A
female
age
51-59,
*tillstrong
writes:Please help! A man I had met online found me on Facebook and started chatting to me. More than ONE YEAR later he left Facebook, started a Twitter account and my whole world has fallen apart. I found him sending sexy comments to a particular hot looking blonde. She in turn has been sending him hearts on most of his comments.I obviously asked questions as to who this was. It is only now AFTER ONE YEAR of chatting to a man who has called me his LOVE, BABE, MY WOMAN, MY HEART, I LOVE YOU ETC... that we are not in a relationship. He said to me that he is a free man and nowhere in his world is an LDR a relationship. He says we were just 'chatting' and if we meet someday so be it.What did I miss here? If someone is chatting, Skyping, calling you everyday up to 10 times on a weekend.. is that not a relationship? We have shared each other's lives from good morning to goodnight everynight for more than a year.I have now been blocked from his Twitter account because of my comments about the other woman to him. There are more he is flirting with but this particular one is being called 'my sweet' and he is flirting openly and sending good mornings etc. She does not always reciprocate but he does not give up on there. He has been commenting on her photos like "perfection and impressive", "very nice foto ;)", etcI feel so broken about it I don't know what to do. The fact that he knows I'm hurt about the flirting and still continued and continues with it is what hurts. I can still see his Twitter account on my cellphone so I can still see everything. He did not talk to me for a few days but started up with conversation after he told me to 'buzz off out of his life'. He started calling me babe again etc even after the hurtful blocking from his life.Is he playing me like a fiddle? He obviously is attracted to this other woman otherwise he would not try so hard, however, his continued chatting to me is the confusion here.I am at a cross-roads because I cannot bear watching the obvious beginning of a relationship right in front of me.What does this man want with me? I am so confused right now. I am finding it hard to just cut him out completely. I want him to know that he has hurt me but he doesn't seem to get my point of view.
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female
reader, stillstrong +, writes (23 July 2015):
stillstrong is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you to you all, especially Abella and Rebecca c for your words of encouragement. As I have no where to turn in this matter, I have been carrying a burden alone. It is very sad to see 'another side' of someone you always saw as kind and caring. Shock to the system.
I just wish I was less 'gullible' but I am built this way and am too honest for most out there. I guess it is a dying trait to have and so essential. Trust doesn't come with a finite supply! I wish it did.
It definitely helps to have an objective view though. Immensely helpful and helps to see it from an eagle's perspective instead of stuck in the 'forest' !!
I do know I deserve better treatment and better for my life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2015): Hi. Totally agree with Abella. This man is a player. He's getting his kicks from online flirting - he could even have a girlfriend wife or family - you only know what he chooses to share with you, as you haven't met.
What a horrid and vile man he is to behave like this to you.
Please be strong and keep the no contact going. He WON'T change hun. It may be he attempts contact with you once he thinks you've chosen out completely, as this is the time you will become desirable to 'catch' again, but it wont last - please keep your heart safe and keep away. Xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2015): Hi, well done here! I really hope you keep up your strength here and keep this piece of garbage will away from you z
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (20 July 2015):
 Well done. You are looking after you. That is the right thing to do. If it feels wrong, and makes you feel not OK then it is better to be strong and say enough is enough.
You become stronger when you stand up to such shallow behavior (his actions)
Be very proud of you for doing the right thing by you
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A
female
reader, stillstrong +, writes (20 July 2015):
stillstrong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, I was able to final cut the string. After another week of being intermittently loved and ignored depending on what was happening in his life I unfriended and unfollowed.
It was too painful to keep watching his openly flirting with all these new (and growing) bevy of sexy women. He knew it was something I found hard to deal with considering we were communicating so closely for so long.
I just couldn't take the humilation anymore. I was online today... so was he.. (he could see), and instead of saying the usual 'hello how is your day going' call or mail.. all I saw was sexy comments to 3 different women. He got the attention he wanted so I'm sure his day was made.
It hurts like heck but it hurt more to watch me being thrown away like last weeks garbage.....
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A
female
reader, stillstrong +, writes (15 July 2015):
stillstrong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers thusfar. Any feedback is helpful at this point. I need an anchor and it definitely is not him. We had talked about meeting and wished for it many times but due to circumstances on both sides it was only to happen in a few months. The determination and commitment it takes to keep up the type of communication we had never made me doubt we had something 'special'.... so this is why the past week has been such a shock to me. The absolute willingness of him to be rid of me and not the 'certain special woman' he has been flirting with on Twitter is what bowled me over. He was protecting her above me.. the woman he had shared every detail of his life with. I guess I'm talking in circles but that's what I feel I'm in right now and I can't and don't know if and how to get out...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2015):
 Did he say to you any time over the last year that you two were in a committed relationship?
