| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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Is it normal to find others unattractive even if you find only one person attractive?
Q. I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But ...
A. 8 November 2012: No I do understand your question, you are saying that it would be weird to find women in general unattractive, but to find just you attractive. My original answer is the same. There are some people who cannot feel attracted to someone without being ... (read in full...)
How can we get our sex back on track so we're both climaxing?
Q. I'm a bit sexually frustrated. My husband doesn't last a long time in bed these days. When we used to have sex more frequently, it was rarely an occurrence, but now, he might last a minute or two, not enough time for me to climax. He's not into the ...
A. 8 November 2012: Like I said, this isn't a problem of a lack of "spice" it sounds like it is some kind of communication problem. I'm guessing something bigger is wrong in your relationship. Maybe there's something at work he's not telling you about (a stress thing, ... (read in full...)
How can we get our sex back on track so we're both climaxing?
Q. I'm a bit sexually frustrated. My husband doesn't last a long time in bed these days. When we used to have sex more frequently, it was rarely an occurrence, but now, he might last a minute or two, not enough time for me to climax. He's not into the ...
A. 7 November 2012: This sounds like a problem with communication then. It sounds like you've fallen into a rut where your husband just wants to get it over with rather than have fun and enjoy it and obviously you don't want to be used as just an alternative to his ... (read in full...)
How can we get our sex back on track so we're both climaxing?
Q. I'm a bit sexually frustrated. My husband doesn't last a long time in bed these days. When we used to have sex more frequently, it was rarely an occurrence, but now, he might last a minute or two, not enough time for me to climax. He's not into the ...
A. 7 November 2012: Did you used to orgasm from sex?
Several things, one even if you can't finish from other methods, get very close before having sex. That will definitely help. You can even warm yourself up with your own fingers and then call him in.
What he... (read in full...)
My best friend wants a marriage of convenience!
Q. hey aunts and uncles urgent advice needed please. My close male friend and i are both creeping closer to 30. Neither of us is with anybody and we get on very well. We were having a meal at his house, together the other night and got talking about ...
A. 7 November 2012: Why do you have to rush into marriage? Why can't you just date and see if there's something there first? Gotta walk before you can run. You have to make sure he's someone you can have fireworks with, not someone who is just comfortable. I don't see ... (read in full...)
I need help dealing with PMS
Q. I have PMS and a week before every period I suffer with terrible anxiety, irritability and a short fuse, I can get extremely angry if anything pisses me off, where normally I am well controlled. Does anybody have any suggestions of how I can imp...
A. 7 November 2012: You can go on the pill, that is often prescribed for bad PMS as well as bad cramps. My bf can tell when I'm going to get my period before I can because I get so much crankier. Unfortunately other than changing your hormones (like with the pill) not ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend and I are having intimacy problems.
Q. I have been with my beautiful girlfriend for a year. I have never been happier with a partner. There is one thing that is bothering both of us and that is with intimacy. Now without going into too much detail, at the end of the day if I didnt i...
A. 7 November 2012: I hear a lot about what you need from this, but what does she need?
People don't usually just go off sex for no reason. Did she recently start a new birth control pill? That can be to blame. But far more likely is that she's not physical... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend not give foreplay but looks at porn?
Q. I stopped having sex with my boyfriend because he is selfish when it comes to giving. Now I seen on his phone under history that he has been looking at live webcams. Why is this happening? I can't get him to go down on me for long or even have him ...
A. 7 November 2012: Your boyfriend sees you as a warm place to put his penis. Once you started wanting foreplay, you stopped being his masturbation toy. Your boyfriend doesn't give a darn about you, time to move on.... (read in full...)
How do I stop him? I don't want my husband watching porn!
Q. My husband and been together for three years sex life is good I thought but I keep catching him Watchen porn he says he wasn't But I know he was acting different the way he was making love to me I ask what was goin on he told he did masterbst...
A. 7 November 2012: I am as anti-porn as they come, but even I know you can't MAKE anyone do anything. Even if they are lying and treating you like dirt and you are right and they are wrong, you can't MAKE him stop. The only sure thing you can do is change husbands.
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has dyed her hair and looks more European, how is this possible?
