this guy for a while on snapchat, he used to live nearby but has moved away (apparently only for a year but I am unsure). I never knew him when he lived here but we went to the same school. I just never seen him as he was a ...
A. 28 December 2015: I worry for you. You know he's a player, you know he's treated you badly already and you have NOTHING invested in him but some time online and yet you are unwilling to just say NO to him and blow him off.
Tell you what...let's try this... ... (read in full...)
How can I get my husband to realize that his mother is taking advantage of us?
Q. My husband and I have been married 6 and a half years (together 8) and our marriage has been wonderful. He's absolutely my best friend and soul mate! However, his mother has been a real issue.... He was not raised by his mother, nor has he...
A. 28 December 2015: I think you should consider attending or reading up on how we at al-anon deal with addicts. It will really help you with your MIL.... http://al-anon.org/home... (read in full...)
Where do I stand in this? FWB but I get no respect and he insults me.
Q. Im a first year student who has got into a friends with benefits relationship with a guy who doesn't respect me. We had drunken sex in the first couple of weeks of university a few times, we then didn't see each other for a while but now it has s...
A. 28 December 2015: you do so know exactly where you stand with him... you are a handy penis holder when he's horny.
He does NOT like you.
He does NOT respect you.
He can survive very nicely if he never laid eyes on you again
he will continue to take advant... (read in full...)
Why can't I leave this pill popping pot smoking drunk?
Q. Hi everyone, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and he's a major pill addict and smokes pot and is an alcoholic. Trust me I had no idea he did all these things when we started dating. We now live together with my ...
A. 28 December 2015: IF you want to live with him (and put yourself and your child at risk) I get that. It's hard to love an addict. I do.
BUT I am married to mine and there are NO children to harm AND I am an adherent to the guidelines laid out by Al-anon.
... (read in full...)
How can I talk to my Dad about masturbation? I am trying to give up masturbating
Q. I am 15 and have been masturbating for maybe around a year and I ve really been trying to give it up. I feel really guilty and stressed and I wanna tell my dad but I feel like it would really change how he sees me, since we re pretty much bros I ...
A. 28 December 2015: Sexuality is private. There is no need to discuss it with your dad. Nearly 100% of humans and even some animals masturbate. It's totally normal and natural.
Babies in the womb have been seen doing it.
You are 100% normal and natural ... (read in full...)
My online friend always manages to bring sex toy talk into the conversation. Its beginning to make me feel uncomfortable!
Q. Hi, I recently joined an online dating forum and have been chatting to a few people including new female friends which is great. The options on the forum in terms of what members are looking for are as follows: Serious relationship, fr...
A. 23 December 2015: I do not think you are being OTT at all.
He's a tool IMO
IF you meet him for a drink of any type it's only WITH his GF present. FRIENDS are not a threat to anyone's relationship and if he WON'T tell her about you, then he's lying to her an... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date someone 15 years younger?
Q. Is it really ok for a 48 year old (me-female) to go out with a 32 year old (mature/sensible)guy? I don't have a big issue with age gaps but this seems quite a big gap. Is it doomed to end in disaster? I have two grown up daughters and he so far ...
A. 23 December 2015: Sorry 15 years is too much.. now 14.75 years is ok.
I'm kidding... my husband is a bit more than 13 years younger than I am
and at a certain age it does not matter.
the only issue is HE may want children if it gets serious and you probably... (read in full...)
Says she'll miss me so why am I blocked?
Q. Is this a blessing in disguise? I get dumped by a girl who I feel cannot be replaced, at all. During the conversation, she said she was going to miss me. The next day, she removes me from her contact list on our Instant Messaging program, and u...
A. 17 December 2015: Unless you found out from HER DIRECTLY it is an indicator of NOTHING that affects you.
and if you did find out via "word of mouth" or "asking around" are you getting stalker like? In which case prepare for lawsuits to cease and desist. ... (read in full...)
I know he wants children and I don't, so what's the best way to go about ending the marriage?
