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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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I'm bored and frustrated with my relationship! Help!
Q. I've just divorced my husband of 20 years then met this man 16 years older than me. Im attracted to him because he's more caring and understanding than my ex-husband. He has no kids and has his own home and car and still working with a good ...
A. 31 October 2011: I am going to agree with Mystiquek on this one. If this guy is in his mid to early 60's he's probably pretty set in his ways and perhaps lives on a fixed income. Does he have extra money and just prefers not to spend it or is money tight?
Some ... (read in full...)
Why am I tolerating boyfriend's gambling?
Q. Hi, I'm trying to figure out why I'm putting up with this. I've been in a relationship for over 3 yrs. and its been mostly about his needs, wants. He gambles, is controlling and spends basically whatever he has on himself or what he wants. We ...
A. 31 October 2011: Whatever you do, don't move in with this guy. The minute you do that, your finances will be tied with his and from what you describe, your life will be a living hell.
You are both adults from the sounds of it and I think you need to ask yourself... (read in full...)
Have I done the right thing?
Q. Hi. Been in my relationship with bf for 4yrs we have a daughter together thing is since the start of r/ship he has lied about certain things, he has an alcohol problem so he has lied about drinking. For some time I thought he was t-total! I told him ...
A. 31 October 2011: Normal drinkers don't lie about alcohol use... they can take it or leave it. My suspicion is that he is drinking even more than you know about.
While you don't go into details about the length and how much he actual does drink; if you suspect ... (read in full...)
We meet as friends but I still have feelings. Will I ever be able to heal my heart?
Q. Hi, First sorry for my poor english language. In the last 2 years I,ve read questions and answers in this site hoping to find an explanation for my relationship but I,m still in ,, middle of nowhere,, and I can,t get out the pain from my c...
A. 30 October 2011: Sadly, I think you know the answer to this question even before I answer it.
I would encourage you to stop seeing this man -- at least for the time being. Every time you do see him, it reopens wounds. I am sure on some level, you hope to get b... (read in full...)
Question for the guys-Could this have happened...???
Q. This is a question for the dudes, something that happened to me years ago, but it's sort of unclear at this point what actually went on, and I'm wondering what you all think of this, if my interpretation of events seems likely/something you would ...
A. 30 October 2011: I think you'd know if a guy came or not. Believe me, when a guy does experience this, the outward signs are usually a pause with an audible sigh. If you think back, did he have any signs of an orgasm right before he stopped?
My guess is that you... (read in full...)
Did he just want his ego boosted or does he feel the same?
Q. Hi All, Over 18months ago, I had a short relationship with a guy I met on dating site which lasted about 4 months. We parted over something really trivial and I did not pursue it any further, we remained friends and lost contact over time. However,...
A. 30 October 2011: While there is no way to tell for sure what his motivations were in meeting you. I think you are onto something with your assumption that he just needed an ego boost. Perhaps he was just lonesome and wanted to meet up with a female for casual ... (read in full...)
Perfect one minute, drifting the next, what should I do?
Q. So I have been depressed and heart broken for the past two weeks and a half now. I was engaged to be married and he recently broke up with me saying that he gave up on me a long time ago because I wasn't as affectionate to him as I use to be. The ...
A. 24 October 2011: Sounds like you what you are experiencing is normal. Yes, from the sounds of it, your ex is trying to forget about you. I am sure you and him had put in some significant time together and while it has been 3 months, the wounds are still healing.
... (read in full...)
We had sex for the first time in just 1 week, now feeling insecure about it.
Q. I've started a really stupid habit and I feel so anxious about it. I just started dating someone new after a 5 year relationship/engagement. All we do is hit the bars and have sex afterwards. The first few days, I pushed him away. But this ...
A. 23 October 2011: No, I wouldn't call you a slut, I think you are emotionally vulnerable right now and you are playing into the hand of any guy who is willing to go all the way with you. Sadly, I think you are making a few mistakes: you are drinking to exce... (read in full...)
