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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Is my boyfriend cheap or am I being unreasonable?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now - and i think reality is really just hitting I used to gush about how perfect he is in every way – and I think the honeymoon is now over. One of my issues that I want to ask about, is regarding ...
A. 28 August 2012: I agree with most of the other answerers here. It is time to sit down and figure out who pays for what and how much. If you feel that you are being short changed, come up with a list of how much you are spending versus what he is contributing.
... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my BF's ex wife?
Q. I don't really know where to start... I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, we moved in together after a year and I have never been happier in my life. This relationship is the strongest, most fulfilling relationship I have ...
A. 28 August 2012: I wish there was a magic cure for this situation, but there isn't. With 3 children and that much history together, she is going to be a constant source in his life -- at least until the kids are fully grown.
What you fail to mention, though, ... (read in full...)
Am I the best my older b/f can get? He makes me feel really bad!
Q. Help! I can't figure out what to do. I'm a beautiful, fit, extremely intelligent young woman with a great sense of humor and acceptance. I get along great with almost anyone. Most men I meet develop crushes on me, and a lot of women at work ar...
A. 28 August 2012: From the sounds of it, your are beginning to see the real person behind your boyfriend. I suppose the blinders of "love" have finally worn off.
I think the real title to your question is "Is the best that you can get?"
Why are you attracte... (read in full...)
Married one year. He disgusts me and he will not sleep with me. What should I do?
Q. My husband and I just passed our 1 year anniversary ... However he disgusts me. I can't stand to be around him, he won't even sleep with me.. So I resent him for that. He won't take showers for days, doesn't even change his underwear, won't brus...
A. 26 August 2012: Sounds like you married a boy, not a man and unfortunately at your age, marriage can be an extremely maturing process.
I am trying to figure out his motivation for doing what he does... why would he alienate you and lose out on his ability ... (read in full...)
My husband never wanted me to have an identity and now I'm left wondering if its wrong of me to want more out of life...
Q. I dont know where to begin but here it goes . My husband and I have been married for 14 years . We met when I was 18 and he was 20 years old . We dated for 4 years and then we got married . When we met I was already in college and he told me that I ...
A. 26 August 2012: I am a little confused by your question. Sometimes I am wondering if you are thinking about getting a divorce because you are tired of being married and on the other hand I think you are asking for permission to have a life. You mention about ... (read in full...)
Long distance stringing along?
Q. Met a guy 6 months ago, he knew I was moving West in a few months he fell in lone with me and I fell for him too. We spent 4 months together every night then I left for Nevada. We are 1700 miles apart he calls or web cam daily, says he misses me ...
A. 8 August 2012: You definitely have some valid reasons to be concerned. His track record isn't good and while I do believe people can change, the atmosphere that you two have created isn't one that's conducive for a healthy relationship, especially when it is a ... (read in full...)
Am I a rebound? Is my boyfriend just using me to make his pregnant ex jealous?
Q. Well thank you for reading. Here it goes short version. I met a guy 3 days after his relationship ended. He has known her for 11 years, dated off and on. Now she is pregnant and broke up with him and we started dating three days after. He te...
A. 7 August 2012: Everybody is rebounding from some sort of relationship -- if you've had a previous relationship in the past. However, your current boyfriend's 3-day lapse could indicate to me that he is indeed using you to get back at his previous girlfriend -- or ... (read in full...)
Husband will only have sex if we use sex toys
Q. My husband will only have sex using sex toys. He then asks me to masturbate him to relieve him. The problem is I feel like this is unnatural. I mean as a woman, I have to use my imagination and fantasize in order to respond, which means I'm not ...
A. 7 August 2012: My first response to you would be to see a sex therapist. There may be some lingering issues that your husband is having trouble expressing that could be brought out in a therapy session.
I suspect, though, that somewhere along the line he is em... (read in full...)
I want to stay with him but...Will he ever grow up?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now, and although we do love each other... I've come to realize that there are quite a few things we disagree on. Mostly, it's just the fact that he's...Immature to say the least. He doesn't ...
