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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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I'd just like to have sex with my wife once in awhile but she has no interest
Q. i have been with wife for 6 years ,but for the last three the sex has gone my wife has no sex drive ,she doesnt no why,if i bring it up im in the wrong or i get ok i do it,i dont want it like that at all so then im allways feeling rejected,i av said ...
A. 23 January 2011: Sadly, anti depression pills will sap her sex drive. Hopefully she can get off of them and her sex drive will revive a bit. If possible, have her consult with her doctor to see if there is anything that can be done.
In addition, I think yo... (read in full...)
Wedding bells or I'm outta here...
Q. After 7 years of living together my boyfriend and I split up and he moved out. We had been fighting all the time, I was very unhappy mostly due to his underemployment and lack of motivation. Three weeks after he found a good job we had another big ...
A. 23 January 2011: Well, first off, I'd let the dust settle a bit. It sounds like you've had some turmoil over things and rushing into marriage could be disastrous. You really don't mention what you were fighting about, but I think now is the time to make sure this ... (read in full...)
Last year I slept with a co-worker. Now she will not let me forget it. How do I handle the problems she's causing me?
Q. In November, I slept with a co-worker. I'm married and I know I screwed up. Right after it happened, I felt guilty and told her that it would never happen again.Well, my wife works with us, and the co-worker has been dropping hints left and righ...
A. 22 January 2011: It sounds like your fling is trying to make your life miserable by reminding you of your past.
It's probably time to set her straight and tell her it's over -- if you haven't done so already. Tell her that you are recommitted to your wife and... (read in full...)
My scrooge husband does not care about my financial problems. Is this normal in a marriage?
Q. My husband doesn't care that I have financial problems. I was adjusting for green card last year. During that time my working permit expired and lost my full time job. But he still wants me to pay my share of the rent. He doesn't care my account is ...
A. 22 January 2011: In regards to: "Why is mine like this? Why do I have no one to rely on? Why am I married but I felt empty and so hurt like there is no one in the world next to me? Why am I married like this?" I am not sure why you ask the questions to us.... (read in full...)
Facebook use by my husband is destroying our marriage. What can I do to fix this problem?
Q. I found out a week ago that my husband of 16 years has been comunicating with Facebook Poker young women, that look, well..."slutty", he doesn't know them, in fact, some are not even American. Some of the things that I saw that he wrote to these ...
A. 22 January 2011: No, I don't think you are overreacting -- your husband has definitely crossed the line in what is appropriate for a married man. What would he think if you suddenly started jumping into facebook and hitting on college frat boys?
I think th... (read in full...)
How do I stop being so accomodating to guys? I want a long term meaningful relationship
Q. I have always made bad choices in guys, form high school until now...I've had long term relationships but never meaningful one I was always quick to make them happy doing everything I thought they wanted me to do (pushover). Most of the time I had se...
A. 22 January 2011: I think knowing you do this is half the battle.
Either way, I think when / if you start a new relationship you should take things slower. Periodically you'll want to take stock in the relationship and make sure you are getting a guy who love... (read in full...)
Why would he now act distant after showing interest?
Q. I'm a bit confused...recently met this guy offline and we met once, had one excellent connection and have been writing and texting daily..We live about 200 miles apart. He came on very strong and showed great interest, we also have such a ment...
A. 22 January 2011: I agree with Aunt Honesty. There could be lots of reasons why he is acting distant. Perhaps he is busy with work or has some other obligations to meet. Ultimately, I think you need to talk and express your concerns that you sense him drifting ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is disinterested in sex, maybe porn is the root of the problem?
Q. My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex as often as we used to. We used to have sex maybe 3-4 times a week. Now... sometimes it's about twice a month. He always says that he just doesn't feel like it or the "chase" isn't there anymore because I'm ...
A. 22 January 2011: Wow, something is definitely going on here. At your young age, he should be wanting to have sex like a jack-rabbit. Porn could be stealing some of his energy -- why a guy would watch porn when he has a girlfriend ready, willing and able always ... (read in full...)
Why will he not go down on me?
