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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Should I just get over him, and how do I do that??
Q. So....my problem is men related! Nothing new there then! Haha! I'll keep it (try to) as brief as possible. But basically I think I'm being blown out and lost guy I think was right for me. I met him 4 months ago, he told me from first date didn't do ...
A. 7 August 2011: It sounds like the guy you were seeing was stringing you along until something better came along.
I hate to say it to you, but a lot of guys are jerks like this. While it doesn't make it hurt any less, it should make you somewhat grateful... (read in full...)
Found out he's looking at porn, feeling very insecure. what to do??
Q. I found out my boyfriend looked at younger women in porn and now I'm embarrassed to be naked in front of him. This is the first relationship I've been in where I actually felt GREAT about sex. I was excited by the sight of him and initiated re...
A. 7 August 2011: With the Internet within easy access for just about everyone, it makes it even easier to have access to porn. In the good old days you actually had to make an effort to find -- mostly going to the local shady liquor store and picking up a magazine. ... (read in full...)
Older husband has ED, do I cheat?
Q. need help.my husband is older by 12 yrs..he has ED.i am only 33 even though we r married..do i stop hhaving sex cause he cant..i like having sex..our sex life has never been great anyway..so do i find me someone on the side just for sex or just stop ...
A. 7 August 2011: I don't think you should cheat -- I don't think you'd be able to live with yourself if you went that route. Let's face it, I don't think your husband would either, because eventually he is going to find out.
I'd also ask you why did you marry th... (read in full...)
Husband wants a divorce, saying he's not sure if he ever loved me!
Q. Married 23yrs and have 2 children 20,21 husband got in shape and gain self confidence he looks real hot, now came to me on Monday and said he wants a divorce.I had said i wanted a divorce last yr to him because I wanted him to wake up, on our 22 ...
A. 7 August 2011: Please accept my sympathy for what you are going through.
It sounded like a game of chicken to me. Let's face it, last year you threatened divorce and you were able to recover. Perhaps that put the idea in his head, "Gee I wonder what life wou... (read in full...)
My wife admitted that she cheated with my friend 18 years ago
Q. My wife and I have been together for 19 years today, married for 16 of those. We have no children. We have had some ups and downs in the relationship and even separated once 11 years ago because my wife wanted to prove that she could support he...
A. 7 August 2011: While there are no magic answers for the pain that you are going through, as much as I know you don't want to hear it, time will be your best friend in helping your get over the initial hurt and pain that your wife has inflicted on you.
I'd l... (read in full...)
I made it clear to him that a threesome will not happen...and he got angry! Advice?
Q. OMG, I can't belive what has just happened, here's the deal... Me and my bf have had a few drinks, but we're not drunk. He made a joke in town about taking this girl home with us. We have a lot of dirty sex and we talk about other people in our sexu...
A. 7 August 2011: I think you need to take a step back from this relationship and figure out exactly what type of guy you've gotten yourself involved with. While sex is meant to be fun, it is also meant to be respectful, caring and showing of love. Everyone ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if my hubby is cheating! Help!
Q. My husband and I have been married for ten years, have four children together, and have generally been very happy together. But recently, he's been working an awful lot, he's been stressed and whereas before, if something was bothering him, he'd tal...
A. 7 August 2011: There really isn't enough information here to go on to make a conclusive confirmation on whether or not he is cheating. Times are tough right now and with four kids, and working lots of hours, I am sure he is probably sweating the bills. Is money... (read in full...)
Humiliated betrayed and heartbroken by my ex fiance!
Q. I've been horrribly humilated, betrayed, and heartbroken by my ex fiance of over 2 years . Every time we had an argument, he would give me the cold shoulder until I would cave in a week later and ask him to discuss the problem. I have been married ...
A. 6 August 2011: A break up always hurts, no matter how.
It sounds like this guy had some issues though. If you re-read your post, it sounds like he came with his own set of baggage: sex addictions, controlling issues (you call it smothering, but it sounds m... (read in full...)
Can a good man just make a mistake? Or once a cheater always a cheater?