A. 7 August 2012: At your age, both of you do are doing a tremendous amount of maturing and changing. Yes -- guys do mature -- some faster than others. The deal is, both of you are quite young and I can guarantee that one or both you will be radically different in ... (read in full...)
Is it enough to want a divorce because my husband won't be intimate with me?
Q. Is it enough to want a divorce because my husband won't be intimate with me? It has been this way throughout our 25 years of marriage. He is a wonderful man and every one loves him, my friends, family, our two 20 something children. He would do ...
A. 6 August 2012: The short answer is only you can decide what you can live with and what you can't. There are many consequences to leaving your husband -- no matter what the issues are. While on the surface it may sound simple, but if you really start to think ... (read in full...)
My fiancé spends more time playing video games than with his family, and there's a bedroom issue too. Help!
Q. Hi, I'm 29ys old. I've been with my fiance for 4yrs.He is 51 Both of us have been divorced and were very happy to find each other though it was unexpected. Here is my dilemma.I think he's changing. I've talked to him over and over till I'm blue...
A. 4 August 2012: It certainly sounds like you've done everything you can to get to the bottom of why he feels the way he does.
I will give you some suggestions, based upon your answers:
1) Hours of lovemaking usually happens in the first few months of a rela... (read in full...)
My fiancé spends more time playing video games than with his family, and there's a bedroom issue too. Help!
Q. Hi, I'm 29ys old. I've been with my fiance for 4yrs.He is 51 Both of us have been divorced and were very happy to find each other though it was unexpected. Here is my dilemma.I think he's changing. I've talked to him over and over till I'm blue...
A. 3 August 2012: It sounds like you've done a lot to keep your man and to show him how much you need him. However, it seems he has taken you for granted -- or you have become too clingy and his outlet is his games.
These days, computer games can be very involved... (read in full...)
The only thing I really have here is a job. Should I give it up and move where I could be happy?
Q. I am a 33yrs old female, separated but not divorced yet. Living on my own for almost two years, independet, not kids., free drama. I made a trip like 3 months ago..I met a guy..younger guy..I fell for him..we continued the comunica...
A. 3 August 2012: My short answer is definitely: Yes.
There is nothing like starting over and re-finding yourself. Especially after you've hit found yourself 'settled'.
I've pulled the pick up and move everything twice in my life (once just recently) and I'... (read in full...)
She had a one night stand while we were separated and refuses to see it as cheating!
Q. My wife and i seperated 2 weeks ago. We agreed that until things had settled down and the emotions were not as raw that neither of us would date etc. we have decided now that we want to give our relationship another go. However i have found out that ...
A. 3 August 2012: From the sounds of it, she broke your agreement. Is it cheating? Perhaps, but I think you are mincing words. The point is, she had sex with another person and broke the rules of your separation (assuming she clearly understood the nature of your ... (read in full...)
Getting the passion back in my marriage after affair
Q. I'm 30 years old, married for little over a year and I'm really struggling in my relationship with my husband. To paint a bit of background: shortly after we got married (a few months) my husband suffered from his first manic/bipolar episode. During ...
A. 3 August 2012: I don't think you can force someone to feel something that they aren't feeling. However, I think you can try your best in rekindling the fire that the two of you have.
By being the lover that you want him to be: spontaneous and passiona... (read in full...)
B/f & I are not on the same page about things that are important to me!
Q. Hi I would just like to check with you guys, I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and we enjoy being together but you get to know a bit more about a person as time passes and I have found some areas where we are not on the same page like buying ...
A. 3 August 2012: I don't think you need a long time out to make up your mind. Personally, I'd take an evening and really talk to yourself about what you want out of a husband and if this man fits the bill.
From the sounds of it, you have some pretty serious ... (read in full...)
Can someone explain how such deep love can turn into such hatred?
Q. My ex boyfriend loved me very much at the beginning of our relationship. He used to buy me flowers, was very supportive, listened a lot, and tried very hard to make me happy. Over the years, his love slowly dwindled, to the piont where he fell in ...