Q. I've been married for 2 years and have been with my husband 8 years before we got married. I never wanted children - he did. I was honest from the start about children- he was upset- understandably but accepted that we wouldn't have any and th...
A. 16 December 2015: He married you knowing this was the way it was.
MAYBE he hopes you will change your mind but that's on him.
You did not lie and now you are trying to make decisions for him.
If you tell him you are setting him free to go have children you ar... (read in full...)
Is is possible she thought I was breaking up with her? After our rose petal dance?
Q. Am writing again, about what I wrote before, about the rose's, well women are saying to me, that I shouldn't of walk out right after wards, cause she didn't say anything nice to me about it, I've been told, she might of thought, I was breaking up ...
A. 15 December 2015: Did you ever think to ASK HER what would make her feel special instead of just assuming?
IF you sulked after she didn't swoon over your petal dance perhaps she was HAPPY you walked out and left...
Could she have thought you were breaking up... (read in full...)
What are the dangers or issues associated with not wearing underwear? Assuming there may be any dangers or issues.
Q. Hello everyone, I have an odd question. I recently have decided I want to stop wearing boxers. I don't enjoy wearing clothing to begin with, and I don't even see a reason as to wear underwear if I'm covered. I'm in high school, and I want to kn...
A. 14 December 2015: if you change your jeans every day sure go for it.
just be careful zipping up... it would be bad to have to go to the school nurse because you zipped your penis into your fly like my brother did when he was a kid.... (read in full...)
How do I know for sure if my suspicions that my boyfriend's younger sister is gay, and what should I do, or not do?
Q. Hi everyone My boyfriend has a 19 year old sister (I will just call her "Jane") and I have known her for many years but have recently realized something that is not quite normal about her. She is extremely pretty but has never had a boyfriend or e...
A. 11 December 2015: you say nothing
you do nothing
she is a young adult woman and it's NONE of your business.
Now if SHE comes to you and asks YOU for advice then YOU can ask us how to help her but to ask us if you should butt your nose into her personal busine... (read in full...)
I love my husband but will he actually change and put his family as a priority?
Q. hello, not sure how to start but im desperate for some advice...... im in my 20's married to an squaddie (army) we been married two years and in those two years have moved around 3 times with the army. I have a 6year old from a previous ...
A. 10 December 2015: he SAYs he's better.. does he SHOW you he's better?
Is is going to Gamblers Anonymous and getting support and help? if not, then he's full of hot air.
giving up addictive behavior (drinking, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping etc) is ver... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't have alot of time for me. She says take it or leave it
Q. Haven't heard from my girlfriend in three days, don't know why, we get along real good I thought, she is a busy person with work ,an working out, paladies,her dogs, about five months in the relationship, I treat her like a princess, every one says ...
A. 10 December 2015: You are nothing more than a place holder for her.
Mr. You will do until something better comes along....
hence the take it or leave it.
to avoid hurt I suggest leave it.... (read in full...)
My husband and escourts..he claims he just looks at them, nothing else
Q. I found out recently that my husband of 9 yrs (we have young kids) has been seeing escorts and of course he is denying sleeping with them. 11 months ago, he says he started "looking into" escorts because his close friend was coming into town and ...
A. 10 December 2015: Will knowing if he had physical contact change the fact that he cheated and lied? NO.
he cheated on you
he lied to you
he cheated on his family and he's blaming it on his friend.
I feel like if you can PROVE he didn't touch them that you m... (read in full...)
Is he that afraid of his ex or just a no good POS that is showing his true colors?
Q. Ok this is really immature of me but I usually tend to mimick whoever I'm with one of those you do this I'll do the same kind of things. Now it's about dreaded Facebook. So I've been with my guy for a little over a year and we both had accounts (I ...
A. 10 December 2015: A double standard is never a good sign.
Blaming his behavior on his ex is a cop out.
He was into you the first week or so... then he saw something that made him think it was just a case of "you will do for now"
I think that before I t... (read in full...)
Ladies: If a man sprinkled rose petals at your feet would you have kept them?