Q. Long story short, my boyfriend of a year cheated on me with a one night stand. We got in a fight, I said really mean hurtful things I didn't mean and told him I never wanna talk to you again! Well the next night, he went out, got really drunk and ...
A. 6 August 2011: It depends if this was really cheating. If he thought you guys were broken up, then I suppose he was in the clear. However, being that he had a guilty conscious during the act, indicates to me that he was still on the fence in terms of your ... (read in full...)
Sometimes my boyfriend gets really mean with my children. Should I listen to the voice in my head telling me to end things?
Q. Dear Aunts, I am a single mother of two loving boys, 12 and 5 years old. I am currently in nursing college. I have a boyfriend and we've been together for five years. We met 6 months after I got my second child. My children adore and loves hi...
A. 6 August 2011: While you don't tell us what you mean, by being mean, I think you really need to sit down and have a talk with your boyfriend. There is a fine line for "step-parents" and what they can and can't do and what is acceptable or not acceptable in any ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my man may be attracted to my good looking sister!
Q. I would like to understand if I am being unreasonable in my conclusions, or if my bf is covering up his blunder. Here’s the details of the situation: 1. My sister, I’ll call DD, is attractive and she has sort of a Betty Boop killer figure. S...
A. 2 August 2011: I am going to agree with Almighty ducky. I am sure, on some level, he may be remotely interested in your sister, but let's face it -- guys are interested in all kinds of girls. It is part of our hormonal make up to analyze and assess any women we ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has cheated on me. How can I get through this?
Q. My boyfriend cheated on me. We've been together 10 months and the girl told me. She didn't know he had a girlfriend. I love my boyfriend soooo much. I truly thought he was one of the few people I could really trust. He was sweet and nice to me ...
A. 2 August 2011: At this point, I think you need to give yourself a little bit of time to get over the shock and anger around your boyfriend's infidelities. In time, things will get easier to accept, although sadly, you'll always remember this and I can only image ... (read in full...)
My husband has admitted that he has and is emotionally cheating on me with a female friend
Q. My husband has admitted that he has or is emotionally cheating on me with a female friend. When I asked him to end the friendship he says I am being unfair and that I don't understand how hard it is for him to make friends (we live in a small town ...
A. 30 July 2011: At least your husband has come out and stated what is going on and I think you are rightfully upset.
I think he needs to understand that you come first. He promised to love you and only you above all others when he married you. I think he needs... (read in full...)
Husband caught playing "sexual chicken" now what?
Q. I've been married to my husband for over a year. Two months ago I found a sexually explicit text on his phone (I wasn't snooping, it displayed the text when I plugged his phone in the charger. You can bet I snooped after that, though). It was from a ...
A. 29 July 2011: Sadly, this looks like it is a very tough and bad situation for you to be in.
I think you've found enough evidence to suggest he didn't keep his promise with you and that he is definitely playing with fire. Whether or not he has actually... (read in full...)
I don't want to leave him and find that most men out there are cheaters and liars with no morals!
Q. Are there any decent, loyal men out there? I am currently with one and although I am treated well and he would never cheat on me, the relationship lacks passion. we have sex so rarely as he does not have a high sex drive and is more happy to cuddle ...
A. 28 July 2011: Only you can decide whether to break up with your current boyfriend.
There are some wonderful men out in the world and there are also plenty of jerks. But if you go out there assuming all men are animals, I guarantee you that is all you'll f... (read in full...)
I'm not a leech!
Q. I'm in a 5 year relationship with my bf and two kids a 16 month old and a 3 year old, living together in his house. We have been having tough times since we only have one income, he works and i stay at home with the kids. I have been looking for a ...
A. 28 July 2011: It definitely sounds like this relationship is not headed in the right direction. Please accept my apologizes.
From your post, it sounds like he may have a drinking problem and that may be the crux of your entire problem. In order to give you... (read in full...)
Fiance made a rather unexpected confession...he slept with an ex in the early stage of our relationship.....
