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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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After a night of passion he told me he isn't looking for a relationship but wants to continue meeting up for sex. I was embarrassed and hurt so I liead and said I wanted the same thing but I don't.
Q. I had a night of passion with a regular in the bar where i work. He is very nice and i really liked him. Then i met him again twice more. Im so embarassed because he said to me this morning that he hopes i dont expect anyting from him as he doesnt ...
A. 30 July 2013: It sounds like you made a mistake -- and they happen in real life. To me, it sounds like you were lonely for too long and decided to put aside what you truly want out of relationship in hopes of either a fleeting illusion, hoping to change his mind ... (read in full...)
I'm with an alcoholic who goes back and forth between his ex and me
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man who is an alcoholic and drinks liquor and beer everyday.He has for 5yrs. now been going back and forth between his ex-girl friend and me.He'll be at my house one month,then at her house the next month.He ...
A. 27 July 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I can only imagine the pain you are experiencing.
Sadly, though, this is one of your doings. You are with what sounds like a loser. From your description, he is a drunk and is going between ... (read in full...)
I don't have any luck with men what do I do?
Q. I have been so bummed lately and it's because I haven't had a date in years. I am divorced and tried online dating, and it is not working for me. No matter what I do I can't get a date. I have been told that I am very attractive and I am not ...
A. 26 July 2013: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Wanting someone and not being able to find someone can be extremely frustrating and lonely.
First off -- guys do want sex. Many men at your age have been in marriages where the sex dwindled... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't seem like he has grown up or wants to make life commitments with me. Do I leave him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and in that time, I feel I have grown up a lot and he hasn't changed much at all. I am now 28, he is 27, and he is still showing no interest in wanting to talk about marriage/kids etc. When I met him...
A. 25 July 2013: I know the dilemma you are going through. You've obviously invested a lot of time, energy and emotion into this relationship.
You are definitely at a point in your life where you need to start making hard decisions -- especially when you want... (read in full...)
Does chronic depression affect a man's erection and sex drive?
Q. Could my sexual dysfunction caused by low grade , chronic, depression? I have a very damaged sexual function, and my life is deeply effected by it. My wife is thinking about living me, because she feels,Im not attracted to her anymore, and she is ...
A. 25 July 2013: The short answer is: yes, depression can most certainly effect your sex drive. If you google depression, a loss of desire is often a side effect of depression.
You also have a lot of other things going against you:
1) With your wife threat... (read in full...)
Why am I not convinced that he loves me?
Q. I just got engaged a month ago- my fiancée keeps telling me how much he loves me. Do whatever I want him to do, treat me so well and put me pretty much first to everything. I wasn't crazy about him at first but I leaned to love him as well as the ...
A. 15 July 2013: I don't think it is your fiancee's feelings that you are questioning, it is yours.
Everything indicates to me that he has been a very nice boyfriend: he treats you well, he has invited you into his son's life, he is putting you first and from all... (read in full...)
Should I get back with my ex husband after seven years apart?
Q. Hi, I met my ex when I was 15 and he was 16, we were married for 18 years with 3 great kids but I found him too much to live with because he has mental health issues and it was affecting me. I left him and have tried to make a life, did a lot of g...
A. 15 July 2013: There is no right or wrong answer here and the short answer is: it is up to you. No one here can predict what might happen and whatever you do decide will potentially hurt some people and could alter your life in ways you least expect.
You a... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend told me I had bad breath and now I'm paranoid
Q. Hi everyone my ex boyfriend who i split up with 4 month ago told me i had bad breath i have asked all my friends and family who i can trust to tell me the truth i have had a couple of dates with a new man but im so paranoid about the comment my ex ...
A. 15 July 2013: I would agree with most of the other answers here. Definitely try and get a cleaning -- often times they are cheaper than you would think, especially if you are paying cash.
Also you can go along way to freshening your breath by flossing and brus... (read in full...)
He is making me pay for having a higher IQ than him!