A. 3 August 2012: They always say that love and hate are very close together on the emotional spectrum. They are among the strongest emotions that a person will ever experience.
I suspect what is going on though is something like this:
Imagine that I offered y... (read in full...)
My husband asked me for a divorce--I'm embarassed to tell my family.
Q. My husband asked me for a divorce out of the blue. I'm embarassed to tell my family--I feel like a failure. What should I do? The backstory: I do not work. I assume this is the main problem because he is constantly telling me that I don't pull my ...
A. 3 August 2012: It sounds like you were dealt a bad hand from the get go. I think you need to give yourself an ounce of forgiveness. You took each other "for better or for worse" and he got worse and decided to bail out. Doesn't sound like a man who was going to ... (read in full...)
My wife gives BJs instead of sex but I'm missing the "connection" between us both!
Q. My wife is not interested in sex that much anymore. Maybe 1-2 times per month. However, her "easy way out" is to just give me a BJ once per week/every ten days or so. Is this normal? Although I love the BJ's, I feel I am missing the "connection"...
A. 2 August 2012: I think some women do this, mostly to keep their man satisfied. As women age, they lose their sex drive and some, as they hit menopause, begin to experience some dryness down there, so intercourse can become painful or uncomfortable. In addition, ... (read in full...)
I know the truth, still he tries to blame our son!
Q. My husband of many years has been on the internet chat with numerous girls, but one in particular for years.....I just found out this information of late. My problem is he will not admit to it....he blames it on our son...and calls me sick in the ...
A. 1 August 2012: It sounds like from his attitude that he has no intention of changing his ways. Even if he reluctantly fessed up, you have to ask yourself "What difference would it make?". Do you think that him simply confessing will suddenly make him worthy of ... (read in full...)
He's hurt so many people but I still have feelings for him
Q. Is this guy really a loser. ive got this ex from 5 years ago,occasionly he has contacted me and wanted to hook up,a few times i have given in to this. thing is he is 46 never been married he got a women pregnant but wasnt interested in th...
A. 1 August 2012: Sounds like this guy knows a good thing when he's got it.
Let's go over things: you state that he treats you poorly, calls you primarily for sex, is a bum, uses drugs and yet you willingly have sex with him. Sounds like he's got it made... ... (read in full...)
I want my new boyfriend to be more adventurous in bed. Should I say something?
Q. I love it when guys are really animalistic in bed, but my new boyfriend is really tame and romantic, which is lovely but doesn't get me fired up at all. Should i say/do something? Thanks x...
A. 16 June 2012: Yes, you need to up the ante in the bedroom.
It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't know you as well and it takes a while for men to realize what their women like and don't like.
Why not take matters into your own hands? Do whatever it take... (read in full...)
My partner and I are trying for a baby, but he hasn't stopped using steroids. How can I confront him?
Q. Please help.my partner and i have been trying for a baby and recently been told he has a low sperm count due to the amount of steroids he use to take. He promised me that he is staying off them do we can have ivf. I know i shouldn't have but i've ...
A. 16 June 2012: You may want to have second thoughts about having a baby with this man:
1) He is lying to you. He said that he would stay off of them and clearly he hasn't.
2) Steroids are serious drugs. They can lead to aggressive behavior, drastic mood swi... (read in full...)
3 times he cheated! Will I ever trust a man again?
Q. I've been on and off with the same guy for seven years now. We started when I was 15, he was 17. The first time we dated lasted 2.5 years. Then he cheated on me. Twice in one week. With my then best friend. I hated them both for a little while (four ...
A. 16 June 2012: First loves are often the most difficult to get over. I know when my first love broke up with me, I was shattered for many months. The emotional pull of a first love is incredibly strong.
You've invested significant time and have a lot of histo... (read in full...)
There are so many other good looking, smarter and generally better women out there, why would a man chose to be with me?
Q. Is there any point to me being in a relationship? I feel like as there are so many other good looking, smarter and generally better women out there, why would a man chose to be with me. I try to be single, but something happens and I end up stuck in ...
A. 16 June 2012: So basically what you are saying is that no one should be with anyone unless they are with the hottest women in the world?
