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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is it possible to loose your virginity to someone without being emotionally attached?
Q. Hi, im 18 a virgin ,by choice, but i met this guy im thinking of loosing it to, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship but stills wants to have sex. on one hand im thinking to do it because i know the sex would be AMAZING so i would have a ...
A. 27 October 2015: I would NOT recommend it.
sex can be purely pleasure and you don't have to be involved with someone to enjoy it but NOT to lose your virginity...
I promise you that waiting for the right person will be worth it.... (read in full...)
I'm 19, he's 31. Do we have a chance?
Q. helo. I am inlove with a 31 year old man (im 19). He saw me passing by one time last year december and gave me his number the same day and i gave him mine. He called me later the same day unfortunately i was with my boyfriend by that time. He told ...
A. 27 October 2015: At 31 he should be a grown up he's not. He's an immature person who doesn't do what's necessary to be a responsible adult which is HAVE A JOB...
He can't love you. he doesn't know you....
his age is not a red flag in general but it is ba... (read in full...)
I'm trapped in a passionless relationship
Q. Hi Really in need of some straight forward advice! Been in a relationship with an older man (he is 14 years older) for 8 years now. We have a love for each other but it's far from what I need. We see each other once or twice a week and...
A. 26 October 2015: You are now wasting your time with this man... if after 8 years he's not ready to commit to a life with you it's NOT going to happen.
You need to bite the bullet and end the relationship.
this is not love. this is "it's easier than gettin... (read in full...)
Was I nothing more than a fling to him? How long do I hold out hope that he'll contact me?
Q. Where did I go wrong? I'm quite a mess at the moment. I just returned from a visit to Europe. Long story short, I was studying abroad for college, and we travelled by coach (bus) to all countries. We always had the same bus, and the same bus dri...
A. 22 October 2015: You did not go wrong...
you are ten years younger and in a different country
he drives a bus for a living not a lot of money in that
it was a vacation fling for you...
I'd keep the memories and move on.... (read in full...)
Is it okay to date my step dad's godson?
Q. My mother married a man that she has known for years and he is now my step father.. My step father has a God son and I am attracted to this God son. We have known each other almost 8 months now.. I found out I was pregnant before knowing him ...
A. 22 October 2015: is it legally ok
sure
you are not related at all
now if you two break up it could be awkward...
but there is no legal prohibition to you two dating or marrying... (read in full...)
I'm second best to my boyfriend's dog!
Q. Hi my boyfriend and I have been together 3 years we have a 10 month old daughter he has a doberman which he had when we met he has just moved in a few months ago but we have just discovered our daughter has a allergy to the dog now my boyfriend is ...
A. 22 October 2015: How do you know the child is allergic to the dog... I've read that children who grow up with pets usually have less allergies...both my kids are allergy free (from pet issues) being raised with both dogs and cats.
THAT being said... I do not hav... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's stomach is coming between us
Q. I met a guy of 40 on a dating site we have been dating 6 months. He is about to complete his divorce and has two children under 8. His wife left him two years ago and things are amicable. If I have a future will I be expected to share my house w...
A. 22 October 2015: I get it. I do. I met my hubby when he was too thin... and he now is all belly and we have no sex life and we can't even hug because he looks like he's going to drop twins tomorrow...
I'm not much better so I don't complain... and to be honest... (read in full...)
Do I have reasons to be frustrated with my boyfriend?
Q. Im currently frustrated with my boyfriend. Can you please let me know if I have reason to be frustrated or I'm just totally pms-ing? My boyfriend's friend got into an accident and needed to bring his car to get fixed at the autobody shop. My boyfr...
A. 21 October 2015: your boyfriend is making the choice to do these things for his friend.
you do not have to like it but unless it's impacting on you (a broken date or something he was supposed to do for you that didn't get done) then it's not your issue or concern.... (read in full...)
How can I dress to hide my muscular legs?