Q. Dear Cupid I have a weird problem. I am with my current bf for 3 years who is kind of narcissist. Our sex life is great, i am kind of emotionally dependent on him, but the main problem is, he doesn't like the fact that i am smarter than him...
A. 14 July 2013: Some men have a problem with a woman being superior in any aspect of their lives. They are jealous of intelligence, money-making, happiness with their families, etc. If this is truly the source of your problem (and you aren't lording your ... (read in full...)
Why am I so jealous and insecure of my husband?
Q. Im really insecure and jealous to me n my husband have been together for almost 2 years we have a 14 month old boy n a 1 month old girl. But when we first got together i was just playing on his phone and found so many pics of naked girl i mean alot ...
A. 14 July 2013: I hate to break it to you -- but guys look at women and nothing you do can or will stop it.
Whether it is porn, dreaming about the hot secretary, or looking at a nightly newscast, guys are naturally tuned to be interested in just about anything... (read in full...)
Should I be jealous that my B/f might become interested in this girl and leave me for her?
Q. I met my boyfriend last year at the gym I train in. He is a personal trainer and we got along really well and started dating after a few months. We now live together and for the most part it is a really good relationship! We have lots of fun and ...
A. 12 July 2013: You can be jealous all you want... but your boyfriend's job is a trainer and he is going to be looking at men's and women's bodies all day and getting paid for it too. He is a guy after all and while he may be professional, there will always be a ... (read in full...)
Why am I dreaming of my ex? I'm happily married!
Q. For last few weeks I have been dreaming about my ex boyfriend and it's starting to upset me. I'm happily married and have been with my husband for 3 years. We got together about 3 months after my relationship with my ex ended. My ex was a complete...
A. 12 July 2013: You have a lot going on here, but in short, just because you are married doesn't mean your sexual urges, recollections, and fantasies stop. Being attracted too and thinking of past lovers will creep up -- however, what you do about these thoughts ... (read in full...)
Swinging gone terribly wrong, am I stupid for staying?
Q. I am a 41 year old married woman for 16 years. I got my husband into swinging then I began an longtime affair for over 10 years. I do not want to swing anymore. I just recently stopped my affair within the last year, my husband is still a swinger ...
A. 10 July 2013: It definitely sounds like you want to change the rules to your marriage. At first, it sounds like you gave him a free pass to have sex with other women. Swinging usually means it is mutual -- you have a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend. It is ... (read in full...)
He shuts me out when things get rough!
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend a little over a year and i care about him deeply, but he's a very proud and prideful person. He refuses any form of help or admitting he needs anyone in his life besides himself and his 3 year old daughter. Don't get me ...
A. 10 July 2013: Sorry to hear you are going through this. I can certainly relate to wanting to help someone who doesn't want help or who puts up walls when all you want to do is help.
Unfortunately, it sounds like this is the way he is. You've done everythi... (read in full...)
His new wife is trying to dominate me
Q. Sorry if I make mistakes typing, its on my phone and Im useless!Me and my ex share custody of our two daughters who are 7 and 9. I was with him for 8 years and he met his partner and got married within 8 months of us splitting up. He cheated pn me ...
A. 9 July 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I can certainly sympathize with you and know that in time this will get easier.
The addition of a new parental figure in your kids' life is stressful, let alone for you. Sadly this is going to... (read in full...)
Rocky relationship and I'm not sure where he stands
Q. well I am currently in a relationship and its now on the rocks we are going thru a rough patch. We were going to end it but we both talked face to face about trying to work it out. I am doing my absolute best to make this back to how it use to be...
A. 7 July 2013: I think there is a lot more going on here than what you write. You don't give us many details to go on, but you have to remember in a relationship there is a lot of give and take -- and that goes both ways. He may need to have some space, and you ... (read in full...)
Please help me, have I lost perspective in this clash with my new boyfriend?
Q. I am in a very new relationship (5 weeks) with a guy. I met him via an online dating site. We get on extraordinarily well... when we see each other. In this five weeks, we've had separations of 10 days (his vacation), 5 days (my vacation) and now ...