Q. Last night spent a night with the woman I've been seeing for about four months, watch the football game together, she really likes football, am a romantic kind of guy, well this morning, ihad her put on a CD, of George Strait, cross my heart, when ...
A. 9 December 2015: While I would not keep rose petals or want them on my floor,
I DO love having the door held for me, I do love my husband helping me on with my coat, I love a gift of chocolates or flowers etc.
Cindy is right... it's NOT all or nothing...
... (read in full...)
Ladies: If a man sprinkled rose petals at your feet would you have kept them?
Q. Last night spent a night with the woman I've been seeing for about four months, watch the football game together, she really likes football, am a romantic kind of guy, well this morning, ihad her put on a CD, of George Strait, cross my heart, when ...
A. 8 December 2015: so just because we did not agree with YOUR POV and support your POV we are rude?
SMDH....
having a differing opinion from you does not make us rude it makes us...PEOPLE.
life would be boring if we all felt and thought exactly the sam... (read in full...)
How can I forget I kissed another woman at my wedding
Q. My husband and I had an amazing ceremony and reception, but at the after party we both got extremely drunk. A song started playing about kissing a girl, and I shouted "I can't believe I'm married now I've never kissed a girl!" or something like ...
A. 8 December 2015: how do you respond
"yeah I did"
"I'd rather not talk about it"
I KNOW you don't believe me but I can PROMISE you that 20 years from now you will laugh about it... truly.
IF you can't forgive yourself then seek help from a compe... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting to his failure to repay me in cash for the cash I lent him?
Q. Hi.. This is not a love post but I need some honest advice. I lent to my bf $400 cash 2 months ago. He was supp osed to pay me back two weeks after. Anyway he came to me saying I can't pay you back now because so and so.. Yesterday He told me I hav...
A. 8 December 2015: you are very wise to not accept the card.
he can take a cash advance.
or let him pay you 100 per week till it's paid off and
NEVER lend him money again...
in fact, consider that he can't manage money well which is a bad sign fo... (read in full...)
My husband said I'm not as tight down there as the other girls he's been with
Q. I recently got married and it's my first time losing my virginity to my guy , we have had sex a couple of times and his complaining about that I'm loose down there and he doesn't enjoy sex with me he said his been with other girls before me and it ...
A. 8 December 2015: A normal vagina will NEVER be as tight as a hand.
YOUR husband is being abusive to you because of HIS sexual dysfunction.
file for divorce and move on to a real man.
... (read in full...)
Two children and a home together breaking down over a kiss. Something doesn't add up. Should I still meet him?
Q. A guy of 40 I'm chatting to online lost everything in his divorce. He said he kissed his wife's best friend and that her friend was jealous of their relationship. His wife of 10 years never trusted him again. To me this sounds a bit far fetched. Two ...
A. 8 December 2015: I would not bother since it sounds much like he's "gilding the lily" so to speak.
either way the guy thinks very little of his marital vows....... (read in full...)
Am I legally entitled to have that car back in my possession?
Q. Hi everyone, After 2 years of being with my boyfriend, I fear that things between us are coming to an end. For multiple reasons that I won't go into, I am very close to calling it quits, I can't keep going on like this. My real questions is...
A. 7 December 2015: I would consult a lawyer but if your name is on the loan and the car is registered in your name then it's your car imo.
who insures the car?
consult a lawyer.... (read in full...)
If my boyfriend really missed me would he be that relaxed?
Q. Dear Cupid, My ex boyfriend was very controlling and so he would count to minute how long I was gone with my friends, even in afternoon My boyfriend now, and just as an example I texted him yesterday to let him know I was going to get sushi wi...
A. 7 December 2015: it feels off because it's NOT what you are USED to.
it's actually very healthy and normal. learn to enjoy it.... (read in full...)
Says she'll miss me so why am I blocked?
Q. Is this a blessing in disguise? I get dumped by a girl who I feel cannot be replaced, at all. During the conversation, she said she was going to miss me. The next day, she removes me from her contact list on our Instant Messaging program, and u...
