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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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How to change a man's mind about relationship?
Q. I have couple of posts related to this problem and heres upto date info :) Please help meee!! I met this guy in late Sept 2010, we were getting along so great for a month. After a month of dating him, I knew that I really like him and i'm ready to...
A. 15 January 2011: Once again, I agree with Aunt Honesty. Sadly, part of the dating process is going through heartaches like this one.
It sounds like you were into this guy more than he was into you. And it sounds like you tried to woo him by sleeping with him... (read in full...)
I always said I'd leave a cheater, but now that its happening to me I'm torn!
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for about two years now and we have been living together for about one year. We share a lap top and I came across her facebook page the other day where she had forgotten to log out. I have never gone through her ...
A. 15 January 2011: I think you honestly need to take a look at your relationship.
Here you are, a well to do guy who's taken in her kid (from a previous relationship) and she goes and cheats on you. The question is why? Is there something lacking in your relation... (read in full...)
My marriage proposal sucked! Should I let him do it again?
Q. SO I’m engaged but my proposal Sucked!!! he didn’t even decorate there was no romantic music and he knows that I love flowers and he didn’t even give me one!!! He used a beat up candle that was already used and I didn’t even get to dress up nor ...
A. 15 January 2011: I agree with the other posters here for the most part. I would think you'd be excited to be engaged to the man of your dreams.
Instead, you are already making excuses about him because he didn't propose the way you wanted him to.
Sure, y... (read in full...)
She isn't romantically attached to me....
Q. My girlfriend told me that she isn't romantically attached to me. Yet she finds me attractive and wants to be with me? I'm so confused. I told her that if she wants to move on from me then that is fine and I would not be hurt. But she insists that ...
A. 15 January 2011: I think you need to talk to her and have her explain in what light does she see you. Tell her straight out that you are confused and concerned.
I think the only one who has answers here is your girlfriend and she owes you won at this stage of... (read in full...)
He slept with his ex while we were becoming an item! What now?
Q. HAY GUYS! Bit of a problemo, found out the other day that my current boyfriend cheated while we were seeing eachother. Apparently to him it's not cheating because we were not 'official' yet, however while we were seeing eachother we said we were com...
A. 15 January 2011: This is one of those gray areas of dating. You don't state how long you were "seeing" each other before you became official.
If you guys were sleeping together, even if you weren't official, then yes, he cheated on you. If you guys just wen... (read in full...)
If I'm pretty then why have I been single for 16 years?
Q. If this is true, then why don't i have a boyfriend? I've been single for going on 16 (yes 16) years, people tell me that I'm pretty and what not and that I can have any guy I want. IF that's true then why am I still single? I'm 34 years old and...
A. 15 January 2011: There could be lots of reasons this could be happening:
1) Are you hanging around places where single men are?
2) Are you approachable?
3) Do you come off as desperate?
4) Are you so pretty that you are intimidating?
5) Are you interestin... (read in full...)
She isn't romantically attached to me....
Q. My girlfriend told me that she isn't romantically attached to me. Yet she finds me attractive and wants to be with me? I'm so confused. I told her that if she wants to move on from me then that is fine and I would not be hurt. But she insists that ...
A. 15 January 2011: I too am getting mixed vibes about this situation. It sort of sounds like she finds you good company and good "friends" material, but she isn't going to sleep with you. You don't mention the current dynamics of your relationship but this is a DE... (read in full...)
What can make me desire sex again?
Q. I am menopausal and i havne't desired sex for a long time, is there somethig i can do to help make me feel or desire sex. I do things to make my husband happy but, i feel in adequate. ...
A. 15 January 2011: I agree with Aunt Honesty in that at this point in your life, your sex drive dwindles. Sadly, just as a woman can really enjoy sex (no risk of pregnancy and usually married) her drive shuts off.
I'd recommend playing the part. Wear somethin... (read in full...)
He just says he doesn't mean to hurt me and doesn't know why he does it, but thats not enough for me. Should I give him another chance?
Q. Hi, about 8 months ago I found out that my boyfriend of 3 yrs has been txting dirty messages to at least 3 girls, one of which I know. I found this out just after we had purchased a house together, so decided to forgive him and try and move on. He ...
