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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 4 February 2013: Sorry to hear about the trouble he caused you. I guess it is better that you learned about his violent temper now, rather than if you had married him or shared property with one another.
In terms of dating, take your time in searching for a ne... (read in full...)
My 54 year old boyfriend ejaculates prematurely
Q. I've met a lovely gentleman. He is 54 and we have been seeing each other for a few months. We are both ready to take the relationship to the next step but when we get down to it he seems to ejaculate within seconds of me touching him. We have tried ...
A. 11 November 2012: Most guys his age can't do it more than once in a short period of time. Sadly, it is one of the curses of age. Also, being that he is older, his control has weakened.
I do agree with shrodingerscat in that you can extend foreplay where he pleas... (read in full...)
My friend text him pretending to be me and now he won't talk to me... Help!
Q. I've been dating a man for 2 months. He has a lot going on in his life, extremely stressful job and an autistic son that lives 6 hrs away. We've not seen each other much in the last 3 weeks because of this, but we have kept in constant contact. ...
A. 11 November 2012: Sadly, I think you've done all you can do. If he isn't big enough to accept your apology, than I think you need to ask yourself would he accept an apology if you had committed a bigger travesty?
Sadly your girlfriend betrayed your trust. It migh... (read in full...)
How can I be sure if males find me attractive at all? I think they do not, is this enough proof?
Q. Appearance wise, I might look plain most days, but I never had a problem with how I look. So if it is okay with everyone, take my word for it that I am at least average (don't want to go through the trouble posting images). Men don't usually lo...
A. 11 November 2012: A lot of being attractive to males is being positive and interesting. Sure, it doesn't hurt to have looks like (insert your favorite actress here) but overall most men will approach a girl who looks like they can start up a conversation with.
... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a person to change overnight from being negative to all positive?
Q. My boyfriend and I have dated for 3 months. On the first date we noticed our similarities and differences. We are both loners and intelligent. He likes to talk about feelings while I like action. He had made a point that he is sensitive. He could be ...
A. 11 November 2012: I would proceed very cautiously with this relationship, if I were you.
He has given you a lot of red flags and so far you haven't listed anything very positive about him. Why are you continuing to see him? What do you see in him that you have... (read in full...)
Would I be happier with someone I've known for 15 years rather than my fiance who I've known less that a year?
Q. Please help!! I'm so confused.. I'm engaged, and my fiance and I have had no problems what so ever. We recently became engaged about two months ago, but have only been together about 10 months. Up until last week, I was very happy. An old f...
A. 11 November 2012: Life is full of temptations and being married (or engaged) doesn't make them any easier to deal with. Not only that, first loves are often lingering fires that last a lifetime.
If you are really dedicated to your fiance, I would encourag... (read in full...)
My wife has been cheating on me for 3 years. How do I get her to want me?
Q. Where do I start? I've been married for 12 years but been with her for for 18. We have 3 boys who I wake up for every morning to make all the money I can so they have everything. My wife doesn't work, I was raised thinking u should support the ...
A. 10 November 2012: The short answer is that you aren't going to get your wife to want you.
First off, if your wife has been cheating on you for the past three years and she's been caught repeatedly and you keep forgiving her, she's likely to continue seeing this guy... (read in full...)
My husband is mentally tormenting me. What should I do?
Q. I have been married for 10 years and we have 2 beautiful young children. Over the years my husband has had somewhat of a split personality. On the one hand, he is senstive, caring, loving and loyal. On the other hand, he seems like a completely ...
A. 10 November 2012: First off, I am sorry to hear about your plight. I can only imagine what you are going through.
It sounds like your husband is not happy and perhaps feels trapped in your marriage so he takes it out on you. He uses his aggressive behavior... (read in full...)
Boyfriend playing games with his ex, how do I deal with this?
Q. Hi, my problem is my bf playing games with his ex. My boyfriend have just starting living together again after breaking up 8 mths ago. We have 2 kids. We separated because of various issues and he got himself a flat. However he didn't like living ...
A. 10 November 2012: It definitely sounds like your boyfriend has some unresolved issues with his ex. Unfortunately when a partner has an ex with whom they've had children with, they are never really out of the picture.
