A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you rekindle the fire?I have been away all summer working in a different state far away from home. I left home on May 24th and will not get back until August 15th. I have been in a long distance relationship since January, but we were only 2.5hrs apart and we made it work (we started dating on October 29th and saw each other every day before we started our LDR), but now the length is greater and we cannot see each other.We are sadly unable to Skype so we just call - or I call these days.He says the distance has made me feel nothing. I asked if he was happy that I would be home in less than 30 days and he said that he felt neither "happy or sad, he felt numb about me." He says he thinks I am still attractive and nothing about him makes him upset, he just lost his feelings. Yet he has not broken up with me.What do I do? I feel helpless so far away, and don't feel like I can do anything from here. I feel like if we were able to be together again, things would go back to normal. But I still have a long time to go until then!How can I spice things up and get his attention back? How can I make the distance less of a problem?Hes a very physical guy and loves cuddling. He says he misses how close we use to be in the beginning and it feels like I am now "out of sight, out of mind."
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 July 2015):
 When in doubt do nothing.
Seriously. The more you push and prod and come up with clever schemes- the worse. He cooled off nnoticeably, for whatever reason, and you trying to fan the embers won't come off as loving or caring etc., just as clingy, intrusive, and desperate.
So, do not go pulling his sleeve for attention. Do not contact him first,- or the bare minimum to keep communication lines open.
Keep your wirs about you, it's only 4 weeks !
THEN; once you come back, you can go see him in person, talk , be phusical,... and take your clue from there.
Honestly, though, I would not be too optimistic about rekindling.
Yes, maybe, there is a chance that he is just a little depressed, and that he is not the type who handles long ,LONG distance well. Some people do freak out when they do LDRs.
On the other hand, he can just have been totally honest with you. He is a " out of sight out of love " type. I know that this comes like a shock to you, since just few weeks ago he was all cuddly and affectionate etc., but , unluckily , there are many relationships like this : lots of attraction- and no depth at all.
He may have felt happy woth you when you were around just because of the phisicality, and I do not mean at all strictly in sexual terms, but, the cuddles, the companionship, the cozyness, the " warm body " beside him- the GF " experience ". BUT, he may not be, or have been, interested or motivated enough to be with you as soon as these tactile, visual stimuli disappear, and one has to actually make an effort and use his brain to communicate, keep up a conversation, get to know each other better on an intellectual level, etc.
In short, maybe it was easy and convenient having a gf around, ( and occasionally too ) but when it started to be even slightly inconvenient- too much hassle, why bother.
Plus , I don't know, this may be bad advice , because one of my faults is that I am as proud as Lucifer , so I KNOW this is not necessarily good advice, but, OP...
the guy basically TOLD you , nice and clear, : " I do not give a fuck about you ".
MY Luciferine reaction would be holding up my middle finger and say " See this, darling ? Likewise , from the bottom of my heart !!"
I mean, you are young, intelligent, with a good job, and that was not a very long relationship anyway : why do you have to BEG a video game addicted mopey dude to love you back ??!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 July 2015):
 if going away for a short term "messes things up" then things were not good to begin with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2015): he could call you if he wanted to ..even if he fell in love with Lara Croft.Not calling because he's too busy gaming is a pitiful excuse and you sound as if you are flogging a dead horse, wanting someone to be what they cannot be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I know hes not cheating. He's not the type. He became extremely depressed when I left and sunk himself into video games. I sometimes feel like he doesn't like chatting on the phone anymore because he doesn't think his life is interesting enough compared to my work.he says he goes to the office then comes back home to play video games, while im traveling around Alaska all summer working.
I feel like I messed things up by going away, be he told me he'd be fine with it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 July 2015):
I would stop trying till you get home.
Since you are only gone a few more weeks, I'd let it go.
When you get home see what happens... but if he still remains cold assume he has replaced you with a closer warm body.
Don't be so quick to try to fix something clearly he does not want fixed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2015): Its only been a short relationship in reality and you are unwise to think it would ever be anything more.At this point he isnt contacting you and feels numb.Sounds like a man trapped who doesnt want to hurt you. He may think you initiated the distance and maybe things happened while you were away. For all you know he may have a new partner in the wings pregnant for him, so i would advise you tread with etreme caution, not throwing blame around or pulling at lost threads. I wouldntbother to do a rekindling exercise because without knowing the details it could be a terrible waste of time. If you dont phone for a bit and see if he tries to call you then youcould see some initial interest but i would suggest you develop some back up plans because things often dont work out to a timetable.At least you have the freedom to come and go unless you are detained and that would put a different perspective on things.
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