A. 15 January 2011: No, I think you've given this guy plenty of chances and he seems to be more interested in chasing other girls than being with you. Hate to break it to you. Sadly, you've gotten yourself into quite a predicament with this guy -- you bought a hou... (read in full...)
Should I continue texting him? Or should I forget my crush?
Q. i am a nurse and i have a crush in the same hospital i work. almost all nurses who knows me in the hospital knows i have a crush on him. at first, he kept smiling at me whenever he sees me. one night, i was so surprised when he texted me,.. he told ...
A. 13 January 2011: Quit worrying about what other people are saying. Either you've got the nuts to call him and set something up or you don't.
Why not ask him out for coffee or grab lunch together. Keep it casual and get to know the guy and see if is right fo... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in my marriage
Q. Hi, I'm just looking for advice. Im 28 and hes 46 been together for 6yrs... married 1yr. Not sure i wanted to get married. But he was pushing me. asking me everyday when we getting married. Then one day he says will you please just pick a day. So I ...
A. 13 January 2011: Why is it hard to leave? You are married and have a lengthy history. That's a lot to overcome. I also think you haven't completely made up your mind that you actually want to leave. You also have your own doubts that you have the abililty to ... (read in full...)
Do I have ED? I'm only 17!
Q. Recently i haven't been able to get erections as big as i used to! i used to be able to get big withought trying. I still get hard enough to masturbate but im seriously freaking out. Do i have ED? I'm only 17! My girlfriend noticed a difference ...
A. 13 January 2011: Yes, dope can certainly cause ED -- a THC, the active ingredient in pot can stay in your system for a bit, so if this is the culprit, it may take a bit before you see results. Also, ED can be caused by being overweight or if you have diabetes (o... (read in full...)
Premature ejaculation issues, how can I convince my boyfriend to see a professional?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have had a lot of problems, sexualy speaking, over the last year. It started when I was pregnant although we assumed once I'd had the baby we'd be able to go back to normal eventually. We've had a lot of seperate issues. ...
A. 13 January 2011: It sounds like you've done a lot of the standard practices: lubes, rubbers, and exercises. Some guys just have a problem with. He's young enough to be able to do it twice so the anonymous reader does have a point. He could also pleasure yo... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to ask my wife not to contact her male friend frequently?
Q. We were married for more than 8 years. Neither of us have complained about our friendship with opposite sex. But recentlly there is a guy she befriend. I don't know exactlly why but I don't like their friendship. I told her my feeling. She said it ...
A. 13 January 2011: What you have described indicates to me that there is more going on here and she's acting defensively.
Do you have the right to ask her not to contact him? Yes.
Should she oblige you? Yes
There is something more going on here than just a ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has become distant and I don't know why
Q. alright. I've been with my girlfriend for just about 10 months now. The first 3 were great and and then as the months followed things started to get progressively worse. She became more distant and didn't really spend time with me. Now more recently ...
A. 13 January 2011: When someone loves you, they'll dump everything to spend time with you. My favorite saying is that you want a woman who'll "Cross a burning desert to fetch you a glass of lemonade".
From your description, this girl is neglecting you. I can un... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in my marriage
Q. Hi, I'm just looking for advice. Im 28 and hes 46 been together for 6yrs... married 1yr. Not sure i wanted to get married. But he was pushing me. asking me everyday when we getting married. Then one day he says will you please just pick a day. So I ...
A. 13 January 2011: I agree with some of the other posters here.
It would appear that you are married to a very controlling man. If he is insistent on your being home at certain times and demands sex each day (even when you are sick) it shows he has a very low... (read in full...)
Should I continue texting him? Or should I forget my crush?
Q. i am a nurse and i have a crush in the same hospital i work. almost all nurses who knows me in the hospital knows i have a crush on him. at first, he kept smiling at me whenever he sees me. one night, i was so surprised when he texted me,.. he told ...
A. 13 January 2011: It's pretty obvious that you guys have started something. I think it's time to graduate from texting to actually talking.
Personally, I think texting is for simple things "Honey, can you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home" or "I'll be 15 mi... (read in full...)