Some of the stuff you have to deal with is ... (read in full...)
Hooked on an ex that was no good....
Q. I'm really hooked on my ex and cannot stop thinking about him. He was just horrible to me, very jealous, possessive and would flip out over the smallest of things. He smoked weed, lived with his mother and he is 40 years old. I'm 12 years younger ...
A. 10 November 2012: The mind works in mysterious ways and not always towards your best interests. What is going on is that you are feeling lonesome and hurt and one of the ways you'll feel better (at least temporarily) is to remind yourself the pleasures you felt when ... (read in full...)
How can we get our sex back on track so we're both climaxing?
Q. I'm a bit sexually frustrated. My husband doesn't last a long time in bed these days. When we used to have sex more frequently, it was rarely an occurrence, but now, he might last a minute or two, not enough time for me to climax. He's not into the ...
A. 9 November 2012: Drugs like Viagra don't fix premature ejaculation -- they just give him the opportunity to have an erection and from the sounds of it, him getting hard isn't a problem.
If he is having problems lasting longer, I would encourage you to try the foll... (read in full...)
My first experiences with sex were horrible, and now I'm having intimacy issues.
Q. My first relationship seems to have scarred me in a lot of ways. At first I thought I was just weird but now that I am in another relationship I am scared by how much it is effecting mine and my boyfriend's life. Our sex life is so boring. With ...
A. 9 November 2012: I am going to agree with the other answers here. There is a lot going on in your post.
If I were you, I'd highly encourage you to find a therapist or other trained professional -- TODAY. What you experienced is traumatic and life altering... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend not give foreplay but looks at porn?
Q. I stopped having sex with my boyfriend because he is selfish when it comes to giving. Now I seen on his phone under history that he has been looking at live webcams. Why is this happening? I can't get him to go down on me for long or even have him ...
A. 9 November 2012: Sounds like your boyfriend is a selfish lover.
Part of a man's job is to make sure that his partner is satisfied sexually. When he fails to do that, he is risking his future sex activities as well as possibly forcing his woman to go looking ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is always out partying
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for 1 year. Im 22 and he is 30. I feel that he partys way too much were always arguing about it and it just doesnt seem to stop him. I dont want to stop him having fun but we have i trust issues with him ove...
A. 9 November 2012: Some guys never grow up. Unfortunately, I think you sort of expected him to grow up when you moved in together.
If he was doing this sort of thing while you were dating, the question I need to ask is "Why did you expect him to change?" Also, w... (read in full...)
I wanted to treat him better, but now he's the one giving the silent treatment.
Q. Hi, Really quick and to the point (need to study for midterms ^^") When several months ago, whenever me and my boyfriend had an argument I would give him the silent treatment. It's just who I am and how I deal with things. He would feel te...
A. 9 November 2012: The problem with the "silent treatment" is that it never solves anything. It only inflict more pain and hurt on your other half and when you cease to communicate, you cannot fix a problem. And a problem that isn't dealt with eventually festers.
... (read in full...)
Is it just the alcohol, or does he really know what he's doing?
Q. When my boyfriend is drunk, he always flirts with other girls. He'll grab their boobs etc. Or he lies about things. When I talk to him about this, he always says thats the alcohol talking. Does he really know what he is doing?...
A. 9 November 2012: Alcohol will lower one's inhibitions, so I do agree somewhat with his theory. On the other hand, if he knows that he gets carried away when he drinks -- you'd think he'd wise up and not drink especially when he will be tempted to flirt with women ... (read in full...)
He says we can't have a relationship if wee don't have sex. I'm not ready for that, and don't know what to do!
Q. I met a guy online..and he has been saying that intimacy goes hand in hand with a relationship.. and he is not willing to compromise on imtimacy... i lied to him once about not being able to make it to a second date.. sinc e i was scared we were ...
A. 9 November 2012: I am going to agree with the other answers here listed here. He is rushing things... if you are already talking about having sex after one date, and he is making you uncomfortable, he is NOT a keeper.
Sex is a game changer in any relation... (read in full...)
Any advice on where to meet guys? Tried hobbies, gym and bars with no success.