Q. My fiance has made a rather unexpected confession: one of his ex-girlfriends was actually a one night stand AND he slept with her during our early relationship stage (after our 2nd, or 3rd date). I normally wouldn't be upset over this. I do ...
A. 28 July 2011: Technically, your boyfriend didn't cheat -- as you weren't a committed couple back then (if anything he cheated on his ex with you).
However, I think this sort of speaks to his character. He was interested in you but yet, he would gladly s... (read in full...)
Is there anything we can do to improve our sex life? I don't know why I'm not interested in sex!
Q. My husband and I have been married less than a year. The problem is that I have very little sex drive. I have never been interested in having sex with him, aside from when we first started sleeping together (and even that was short lived). He was ...
A. 28 July 2011: Have you always been with like this, or is this just with your husband? Do you find guys, in general attractive? Do you have orgasms and do you like orgasms? Is your husband any good?
The reason I ask this is that I think either you married ... (read in full...)
So should I worry about this magazine?
Q. Advice please. My wife dated this guy in 2003 - 2004. We started dating in 2004 and got married in 2005. Early in 2006, this guy called my in-laws to get our phone number. They were smart enough not to give it out, but to get his number and pass ...
A. 20 July 2011: What a silly gift to give someone.
I think this magazine has caused enough problems for you. I suggest showing it to your wife and saying you were cleaning up the room and found it under her bed. Offhandedly remark that you feel you should j... (read in full...)
His spoiled teenage son is making me into the scapegoat!
Q. I live in a split family. I have three kids and my husband has one at home.. I am so frusterated because I demand my kids have respect for their stepfather and I never say anything when he steps in to disciplines them.. I on the other hand ...
A. 20 July 2011: Sadly, the split family situation is a tough one. Both parents really have to be on the same page and treat their kids equally. If there are one set of rules for one set of children, the other children will be resentful of it.
Be it as it may, ... (read in full...)
I have a really bad feeling about him and his ex....what can I do?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and we went out last night for a couple of drinks ans we started talking about stuff. He said that his ex was texting him on his birthday (two months ago) and they were both saying that they should ...
A. 20 July 2011: Unfortunately this is a fairly common situation. I think your boyfriend needs to understand your fears and concerns, as he should be placing you #1 in his life (if he is serious about you).
I think you let him go to his meeting, especial... (read in full...)
Is it domestic abuse if my husband yells at me? my kids and I get very upset by it.
Q. From the outside, my life seems perfect. I am in my late 30's and have been married for 15 plus years. My husband and myself have advanced degrees, demanding careers, and 2 beautiful children. I am just wondering if it is verbal abuse if my ...
A. 19 July 2011: I don't know if I would classify it as abuse in the traditional sense, but from the sounds of it he is using his voice and his size to be an intimidating force in your household. Let's face it, in the past he's probably been able to be a force to ... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing in letting my husband go?
Q. Husband and I shared 11 years before we married in 2000, giving us 21. He was a social butterfly always needing to be around people. For the past 18 years he did make all decisions, took control of everything, he was the type needing to be in ...
A. 19 July 2011: I sounds like the distance between the two of you drove you guys apart. Let's face it, he is living in Hawaii and you are (I assume) living elsewhere. It also sounds like you were forced to make a few very big decisions that caused significant ... (read in full...)
Did he ever really love me seeing as he could go into a new relationship so quickly after our break up? Did he not need time to heal?
Q. Ending a 3+ year relationship with a man who you truly loved and thought would spend the rest of your days with (he said he felt the same way about me throughout), he's in a new relationship after 3 months of the breakup. It hurts knowing he could ...
A. 17 July 2011: Not knowing a lot about your previous relationship, I am willing to bet that if it lasted 3 years, your previous boyfriend -- on some level -- did in fact love you.
While this doesn't make it any easier on you, the quickest way to get over the... (read in full...)
No one wants me, there must be something wrong with me
Q. i was married for over 12years until my husband went back to his fiance from 15yrs ago...since then (and even during our marriage) i have been approached by many guys obviously only after one thing...but i have been single for nearly 2yrs now and ...