A. 7 July 2013: It certainly sounds like you went WAY too fast in this relationship. I know it can be tough to exercise caution when you think you've met the one, but let's look at the facts here:
1) You've told him you want an exclusive relationship and the ... (read in full...)
What is a very horny, very faithful girl with a not-so horny boyfriend to do?
Q. I've been with a boyfriend for three years and at this point, I just don't know what to do anymore. First off, my boyfriend is a very good guy. He's respectful towards me and my family and friends, doesn't "kiss and tell", supports my goals and ...
A. 30 June 2013: All relationships go through passionate times and other times of normalcy. After 3 years together, I can definitely see why he might be feeling a little bit of "ho-hums"
First off, if your boyfriend is tired and sleeps all the time, he could be... (read in full...)
Boyfriend took pictures of women on his cell phone. What should I do?
Q. I needed my boyfriends cell phone to make a call. On his cell was a picture of a woman in a bikini. I remembered her because we went to a local beach the other day and she was sleeping on a lounge chair next to my boyfriend. I was on a lounge ...
A. 30 June 2013: I hate to break it to you, but a man's sex drive doesn't end when he is in a committed relationship. Most guys will continue to ogle and lust about random women throughout most of their lives. I also wouldn't take it personally -- or feel that ... (read in full...)
Whay makes a guy want to have a relationship?
Q. What really attracts a guy to a girl to where he wants a relationship with her? I am an upbeat, down to earth, nice and understanding person. I am affectionate and loyal. I maybe a bit busy with work sometimes and have to cancel a date or two, but I ...
A. 29 June 2013: There are a million different answers to this question, but ultimately it boils down to this: do you have chemistry with one another?
It sounds like you have many pieces of the puzzle but I'd urge you to take stock of your situation: are you debt... (read in full...)
I know I've done wrong, but will he give me another chance?
Q. Hoping someone can help me.. Year and a half live in boyfriend broke up with me because he said he was scarred from how mean I had been in the relationship We had so many good times but when we argued I was just very cruel and he was very se...
A. 29 June 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this.
Have you apologized yet -- sincerely apologized? Part of the closure and healing process is admitting what you did was hurtful, mean and cruel. Also what you did was a mistake and it won't happen a... (read in full...)
He is a good man, but he is totally lost his sexual function for unknown reasons. He is unable to keep his erections, and he has zero sex drive.
Q. I m so disappointed . My husband and me , might be unable to make it much longer together., after 26 years of marriage. I know sex is not everything, but affection is... I really need some understanding and some advice. He is a good man, but he is ...
A. 29 June 2013: Sadly this happens to many guys in their 40's and 50's. I think you and him have done an admirable job checking out the physical reasons why he may be having this problem. Usually testosterone does the trick but in your case it didn't work.
... (read in full...)
We have sex 3 times a week, what can I do to boost my sex drive?
Q. Hello dear cupid I have a serious issue. ..I am 22 and my fiance is 27 we have a great relationship outside of the sex department. ...we have a handsome 9 month old, truly faithful to one another, and pursuing to be successful for our family...the ...
A. 29 June 2013: Each couple has to set their own expectations in regards to one another's sexual appetites. To be honest, 3 times a week is actually pretty good for most long-term couples. As couples grow more familiar with one another and the relationship ages, ... (read in full...)
My husband and I fight all the time
Q. I cant stand my husband. I know I am lucky cause he is not a drunk or he doesnt cheat or abuse, but the problem is that we fight all the time, even more over such silly stuff or the silliest of silliest stuff. It has come to that point that I cant ...
A. 29 June 2013: Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can hear your pain and anguish through what you write.
However, what your post is really missing is what you are arguing about. If it is just pointless bickering, I think you need to understa... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to send my ex bf's stuff back to him?
Q. My ex and I broke up three months ago. I initiated the breakup because we were in LDR and he drifted apart. I told him a hundred times if he had no love for me, please just feel free to tell me, I would understand since it's so difficult to be ...