Q. I absolutely don't know where to meet guys. At work most of guys are married or involved or much older, plus it's not a good idea to date anyone from work. In Gym where I go to, there is never any interaction. I just work out there 3 times a week a...
A. 8 November 2012: It sounds like you are an active person and that is a good sign. I do agree with you that work is generally a bad place to look for available dates: when things go bad, there is no hiding from one another...
I would suggest that you be more agg... (read in full...)
I want to start dating again, but can't seem to get out there or even know how to begin.
Q. dear aunts and uncles, you all have helped me in the past now i need help again. i am finding it very difficult to move on after my husband of 20 years left me for a girl half our age a year ago. i know it is time to get on with my life, we just ...
A. 8 November 2012: Please accept my condolences for your situation...
As far as your husband not paying his alimony / child support to you, see if your lawyer can arrange something so that it is directly garnished from his paycheck. If it is that painful and trou... (read in full...)
Is it cheating if your husband encourages it?
Q. What should I do? My husband of almost ten years and I talk about everything. He knows exactly what I like and he satisfies me but I have been having a fantasy about being in a threesome. My husband likes the idea but doesn't think the other guy ...
A. 8 November 2012: No, it wouldn't be considered cheating, if your husband set it up.
However, I am going to echo the sentiments of all the other answers here. It is just a bad idea. It changes the entire dynamics of your relationship.
Now, he is "owed" one... (read in full...)
I don't trust my husband, he uses my words against me
Q. I dont trust my husband. Not that I think he cheats, just that when I open up, he uses my words against me. We've been together 20yrs off and on since I was 14. This has always been the case. Now we have 3 kids and Im affraid this is how I will live ...
A. 2 November 2012: Please accept my sympathies for the situation you are in. When you live with someone who always wants to be right and treats you like a suspect in a police station, your relationship will only feel strained and painful.
Has your husband always b... (read in full...)
He acts like every little problem is doomsday. Is this relationship viable? For a long term future together?
Q. I am losing feelings for my boyfriend. I am 44, he is 47. We have been dating for almost 2 years. He works too much and we hardly ever see each other. I keep telling myself that I'm getting used to it...but I'm not. I feel sorry for myself...
A. 1 November 2012: It certainly sounds like you are on different wavelengths.
As far as the trip driving home and him checking the scores -- that is clearly a guy thing and he needed some time to himself. Many guys live and die for their sports teams. It is ju... (read in full...)
His family are polygamist. That's why my parents are against me seeing my Bf. How can I get my parents to accept my Bf?,
Q. I am 18 yrs old and in my first year of college. I have been seeing this amazing guy (Matt) since early september. He is sweet,funny, fun and just an all around nice guy. He is very focused on school and works a part time job. My parents met him ...
A. 1 November 2012: The short answer answer is that you are unlikely to convince your parents that your boyfriend is safe to see. Not only do you have the polygamy issue, your parents probably are worried because you may have religious differences (he was raised ... (read in full...)
My bf of 2 years never has time for me.
Q. Dear Cupid I don't know whether I'm making big deal out of it or not. My bf of 2 years never has time for me. Whenever I call or send message he never responds. If he is busy can't he just send me a simple text so I wont call or wait for his call...
A. 1 November 2012: What is he busy doing? Is he working on a career that could be potentially providing for your futures? Or is he spending more time with the boys at the bar? What is he so busy doing that he can't spend a few minutes each day with the woman he ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me because we are so different - Now she wants to try again, I need some advice.
Q. i have no idea what to do right now. my ex gf broke up with me and said we are just too different and doesn't see how we can work. which we are very different, i can't dispute that with her. we've had a lot of disagreements and fights that have come ...
A. 1 November 2012: It sounds like to me she is testing the waters to see if you've changed. That is why she is trying to take it day by day.
You don't provide any details about what your differences are. Sometimes if there are many differences and you can't le... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend getting on line and chatting because she is at home and bored?
Q. While I am out at work my girlfriend does nothing all day except chat to guys and flirt on the internet. I have found out about this now for the fourth time in a year. We almost broke up for good, and now I find she is doing it yet again. It is hard ...