Q. my boyfriend wont go down on me, his never done it before, and says it doesn't appeal to him. so I've stopped giving him oral sex to try and make him but he still won't. what else can I do? ...
A. 22 January 2011: I agree with the other answerers here. If he isn't going down on you there really isn't much you can do. I am sure there are some things you wouldn't do in bed -- why should it be any different for your boyfriend (personally I think he's being a ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me, but he never wants sex!
Q. My husband lost sexual desire 5 years ago. He says he loves me. But he never wants sex. When we have sex, he loses his erection in seconds. Specially ,after he is kissing and stimulating me. I;m completely confused. We had been at doctors several ...
A. 22 January 2011: I agree with Illithid's assessment. It sounds like her is suffering from performance anxiety as well as something physical going on.
From the sounds of it, I don't think it's you. If he's willing to get naked with you, and he initially sports a... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is supporting her ex through his divorce but I'm not feeling too comfortable about it!
Q. I'm in a quandry. My GF of 18 months, whom I love dearly and we are planning on marriage, has recently friended her ex on FB. They were an on again, off again FWB thing for over 2 years. He was married. There was a close call early in our ...
A. 22 January 2011: I think it's time to express your concerns to your girlfriend. It sounds like their are some unresolved feelings on her behalf. Under ideal circumstances, when people split up and remain friends, it's to keep up with each others lives -- they say ... (read in full...)
The longer we've been together the shorter our bedroom life seems to get!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost 2 years. The longer we've been together the shorter our bedroom life seems to get. When we first met we would go at it for 1-2 hours and it was amazing! But as time has gone on I've noticed ...
A. 22 January 2011: Sounds like your boyfriend has become a lazy lover. In any rock-solid relationship, a man should take pride in making sure his woman is satisfied. That's just part of good, compatible love making.
It also appears you've taken steps to inform h... (read in full...)
Thoughts of sex have left my husband's head!
Q. My husband lost his sexual desire and developed mayor erectile dysfunction many years ago. It happened suddenly. Once he went soft in the middle of the intercourse, and since then he is unable to maintain an erection with me, and never have des...
A. 22 January 2011: You don't mention your husband's age, but guessing from your age he's likely close to yours. As men age, their levels of testosterone drop. This is one of the primary drives of libido. I would urge that if he hasn't already, gone to the doct... (read in full...)
My husband told me to go have sex with someone else!
Q. My husband's libido is not as high as mine and we have had many arguments about it. He has told me several times during the arguments to just go have sex with other people and leave him alone. Should I do this? Does the fact that he only says it ...
A. 22 January 2011: I don't think it would help your relationship to have sex with someone else. Let's face it, if you did that, you'd likely grow emotional attachments for the other person and then you'd be torn between your husband and your lover. I know the hur... (read in full...)
I just have to be quiet till he wants sex!
Q. I am extremely frustrated with my boyfriend. Our sex life is rapidly diminishing. I'm so sad and I came to this site because I have no one to talk with about it. He doesn't want to talk about our sex life because it turns him off. I try to come on ...
A. 18 January 2011: This isn't a good situation. I think you guys have major communication issues and he sounds controlling. In a loving relationship, when there is conflict, ideally, people will talk to each other and work things out. Also, being denied sex in a ... (read in full...)
After 1st time sex now I only get one word replies from him
Q. Well, here is my predicament. I'm 16 and have finnished school and am in my first year of college, when I went back home to Ireland and went to the annual fancy new years party. As i only go back to Ireland and mix with "the circle" once a year it ...
A. 18 January 2011: I agree with Guillaume. It sounds like he wanted a one night stand.
Unfortunately, this was your first time having sex and I would've hoped you would've found a stronger love, but I don't see this guy coming around. You guys are in differen... (read in full...)
Despite our Stand-off I love him and want to settle down with him. What should I do?
Q. I thought I had met the love of my life. We both have had issues in the past and were badly wounded from other relationships. It was a whirlwind and we quickly moved in together. The pressure really got to us, and i moved out. We agreed to take ...
