A
female
age
41-50,
*hivamirage
writes:I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But i don't find other people unattractive also.i just see them as normal, regular men. But sometimes I see some features that are abnormal or unusal for me,but I don't think they're ugly.Unfortunately my husband finds other women unattractive.he says he see other women regular or normal, but sometimes recognize some things abnormal for him and finds them unattractive.and he says when the ugly abnormality has gone, he finds them normal or regular but not beautiful.he says he only sees beauty when he looks at me.is his thought reasonable? What do you think? please don't tell me it is impossible to find only one person attractive.don't judge it please, just try to understand my issue and answer.is his explanation reasonable or no? Thank you. And please again the way I describe attractiveness here is not about mental or emotional attractiveness,it is physical attractiveness.don't believe me I don' care just try to understand and answer my question.just help me. And you should know there are people all around the world like me,they only find their spouse beautiful or handsome.I know I've searched for about 5 months to prove it.There are even people who doesn't feel any aesthetic attraction towards noone or nothing.It may be unusual or impossible for you but it is possible I know,so please don't judge just try to help me.That's the question:"Is it possible to find only one person attractive but also see ugliness in some of the people you see? In my opinion,if you see only one person attractive ,you don't find others beautiful or ugly.They're regular.But if you see ugliness in some people,it means that there are others you find beautiful.That's my opinion.But my husband doesn't think like me.He thinks he can find some other people unattractive and still find me the only attractive one.He says if I find something ugly,it doesn't mean that the reverse of it is beautiful.He says when the ugly abnormality has gone,that person becomes regular,normal,ordinary but not beautiful for me.It doesn't make sense to me.Thanks anyway for your help and answers
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 No I do understand your question, you are saying that it would be weird to find women in general unattractive, but to find just you attractive. My original answer is the same. There are some people who cannot feel attracted to someone without being emotionally attached. They find others to be either neutral or unattractive, until they develop an emotional bond. My guess is that either your husband is one of those, or he's just trying to boost your confidence.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 November 2012):
 no there is no conflict. I don't know that I believe him but sure you can find only one person beautiful.
interestingly enough, my husband is geeky looking.. not handsome by any stretch of the imagination but he's mine and when I see his face I see twinkly mischievous eyes and when he smiles at me his lopsided snaggle toothed grin melts my heart... so I see him as beautiful and desirable... because I love him.
It does not mean I don't see the beauty in other people....
nor does seeing the beauty in other people mean I love my husband less or think him less attractive to me...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 I confirm my previous answer:
Yes, I think it is possible that he only sees you as beautiful, and the other women either as normal/regular, or as unattractive.
Beauty, after all ,is in the eyes of the beholder, he is the one who aasigns beauty marks according to his own personal scale, so it is possible that, in his eyes, you are the only perfect "10".
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A
female
reader, shivamirage +, writes (8 November 2012):
shivamirage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks for your answers but nobody seems to understand my issue.the quentin is : is it possible to find only one person attractive even if you find some other people unattractive?he says he only finds me beautiful, some other women normal and regular and some other women ugly.is there a coflict here or no
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A
female
reader, shivamirage +, writes (2 November 2012):
shivamirage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies.You have been really helpful.I began to see the issue in a different point of view and I choose to trust my husband.thank you again a lot.
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A
female
reader, shivamirage +, writes (2 November 2012):
shivamirage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies.You have been really helpful.I began to see the issue in a different point of view and I choose to trust my husband.thank you again a lot.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 November 2012):
I think your husband may mean what I mean, only he says it in different words...
I guess it's like this ....
he can see that lookwise there are above average people, average people and below average people.
You : average or above average ( we cannot know ) but you feel totally beautiful to him.
Top model. above average, but she only feels like average to him.
Hunchback of Nore dame : below average and feels below average too.
To me it makes sense, basically we see through our minds even more than through our eyes !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): What he is saying makes sense to me. If he can see and identify beauty in you, why shouldn't he all so be able to see and identify ugliness in others? That does not mean he finds 'ordinary' looking people attractive compared to 'ugly' people. The two of you just have a slightly different way of looking at things thats all. He is a free thinking man and thats how he sees things. Try not to worry about it because your thought processes might be slightly different but you both conclude that the best looking person is each other and thats what counts.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Your husband sounds like myself so it is quite possible he is being honest. I never look at a man and think he is attractive, I can see an actor and see how he would be attractive to women logically based on features but I do not see men and think "he's hot". I've always been this way when I'm in a relationship. When I'm single I can see men I would be attracted to like normal and think how I would like for him to come talk to me, but when in a relationship it shuts off I don't see attraction anymore. However I do still see ugliness. I think once I have an emotional attachment to a man I just don't see other men in such a light, yet ugliness is very obvious to me. It is hard to describe but I can assure you it is real, for me atleast. And it is refreshing to hear another person say they don't look at other men as attractive because I always hear "Everyone still looks at others when in a relationship, it's completely normal." Yet I never do and I felt a bit of a weirdo.