What's missing is a boyfriend.
Q. Hi guys, Lately, I've been feeling really lonely and depressed. I live on my own, away from my parents, because I'm studying in a university that's far from my hometown. Even though my life's supposed to be great: I'm healthy, I have a nci ehous...
A. 13 January 2011: I know when I was your age, I really felt the same way you did to. It's is extremely tough meeting people that you want to be with in your 20s.
One suggestion I have is to get yourself out there and seen. If you are sitting in your dorm room pin... (read in full...)
WIsh he would grow some balls and stop acting like a kid!
Q. Hi I am a woman in my late 30's with a b/f of the same age. I have a grown up child and he has never married or lived with anyone before so I guess I have lived a lot more than him with regard to previous relationships. We get on really well and ...
A. 13 January 2011: Sadly some guys are like this. I am surprised he hasn't picked up on the fact that it is annoying you. If you haven't already told him so, it's about time.
From your post, it sounds like you have told him this behavior annoys you. Let's fa... (read in full...)
The Mom of my married boyfriend has threatened to Dis-Inherit him if he doesn't go back to his wife. What can we do?
Q. my boyfriend is married..i know but he left his wife and stayed with his mother and our relationship bloomed. he recently found out that his mother has had him followed, knows all about me..she told him to go back home to raise his 2 girls..(mind ...
A. 12 January 2011: Sadly, there is nothing you can do in this situation.
It is her money and if she wants to have her son do back flips for her to earn her inheritance, then he either starts doing them or he doesn't.
He needs to decide (for himself) whether... (read in full...)
I'm frustrated that my boyfriend is watching porn all the time
Q. my boyfriend is always watching porno and more often murstabating. we dont have sex alot and i do like sex i hate what he is doing because he is always hiding and i alwazs know when hes doing it one time i asked him if am not enough for him and a...
A. 12 January 2011: It definitely sounds like he has an issue with porn.
Most guys use pornography to get "by" when their significant others don't have time or aren't in the mood or if they aren't seeing anyone. Also it helps relax guys.
These days, pornograph... (read in full...)
I hate him and so do our teenagers! I'm only staying because of the toddlers.
Q. My husband and I have been together 17 years and had 4 children. We have 2 teenagers and 2 toddlers. Our first 15 years together were great years. The last 2 years have been pure missery. My husband did a complete 180 and is a totally different ...
A. 12 January 2011: This is tough.
I would recommend you see a counselor to talk about things.
From your post, it still sounds like he loves you. He still wants to be intimate with you and that's a good sign. If he was bothered by you as much as you are bothe... (read in full...)
I don't want to be engaged anymore.
Q. Im 23 and have been with my partner for nearly six years. I care for him and deep down love him. We have a daughter together, shes nearly 3. We had a difficult time two years ago when he started having panick attacks. I supported him througho...
A. 12 January 2011: From the sounds of your post, it appears you've been on the fence for a while. It also sounds like you are looking for an easy way off the hook on this one.
You have a kid, you have significant feelings and time invested into this relation... (read in full...)
My wife thinks I messed up, but I don't think it's a big deal.
Q. I need some advice. My wife thinks I messed up, and I think that what I did was no big deal. I was out with a bunch of work people after work. I occasionally take my team out for after work drinks/appetizers when we make a project goal. Th...
A. 11 January 2011: I think you messed up and from your question it sounds like you already know the answer.
I don't think you should've discussed that situation in a workplace and especially her past. It was one thing to talk about pubic hairs about your experien... (read in full...)
Should we still have sex anyway?
Q. I have been married to my husband for almost 3 yrs, it fell apart because I treated him like a nobody and wasnt very greatful for the things he did for me and our son. And now that I saw my mistakes he chose not to be with me anymore and I ...
A. 11 January 2011: I think having sex with one another will only make parting worse when ultimately it happens. If you guys have an open marriage as well, you could be exposing yourself to STDs. More or less, I agree with PinkTopaz's assessment.
However, I am cur... (read in full...)
Struggling to find increase my libido and sex drive....I am only 26!!!!