Q. This is probably a very unusual question that i'm sure nobody would think to ask or notice, especially a man. This girl that I have been seeing for quite a while is very beautiful. She's mixed race and has long black hair, it was obvious she was ...
A. 6 November 2012: Because light hair is almost exclusively a trait of European descendents, same as light eyes. A lot of the Brazilian women western people consider very beautiful, like Adriana Lima, look the way they do because they have a lot of Spanish ancestry.... (read in full...)
Body image ruined due to porn
Q. My partner looks at naked pics of those typical perfect bodied women. If they're not naked they're usually close to it. Although I have a good body, I have small breasts which are now a little droopier due to having given birth. Breast feeding. ...
A. 6 November 2012: So would you say you are anti-feminist then?... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and afraid I'm turning into a lesbian. I don't want to be one!
Q. Hi I'm 14 years old and I'm afraid that I might be turning lesbian. When I'm alone I like to watch lesbian porn and masturbate. It arouses me and I have an amazing orgasm, but when I'm done I regret doing it and feel ashamed and weird. I really ...
A. 6 November 2012: People don't turn gay, you are or you aren't and nothing you do or don't do can change it. Fantasizing about other women won't turn you gay if you aren't and forcing yourself not to fantasize about women won't stop you being gay if you are. You are ... (read in full...)
How can I last longer when making love to my girlfriend?
Q. Hey all! I was just wondering if you guys have any tips for lasting longer? I don't finish quickly all of the time but sometimes I'm done in a couple of minutes. It doesn't really bother me or my girlfriend but I figure it would be a lot better ...
A. 5 November 2012: Go twice in a row. From what I've seen that seems way more effective than the masturbating beforehand thing. In fact I've never actually seen the masturbating before thing work. At all. At least not for anyone in your age backet.
When you get ... (read in full...)
Body image ruined due to porn
Q. My partner looks at naked pics of those typical perfect bodied women. If they're not naked they're usually close to it. Although I have a good body, I have small breasts which are now a little droopier due to having given birth. Breast feeding. ...
A. 5 November 2012: Women become addicted the exact same way men do. We are not wired differently and we are not turned on in different ways. The idea that men are more visual is not supported by much of anything. Every study I've seen shows that when you men and women ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't climax. What can we do?
Q. My boyfriend is 47 years old. We both love being intimate together and we are very creative. Only problem is that I can't get him to cum. Please, how can i help him?...
A. 5 November 2012: Can he orgasm on his own? Is he on any medications? Is this a new problem or a long term problem?
If the answer to the first is yes, he should go cold turkey for awhile to make sure he hasn't desensitized himself.
If yes to the second, he shoul... (read in full...)
Body image ruined due to porn
Q. My partner looks at naked pics of those typical perfect bodied women. If they're not naked they're usually close to it. Although I have a good body, I have small breasts which are now a little droopier due to having given birth. Breast feeding. ...
A. 4 November 2012: This is unfortunately a very common problem nowadays. I have a ton of links on my profile that I think you will find helpful, check them out, especially:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com... (read in full...)
He was taking pills for a STD a week before he met me. He never told me!
Q. Hey All, I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I recently found he had sex with a girl he was seeing, just a week before we met. He had told me it was a month and a half since he last had sex. But this isn't a big deal to me about having sex...
A. 2 November 2012: Unless he had some weird strain of chlamydia that was resistant to the antibiotics, then actually he wasn't jeopardizing your health at all. He finished his antibiotics, he would have been clear by the last day of the antibiotics. You wouldn't worry ... (read in full...)
How many sex positions do you use when having sex? Are my boyfriend and I normal?
Q. how many different sex positions do you use when having sex? like in one night, and also in total? like within the last couple months, how many different positions have you used? me and my boyfriend use maybe about 10 in total. is that not normal?...
A. 2 November 2012: Does normal matter? Just do what feels good.... (read in full...)
The destructive effects of porn?
Q. I have a partner who watches porn and looks at pictures of naked women. I couldn't understand this so I gave it a go myself. Problem is I think I prefer the porn, I don't want to make a habit of it as morally and for my own reasons I don't ...
A. 2 November 2012: Unfortunately this is a growing problem. While I'm not 100% sure porn is 100% to blame, around 50% of divorces now cite porn as one of the main reasons for the divorce.