Q. Do you guys think my body type is weird? I'm around 5 ft. 105 pounds, I'm very athletic so I have muscular thighs and I have a decent sized butt, all muscle and toned. I'm a double zero and have a 4 pack. My legs are longer and I have a short torso ...
A. 21 October 2015: i'd kill to be like that
but boot leg jeans with tunic tops works
or fit and flare dresses with boots...
oh wait that's how I dress....... (read in full...)
My husband has cheated on me and I'm not sure if I should have children or even stay in this marriage
Q. My husband and I got married 5 years ago. We rushed into marriage after a year of LDR, during which I found out he had a 3 year old kid with somebody else. I believed him telling me he had no relationship with the mother of his child (Ana). A couple ...
A. 21 October 2015: LEAVE.
LEAVE NOW
he is abusive both mentally and verbally
he is a liar
he is at minimum an emotional cheater
you do not trust him.
he has threatened you.
LEAVE.
LEAVE NOW do not have children with this man
he drinks.
he ... (read in full...)
Should I contact this friend to see if we actually still are friends?
Q. Okay, I'll try and make this as short as possible. So, I met this guy back in July online and we got close, (or at least I did). We spoke everyday for almost 2 months and then kind of spiraled down to once a week. I asked him if he was annoyed by me ...
A. 21 October 2015: You would like to save WHAT relationship?
you spoke to this guy online only right?
you never met in person?
do you have each others phone information?
if not, it was just fun and games and time wasting and you should let it go and... (read in full...)
Is the wife really accident prone or trying to assault the husband?
Q. Wife hits me 3 times in groin with point-point accuracy but says they're all accidents. 1. Wife wakes up and tries to get blanket from husband who's weight prevents her from getting blanket. Wife then does an open-palm strike through the blan...
A. 21 October 2015: IF i wake my husband from a dead sleep he comes up swinging.
Once may be an accident
twice a coincidence
3 times... well.. that is suspect
why would your wife be this angry???
I also suggest either separate beds/rooms but at mi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been in his cave for too long! Help!
Q. I've been in a 'relationship' with my long distance boyfriend for only 4 weeks. He is great; smart, funny, sexy, interesting and we both feel a definite connection. The first 2 weeks, although long distance, over the phone chatting were amazing. I ...
A. 20 October 2015: My husband and I started out LDR. 90 minute drive apart.
We have talked about this before since he did the whole "cave" thing. and was incommunicado for nearly 2 weeks early on as he was figuring out what he wanted.
thankfully I ... (read in full...)
Went on a date, it went very well, now he's not messaging back, what have I done wrong?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I went on a date with a guy just over a week ago and completely hit it off with him. I could tell he was quite bowled over with me and was very complimentary and we had a lovely time. He said he wanted to see me again but I w...
A. 19 October 2015: he told you it's up to you to arrange the next outing.
so do it. you texted him generically right?
so now you show him how you like to be asked for a date.
you call him and ask him if he's free for the date and ask if he wants to go to... (read in full...)
I've moved on, but maybe he hasn't?
Q. We broke up about 6 months ago and we go to the same uni. Basically he strung me along in the summer asking for a break but ultimately i broke up with him and he accepted without a fight. I cut contact with him and pass him almost everyday in the ...
A. 19 October 2015: IGNORE HIM.
block him on the phone and in email and on social media.
let your friends and housemates know that he's NOT a topic for conversation and you don't care to hear anything about him.
HOW they deal with him is their choice. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is living with a female housemate, is supporting her and I also found out they were involved at one time. Any advice?
Q. I've been with my partner for almost two years and we have a fantastic relationship together apart from one issue that is causing some tension between us. We don't live together, but he lives with a female "housemate" and her son. He financially ...
A. 15 October 2015: Do you go to their home?
do you spend the night?
have you met her?
something is wrong somewhere.... and i fear that your age is an indicator that this man is taking advantage of your feelings and your youth and inexperience.
... (read in full...)
How do I push my bf to leave his parent's house?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for 3 months now. He is 26 and im 22. We both are very alike, and very much comitted to each other. He even gave me a promise ring. I understand that we are still very new to each other since, we've only been together ...