I think you are forgetting about an important part of relationships: love and compatibility. Yeah, I could be with the hott... (read in full...)
Boyfriend masturbating in bed, says he was sleeping, but his stories contradict. Why is he lying?
Q. So, I woke up again this morning to my boyfriend masturbating in bed next to me. It's happened many times before (he thinks I'm asleep), and he's even finished himself (I found the mess) a few times. I don't usually say anything because the first ...
A. 16 June 2012: Does it truly matter whether or not your boyfriend was masturbating?
Most guys are very sensitive to their masturbatory habits. I am not sure why but perhaps their is a male ego thing that states rubbing one out means you can't get the real thi... (read in full...)
Its hard for me to get in the mood when I don't see my husband that often
Q. My husband is a workaholic. I don't mind, because I am a competitive equestrian and I have my own life. In the rare times when we see each other all he wants to do is have sex, but I have a hard time getting arroused, because I haven't been around ...
A. 16 June 2012: Even if your husband is away from you for long periods of time, I think you can create sexual energy between the two of you. And I do think that is important for any healthy relationship:
1) Send him a flirty text message or email telling ... (read in full...)
I've been engaged for 13 years, don't see it going anywhere and have feelings for my friend!
Q. Hello, A while ago I put a couple of posts on here one about my relationship and one about loving my friend. I'm still struggling and just needed to tell someone. I've been in a relationship for 15 years, engaged for 13!? For a long time I've be...
A. 16 June 2012: I agree with some of the other answerers here. 13 years of engagement? You've got to be kidding. Sadly, it sounds like you've been strung along for 13 years.
I think at this point it is time to take stock of your relationship. I sense, r... (read in full...)
Why is this younger guy hitting on me? I just want to be friends
Q. I m in my 40 s with really young men hitting on me ALL THE TIME, Yes, I m pretty, in good shape, look younger, but aren't they afraid that if I say yes, they will have to see my naked not very young body and do things to it? I had children, breas...
A. 16 June 2012: A man in his mid to late 20's is generally more interested in a long term relationship and usually has the wisdom to note that you aren't a spring chicken anymore.
I believe that men his age are tired of the young 20 year olds who haven't quite fi... (read in full...)
Disgusted by my fiancee's past relationship
Q. Hello, I'm due to marry my fiancee in December, I love her so much and she's perfect for me. I'm 36 so am no spring chicken, and have had past relationships that never worked out so I know what an awful lot I have to lose if I blow this one. ...
A. 7 June 2012: I think you need to cut your finance some slack. We all make mistakes and she made a slightly bigger one than most. Let's face it, women at that age are generally attracted to older, more wiser men -- especially those who can flash the cash. It ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has no interest in sex whatsoever, is it wrong to consider breaking up with her?
Q. We've been together for 3 years, but this isn't the sort of thing where she gradually became less and less interested in sex... She's just always been pretty non-sexual, at least with me, anyway. We broke up for awhile about a year ago, and she had ...
A. 15 May 2012: I don't think it is wrong for you to move on. Physical needs are very important -- especially to men. I would wager that a lack of physical intimacy for men is a primary reason why men cheap and why a great deal of marriages fail (not all, mind ... (read in full...)
My married love won't leave her husband but doesn't want to let go of me either
Q. I am involved with a woman that is married and she says she is still madly in love with her husband but yet she says she has fallen in love with me. The chemistry between us started sometime around October 2011 in which she started saying things to ...
A. 15 May 2012: Sadly, this is what happens when you get involved with a married woman who is still in love with her current husband.
I do believe on many levels she has very strong feelings for you. Forbidden love is often stronger than a normal relation... (read in full...)
He's a great guy. But I don't want a relationship now. How to handle my confusion?
Q. He is truly amazing, he is everything I every wanted in a man, except for a few things, one is his and my children don't get along very well so every other weekend is super stressful for me. Finances are super tight so he can't contibute as much as I...
A. 12 May 2012: Timing is everything, they say.
Realistically, I don't think this relationship is going to work even if you do continue dating. It sounds like he isn't financially stable (yet) and his kids are having a negative impact on your family. If you d... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to send flirty messages when one is married and the other involved?