A. 28 June 2013: Every guy wants to go to think we'll be remembered by our exes for the rest of their lives. He left you his shirts because he wanted those to be a memento of him. His ego has taken a blow because you are obviously moving on and he would like to ... (read in full...)
Can a guy who normally has flings change?
Q. Hi, My question is very simple Can a guy whose never been on more than two dates with a girl,never had relationships only flings and never said 'I love you' till date change? There is this guy I'm seeing,we r not having sex,he asked me out and ...
A. 12 May 2013: Men do change, in my opinion. I am certainly not the man when I was when I was in my 20's -- close in some regards, but different in many ways too.
At your age, though, most of them are players -- especially if he has a track record of bedding ... (read in full...)
I'm married but it feels wrong to let this woman slip through my fingers!
Q. Possible drama ahead.. I am a happily married man with 3 young children and a loving wife. I am also deeply in love with another, younger, single woman. I'm approaching 40 and so I can understand that this may related to a mid-life crisis, but I tr...
A. 12 May 2013: There is never an easy nor a good answer this to question and I truly do feel for you. It makes it harder for you because obviously you have a long-standing marriage as well as children to consider. It is also one you must answer for yourself... ... (read in full...)
How can I stop feeling so angry at my ex and the girl he cheated with?
Q. I don't want to make a long post here, but my 4 year relationship ended because my boyfriend cheated on me with another woman. I know it's my boyfriends fault, but I can't help but feel so angry towards her as well. She knew he was in a relatio...
A. 12 May 2013: Wounds like yours takes time. There really isn't a magic cure to getting over a hurt like this.
What I suspect is going on is that you don't really have closure. I am sure there are many questions in your mind as to what would possess your boy... (read in full...)
He says I don't turn him on sexually. Porn is his preference. Do I stay for the sake of our children or leave?
Q. Hey everyone. Am depressed need your advice. I am mother of twins they are only 3 years. My husband of 4 years has told me we should split up in several occassions. I have found him on dating sites twice and everytime he diactivate the a...
A. 11 May 2013: Whether or not to leave is a decision that you must have the strength to answer. There are so many variables that you need to reconcile with yourself. I also empathize with you -- leaving a marriage with children is never easy. I know the pain ... (read in full...)
He shows all the signs of not wanting to be with me but claims this isn't the case?
Q. I have been with my fiancee for nearly three years - we got engaged at New Year this year. He has an adorable little girl who I love too. When we got together we had a lot of problems with his ex (we still do) refusing to move on and we have had ...
A. 11 May 2013: Clearly there is something going with your boyfriend and your relationship with one another. I think this should give you pause before marrying him -- especially if road to the altar has been as rocky as yours.
Marriage doesn't make anything... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a subscription to zoosk. Should I worry?
Q. I have just found that my gf (2 years) has a subscription to zoosk. Should I be worried ? I feel angry and betrayed. I assume zoosk is an online dating site ? I reckon she is up to no good? Could anyone advice me on how I should approach this?...
A. 11 May 2013: Yes, zoosk is a dating site.
The question that needs to be answered is she active on zoosk or is something from the time before she met you?
Assuming you are in a committed relationship (and I assume you are), I think you need to make a determ... (read in full...)
My husband is more interested in the TV than me
Q. I get my feelings hurt because I do not see my husband all day and when he gets home the first thing he does is go to the TV and stays there all night.(when I do talk to him he doesn't hear half of what I say either) I work part time and...
A. 10 May 2013: Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know the pain of being treated the way you were by someone you love.
Clearly, there is something going on here -- more than I think you realize. I get the impression that you are more roommate... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the guilt trips my ex lays on me?
Q. Short and Sweet: How do I not let his guilt trips get to me, and how to get him to move on? Backstory: I was with my ex for 1.5 years, and it was great for the most part. Certain traits I didn't care for, and vice versa, but it worked. No plans...
A. 10 May 2013: I can emphasize on how you must be feeling about that. I know on many levels you know you are done, but at the same time you have some residual feelings for him. It is hard to completely let go of someone -- especially as close of a bond you once ... (read in full...)