IF he did then yes you have a right to be upset, hurt and angry.
IF all he did was call you sweet names and pay attention to you but never made that commitment to you to be exclusive and work towards being together then I think you may want to avoid all online relationships and all LDRs.
Sadly for many being in an LDR where you have not met is just a time and space waster. He was just filling time.
I'm not seeing where he promised you an exclusive love relationship did I miss that?
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A
female
reader, stillstrong +, writes (15 July 2015):
stillstrong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionp.s. I fully agree about the social media thing being detrimental to relationships across the board. We met on there but weren't communicating on their solely. Various other means including phone calls every day... Skyping.. etc.. Does that not count for something? What is suspicious to me is that the "I'm not in any kind of relationship" story only surface in the last week... That is the big deal here. We talked enough in the past year to warrant some kind of kindness on his part and not this total humiliation I feel now.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 July 2015):
On line dating is very common and people do meet and form a relationship with the help of Skype and all manner of phones and other technology.
I suppose it is the modern day equivalent of using letters or carrier pigeons in the past. In the Victorian times a man would present a post made of flowers with meanings and say all he needed to say via the flowers. Wealthier suitors might commission a piece of Jewellery to spell out Dearest in diamonds, emeralds, amethyst, rubies, emeralds, sapphires and Tanznite.
But times are different. People work hard, often don't live near a community with a lot of social life. so they turn to online dating.
It works sometimes and not other times. Sure some marriages do happen, some relationships do eventuate.
But online dating is fraught with issues.
Your guy is just a player.
He has not been genuine and instead he's just been playing at "relationships" when he has a goal in mind and you are not meeting his goal.
That is not a failure on your part.
It is a failure on his part.
If he has an ulterior motive then he should not have created a false belief with all his fancy words.
Some men are on the look out for vulnerable women who they can milk for money but they have no intention of forming a genuine relationship with the party on the other side of the world.
This guy is very cynical.
He acts like a suitor and plays like a cunning devious rat.
How do you pick yourself up?
1. You back off from any relation ship right now.
2. You address your self confidence levels.
3. You find out what social activities are available in your area - NOT for dating, but instead for activities you can enjoy and do with others.
That might mean some Volunteering in your community once or twice a month.
It might mean join a fitness group
It might mean working with a group of volunteers fund raising to help some underprivileged persons.
It might mean a trip to the hairdresser for you.
Or redecorating a room in your home.
Or finding out what hobbies you could consider that are cheap, affordable and available to you.
As you meet more people and connect with others around you then opportunities to meet others will happen as your own circle widens.
Just take things slowly.
Yes you were duped. Probably because you are a nice person and he lulled you into thinking a connection was there when really he was telling you what he thought would make you feel good.
This guy is NOT sincere. He knew he was leading you on.
This guy is stringing girls along for his own gratification.
This guy is NOT genuine.
He is NOT a guy anyone could trust.
Be very glad that you made this sad discoveries early re-group and re-establish your own self confidence. In YOU.
BLOCK HIM and never look back.
He is rude and disrespectful.
You can pick yourself up from this.
He is the one with very poor judgement. He is the liability.
You are NOT going to remain feeling broken forever. You can recover from all this.
You trusted him and he did NOT deserve your trust.
He is the Broken one as his Moral compass does not work. He manipulates women for his won ends.
It is time to Stop caring what he thinks and what are his intentions. Because he is not worthy of any nice woman.
You have had a lucky escape from this devious nasty man.
He will keep on being the nasty man he is as he enjoys the chase and probably enjoys breaking up even more.
He must remain History.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 July 2015):
 Ah, yet another great reason to avoid FB at all cost. Sorry for your "loss" however, chatting it up on FB is Not a relationship anymore serious than having a crush on a movie actor. You will survive this upset just stay off social media.
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A
female
reader, stillstrong +, writes (15 July 2015):
stillstrong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShouldn't the guy not call me loving names etc? Babe, my love, my heart etc? And to be talked to every day of my life.. morning, noon, night... sharing every part of our lives? We were planning on meeting in the next few months. We are from the same culture which is what drew us together in the first place.I just feel there was enough of a commitment as far as the every day actions to have warranted him telling me he wants to chat to other women too.. or at least have fun with whomever. Know what I mean? It hurts still to have heard that after ONE WHOLE YEAR. He couldn't have told me before? It was Twitter which opened my eyes. He was never so openly flirtatious with his FB friends. These 'strangers' on Twitter have opened up a whole new world for him it would seem.
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