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A
female
reader, shivamirage +, writes (1 November 2012):
shivamirage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd...there is one thing for CindyCares.i know he can see the differences like height, weight etc. He can see the difference between a model and a hunchback.but he says he sees a top model as a normal and regular person.and he sees a hunchback as a person with an illness, so abnormal.he says when the ugly and abnormal hunch is gone,the person becomes a normal, ordinary one but not a beautiful one.
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A
female
reader, shivamirage +, writes (1 November 2012):
shivamirage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks for your answers but nobody seems to understand my issue.the quentin is : is it possible to find only one person attractive even if you find some other people unattractive?he says he only finds me beautiful, some other women normal and regular and some other women ugly.is there a coflict here or no
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): I had to read your question over and over again trying to understand what you are looking for.
Ok, now I think I got it. So, basically you saying that you find other population of earth just regular looking, no distinction of who is more ugly/ beatifull whatsoever. And your husband sees a lot of ugly people, but if the person is not ugly it's just normal to him, but not beatifull. Only you is beatifull to him. It makes sense to me. He is infatuated with you, so beauty for him is you and only you, the rest are normal with some people below normal, which he called ugly. It makes sense to me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 November 2012):
 I can't tell you what the "norm" is on this. Mostly because it think it's really different for EACH person.
Me personally, I find beauty in everything around me, even an "ugly" people. Maybe it's because I believe in looking past the facade.
I don't think ( If I have to be rational) that you ONLY see your mate as a beautiful person and everyone else are just blah or average. I think that is BS. My husband is a beautiful person inside and out, but.. I have seen plenty of guys with gorgeous exterior and I KNOW there are PLENTY of women who are prettier, smarter, taller then me, but I'm with my husband for a reason and he is with me.
I'm not even sure why LOOKS seem to be the focus of your love. That sounds rather shallow.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 November 2012):
There's a big difference between finding your partner most attractive and thinking everyone else is ugly. It's abnormal, but not impossible. There are some people (there's a term for it, but I can't remember what it is) who can't find other people attractive if they don't have an emotional attachment. Your husband might be one of those people.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 November 2012):
Pardon me, but if there 's something that does not make much sense ,... IMO is what you say,- your husband is the " normal" one.
Ok, suppose whe have a guy who is very much in love with his wife , and thinks she is the most physically attractive woman in the world, in fact to him she is the ONLY physically attractive one, meaning that hers is the only body he wants to feel against his own, hers his the only face which makes his heart skip at beat every time he sees her.
( That is not strange or unbelievable as you fear- I'd say it's pretty normal when people are in love ! )
Now, though, you'd want this guy not being able to distingish between what pleases the eye and what does not, you'd want him to see the rest of the world as a grey, indifferent, indistinct sea of faces... why ? being in love does not make him blind, or dumb, or unable to see differences in people regarding weight, height, colours etc. He may not think about these differences, but he sees them and he is able to evaluate them.
If it were as you say, this poor husband in my example would be in big trouble if he was a painter, or a photographer, or a fashion designer, a make up artist, a plastic surgeon- all jobs that require being able to distinguish what looks good from what does not.
Actually , .. he could not even be a tourist, what would be the point of going to see Michelangelo's David or Botticelli's Venus, if everything and everybody sort of looks the same , " normal " and " regular " ? Might as well go to look the gas station attendant in his greasy overhalls, the effect will be the same.
I think that deep down your concern is : my husband says I am the only woman in the world that he finds attractive, but that cannot be true , if he can distinguish ugly, then he can also distinguish beautiful, so there must be other women he finds beautiful.
Well,yes, there must be- if nowhere else, in museums, :) , sticking to my example I still have to hear ONE single person who says " yeah, Botticelli's Venus, yawn, nothing special ".
Only, your husband simply does not CARE if they are ugly or pretty, their features do not give him the kind of emotion that YOUR features, and only yours , give him.
Nevertheless, he is ( at least, I hope for him ! ) still capable to see the difference between the Hunchback of Notre Dame and a top model.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 November 2012):
 No offense but you must have a lot of time on your hands. This is a total non-issue to me. If you find your husband to be the only attractive man on the face of the earth and visa versa...what's the problem?
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A
female
reader, Fender  +, writes (1 November 2012):
I don't know how valid my answers would be for, I've have yet to actually dated anyone. Right moments was never there.
But Yes i do believe you can. Until recently i can always tell when i truly deeply like someone, how cause i can be surrounded by a sea of total very attractive men and only see them as people, and not a possible bed buddy.
All my crush n potentials none of them seem worked out , that why i assume my the person im only attracted to changes. You found ur man, so maybe psychology in your mind n eyes when you look at other men u seem them as people, not and potentials love cause there no need to. It not say other are not unattractive, it just ur happy with what u have
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