Why is my husband calling me names and being so mean.? He's the one who has been secretly visiting and talking to my "friend"
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, he's 41 and I'm 32. I had this friend, or so I thought she was. We were great friends, but we did hang out a few times. My husband and I started having some marital difficulties, and during that tim...
A. 23 October 2011: It sounds like you caught your husband red-handed and he is defending or at least avoiding the issue of his bad behavior by going on the attack. Whether he truly came on to this other woman or was just talking about his issues with you, he did cross ... (read in full...)
Guys do you do this? Girls do you endure this?
Q. My boyfriend says he loves me and isn't looking for anyone else. I commented today about how lame skankygirl pirate costumes are. He said he hopes they're around for a long time. I'm insecure by nature and the thought of him looking at other...
A. 23 October 2011: I am going to agree with other people here -- generally people are going to be looking at other people. I know us guys think about sex a lot and generally ANY girl we meet we assess whether they are attractive within the first few minutes of ... (read in full...)
I want to be a partner, not a mother or a sounding board
Q. I am 43 and am dating a 46 year old man for 9 months. We are both divorced (5 years and 10 years) and both have kids. I have really been enjoying getting to know him. When we first met, he had just moved from a rental house into a house he had ...
A. 22 October 2011: It sounds like his second job is taking a toll on him and he is stressed out. Everyone has their breaking point when it comes to work and it certainly sounds like he is reaching his. It also sounds like this is affecting your relationship.
At th... (read in full...)
I can't guarantee I won't cheat on my boyfriend if I visit my ex.
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. I wasn't too sure about going out with him at first, as he wasn't the type I would usually go for. I went for it, and found it the best decision I'd ever made. He is the most caring, ...
A. 8 October 2011: It definitely sounds like you have a strong attachment to your ex-boyfriend. This is fairly normal to be honest as I suspect your ex-boyfriend was one of your first loves of your life (if not your strongest). You will always have feelings -- what ... (read in full...)
You don't bring me flowers anymore..
Q. I've been dating someone for 3 months...we moved fast and are in a committed relationship. I want to know why things change...We used to text constantly during the day..now? Not as much...He used to bring flowers...Now? Nope..We have been ...
A. 4 October 2011: I do agree with ChiGirl in the fact that sometimes the heat of passion does die as the relationship ages. While I can't ascertain with any certainty that your relationship is doomed or won't "reignite" in the future, it doesn't mean you can't ... (read in full...)
How do I make these feelings stop?
Q. I think I'm in love with someone who's with another woman. Neither one of us are married. We've been close friends for months, now. I've dated off and on, and he's been with his girlfriend for a couple of years. He calls me his BFF. He confide...
A. 4 October 2011: Well, I think you took the first step in acknowledging that you do have feelings for him. Plus you are aware of your feelings and know your moral bounds, which is a good sign.
One solution to the problem would be to reduce your contact with you... (read in full...)
I have no idea how to make a decision I know needs to be made.
Q. My hausband and I have been on the rocks for a couple years. We have tried to make this work but I think we have reached our max. He has a problem with sexting (which he has never really admitted to until a this past spring) whether it is by text or ...
A. 4 October 2011: It definitely sounds like you have reached a crossroads.
I think you are spot on in your assessment that he will relapse, but sexting is not a physical addiction. Have you asked him why he does it? Do you, as a couple, have intimate moments?... (read in full...)
Do we tell the parents of my son's girlfriend that we walked in on them having oral sex?
Q. My husband and I walked in on my 17 year old son performing oral sex on his girl friend who is 16. My husband and I disagree on what we should do. I think that we should call her parents and tell them what happened. My husband on the other hand said ...
A. 1 October 2011: I too am on the fence about whether to call the girl's parents. I can see the pros and cons of it and I only very slightly agree with your husband -- mostly because it avoids drama and possible conflict. I suspect if you want to break up your ... (read in full...)
Husband accidentally left message on my phone calling me a dumb bitch!
Q. my husband accidentally left a voicemail on my cell phone where he is talking to his friends and saying " the dumb bitch won't answer her phone" I feel very hurt I never thought he would refer to me as a dumb bitch and I feel disrespected and he ...
A. 1 October 2011: Ouch.
It sounds like he was talking macho in front of his friends and his bravado caught up with him.