Why don't you seek a couples counselor and take a permanent hiatus from por... (read in full...)
Condoms in his wallet change? Is he cheating?
Q. My boyfriend is 19 and I am 18. We've been together for around 5 months now. Im his first girlfriend. He is so gentle, caring and affectionate, and is generally a very nice guy. We get along exceptionally well, and it has been this way since ...
A. 2 November 2012: I wouldn't worry about it right now. He probably just carries them "just in case" and has performance anxiety.
HOWEVER, as a warning bring your own condoms!!! Condoms stored in wallets are weakened by the heat from his body. It's better than not... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has given up on giving me oral sex!
Q. Even thought I still enjoy it, I can't orgasm through sex, and my boyfriend isn't very good at stimulating me manually. At the beginning I put it down to lack of experience and I didn't want to offend him by making a big deal out of it, hoping he'd ...
A. 1 November 2012: YES you should talk to him! You are comfortable enough to have sex but not talk about it? Talk to him!!!
It sounds like he's frustrated by the fact that you are a normal woman. The vast majority of women cannot orgasm from penetration, a full 70%... (read in full...)
I can't have sex with my wife because it feels dirty. I cheat instead
Q. this is more of a question to guys. I believe there 2 types of women, 1 a woman who you love sincerely, and the other ones who you attend to sexually. The problem is I'm unable to have a sexual relationship with my wife who I love with all my hear...
A. 1 November 2012: You really need to seek help from a therapist. This is a madonna-whore complex taken to the extreme. You don't even seem to think these two women you use are human. You are using them both to get what you want and see no problem with it. I don't ... (read in full...)
Does Amy like me?
Q. i been studying with this girl since september, lets call her amy, we have most classes the same. we talk get along, and spend some breaks together jus chatting. i have become busy and not being able to see her much. i got invited to go out with her ...
A. 1 November 2012: It's not out of the question. We can sit here all day speculating on the finer details of whether or not she likes you, but we can never know. The only way to find out is to make a move, ask her out.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband's brother that I love him too and about the fantasy of a threesome with him and my husband?
Q. My brother in law has called me and texted me and told me in person he loves me and is attracted to me. I haven't replied to his remarks out of respect to my husband. I just ignored it when he said it. I know he was intoxicated/high so I didn't ...
A. 1 November 2012: It sounds less like you "love" this brother in law and more like a new opportunity has presented itself and is exciting. You should not respond to this BIL or tell your husband. A threesome on its own is usually a terrible idea for a monogamous ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to find others unattractive even if you find only one person attractive?
Q. I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But ...
A. 1 November 2012: There's a big difference between finding your partner most attractive and thinking everyone else is ugly. It's abnormal, but not impossible. There are some people (there's a term for it, but I can't remember what it is) who can't find other people ... (read in full...)
Should there be a spark at the start of a relationship? Or does it grow with time?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles My questiom is simple Should there be a spark at the start of a relationship? Five months in now and im just not feeling it... She tells me she loves me a lot which makes me think lots there for her.... Should i end this ...
A. 31 October 2012: I agree, there really needs to be a spark and some chemistry. If there's nothing by now, there probably never will be.... (read in full...)
Could my boyfriend be watching porn because he's depressed?
Q. My partner watches porn and says he does it because he feels depressed. So, to the men... Is this just an excuse or could he be telling the truth? Also, how could looking at pictures of naked women help him to feel better without masturbating...
A. 31 October 2012: I agree, he is certainly masturbating to them.
And people self-medicate with alcohol and drugs all the time for anxiety and/or depression, porn is just another drug.... (read in full...)
Guys please: Considering that I'm a 20 year old virgin, the question is, am I doing something wrong?
Q. I am 20 years old and still a virgin. I should also start by pointing out that I'm not fat or ugly, in fact I'm blonde with big boobs (both of which are real), a small waist and really good skin (I swear I'm not super up myself). I've dated (bu...
A. 30 October 2012: You just sound like you've been picky. That's not a bad thing, it just sounds like you've refused to settle for just whoever comes along, and that's a good thing.