Q. I will be celebrating my 2 year anniversary in 2 months. I have had a major decrease in my libido....my sex drive comes and goes and it is extremely hard for me to get 'wet' easily. A few years ago I began doing laser hair removal in my bikini are...
A. 11 January 2011: There could be lots of things going on.
This could be psychological, from the bikini incident or it could be because of body issues. Are you still attracted to your husband? Does he treat you well?
You may want to try exercise, gettin... (read in full...)
Why am I not allowed to have male friends when husband has all the female friends he wants?
Q. I am sorry this is so very long. I am so confused. Background.... I love my husband (he's 39 btw) of 6 years and for the last 7+ years we have been in the swinger lifestyle. (we were swingers before we were married) he is my third ...
A. 11 January 2011: These swinger arrangements seem to cause more drama then they are worth.
From your post, it does indeed sound like he has a double standard. He tells you to have fun, and yet blows a gasket when you do what he has allowed.
I am not sure... (read in full...)
Partner of 11 years won't live with me.
Q. I've had the same partner for more than eleven years now. He asked me to marry him (ring included) six months into our relationship and I happyily accepted. We lived together for a brief period but for the past 6 years we have lived apart. He ...
A. 11 January 2011: Wow, 11 years of engagement and nothing to show for it. I hate to break it to you, but something isn't right here.
Personally, I think he's got a pretty sweet deal. He doesn't have to deal with any of your drama, comes over a few times a week t... (read in full...)
Help! Why doesn't he cum??
Q. Hi I have been with my partner for almost 10 years we have 4 children. Our sex life has been great we have sex heaps like everyday and sometimes 3 or 4 times a day but I have never been able to give him a blow job where he cums!! And recently he...
A. 9 January 2011: It does sound like he is starting to develop a medical issue. You don't say how old he is, but if he is similiar in age to you, then he is probably a little young to be having ED issues. For starters, a trip to the doctors could help.
Secon... (read in full...)
Dating a married man. What should we expect, I don't want to hurt anyone...
Q. I'm a married woman having an affair with a married man from work. we've been doing this for 8 months. we've known each other 7 years. we see each other almost every day. we meet just to talk. we have seen each on weekends. it's getting harder t...
A. 9 January 2011: I agree with DanceInTheDark, you are going to hurt your husband and his wife. That's a fact and there's really no way around that fact.
You may get lucky and be able hide this for the time being, in which case you are going to hurt yourself... (read in full...)
Selfish or what???
Q. my husband's life revolves around his hobbies- currently golf. his idea of a good weekend is golf, sleep and tv. I should be happy just to cook his meals ,clean his mess and watch him sleep! He promises to be back in time if I ask to do something ...
A. 9 January 2011: Sounds like he is a golfing nut.
Each guy deserves some free time and it certainly sounds like he has his fair share of it. When it becomes a problem, and from the sounds of it, it has, you have to sit him down and make sure he understa... (read in full...)
He is everything I've ever wanted in a man, but can I take this chance?
Q. I am a 35 year old single mother of one 8 year old girl. I was with her father for 13 years before he decided to leave. He is still in her life but we do not get along due to his verbal abuse and disrespect. it took me a while to trust men again bu...
A. 9 January 2011: It sounds like you have a bit of a long-distance relationship going. So it doesn't surprise me if he is too clingy. Normally, when you are in love with someone, you want to spend all your available time with them.
I am not sure of the dynamics... (read in full...)
I have strong feelings for my BF's brother. I don't want to hurt anyone
Q. I fancy my boyfriend's brother so much, it kills me to look at him. I don't think I've ever felt such a strong sexual desire for anyone. The more I try not to think about it the more I do. I really don't want to feel like this but I'm not sure how ...
A. 9 January 2011: I think the crux of the problem is that you and your current boyfriend seem to be at odds with one another right now. You state in your post that you've been having problems for over a year now. You don't go into details about what sort of ... (read in full...)
It's been 10 days after our date and my neighbor still hasn't called!
Q. I asked my neighbor out for drinks because I was noticing him looking at me and saying hi. I asked him out because he seemed shy and I was becoming impatient plus Xmas and new years were approaching. I didn't know if he was excited about the date ...