He at least owes you an apology. He made a mistake and he must face up to that fact. Plain and simple. He can't undo what he did, but he c... (read in full...)
Will his comment be a self-fulfilling prophecy for us?
Q. Navigating a rocky week of good but scary communication. On 3 occasions now (most recently the other night) my boyfriend has said this (or something similar): "In case something ever happens [we break up], promise me you'll still be my friend and ...
A. 1 October 2011: From the sounds of it, you've already answered your question. Your boyfriend does appear to have abandonment issues and my guess is that he has been mistreated or forgotten by girlfriends in his past. Right now, he has very strong feelings for you ... (read in full...)
Nearly a year with him and he's never given me oral sex!
Q. ive been with my boyfriend nearly a yr and hes never given me oral sex!! he doesnt even talk bout it!! its the same old thing, nothing spontaneous we just watch tv go to bed, light goes off he gets on me does his business and says i feel better now ...
A. 28 September 2011: Let me ask you something: have you ever tried to seduce him such a way way to invite oral sex? I mean, wear something frilly and sexy, perhaps a thin pair of undies or stockings? Have you washed up or when do you sleep together it's hastily thrown ... (read in full...)
Getting uncomfortable with my boyfriends increasing voyeuristic interests...am I make too much of this?
Q. I am starting to become uncomfortable with my boyfriend’s increasing voyeuristic interests. After many years of a sexless marriage, I am divorced and in an exclusive relationship with the greatest guy in the world. We are incredibly in love with ...
A. 27 September 2011: No, I don't think you are making a big deal about it. Everyone has their prerogatives about what they find tasteful and interesting, and from the sounds of it, a strip club crosses that line for you.
Let's face it, porn is anonymous. You can ... (read in full...)
His ex is a newly married good looking girl. What does it mean to us he checks her out on FB regularly?
Q. We are just about to get married and I found out that my future husband is regularly visiting facebook profile of his ex who is also freshly married. He told me about her, that he left her as he couldn't imagine being with her for the rest of his l...
A. 27 September 2011: It sounds like he still has some feelings for her -- or at least feels that she will always be a part of his life. It also appears like he shares a significant bond with her that is likely to continue for the foreseeable future.
He may be check... (read in full...)
Am I in the wrong for not doing it more often or when he asks for oral sex?
Q. hi, my boyfriend and i are both 26 and have been together for four years. We seem to have the same repetitive arguement all the time regarding performing oral sex on him. The thing is i really dont like doing it, so i dont do it often. maybe lik...
A. 27 September 2011: I agree, most men do like oral sex, but I also agree with the other answerers: if you aren't into it, the experience will be bad for him and for you.
While you begrudgingly do it and it is causing arguments between the two of you because he is ex... (read in full...)
How do I stop becoming bitter?
Q. After you have been burned by someone, how do you stop from becoming bitter and cynical about love? I still feel my heart becoming harder. And anger and frustration dampening my hope and enthusiasm so that I do not believe in love anymore. What...
A. 27 September 2011: I think you need to give yourself a bit more time to get over whatever wrong your latest love did to you.
Half the battle you are facing is realizing you are becoming bitter and by coming here and at least expressing that you are become hard of ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel bad after a threesome?
Q. Hey guys, quick question, is it normal that a person feels disgusted with themselves after a three way? Lately it's like I feel like I'm close to tears and I can't stop thinking about it. ...
A. 26 September 2011: For some people, they feel sad, others it's another social taboo that they can put on their "credit list" that makes them feel more confident in themselves. Plus some people just like having sex outside the normal bounds.
From the sounds of it, y... (read in full...)
The man I loved made a complete volte-face after marriage and my life is hell with him. What do I do?
Q. I kindly need your opinion regarding my marriage situation.I have been married for 5 years with the man I loved with all my heart.We've been together for 11 years prior to marriage(since high school).We couldn't marry and live together because of ...
A. 25 September 2011: Sadly, it sounds like from the get-go you really didn't get a long. You really don't offer any clues as to why he suddenly changed but I'll echo Aunt Honesty's response in saying it is likely he quit trying because he knew you were legally bound to ... (read in full...)