A. 15 October 2015: I wouldn't push him to leave his house
It's only 3 months you are together. Even a "promise ring" seems a bit premature.
pushing him to make a permanent move when he's worried about finances seems wrong.
Moving in together this e... (read in full...)
I hate my husband for throwing me a suprise party!
Q. My idiot husband threw me a suprise 50th birthday party "knowing full well" that I dispise parties of anykind. I had to lie to everyone and pretend that I was enjoying it, while secretly dispising the whole thing. It has been months and I still have ...
A. 15 October 2015: He did what he did thinking it was a good thing.
when was the last time you two had discussed how much you despise parties? maybe he forgot in his excitement to do something he thought nice for you?
you seem to not want to forgive him... w... (read in full...)
I'm heartbroken over my married man!
Q. I have been having an affair with a married coworker for two years...the feelings are strong and even though we knew it was wrong we always kept going back to each other. I found out last month from a mutual friend that his plan to adopt a baby ...
A. 15 October 2015: OP you did not answer my question which is
WHY didn't you tell her while you were his mistress?
what has changed that now that he wont' talk to you makes you think that NOW she has a right to know?
oh and also what makes you think she doe... (read in full...)
I'd like advice on how to get to know her as a friend, without flirting?
Q. Let me start off by stating that I'm sure this woman isnt relationship material, I know it wouldn't work. I'm asking this question here because I know there are people here who may have experienced some similar things/feelings at some point or ...
A. 15 October 2015: Do you know how to be friends with guys?
then you know how to be friends with gals too!
I think however the fact that you are so worried about how to pull this off and you list her age as the primary reason this won't work as a relation... (read in full...)
I'm heartbroken over my married man!
Q. I have been having an affair with a married coworker for two years...the feelings are strong and even though we knew it was wrong we always kept going back to each other. I found out last month from a mutual friend that his plan to adopt a baby ...
A. 14 October 2015: So while it was going on she didn't need to know but now that he's trying to do the right thing for his wife (the woman he legally and publicly is committed to) you want to "punish" him by saying "SHE has a right to know"
didn't she have a right ... (read in full...)
Have you helped your adult children financially, like pay for their wedding rings
Q. After the fact and the wedding, my significant other told me that he helped his son pay for his daughter-in-law's engagement ring to the tune of $800.00. It was suppose to be secret and only between him and his son. My significant other is d...
A. 9 October 2015: I am 55 and my daddy helps me all the time. I have no issue with it. It makes my life easier. My current engagement ring wedding band set are custom made but use my mothers gold and diamonds from her rings. Hubby only paid for the work to be ... (read in full...)
How can I find out how serious my father's health condition may be?
Q. I live with my father and today he sat me down to tell me something. He told me his doctors have found 2 rather large lumps on his brain and they don't know what it is until they do further testing next Monday. Now I'm someone who worries a lo...
A. 9 October 2015: YOU can't do anything until dad has his next appointment.
Ask him if you can go with him and be put on his HIPPA statement so that the doctor can talk to you about it when he's not there too.
Do NOT assume that LUMPS on the brain are cancer... (read in full...)
I'd like my son to connect with his father and grandparents. Would sending a letter to the grandparents be acceptable?
Q. Basically I had a fling several years ago and got pregnant ... we barely knew each other so I can't blame the father for ditching me the moment i said "baby". I let him go. It has been 6 years and I wonder if he regrets his actions. I am harder to f...
A. 6 October 2015: I would write to them.
I would say things like "I want child's name to know his family on both sides" "feel free to contact me to arrange a visit" and give your contact info (multiple ways)
Giving them an opening to contact you even... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to hurt the feelings of his ex?? Is that a poor excuse to give to the new Gf?
Q. This is the scenario: Guy breaks up with his girlfriend of a few years. They remain friends. They start hanging out and talking on the phone as soon as a few weeks after break up. A few months later, he dates someone new. A new girl he appears ...