A. 7 December 2015: Just because I cried when I broke up with my first boyfriend did not mean I didn't need to or want to break up
her going NC is a wise move for both of you.
it does NOT mean she won't or isn't missing you... it means she was serious about it... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend break up with me and cry about it?
Q. Ok so me and my boyfriend had been dating for four years and over the last couple of months I noticed he had become distant. He wasn't as affectionate, when we spent time together he would fall asleep or act like he didn't wan to be there and the ...
A. 7 December 2015: I'm so sorry he did this but he was wise to do it now.
to help yourself you need to go NO CONTACT. I find it very hard to stay friends with ex partners... civil and friendly is one thing but actual friends... rarely works.
oh and I do n... (read in full...)
I found a stash of condoms, but we don't use them.
Q. This morning while my boyfriend was at work, I decided to stop by and drop off the clothes I had bought for him while I was shopping yesterday. Realizing that this was the only time I had been in his house by myself, I decided to do a little s...
A. 7 December 2015: in a duffle bag in the back of a closet....
honey if he was using them they would be in the night table drawer.
he probably doesn't even remember they are there.
the amazing things I find in the back of my closet would amaze you.
... (read in full...)
I hate faking it -- why can't I get off through intercourse?
Q. Hi I'm 31 and I have been sexually active for over 10 years. I've had three long term partners and then a handful of one night stands back at the start. I've only ever orgasmed through sex or otherwise about 3-5 times. And they were clitoral an...
A. 7 December 2015: i am 55 and been sexually active with multiple partners male and female over the years since I was 14...
I have had precisely ONE man make make orgasm through oral sex regularly. and I have had ONE orgasm from penetration in my entire life.... (read in full...)
Ladies: If a man sprinkled rose petals at your feet would you have kept them?
Q. Last night spent a night with the woman I've been seeing for about four months, watch the football game together, she really likes football, am a romantic kind of guy, well this morning, ihad her put on a CD, of George Strait, cross my heart, when ...
A. 7 December 2015: I would not have kept them... in a plastic bag.
heck I would not be too happy grinding rose petals into my floor while dancing on them.
and your follow up... yeah you swing wildly one way to the other which is NOT cool.
... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable with my no contact request?
Q. Hi my partner and I separated for some time. During that time he began a sexual relationship with a woman for about 4 weeks. We have now got back together again and I have asked him to stop all contact with her. He makes excuses and fobs me off ...
A. 7 December 2015: should read seams "unreasonable" in other words if you ask him to go NC with a former partner and he refuses.. he values her more ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with a Boyfriend who is emotionally closed off to me?
Q. Hi hope someone can help my boyfriend is very closed off emotionally We've been together nearly 2 years we never argue and in the summer he moved in with me but the problem is he has never told me he loves me or never shows me any affectio...
A. 7 December 2015: When I met my husband he told me "I don't say I love you" and he didn't for a very very very long time.
now he says it occasionally. but he also shows me he loves me. the reason he never said it was because he never had a reason to sa... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable with my no contact request?
Q. Hi my partner and I separated for some time. During that time he began a sexual relationship with a woman for about 4 weeks. We have now got back together again and I have asked him to stop all contact with her. He makes excuses and fobs me off ...
A. 7 December 2015: Nope I don't think asking for NC seems reasonable.
the fact that he refuses to comply and LIES about it should tell you all you need to know... he values HER more than you.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 7 December 2015: block him now. their is NO emergency he could have that would require an EX girlfriend to attend to. You are still letting him in and permitting him space in your brain to manipulate you.
get through the holidays...
THEN send a lovel... (read in full...)
Why is my ex, who said we should go NC, reading my online journal entries? Does that mean anything?
Q. I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time. At any rate, she said as she was breaking up with me, that we...
A. 4 December 2015: OP more and more your comments convince me that you are wanting something you will never have.
When you say things like "permanently platonic" it sounds like you two are currently platonic.... does this mean you have ALWAYS been platonic... (read in full...)