He is such a tight-wad in everything. Should I stay or go? It bothers me that he thinks women are after his money.
Q. I am a 46 years old woman. I've met this man 16 years older than me after my divorce. He is a wealthy man with his own house and car and still earning a good income. Im in a low paid job and just earn enough to support myself. I've got my own h...
A. 24 September 2011: If after 3 years of being together you haven't established a trustful relationship in regards to money, you probably never will. A man of his age generally is looking towards retirement (if he hasn't already retired) and may be on a very strict ... (read in full...)
Should I pull the plug on this marriage?
Q. should we end this marriage?I've been with my husband for six years,it's like my life is over there's nothing to look forward to,sex is alway's the same no forplay no waiting for a woman to get horney,it's stick it in get off and dont worrie if ...
A. 23 September 2011: It sounds like you are going through a rough patch right now and it also sounds like you've let a lot of resentment build up, to the point where you are now angry and consider leaving.
I need to ask, have you spoken with your husband about yo... (read in full...)
The reality of an open relationship is not so good
Q. Hello - My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have talked about an open relationship and I thought this was a good idea. I had sex with another man a couple of months ago. It was only one time and it truly was just sex. It was ...
A. 23 September 2011: Having an open relationship like the one you are in, should mean that there is an open dialog about what is going on. Not only are you playing Russian roulette with your physical selves, but also your emotional selves, which will ultimately ... (read in full...)
I'm suspicious of what went on at this bachelor party
Q. My boyfriend went on a bachelor party out of town for the weekend with his friends recently. He's already gone on a few of them before during our relationship and has always been good about communicating, even if it's just at the end of the night to ...
A. 22 September 2011: I can't tell for sure what your boyfriend did, but I am willing to bet there was a little more than rated-R strippers at this party or he was at a bar, was inebriated and got "lucky". From the description of the guy's text message it sounds like he ... (read in full...)
Will marrying someone who cares about me help me forget my 31 year old married lover ?
Q. well i am in love with a man whose 31 years old while i am early 20s, sadly hes married and has a child.so i want to get rid of him but cant.so i am thinking of getting married to someone.at least i will have a husband and a home with whom i ll sha...
A. 22 September 2011: The short answer is, if you marry someone today to help you get over the hurt you feel now, you'll only feel worse -- with interest -- tomorrow.
It sounds like you don't have deep feelings with your potential suitor and more than likely done the... (read in full...)
The old "love of my life" wants to catch up and talk, do I tell my BF?
Q. The old "love of my life" wants to catch up and talk, do I tell my BF? I know I'd want to know if my BF was meeting his ex. But I'm thinking guys don't care that much. What's the proper way to deal with this?...
A. 21 September 2011: Usually nothing good comes of meetings like this, except to stoke up old feelings that are best left behind.
I would definitely let your boyfriend know. If he finds out that you went to see your ex on the sly, he'll never trust you again. ... (read in full...)
Sould I inititiate a 'friends with benefits' situation?
Q. Hi all, So I have this guy friend that I have known for three years. We met in school, get along really well. We often would hang out in groups for the first year we knew each other. After that I started dating a person and we kinda grew apart. H...
A. 20 September 2011: From the sounds of it, this will never be a friends with benefits situation. You already know each other too well and just from the hints that you've dropped in your question, I suspect you already have mild feelings for him, whether you want to ... (read in full...)
I miss my affair partner
Q. I ended my affair a few days ago although I haven't seen him for 8 weeks already, he is married and cannot give me the time and attention that I need from him. I really like him and thought that I could handle it but it became impossible for m...
A. 20 September 2011: First off, realize that what you are feeling is normal. Despite your boyfriend being married, a break-up is a break-up.
Sadly, the writing was on the wall in regards to this relationship. Most married men who start ex-marital affairs don't le... (read in full...)
How can this man hurt me with his lies and act like he's done nothing wrong?
Q. I have been with this guy for 3yrs and i thought everything was going well. He was involved in a horrible motorcycle accident were he became dependent on me for 4months. i had just met this man one week before, i decided to help him and quickly ...