How do I handle the visitation of my ex seeing our baby after its born? He left me and is an alcoholic
Q. What to do when the father of my baby wants to see her after shes born?? I am now 20 weeks pregnant and alone. The father left me for dead and I havent heard boo from him. I have accepted the fact that Im going to be a single parent. The father is ...
A. 3 May 2013: It sounds like you've made your peace with the choices you made and I do feel badly for your situation. Reading your post, I am very concerned for you and I am not 100% sure what you are looking for in terms of answers.
You may be delusion... (read in full...)
How can I compete? My boyfriend chooses marijuana over me.
Q. So my fiance and partner of 11 years had told me outright that marijuana is more important to his life than me. We have both smoked recreationally since before we met, but lately he has taken it to a whole new level. Over the many years that ...
A. 3 May 2013: Sadly, I think he's giving you an answer here and you are having a hard time accepting it. He has flat out told you that if he has to choose between pot and you, he is going to choose pot.
It appears like your boyfriend's past time has become m... (read in full...)
She slept with men for money until we started dating. Red flag?
Q. Hi, I recently started dating a beautiful girl, a model/student. We've known each other for some time, and I was interested in her, but I knew she sometimes slept with men for money. In her business, she says it is somewhat more common than we might...
A. 3 May 2013: Clearly this is a red flag -- more so for you. Being that you are very early in the relationship and you are starting to see and feel the realities of dating an ex-prostitute, I hope you go into this with your eyes wide open.
Personally, I think ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant again and all the old problems with my boyfriend and the last pregnancy have resurfaced
Q. I've been with my boyfriend 4 and a half years and we have a 2 almost 3 year old. We have been trying for a few months to get pregnant and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Our son wasn't planned but it worked out ok, and he's a lovely little boy. When I wa...
A. 3 May 2013: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can only imagine the anguish you are going through.
First off, does your boyfriend have a drinking problem? Or perhaps a periodic one: where he goes through hard drinking phases. From my ... (read in full...)
When is it okay in a relationship to criticize someone, if ever, and when does it border on verbal abuse?
Q. I have a general question about verbal abuse and criticism. When is it okay in a relationship to criticize someone, if ever, and when does it border on verbal abuse? Just one example, my boyfriend came downstairs this morning, saw I had made him a...
A. 3 May 2013: Sorry to hear that you had a tough morning. We get those from time to time.
What I am sensing is that your boyfriend lacks tact. There is a way to tell someone that what they are doing isn't up to snuff or doesn't meet their expectat... (read in full...)
He can cum when he watches porn, when he thinks I'm asleep. But with me he can't last. Is it me? Am not sexy enough for him?
Q. hi everybody .. i got married 6 months ago. I am 25 and my husband 36 now .. when we have sex he cant keep his penis hard for a long time and he doesn't cum always .. I have read about it and found out that it's because of alcohol and smoking and ...
A. 3 May 2013: From the sounds of it, you have already identified the problems in your relationship... and yet you some how blame yourself...
1) Your husband drinks and smokes. Does he drink excessively? Depending upon the depths of his bad habits, this wil... (read in full...)
My man refuses to have sex with me for the past 4 months
Q. So for the past 4 months out of my 10 month relationship my boyfriend has not touched me. He says that he is not emotionally ready. Due to issues we have been having. I know one thing for a fact is that he is not cheating. I am becoming extremely ...
A. 3 May 2013: You don't give us many details to go on here, but my first question would be: have you had sex before with one another?
If not, then I think his reasons for not wanting sex are largely justifiable... he isn't ready for that level of a relation... (read in full...)
Will a guy ever see me as "special"?
Q. Hello my questions is about my dating history. I have a few boyfriends in the past. I have noticed that men like to chase women they like women who are hard to get. For some reason I don't why men don't chase me. I have to make all the moves in the ...
A. 2 May 2013: Unfortunately, from your post, you don't really give us too many clues to work off of in regards why guys aren't going for you. Normally, most men complain that they have a hard time finding a date or someone to connect with.
Here are my sugge... (read in full...)
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