Worried to 'come out' in case I'm wrong
Q. I think I'm a lesbian. I was around nine when I first heard the word, 'lesbian'. A friend slept over and we had shared the same bed. She said this made us, "lesbians". I didn't have the faintest idea what it meant, so I looked it up. My only thou...
A. 4 December 2015: Define "coming out".
you've dated men and women.
you owe NO one anything.
no need to make a huge announcement to anyone.
if you were straight you would not "come out" or announce to anyone "I'm gong to only date men" you just wo... (read in full...)
I want a child but my boyfriend doesn't. Should I tell him I'm going off contraception?
Q. So I've been with my partner for 3 years . I have had the implant in my arm for nearly 6 years . It's only meant to last 3 years ? Is there a specific time limit for this contraception? Me and my partner don't use any other form of protecti...
A. 4 December 2015: You've been trying for a child for nearly 3 years already.
The implant is meant to last for 3 years you have had it for six.
You my dear are NOT responsible enough to to have a child as a single parent which is what you will be if you ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex, who said we should go NC, reading my online journal entries? Does that mean anything?
Q. I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time. At any rate, she said as she was breaking up with me, that we...
A. 4 December 2015: OP,
many girls like star wars and sci-fi I do so do many of my friends.
I met my husband gaming (board games)
I love cars
and I don't drink.
NONE of what you have listed is specific to her and there are many who are like that.
... (read in full...)
Why is my ex, who said we should go NC, reading my online journal entries? Does that mean anything?
Q. I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time. At any rate, she said as she was breaking up with me, that we...
A. 4 December 2015: I do not think there is anything you can write or say or do that will "get her back"
IF it was not LDR I might hold out hope... but not with this LDR...
she is really just checking on stuff to help her transition to being without you.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 4 December 2015: Is there a chance to make this work you ask?
WHY would you want to?
Add up how much this man has "borrowed"from you via himself or his "family" and then ask if you want to go through this forever with him?
Is settling for a mooch l... (read in full...)
Hes 42 and I'm 27, should I care what people say/
Q. I am a 27 year old single woman with no children. Over the holiday weekend I went out with friends from college, and met a 42 year old man. We exchanged phone numbers and have been talking ever since. He has told me a lot about himself and his ...
A. 3 December 2015: Worry about his age in what way?
If you like him and he likes you then have fun.
Be aware however that if things get serious, you have issues to deal with.
a. his children may not like that you are closer to their age then his (my... (read in full...)
He broke a cup I gave him, but has chosen to not replace it. Should I let this upset me so much?
Q. I bought my hubby a cup with the words, love you more then shoes on it. He accidently broke it and said he would get another but he still hasnt. it hurts me that he hasnt replaced it and it shows he doesnt care. I've reminded him to get it and s...
A. 3 December 2015: If it was a wedding band I would understand. My husband lost his wedding band and knowing how important it was to me he ordered a replacement the second we got home from the trip we were on. That told me a lot.
But this is a cup.... it ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 3 December 2015: the whole family is scamming you..
STOP BEING a bank. never buy anything for them because it's "easier" for you.
JUST say NO.
and let him come to see you. and pay for it himself.
this is a very one sided relationship and YES you c... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to pay for him!
Q. I'm confused. My current boyfriend with whom I'm in a LDR with for over a year seems to be the kind of guy who is used to his girlfriend buying him things and paying for things/meals. This is the first boyfriend (I've had 4 BFs) or guy I know that ...
A. 3 December 2015: Stop buying him things, stop sending him money. And tell him the next time he asks you to "lend " him money that if he asks you again it's over (and then END it with him when he asks again)
how often do you see this guy? what's the plan to ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex, who said we should go NC, reading my online journal entries? Does that mean anything?
Q. I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time. At any rate, she said as she was breaking up with me, that we...
A. 2 December 2015: nothing is going on other than IMO she's transitioning from being your gf to not.
she may know it's over but sometimes it's hard to totally let go.
I know that when my now ex and I broke up it was friendly enough and I checked his page o... (read in full...)
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