A. 6 October 2015: I think it's BS.
he is cheating emotionally.
I'm not a huge believer in being friends with the x.
civil yes
friendly yes
FRIENDS... hell to the no.
he's lying. it's a lie of omission but it's a lie.
it's a manipulation.
He's ... (read in full...)
I need advice! My baby daddy impregnated another woman and I don't know where to go from here
Q. My bby daddy has impregnanted another woman....i hv been away frm him for 9months and the girl is 5 months pregnant....i didnt want to forgive him bt i did even thou the other part of me is still hurt and confused....he took a leave frm work to come ...
A. 5 October 2015: He is the father of your child.
he should be paying child support (if he is not or he's sporadic about it get a court order and garnishment)
other than being responsible to the child you share what is it you want from him?
what are y... (read in full...)
What do I say in reply to her message?
Q. Hello , I,ve asked a woman , on a online dating site , if she would like to meet for a coffee ? she said yes , when she gets back from holiday , in 10 days. I ...
A. 5 October 2015: You say "great would 4 pm on xx/xx/15 at my favorite shop (insert the name here) work for you"
or propose a place halfway between your two locations.... (read in full...)
Question for men: is it really difficult to leave your wife if you've been having an affair? Or am I right - is he just offering me excuses?
Q. I have done the unthinkable for the last 8 years of my life. Please don't hammer me. I have been dating married man. No kids. He's much older than me and at first I was just having fun but it turned into love. He's taken me on many trips an...
A. 5 October 2015: my aunt was a mistress for 25 years. He died. His wife mourned publicly and was treated properly.
My aunt sat alone and sad in her dark apartment mourning her loss. A man that never loved her enough to give her the life she deserved.
Men s... (read in full...)
He took in homeless people and I'm the bad guy for wanting them out?
Q. Hello all. I really need some advice. Forgive me if this takes too long. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years and we just recently moved in a one bedroom apartment together August 1st, 2015. Things have been good until this past wee...
A. 2 October 2015: I agree with HOneypie.
I would let him go. giving cash or a meal is one thing...letting strangers into your home is NOT safe or wise.
I don't blame you at all.
His reaction is over the top and is his way of getting out of what he t... (read in full...)
He asked if he was my first! What did he mean??
Q. So my boyfriend and I recently began talking as friends after we took a break from each other. During our relationship we did have sex and I lost my virginity to him. He knew that I was a virgin and did not pressure me to do anything but I did so ...
A. 2 October 2015: if you want to know why he asked.. ask him.
IMO the question was calling you a liar.
He implied he does not believe you. ... (read in full...)
Why do men feel the need to be a swinger?
Q. The man I'm with moved here to care for his mother imet him on line date site we been together almost two years dated a year now live together but as we dated I found out him and his ex wife was swinger..she said what broken them up because he ...
A. 2 October 2015: not all men feel this way.
and not all men feel this way with all women.
My ex and I were swingers. he cheated (we define cheating as anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner)
my current husband and I do not swing. He does... (read in full...)
Found out that my b/f has done drugs
Q. Recently I found out my boyfriend did drugs (ecstasy) before he met me. We have been together for a year and we plan to get married in two years. He told me he did it 7 times over a span of 2 years, of which 4 times was with his ex. The most recent ...
A. 1 October 2015: Hi you are between a rock and a hard place. IF he had told you he had done Ecstasy when you first met him you probably would not have dated him and this wold be a moot point.
HE LIED to you so that you would go out with him and get hooked a... (read in full...)
The man that I am dating doesn't know how to tell his lady friend about me
Q. Dear aunties and uncles I posted on here in June about a man I have been seeing: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-you-think-it-is-worth-me-continuing.html I am 55 and 4 months ago I met a man who is 60. 8 months before we met he had me...
A. 29 September 2015: The events that were planned before you met should continue to happen BUT he has to tell her BEFORE the events that you two are getting serious and she has to accept that. IF he refuses to tell her that you two are serious and to cut her back to ... (read in full...)