A. 20 September 2011: Sadly, despite everything you've done to help him and your feelings towards him, this man is not good news. Despite your willingness to correct him -- by getting help for him, is not going to work (remember Tiger Woods wife left him and this guy is ... (read in full...)
How good is good enough?
Q. I am 28 years old and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together for about 3 and a half years in total, although the beginning was very on and ,and we live together. Recently I have been feeling very unsure about the relationship. I have discussed...
A. 20 September 2011: I don't think you are going to get a magical, instant answer here, but I think after 3.5 years you have a pretty good sense of what is going on here.
From the sounds of it, it appears that you've reached a lull in your relationship and you are ... (read in full...)
I just can't seem to get over this memory!
Q. I am haunted with feeling humiliated and shamed from some drunken behavior that I did several years ago. Throughout high school I was always told I was fat and ugly and most people really didn't like me, I was pretty smart and obnoxious about it ...
A. 20 September 2011: I think you are on the right track to solving this problem by recognizing you have hurt people and even more importantly why you did it.
Reasons aside, to get over this you must simply apologize to the people you have harmed. Assuming they are... (read in full...)
Did he ever care? How can I move on from all this ?
Q. Three years ago my now ex and I broke up. we were from different cultures and religions and he decided that his family would disown him and things could not go further after three and a half years and the best part of our younger days together. Fo...
A. 19 September 2011: I don't think he is trying to hurt you, I think he wants to keep you in his life and this is his way of keeping you abreast of the changes that he is going through. I am sure on some level that he misses you and holds special memories about his ... (read in full...)
Husband's temper out of control! Things are fine as long as they go HIS way
Q. I have a question to anyone who can help my situation. I am 38, I have 3 beautiful daughters. I am no longer married to there dad. About 2 years ago I got back with my highschool sweetheart,we were engaged in highschool, but his parents thought he ...
A. 16 September 2011: Sounds like you married a Jeckyl and a Hyde. It is sort of surprising that his actions didn't surface during the dating process. Are you sure there weren't any signs of this sort of behavior beforehand?
It sounds like your husband is stressin... (read in full...)
34 and single: Did I miss my chance to marry?
Q. I feel like I've missed the marriage boat and I'm starting to panic. I'm going to be 34 years old tomorrow. Objectively, I am good looking; better than average, smart, successful, have a good career, own my own apartment, etc. All my best fri...
A. 16 September 2011: I don't think you've missed the boat as far as being married. Lots of women are marrying later and later in their lives. So the short answer is, no, you haven't missed the opportunity.
It does sound like you've thought about this a lot and you ... (read in full...)
He promised we'd get married by the end of the year, but won't set a date
Q. Six months ago my partner of 2.5 years promised we would get married by end of year.I had never been comfortable living together but somehow it just happened as after a ended 30 year marriage I fancied myself madly in love and was love starved. My ...
A. 15 September 2011: I agree with your friend. I've seen this situation occur a lot, on dearcupid: man promises marriage with some distant date in mind in order to get a roof over his head and free sex, they move in together with this verbal promise, man postpones and ... (read in full...)
He won't give me a chance because I remind him of his ex
Q. I've met a lovely man who like me is getting divorced. We've agreed were attracted to each other but he's now said he doesn't want a relationship because I'm too nice and remind him of his ex wife! What should I do? I've agreed to stay friends ...
A. 15 September 2011: I will approve of your current decision to continue dating. The man you were interested was up front with his feelings and you should be appreciative that he wasn't playing games with you.
Different people react differently when they are going th... (read in full...)
Perfect one minute, drifting the next, what should I do?
Q. So I have been depressed and heart broken for the past two weeks and a half now. I was engaged to be married and he recently broke up with me saying that he gave up on me a long time ago because I wasn't as affectionate to him as I use to be. The ...
A. 5 September 2011: My first instinct on this is that your fiancee has either serious commitment issues or has a deep fear of actually tying the knot. Has he ever been married before or did he have a short marriage that ended horribly? If the answer is no, then I ... (read in full...)
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