A. 18 January 2011: Wow, just reading your question makes me lose my breath.
It definitely sounds like you guys moved pretty quickly. You were both on "rebounds" and you quickly moved in and then back out. It sounds like you and your boyfriend were involved... (read in full...)
Can I hope for a long term commitment, as no one wants to marry me?
Q. I'm getting lonely and old. I've never been married and have only one child. I'm not picky on guys, I just don't like creepies and players. I haven't been with a guy since 2007. I was a late bloomer. Didn't grow an interest in guys until I was 20. I ...
A. 18 January 2011: Many women find their mates in their 30's. There are plenty of guys out there dying to meet someone -- you just have to get out there and make yourself available. You will have to sort through losers, creeps and players -- that comes with any a... (read in full...)
I fell for Mr Nice Guy who promised the world and delivered nothing.....
Q. i am hoping to recieve help. my husband and i have been married only a year. we met on an internet dating site. he was the most romantic caring guy on the planet until we got near our wedding day.weve known each other 3 yrs. i had serious doubts t...
A. 18 January 2011: It's hard enough to be married, but trying to work something out with a guy who gives you the answer "if you don't like it you can leave" to any of your problems signifies there are even bigger problems. I don't know if there is much to save thi... (read in full...)
Is my bf materialistic or I am just not generous?
Q. Hi All, I am feeling guilty right now of what has happened the other day with me and my bf but on the other side, I feel that I have only said what my boyfriend needed to hear. Can you let me know if i have done something wrong. I hope to make it ...
A. 18 January 2011: Sounds like both of you copped some resentment over what each other has said to the other. I genuinely think he was talking in jest about needing food if he moved in. I know I'd probably have said it too. He is coming off a 4-month workless... (read in full...)
Uncomfortable with what happened and want to forget about him
Q. Several months ago, I got really REALLY drunk at a party, unintentionally. Later, I remember ending up alone with this guy. He seemed ok and nice to talk to. I don't if he was drunk as well but eventually leaned in to kiss me and kept on at it. ...
A. 18 January 2011: I am not sure if there is anything you can do on this one except let time take its course.
A lot of bad things happen because of alcohol (one of the reasons why I abstain) and this is just another example. You are lucky you weren't taken advantag... (read in full...)
Why does my bf text his ex wife?
Q. my bf and i have been together for 10 months we also live together.he has been divorced for 4yrs. and i for 6yrs. we have only have 2 disagreements we enjoy doing the same things and have lots of fun together. if you knew us you would think we were ...
A. 18 January 2011: I agree with angelDelite. Texting his ex-wife is fairly disrespectful and suspicious. Granted, he probably isn't in love with his ex-wife, but perhaps he is keeping her in the wings, in case you guys have a fall out.
Does he have kids with her... (read in full...)
Boyfriend treated me badly, I cheated, and now he wants to work things out!
Q. I am a 27 yr olf female i have living with my boyfriend for 1 yr 1/2 i have a 2 yr old little girl from a previous relationship I was madly in love with my boyfriend and he started treating me really bad he would come home late igore me we stopped ...
A. 18 January 2011: I am trying to figure out what keeps you with this guy and why he wants you back. You cheated on him, you guys don't have sex, and you guys argue all the time. I am not sure if it is love you are feeling. Perhaps you are "in love" with the w... (read in full...)
Dating a month and he doesn't call me every day. Is this going nowhere?
Q. Help! I have been seeing this guy a little over a month and it is really going nowwhere. He dosent call me everyday and when he does the conversation is short. I tried to break up with him last week but he called and said he wanted to be with me. He ...
A. 18 January 2011: There really isn't enough to go on here. Some guys just don't like to talk on the phone that much or don't have much to say. Perhaps too he doesn't want to smother you and give you plenty of room to get to know each other. But from your initial ... (read in full...)
He said he'd leave his wife but its been 2 months!
Q. i think i miss him so much.. he got my phone number through chat.we spent happy times talking on the phone evry night for almost 7 months.he cared for me like no other man can.his feelings developed until he said that he loves me..i also love him. ...