Q. Question I trust my guy of over 16 months but angers me that he send flirty suggestive taggs to one particular woman and she sends them back, she is married. I feel this is sends out the wrong message and when I sat down and talked with him about ...
A. 10 May 2012: It sounds like you are involved with a boy, not a man.
You don't give any examples of the flirty messages that he sends, but if they are truly inappropriate and you've raised an issue about it, he needs to respect you and put a stop to it.
T... (read in full...)
My bf has accounts on dating sites -- how should I handle it?
Q. me and my boyfriend are engaged and have been togather for along time. every thing seems to be great we rarely ever get in to big fights. But i saw on facebook that he is using this app called zoosk witch is a dating website. and his bestfriend ...
A. 10 May 2012: I agree with the other answerer. I think you need to determine if his activities are recent are not and put a stop to it.
You do state that you have been together for quite some time, so my guess is that he is exploring the dating world. Whether... (read in full...)
I develop feelings early then grow cold. I can't hold down a relationship, help!
Q. Hi thanks for reading! My problem is that i cannot hold down a relationship and dont know whats wrong with me. I am 36 and a single mother of 2 lovely kids. I split with their dad 4 years ago after a really unpleasant relationship where he constant...
A. 10 May 2012: There is a chance that you could be experiencing a normal relationship experience and in fact, I'd be tempted to think that what you describe is largely normal.
Often times when we meet people, we are excited to be with them. Our "feel good fee... (read in full...)
I just got married but had a fantasy of kissing my husband's friend. Whats wrong with me?
Q. I have always been someone who has felt a great deal of guilt, and lately this problem has come back to bite me. I'm wondering if I have overreacted. I recently got married to the most wonderful man in the world. It was a small wedding, and the...
A. 9 May 2012: Give yourself some time to get over this. I suspect right now that you maybe had a little too much to drink that night and with all the excitement it would be very easy to make that leap.
Let's face it, your wedding night has a sense of sexua... (read in full...)
I feel like I've been cheated out of a happily ever after
Q. I am a very devoted wife. I cook daily for my husband, try to have sex with him daily, I even surprise my husband with lingerie, or cleaning house in the nude, but he never takes interest. When my husband and I dated he was a totally different guy, ...
A. 6 May 2012: Something is definitely going on with your husband. It sounds like you are the perfect wife in many regards and for him to change the minute the wedding rings were put on tells me something isn't right.
There could be many explanations for this... (read in full...)
Married to a distant, abusive man and I'm desperate to be touched and loved and I'm wondering about how it would be with this man!
Q. Confused! I am 33 years old, been with my husband for 12 years- married for 5 years-no children. Our marriage is not good-we have not had sex for almost a year and before that is was twice a years-continually got less and less throughout the y...
A. 5 May 2012: I understand the pain and suffering you are experiencing. The little bit of physical affection you shared with this other man at the sporting event must have felt like heaven after all the pain and suffering you have dealt with over the years.
... (read in full...)
How do I get over knowing I'm attracted to him and he may be attracted to me? I keep thinking what if he had been single.
Q. I ran into an old boyfriend of mine in highschool I broke up with him because we were young and just not ready it's been some years he is now married for 2 years she has cheated on him and he is not sure if he is staying with her or not she is ...
A. 5 May 2012: I agree with the other answerers here. You did the right thing. This man, while he may be attracted to you, isn't really available. He has some huge issues to resolve first and even though it looks like his marriage is over, you don't want to be ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating with me?...what's with the secrecy?
Q. I have been dating a man for 7 weeks. On paper we look great, same age, both solvent kids grown up, both working, similar interests and lots in common...there is just one problem...he hasn't let me see where he lives but has been to mine a few ...
A. 5 May 2012: There really isn't anything concrete to go on and perhaps right now you are jumping to conclusions.
I do agree with Lotti though. Have a talk with him and do check out his place where he lives -- insist upon that course of action when he returns.... (read in full...)
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