A. 1 November 2012: Clearly there is a lot going on in your relationship that you need to get clarity on before you proceed down the marital aisle.
First off, is your girlfriend's dating profile active? Maybe she left it active without canceling it after meeting ... (read in full...)
Is my Bf involved sexually with an older lover? He says no. His text to her implies yes. What can I do?
Q. Am I over reacting or what? My boyfriend has an older lady friend who stays at our house quite frequently, helps us out a lot. They've been friends longer than I've been around and she's like 20 years older than him so I never thought twice ab...
A. 30 October 2012: I am going to side with the other answerers on this one. Yeah, more than likely he has been cheating on you. Either this has been an ongoing thing or it was a fling while you were away, but I think it is very clear as to what is going on: you were ... (read in full...)
I'm a mom of 3 and I'm unhappily married. I feel so low and trapped and weak
Q. Hi everyone, I am a mom of 3 and I am unhappily married. I want to move on with my life but my husband won't let me go. He is abusive physically and emotionally and I tried to leave him before but because of my lack of support and faith I let him ...
A. 18 October 2012: Please accept my sympathies.
It sounds like you need some sort of support system. Making the jump from marriage and a roof over your head -- even though it is miserable -- takes a leap of faith and a lot of courage. I am sure you are also thi... (read in full...)
I don't like it that my b/f tells friends our personal business but only tells part of the story!
Q. I'm upset with my boyfriend, and i'm not sure how i am going to talk about this with him. He gave me his facebook password recently. He didnt say why he gave it to me though. I logged into his account last night, and i was upset by some things he ...
A. 18 October 2012: There are a few things going on here and hopefully I nail it on the head for you:
1) He is bi-polar, perhaps an alcoholic, smokes and you aren't sure you want to stay with him -- and yet you are having unprotected sex with him. Are you NUTS? S... (read in full...)
Should I force myself to move out while healing from an abusive relationship or wait?
Q. Should I force myself to move out on my own in midst of healing from a horrible, abusive relationship I had been in for years, or wait a bit longer? I need your advice! I am 24 years old and currently healing from an extremely abusive relation...
A. 18 October 2012: It still sounds like this man, even though you are on your own, still has power over you. This indicates to me that aren't quite ready yet. Also the fact that you are "forcing" yourself means that you might be pushing your recovery process a ... (read in full...)
I cant even find a decent guy for sex! Am I just unlucky, or is this the way its going to be now I'm getting older?
Q. I m in my early 40swith a grown child. I own a small business for many years now and did well for myself. I m not rich by any means, but deffinitely independent. All I m missing is love in my life. I m in good shape, considered to be above aver...
A. 17 October 2012: I am not sure where you are looking for dates, but generally there are plenty of attractive men out there. While the pool of men is a bit less at our age and many of the men who are available may have issues, but there are plenty of gems to be ... (read in full...)
I want to be with my boyfriend, but at the same time I need a partner who can support himself!
Q. Hi everyone. Just wondering if someone can give me their perspective on my situation. I've come across similar situations, yet none quite like mine. Here it goes,... I've been with the same guy for almost 10 years (I was 20, him 21). We've de...
A. 17 October 2012: Wow, 10 years is a lot of time to invest in someone and not have the relationship go to the next level.
What I am sensing from your post, though, is that YOU don't know what you want. It sounds like for the past decade you've been rolling ... (read in full...)
B/f has a darts night with a woman who is after him. How do I handle my troubled feelings?
Q. Hi there Aunts, I have a continuing saga question...I can't seem to find my own way thru the fog yet have the nerve to give out advice to others that seems so clear to me. So humbly I need to ask how to handle myself, as I probably know what ...
A. 17 October 2012: It certainly sounds like there are some trust issues going on in your relationship.
Your boyfriend's past history is that of a player and it sounds like he has had his pick of the litter so to speak. Add an attractive girl to the mix who apparent... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 17 October 2012: I can understand having sex 3 times a day early in a relationship. When things are new, yeah people can't stop having sex, but at the age of your relationship, it should be dwindling down a bit. Most guys would love to have sex once a day but even ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried if my boyfriend admits to cheating on past girlfriends?