A. 16 January 2011: The question for you, do you really want to be with a guy who wasn't upfront with you that he was married in the first place? Do you want to raise his child? Do you want to have to deal with the wrath of his ex-wife from here until eternity as you ... (read in full...)
He wont have sex but will wait till I leave the room and then pleasure himself
Q. I am on the verge of leaving my boyfriend and breaking up our family ( I have a 13 year old daughter and he has a 3 year old son) but Im not sure if the reason is justified or if Im being unreasonable. Ive posted questions before concerning our ...
A. 16 January 2011: This has to be a really hurtful situation and I don't think something is right. Normal guys would prefer to have sex with their woman versus rubbing one off.
I am not sure what the answer is here for you, other than it sounds like he is too busy... (read in full...)
Addicts are great liars..I'm afraid my b/f is doing heavy drugs!
Q. I found out that my bf's best friend, the one i don't like, is doing drugs.. and it's not an easy drug, it's a heavy drug... It's speed.. Some of his other friends are sniffing too.. Now, my boyfriend has lied to me before, about pot.. But i ...
A. 16 January 2011: I'll be honest, birds of a feather flock together.
Is your boyfriend doing speed? Maybe. If you notice your boyfriend acting outrageous or unable to sleep or not accountable for his time, then he's probably involved with it. It's a very add... (read in full...)
Boyfriend manipulates me so I apologize for even his mistakes!
Q. Hi my bf often ignores and manipulates me in such a way that i need to apologize even for his mistakes. When ever i try to talk to him about this, he says i am boring him and try to change the subject. He is emotionally distant too. Does all...
A. 16 January 2011: Do all guys behave this way: in short no.
The question I think you need to ask yourself is why would you want to be with a guy who makes you feel the way that he makes you feel? Seriously, when you have a boyfriend, who loves you, it should b... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has a drink problem and I would love your thoughts
Q. Hello, My boyfriend has a drinking problem and although he admits it and says he loves me and that I'm more important than the booze, he isn't doing anything about it and sometimes he can drink for 10 solid days where I can't contact him as h...
A. 16 January 2011: This is serious. An alcoholic (and he's one from the sounds of it) will do or say whatever he can to keep drinking -- including selling you the line that you are more important that his drinking.
If that was the case, he would've stopped ... (read in full...)
Why my married friend wants to communicate with me on the side?
Q. I have a married friend who we use to keep in touch in teh Skype b/c he's military deployed in Afghanistan. His year there was over so he told me we still kept in touch in the Skype, so i told him I didn't want any trouble if his wife would get mad ...
A. 16 January 2011: It sounds like his wife found out you were friends and didn't like the fact. Even though you technically did nothing wrong, his wife didn't buy it (at least that's my impression).
There's no way to tell for sure here, but from all outward ... (read in full...)
Help! Is he playing games - How would you handle this with your boyfriend????
Q. Hi... This past Friday my BF was suppose to come over for dinner. When I texted him suggestions on what to make for dinner, he texted back saying: "I might not be able to come - My daughter has a baseball game and I thought it was canceled because ...
A. 16 January 2011: First off, his daughter should be #1. I think he might be miffed because you weren't waiting for him in case the plans fell through with his daughter. By putting you off, he is NOT playing games. While you had every right to change your plans that ... (read in full...)
Can I learn to trust 100%?
Q. My fiance and I have been engaged for almost 2 years, been together for almost 3. We've always had a healthy habit of fighting, but I have communication issues I've been working on. We haven't gotten married because of financial reasons and then a ...
A. 15 January 2011: I used to play WoW, so I definitely know the pull of the game. It is mildly addictive -- I know for about a month after I quit, all I could think about were the fun times. At one point, I would've loved to have quit my job and play all day, but I ... (read in full...)
I've tried talking it through, but she just wants sex once a month.. What can I do?
Q. I been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, she is 26 and I am 30. All that time she has never liked sex but does it just for me, once a month, always the week before her period. The thing is, I want it to last a few hours at least as we hardly do ...