If you feel like only icky guys hit on you, then you need to be more proactiv... (read in full...)
Husband is away. I'm feeling horny. Should I give in and be unfaithful while my husband is away?
Q. Am a girl of 26 married with two kids. My husband traveled out of the country a year and 5 months now I don't know when he will be coming back. The problem is that am feeling lonely and horny, many guys do comes around to have sex with me, wh...
A. 30 October 2012: I'm a bit confused on the situation. Do you communicate with him or is he completely out of the picture? Do you know for sure he is coming back or is there a chance that he never will?... (read in full...)
The problem here is that we can't do certain positions when we make love. Would this problem be the result of the size of my penis? (4 inches)
Q. Ok so me and my gf are living a pretty good sex life.. even though I am young we are sexually active.. Ok so the problem here is that we can't do certain positions and I was wondering if it had anything to do with my penis size.. I am only 4 inches...
A. 30 October 2012: That position causes a lot of guys to slip out regardless of penis size, as does reverse cowgirl. Nothing to do with penis size. That position feels good because there's a lot of rubbing on her clitoris, not because of the penetration.
If you want... (read in full...)
Is it too late to send a gift to a friend who helped me in a bad time?
Q. i recently got a divorce and don't have alot of friends but one of my friends here offered me to stay with her. i lived with her for a month crying and moaning about everything but did not even get anything for her, just a card and i feel really bad ...
A. 29 October 2012: It's never too late. I'm sure it will mean a lot to her if you do this.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said I smelled bad during oral sex. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend went to eat me out and he said that I "smelled bad" he didn't say it was fishy, just smelled bad. What can I do to fix this? I know I don't have any infections. Is there any soaps, cleansing pads, etc. I could use to fix this? Thanks!...
A. 29 October 2012: I agree with what's been said. Make sure you are clean and have no infections. NEVER EVER douche. EVER. You will with 100% certainty make yourself smell worse and probably give yourself an infection. When you soap don't get soap inside your vagina. ... (read in full...)
Am I bad for faking orgasms with my boyfriend?
Q. I am a 26(F) with my boyfriend 25(M). We haven't been dating a super long time, but we fell in love and got very close very fast. He is wonderful, and I love the shit out of him and would do most anything for him. I can totally picture myself being ...
A. 29 October 2012: Of course it's not his "fault" that you can't orgasm from ways that most women find impossible to orgasm from. So why are you punishing him? It's not your fault either and you're also punishing yourself.
Faking orgasms are lose-lose. It is hurtf... (read in full...)
How do I stop from coming across as clingy?
Q. I'm afraid I come across as a clingy/ desperate person to this guy I'm dating. I don't have much experience and he's aware of this but I still don't want to make some major mistakes and annoy him. He initially asked to meet up and we have had a few ...
A. 29 October 2012: Don't play games by trying to seem aloof and distant, you sound like you may be giving him the impression you're not interested. As long as you are being conscious of how often you text and talk you are probably not in a whole lot of danger of ... (read in full...)
Am I being just unbelievably dense and she's just waiting on me to make move?
Q. Hello everyone, The other night I was at a party that some friends of mine were hosting and this mutual female friend of ours and comes by and asks to sit on my lap. So I said yes. Later, I told her to get up cause I had to go to the restroom an...
A. 29 October 2012: Yes she likes you, make a move. ... (read in full...)
My man has no sex drive! what to do?
Q. This is driving me nuts. I guess it's unusual for a girl to have this problem, but here goes... my boyfriend of six months has NO sex drive. He's on a very strong antidepressant which causes his sex drive to diminish. I, myself, am also on ...
A. 29 October 2012: Antidepressants are notorious for killing sex drives and making orgasms VERY difficult. I don't think this has anything to do with your attractiveness. He should go talk to his doctor about switching to another medication. ... (read in full...)
My partner is accusing me of cheating because of my body!
Q. i am in a relationship of more than 20years, now my partner is accusing me of cheating he told me that my vagina is loose from the outside i am worried because he said he will end our relationship and yet i have no cheated, please help me ...
A. 29 October 2012: That isn't how vaginas work, explain to him that vaginas do not stretch or change shape from sex and any perceived change to your vagina is imaginary. If your vagina feels loose either it means he's turning you on more and you are more attracted to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my guy that I might be pregnant?