Q. Should I be worried if my boyfriend admits to cheating on past girlfriends? I know it's not fair to hold his past that had nothing to do with us against him. I don't. I just can't help to be nervous though...because I was cheated on by my ex...an...
A. 17 October 2012: The short answer is: yes you should be worried.
Reread your original post. Just about every sentence starts with "He says" or "He Promised". Do you think he ever told any of his past girlfriends the same thing?
You don't state how long you've ... (read in full...)
I caught my fiance in white lies. Should I be concerned?
Q. Once my fiance had to go to a late emergency meeting at his work. He runs the place. I told him I was going to bed early since I was tired. Before I went to bed I looked out the window and I noticed he was back, outside in front of the house ...
A. 17 October 2012: Yes, I do think you should be concerned.
I agree, he was probably looking at porn sites when he lied about his time of going to bed. That was my first assumption as well. Most guys do look at pornography and most are going to lie to hide it ... (read in full...)
Divorced partner has asked me to move into ex marital home but its full of reminders of his ex wife. What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm middle aged and have been dating a man for over two years. I have my own house, which is paid for. He also has a house that after his divorce he bought with a girlfriend. I recently found out, that when he was married they wer...
A. 14 October 2012: Unfortunately, dating a divorced man with a bit of a history is going to have past mementos in his life. His past has made him what he is dad -- whether you like it or not.
I am sure you have a bit of history as well, although I imagine you may ... (read in full...)
All my friends are now in relationships. What's the answer for me? I'm consumed with jealously and weekends are the worst for me now.
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. Please can I have some advice as do what I should and how I can meet someone and stop feeling like this. Basically keep it short. I'm 32, female and single and I can't seem to meet anyone. I'm attractive, I have an ok...
A. 14 October 2012: I know it is difficult to see your friends all in solid relationships and you on the outside looking in. I've been there, so I know the pain and loneliness you feel.
It sounds like you are taking all the right steps in seeking our a potentia... (read in full...)
Lost my baby to SIDS in Feb. My husband is totally unsupportive to me and only wants sex. Is it time to leave and take my daughter with me?
Q. hey guys i have been married since 2007 we have a 3 yr old girl. When i met him i was so in love but then came him being outside all day with the guys. We lost the relationship we had He never has interest in finding a job to support us. It'...
A. 13 October 2012: First and foremost, please accept my condolences for the loss of your child. I can only imagine the pain and hurt you have gone through.
I suspect there is a lot more going on in your relationship than what you post here. You talk about him sayi... (read in full...)
I am financially supporting my boyfriend and it's getting to be too much. What should I do or try to resolve this?
Q. I've been a relationship with this guy for almost a year and, he does not have a job. When we first met, he was working at his dad's company but, he quit because, he wanted to branch out on his own. Well, since then he has not been actively loo...
A. 5 October 2012: Wow... what possessed you to fall in love with this guy?
Let's review: he's a felon (so his long term high-paying job future is very dim at best), he has two children -- so even if he does have a job, his children's mother(s) will be taking a... (read in full...)
Married to a Serial Cheater. Our baby will be born in January. And your advice about what to do about this situation would be?
Q. I am married to what I think is a serial cheater. We have been together 7 years married for 4 years. Once caught him on sex dating websites, with hidden email accounts and we put an end to it and communicated on what and why he did it and some of h...
A. 5 October 2012: I think you are in a very bad position, unfortunately.
Some men, once they are busted, come clean and never cross that line again. With your husband, though, I suspect he enjoys the thrill of the chase and likes variety. One woman isn't en... (read in full...)
Is this cheating? My boyfriend went out with his friends and he had a private nude lap dance provided for his enjoyment.
Q. I've never posted on anything like this before but I'm really not sure what to do. A few weeks my boyfriend went out with his friends just for a night on the town with the boys. At beginning of the night he and his friends went to a strip club ...
A. 5 October 2012: What I think your boyfriend did was on the fringes of cheating. It is certainly inappropriate, especially in a committed relationship but sounds VERY typical of an early 20-something male. In addition, I think it speaks a bit about the liberties ... (read in full...)
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