A. 17 July 2011: While you don't go into much detail, I think it may be your perception that men only want one thing from you: sex.
You may be harboring a resentment against men in general, mainly due to the betrayal that your ex-husband did to you. This res... (read in full...)
I can't stand the sight of my husband and I hate feeling this way!
Q. I can't stand the sight of my husband. I dread his return from work every day. Almost everything about him annoys me. His facial expressions, the way he stands, the topics he talks about... My husband is a really good man! He is very loyal and if he ...
A. 17 July 2011: It does sound like the stress that has been building up has finally caught up to you. After 27 years it sounds like perhaps you've been bottling up a lot of resentment, fears, and anger. On some level, you may think your husband is partly ... (read in full...)
Is a sexless marriage common or should I do something about it?
Q. I have been reading a lots of different opinions on sexless marriages.Some says it is very common after long term marriage, that the marriage becomes sexless, for different reasons. And couples just keep living together sometimes a whole decade ...
A. 16 July 2011: Sadly, as we age, our sex drives become less. For men -- their testosterone drops and if they are sedentary, they have a greater potential to lose interest.
Women run into menopause which can kill one's libido or make sex painful.
Couple ... (read in full...)
I feel he loves me, but when he is goes to his hometown, I'm a nuisance, and it makes me crazy!
Q. I have been living with a guy for about 6 months....he is going through a divorce, he is so so sweet, he makes me feel so beautiful, and I love who I am when I am with him!! He loves his daughters, I haven't met his girls or any of his family!! I ...
A. 16 July 2011: Does his family know that you are living together? Perhaps you've been kept a secret from his wife -- especially if he is going through a divorce. Sometimes, during a divorce, if a spouse is dating / living with another person, it puts additional ... (read in full...)
When he gets needy, all I want to do is be alone.
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years now. We see each other about every 6 weeks, and the longest stretch was 3 weeks in a row. I thought he was everything I was looking for sweet, kind, loving, smart, funny...ect., but now I am...
A. 16 July 2011: It sounds like this man is definitely into you -- especially if he is willing to move across the country to be with you.
From the sounds of your letter, though, is that you really aren't into him - at least not to the same level. It kind of sound... (read in full...)
I need to get over this no good man and move on!
Q. Hi. I need some good tips to get over someone. Stop thinking about them and wanting to contact them. As I really want to forget this man!!!!! I'm in mid 30's and met a guy 5 years younger then me. His gorgeous and successful and told me straight...
A. 5 July 2011: This happens a lot -- it seems like we always fall for someone who is unavailable or just plain "wrong" for us.
I think you are halfway there in solving your problem -- because you realized there is an issue. Now the hard part is doing somethin... (read in full...)
My husband walked out on me and the kids, what do I do?
Q. My husband and i took the kids out to dinner on a saturday night. We had a great family dinner and then headed home. On our way home he stops at a local grocery store. The kids and I stay in the car. The kids decide that they would like to give ...
A. 5 July 2011: Wow...
I am not sure where he might've gone to, but it sounds like you are in danger. If he punched you, I'd probably have called and filed a police report that night, so you'd have it on record. If he has been missing for two weeks, I'd perh... (read in full...)
My Wife cheated two months into our marriage, will we ever be happy again??
Q. Recently I discovered that my wife of nearly ten years had an affair with a co-worker. As if this wasn't painful enough for me to deal with, I also learn't that this happened only two months into or marriage! Now I find myself constantly quest...
A. 5 July 2011: I think it is important to give yourself some time to get over this shocking news. You are still adjusting to it and I would hate to see you do something rash and short-sighted.
The question you need to be asking yourself, though, is whether ... (read in full...)
I can't let another man get close to me.... Why?
Q. Okay, I am haunted by a question... Back story: Two years ago, I was in a 2 1/2 year long relationship (that started out as a 5 year friendship) that suddenly, and quite unexpectedly went sour. My ex turned verbally and emotionally abus...
A. 4 July 2011: I think this will go away in time, however, it sounds like you are dealing with some trust issues.
Not every relationship sours like the one you first experienced. While every break-up is painful most do not end the way you experienced it.