Q. I was with my last boyfriend stuart for 6 months. I have the contraceptive implant and when me and ever since me and stuart broke up we still sleep together. I have miscounted my last period as I bleed everyday and have for a few months. I am ...
A. 28 October 2012: It's unlikely you are pregnant unless your implant needs to be replaced and you did not. I believe (and could be wrong) that with methods like the implant and IUD you are supposed to take pregnancy tests every month or every other month? But those ... (read in full...)
LDR--I always have to call and its costing me a fortune!
Q. I am in a Long distance relationship for over a year , but I do most of the calling by telephone and it is costing me a fortune ! He waits on me to call . I have now decided to not call for a couple of days to see if he can be more assertive . ...
A. 28 October 2012: People in LDRs still use phones?! Use Skype. Or Gchat. Or ICQ. Or IM. There are tons of free services you can use that also let you video chat.
You should tell him you would like if he would put in initiative more while you're apart because ... (read in full...)
Is being called sweet a major red flag and are relationships worth relocating for?
Q. Alright everyone, I know I should know the answers to these questions as a 24 year old man but I have not been in the appropriate environments for me as of ywr so please bear with my questions. I am about to date this one lady who is just two years ...
A. 28 October 2012: The South is by far the most closed-minded/bigoted area of the country, and that includes extreme views of gender roles (men have to be macho and women have to be subservient). Of course that's not everyone in the south, but as a whole the south is ... (read in full...)
I get too wet during sex and it worries me that he can't feel me properly. Is there a solution possible?
Q. Hi everyone... Okay this is a kind of embarrassing problem and i'm really paranoid about it , its starting to affect my confidence and my sex life. So iv'e got 2 children 7 and 8 and im a good weight, healthy etc, thing is though, quite a lot late...
A. 27 October 2012: Is he getting off? Then he can definitely feel you! His penis is WAY WAY WAY more sensitive than your vagina. Your vagina is built for less pain in childbirth rather than more pleasure during sex. You can mostly feel movement and fullness, right? ... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting about porn I found on his laptop when I checked out things on his laptop?
Q. Hi. I'm a 25yr old Female. I have been with my bf for 6yrs now.both of us studied in the same uni where we met through common friends. A year later we moved in together.we have had few ups and downs but he has been an amazing bf through out. Abou...
A. 27 October 2012: About 60% of women don't want porn in their relationship and about 25% think it is equivalent to cheating, so you aren't alone. I personally find porn unacceptable in a relationship.
That said, he sounds truly sorry and in his defense, you neve... (read in full...)
What's the best way to approach money issues in a relationship in a sensitive way?
Q. what's the best way to approach money issues in a relationship in a sensitive way? my bf and i have been together 2 years, he proposed a few months ago to my surprise and we're now buying a house. we live separately right now. i rent a flat so am in ...
A. 27 October 2012: It sounds like a really REALLY bad idea for you to buy a house together. First off, you've never lived together before. That alone is reason enough. You two need to test whether living together works well before you legally bind yourselves to each ... (read in full...)
I want to be friends, he wants a FWB
Q. This may be odd...but i need help. I met this guy at the beginning of my senior year, same age as me, and we obviously liked each other. We hung out once at his house and chilled and almost kissed. Then a week later he got into a relationship that ...
A. 26 October 2012: If all he wants is casual sex, that should mean he doesn't have any emotional attachment and he won't be hurt if you turn him down. That's the whole point of FWB. If you turn him down and he doesn't want to be friends any,ore, then you were never ... (read in full...)
I get too wet during sex and it worries me that he can't feel me properly. Is there a solution possible?
Q. Hi everyone... Okay this is a kind of embarrassing problem and i'm really paranoid about it , its starting to affect my confidence and my sex life. So iv'e got 2 children 7 and 8 and im a good weight, healthy etc, thing is though, quite a lot late...
A. 26 October 2012: I'm sorry if I sound unsympathetic but I don't understand what the problem is or why you feel humiliated. You are wet, meaning you're super turned on. You have orgasms, again, meaning you're super turned on. He has orgasms, meaning he's super turned ... (read in full...)
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