A. 15 January 2011: I have to question why you are with this woman. You are 30 and she is 26. You guys should be having sex a LOT more often than once a month. Personally, I don't know how you deal with it. Was it always like this? I think there is more going on... (read in full...)
Can I learn to trust 100%?
Q. My fiance and I have been engaged for almost 2 years, been together for almost 3. We've always had a healthy habit of fighting, but I have communication issues I've been working on. We haven't gotten married because of financial reasons and then a ...
A. 15 January 2011: There's no compelling evidence in your post that he is cheating on you so I think you are out of line in your thinking. It sounds like you guys argue a lot. I am not sure what the nature of your arguments are, but most people that are engaged... (read in full...)
After hacking into my husband's facebook account, my gut tells me not to trust him anymore
Q. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and he is a deployed contractor. Everything was going fine from what I can tell, but then I read one of his emails from his phone that he left behind asking if he "hooked up w/ the chick" ...
A. 15 January 2011: From the sounds of it, this guy is not on the up and up. While you didn't catch him red-handed, it sounds like he's been having a good time at your expensive with other women around the world.
From your past history and the way things are goin... (read in full...)
Why can't I just break up with my boyfriend?
Q. Why can't I break up with my boyfriend.. he treats me like dirt and always needs "guy time"..Why can't he just tell me he wants out and why can't I seem to be the one to break it off? I know I should break it off because I really think he is ...
A. 15 January 2011: I think you are afraid to be "single" again. It's comforting to have a boyfriend, even at the expense of being treated like dirt.
Unfortunately, breaking up is part of the dating process and it certainly sounds like you've hit the wall with you... (read in full...)
I'm single because I lose interest in the relationship
Q. I can never seem to stay in a relationship for a long period of time..i blame myself on that part because i am the type that always lose interest fast and things just dont seem to excite me anymore, I hate talking on the phone and i rather be in ...
A. 15 January 2011: It sounds like you are going through the normal trials and tribulations of a typical 18 - 21 year old. This is the time of life where you meet a lot of new people. Sometimes they stick around in your life briefly and once in a while someone will ... (read in full...)
He changes the subject when I text to tell him I love him. Why would he do this? Feels like I love him more than he loves me.
Q. I recently started dating a guy that I've known for about 5 months. We started dating Dec 23rd. Well, I'm starting to question this relationship. When I text him to say things like: "I like you, I miss you, I miss being with you", things like ...
A. 15 January 2011: Eek lady...
It's a little too soon to be professing love at this stage. Even if you feel it, I think it's a little bit too early. You are still learning about this guy and right now everything looks rosy, but to be honest, you barely know one... (read in full...)
If she's engaged then why is she acting like this?
Q. I'm married. So no "you know better" talk....I already know. Here goes. I have been working with a very attractive, and up till recently, single girl. We've known each other 3 years. For the first couple of years she seemed kind of attracted to me. ...
A. 15 January 2011: This could mean anything.
Perhaps she likes to flirt with you. Maybe she's just sweet on you. At the same time, it doesn't sound like she's crossed that line and neither does it sound like you have. I think at one point she might've had a pa... (read in full...)
I told a friend really personal things and now regret doing it!
Q. Ok so I told one of my friends 'that I knew I couldnt trust with stuff' some recently personal stuff (yes I know this was stupid thankyou!)and my other close friend told me that the untrustworthy friend had told this girl and was thinking bout ...
A. 15 January 2011: I am not sure there are any easy answers here.
I think you've learned a valuable lesson here: don't tell people things that you don't want made public. In addition, you learned something about the person you confided in: she's not to be trusted.... (read in full...)
How to change a man's mind about relationship?
Q. I have couple of posts related to this problem and heres upto date info :) Please help meee!! I met this guy in late Sept 2010, we were getting along so great for a month. After a month of dating him, I knew that I really like him and i'm ready to...
A. 15 January 2011: Once again, I agree with Aunt Honesty. Sadly, part of the dating process is going through heartaches like this one.
It sounds like you were into this guy more than he was into you. And it sounds like you tried to woo him by sleeping with him... (read in full...)
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