I... (read in full...)
Could it be possible he picked up genital-warts over 3 years ago?
Q. HELLPP! Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years and last month we found out he has genital warts. I don't have them and now I'm paranoid he has cheated on me. He is the love of my life and I don't want to put him through me grilling him if ...
A. 4 July 2011: Have you been to the doctor since discovering he has genital warts for an official test? If you've had unprotected sex, you are very likely to have contracted them by now since they are transmitted from skin to skin contact.
He could've... (read in full...)
Is his attitude to spacing out the sex to keep passion alive normal? Or is he lying?
Q. umm my bf of a year doesnt have sex with me really often when i asked him about it he says that hes one of those guys who after a while the passion for sex with that girl fades and he doesnt want me to fade thats why he spaces it out. he shocked me ...
A. 29 June 2011: It definitely sounds like he has a lower than usual sex drive.
It is somewhat customary that as a relationship ages, that the desire to have sex with one another diminishes. For some people, that occurs in a matter of months, while others i... (read in full...)
What's the deal with guys and big boobs?
Q. What is it about big boobs that guys like so much? I have small breasts, small waist and a big, round butt! My friends tell me I have a great body and that I should be proud, but there's something I don't get. I don't seem to receive that much ...
A. 29 June 2011: Big boobs or smaller ones... I really never noticed to be honest and I think the majority of "nice" guys aren't hung up on breast size either.
When I am looking for someone interesting, I look to see if they look approachable and are friendly... (read in full...)
I'm not sure myself how I feel about this yet, as I'm in shock. Should I wait until I've worked out whether I wish to keep the possible baby before speaking to my bf?
Q. Hey, I really need some advice...I'm 30, been with my bf for 9 months and love him dearly. We don't live together, but he's talked about wanting us to 'settle down', get married and start a family in the next couple of years, but today I took a ...
A. 22 June 2011: I would wait for positive confirmation from your doctor. If you need additional support, however, I would tell your boyfriend as soon as possible and enlist his company when you go to the doctors.
Since the baby is partially his, I think it is im... (read in full...)
Why do men do this?
Q. Hi I have the same problem with men all the time My friends tell me Im good looking, fun to be around, very smart the only problem I have is with men Like the last guy I was with we had been going out for a few months and when I slept with hi...
A. 22 June 2011: I am going to second CaringGuy's opinion. It sounds like you've been finding some duds of late -- those that are interested in just bedding you and then moving on. Sadly, there are a lot of guys like that -- ones that aren't in it for the long ... (read in full...)
Why is it when things are bad it gets physical? Well on my part it does. I need help!
Q. After 1 year me and my soon to be wife ( less than 3 months away from the wedding) fight all the time. Now before I get into this way to deep understand what I am about to post most will not. When we fight I become very aggressive to her to the ...
A. 19 June 2011: I am going to echo Cerberus's sentiments in stating the obvious: physical / abusive action is not a healthy way to argue.
Has this been a consistent pattern in your life? If so, I think you really need to postpone your wedding and get help (co... (read in full...)
Disappointed in engagement ring, am I being selfish?
Q. I'm interested in your opinions. My boyfriend was engaged before he met me. He bought her a very beautiful $7000 ring, for which he spent all his savings on. The relationship failed and she returned the ring. After us being together for ov...
A. 19 June 2011: I think your feelings are justified in this place. Your fiancee definitely took you window shopping for a diamond engagement ring and you guys both more or less agreed on a certain ring. When it came time to actually proposing, he gave you one of ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't want me after so many years, why doesn't he just let me go?
Q. I am 46,divorced with grown up kids. I have been single for 6 years and I live on my own. 4 years ago I met a man online who was 6 years younger than me. We talked almost every night and he told me he was leaving his wife. The years rolled by,...
A. 18 June 2011: I am going to have to second what CindyCares says. It definitely sounds like he tried to be with you romantically, but the connection wasn't there, so he found someone else. He is keeping you in the loop because you are a good plan B -- a frie... (read in full...)
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