A. 9 January 2011: I agree with the other posters here. For whatever reason, the date may not have been as good for him as it was for you. If a guy is interested in a second date, believe me, he'll call.
The one exception to this is that if he is extremel... (read in full...)
Discovered spouse's secret!
Q. Discovered Partner's Secret: Please help! Hello and thank you in advance for any insight that you may have for me: I have been with my spouse for seven years. I have always enjoyed a fantastic and exciting sex life with prior partners (never ...
A. 9 January 2011: It sort of sounds like you have some communication issues when it comes to sex. He's probably into or at least curious about repeating the actions he sees on those sites.
He can probably maintain his pre-ejaculation with porn and feels more com... (read in full...)
After 20 year my wife just tolerates me.
Q. Isn't it crazy how women who want to love and be loved seem to hook-up with guys who don't want to love of be loved? And men who want to love and be loved seem to hook-up with women who don't want to love of be loved? Been married 20 years and ...
A. 9 January 2011: My suggestion: Write your wife and letter -- keep it short -- but tell her basically what you said here and see how she reacts.
Her reaction will tell you what she is feeling for you and what you can do in order to save it. Let her read it by he... (read in full...)
Should I have responded or not?
Q. I broke up with an ex (dated for 3 months) because I caught her in a lie and because I found out she was using me. Anyways, I was very hurt and she knows she was wrong but never apologized. A friend of mine told me to just forget her and move on. ...
A. 9 January 2011: Texting is pretty poor way of communicating. If you want to get back with this woman, I suggest giving her a call but since you haven't heard from her in response to your recent texts, I think you should move on.
It sounds like she enjoys p... (read in full...)
He is cheating and I am scared he will leave.
Q. My SO and I have been together for 5 years now. We have had many trials including infidelity even including a child. HE had an affair 4 years ago which resulted in his son. He left me for some time when the little guy was born but then came back ...
A. 9 January 2011: Can I ask you a question? Why do you want this guy back. Seriously? He's cheated on you now twice, has a kid with another woman, and you get to help raise his other kids. Man, this guy has a pretty sweet deal. I don't think you need advice on h... (read in full...)
I have fallen out of love with my wife
Q. Hi. I really need some help.I've been married for 3 years now but have been with my wife for almost 9 years.we Were high school sweethearts not so much anymore. we have a 6 year old daughter That we had when I was 19 and a 4 month old.we fight alot ...
A. 8 January 2011: I think you really need to figure out what is wrong with your marriage in the first place. You are both young and it sounds like there are issues on both sides of the plate (although you don't go into details about what you fight about)
You h... (read in full...)
Unemployed, depressed, difficult husband...I don't know how much longer I can stand it
Q. My husband hasn't been working for 18 months. He was studying for some certificate but it was all finished two months ago. Now he just stays home all day. I think he is depress now and doesn't have the gut to find a job. I don't know what is he ...
A. 8 January 2011: Men have an extremely hard time being out of work. We have a tendency to identify ourselves by the job we do. When we are out of work, our self-esteem and identity take a huge hit.
I am not sure what you can do here, other than to do your bes... (read in full...)
My BF and I are in our 40s', but is it ok for us to spend the night together, at the risk of setting a bad example to our kids?
Q. my boyfriend and I met 8 months ago and we are in our 40's. the problem is he has 2 daughters 20,22 and I have one son 7 years old. We don't live near eachother so we don't get much time alone. When we are together we can't be alone in our rooms ...
A. 8 January 2011: I agree with Fabulosa. His daughters are old enough to know people sleep together.
Your 7-year-old son, however, doesn't. Most parents teach their kids to wait until they are married to have sex. Your son will remember that you were sleeping... (read in full...)
He is everything I've ever wanted in a man, but can I take this chance?
Q. I am a 35 year old single mother of one 8 year old girl. I was with her father for 13 years before he decided to leave. He is still in her life but we do not get along due to his verbal abuse and disrespect. it took me a while to trust men again bu...
A. 24 December 2010: If you think the man has potential, I'd certainly wait it out. It sounds like he is a decent man and is willing to be with you and your child. Men like that don't grow on trees.
I'd take a hard look at his work ethic and his long term plans ar... (read in full...)
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