Is it too dangerous for me to be delivering pizza?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but I would like the honest opinions if the people here on dearcupid. I am a 20 year old girl and a college student. I have been hired as a part time pizza delivery driver for a local pizza place. At fi...
A. 29 September 2015: My brother was a pizza delivery guy for ONE day. He was held up at gun point and that was it for him. He was in a moderately bad part of town when it happened... not the best from far from the worst.
Not helpful I know but it's reality.... (read in full...)
This other guy is much nicer than my boyfriend!
Q. So I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year now and I must say we do have our ups and downs. He has a bit of a temper and a bit touchy and get angry a lot. There's also this guy that is totally opposite to my bf. He's sweet, kind...
A. 28 September 2015: you are NOT a horrible person but you need to break up with the boyfriend who is attractive on the outside and ugly on the inside.
whether or not you go out with this other guy is not important at this point... what is important is that the cur... (read in full...)
Is it possible for someone to sleep 12 hours a day for weeks at a time?
Q. Is it possible for someone to sleep 12 hours a day consistently for weeks??? He sleeps at 3am every night and doesn't wake up until 3pm or later in the afternoon! Then he takes his time to get up, shower, and go get food to eat. Then he rests a bit ...
A. 28 September 2015: The 12 hours is a concern. The timing is the issue.
My husband does better at night and on weekend he stays up till 4 am and sleeps till 4 pm it makes me crazy.
his pulmonologist has explained that some folks do better with night waking and... (read in full...)
My boyfriend just told me he would not be able to resist really good looking women ....
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I were discussing our plans to go travelling overseas, where he told me we would need to stay away from certain countries where there are "extremely good looking women" because he wouldn't be able to control himself. He ...
A. 28 September 2015: He is seeking permission to cheat on you. toss this at him and see what happens:
"I understand totally honey you are asking for permission to cheat on me" "and that's fine, I think I'll do the same thing"
"we can go on a vacation togethe... (read in full...)
Is my local Starbucks barista flirting with me?
Q. Is my local Starbucks barista flirting with me? So everything I go to my local Starbucks the same guy is there. When I first encountered him he told me that my nails was pretty. I'm guessing that that is a icebreaker. And another time he told he ...
A. 28 September 2015: Not sure if he's flirting or just going for a nice tip.
the staring means he likes how you look...
so now what are you going to do about it?... (read in full...)
I tricked my boyfriend because I wanted to know if I could trust him and he failed!
Q. i made a fake profile to test if i can trust my boyfriend, i added and chat with him and ask if he had a girlfriend and he says yes, but the next day i ask him to meet up at a private place and he agrees. after i confronted him he said he's sorry ...
A. 25 September 2015: NO it's NOT kinda true.
Why did you even feel the need to TEST him? clearly something about the relationship is not good.
YOU tested
He failed
both of you are wrong...
and no one held a gun to his head to "force him" to meet this new... (read in full...)
Been divorced for ten years and happy now. But now my emotionally abusive ex wants to come back and live with me since the death of her partner. How do I refuse my ex-wife's request?
Q. I have an ex wife who was continuously unfaithful to me and was abusive, she divorced me about 10 years ago. I have been much happier since our divorce. We have a daughter together who is now 17. She moved in with me about a year ago after confid...
A. 25 September 2015: Here is another vote for "oh hell NO"
you sound like you have this under control and can say no and just needed us to confirm that it was an appropriate choice... (read in full...)
I don't want to seem mean to my new neighbors but feel they are asking too much of me
Q. About 4 months ago, a new family moved in across the street from me and the mother seemed to be struggling moving boxes into her house so I went over to both help her and welcome her into the neighborhood. I met her and her 3 children and the...
A. 24 September 2015: Wow... amazing.
I would let them know that visits after 7 pm are not acceptable.
In addition, to still be wonderful and helpful you can offer to give her a lift WHEN you are going anyway.
I have asked my neighbors often "I'm heading... (read in full...)
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