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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Perfect one minute, drifting the next, what should I do?
Q. So I have been depressed and heart broken for the past two weeks and a half now. I was engaged to be married and he recently broke up with me saying that he gave up on me a long time ago because I wasn't as affectionate to him as I use to be. The ...
A. 24 October 2011: Sounds like you what you are experiencing is normal. Yes, from the sounds of it, your ex is trying to forget about you. I am sure you and him had put in some significant time together and while it has been 3 months, the wounds are still healing.
... (read in full...)
He won't give me a chance because I remind him of his ex
Q. I've met a lovely man who like me is getting divorced. We've agreed were attracted to each other but he's now said he doesn't want a relationship because I'm too nice and remind him of his ex wife! What should I do? I've agreed to stay friends ...
A. 15 September 2011: I will approve of your current decision to continue dating. The man you were interested was up front with his feelings and you should be appreciative that he wasn't playing games with you.
Different people react differently when they are going th... (read in full...)
Last minute acceptance left no room for me?
Q. My boyfriend was invited to a female friends birthday party he forgot to send the rsvp back in time. However he called her and she stated she did not have anymore space however she will make space only for him. Should I be mad that he is going ...
A. 14 September 2011: I am not sure if you are asking whether you should be mad or whether you are justified in feeling the way that you are currently feeling. I suspect right now you are a little upset and you are wondering if your feelings are valid.
I think yo... (read in full...)
I don't feel like I'm worth much to him.
Q. I cannot deal with the fact that my partner had a relationship before me. He was with a girl for two years, they lived together and he adored her. They broke up when she emotionally cheated on him. he said the relationship was unhealthy - they ...
A. 10 September 2011: Since this is your first relationship, it is hard for me to determine whether your feelings are justified at this stage. You don't give too many examples of why you feel the way you do but I suspect you are feeling a lack of passion in the ... (read in full...)
Is my husband using me to be his nanny and housekeeper?
Q. I have been married to my husband for 6 years. we have two toddlers, one of whom is in preschool, the other one is too young still. I work part time in the evenings. My husband works days. I run the house, balance the checkbook, etc (I am in ...
A. 8 September 2011: I agree that this happens a lot in a relationship and I do agree largely with what has been written by others.
First off, I'd urge to find a way to cut expenses so that you don't have to work, or only have to work on weekends. Usually, if you w... (read in full...)
My husband insists nothing happened between him and his female friend, but I know he's lying
Q. Sorry for the length, needed to vent. I have been with my partner 9 years. He has a job that means he is away from home at least 1 night a week, but usually more. Late last year I became aware of a woman he had befriended (he felt sorry for her b...
A. 8 September 2011: Personally, I think the longer you sit on this, the more it is going to tear you up emotionally. In fact, I don't know how you can have a civil conversation knowing what you know.
I am not sure how you can continue going on with your relation... (read in full...)
My problem is I need help getting over my boss!
Q. I was dating a married man for 1 year. He is my boss. He said that he could no longer continue this affair because it was too stressful. He pursued me for seven years and I finally gave in to friendship then lovers. We have stop this affair and ...
A. 6 September 2011: Being that it has been two years, I think you've clearly given yourself enough time to get over it. Sometimes it is very hard to get over a loved one, especially if you have to see them every day (that's why a great many people don't date from the ... (read in full...)
I am so lonely in my marriage. what do I need to do to get through this?
Q. i have ben married for a number of years. Due to health(hers) intercourse with her is out. She no longer has anything to do with me ( in bed)at all. i am so lonely it hurts. For 2 years now i am so fafthfull it is unreal.i would like to talk to someo...
A. 5 September 2011: Sadly this happens to a lot of men, especially where a younger man marries an older woman. I suspect her libido isn't very strong and I suspect menopause made sexual intercourse extremely difficult and perhaps painful. She may also have hot ... (read in full...)
Perfect one minute, drifting the next, what should I do?
Q. So I have been depressed and heart broken for the past two weeks and a half now. I was engaged to be married and he recently broke up with me saying that he gave up on me a long time ago because I wasn't as affectionate to him as I use to be. The ...
A. 5 September 2011: My first instinct on this is that your fiancee has either serious commitment issues or has a deep fear of actually tying the knot. Has he ever been married before or did he have a short marriage that ended horribly? If the answer is no, then I ... (read in full...)
When should I tell my ex fiance, who I'm now having an FWB with, that I'm dating other people?
Q. I have recently split with my finance of 5 years he moved out but we are still seeing each other. When we talked about the dynamics of our relationship he said he wanted to be friends and still have sex with me. He comes over almost everyday, brings ...
A. 5 September 2011: It sort of sounds like you aren't officially broken up -- in his eyes at any rate. He is doing nice things for you because he is stringing you along and wants to have sex with you. You are providing a need for him.
He may be testing the dati... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to put us back on the right track?
Q. I have been married for almost 18months and with my husband for almost 3 years (known him for over 4 years). We have always been the type of couple who bicker but always make up very quickly. lately though the arguments have gotten worse (esp one...
A. 5 September 2011: At this point, you may be jumping to conclusions as to who has impregnated his ex. While it is easy to blame your husband, if you are blaming him on your guesses, then I can easily see why things may be rough at home.
I think there is a lot more... (read in full...)
My problem is I need help getting over my boss!
Q. I was dating a married man for 1 year. He is my boss. He said that he could no longer continue this affair because it was too stressful. He pursued me for seven years and I finally gave in to friendship then lovers. We have stop this affair and ...
A. 5 September 2011: My first suggestion was that you change jobs, but seeing how that isn't economically feasible, you need to do the next best thing: give yourself the ability to find someone new.
Sadly, it sounds like you were taken advantage of to some degree i... (read in full...)
She wore another guy's engagement ring for several months before we were dating, I didn't know that till just now, what do I do?
Q. My wife if nearly three years, and the mother of our 6 month old, was engaged before we were married. She was also proposed to several times. When we were dating, she told me that one serious boyfriend who proposed, she denied him and they bro...
A. 1 September 2011: It certainly sounds like she decided to play down the seriousness of her previous relationship(s). While you did catch her in a lie, I would sort of think this is a white lie and she was protecting you from the knowledge that she had serious ... (read in full...)
My soon to be ex lacks boundaries-how do I stand up to him?
Q. I really want to get over my ex, we are currently going through a divorce, I am divorcing him for his adultery with an ex best friend of mine!! He is in a relationship with her and living with her. We have a little boy too. I really want to get o...
A. 1 September 2011: I agree with EyesWideOpen, it has only been a short amount of time, and the sense of betrayal is still very raw for you. I suspect also you are harboring a great deal of resentment, fear, and anger towards what has happened. These types of strong ... (read in full...)
Stay or go after months of lies?
Q. I'm still in a dilemma about my ex, help! To sum up, after being continually accused of chatting to men, cheating etc (did none of this) and noticing changed in his behaviour and times he was going out i discovered he had been going out to dan...
A. 1 September 2011: Ultimately the decision is up to you, but it sounds like you already have a torrid past.
If you didn't have a child together, I'd probably write this one off as a bad experience and to tell you to move on.
Since there is a child here, I th... (read in full...)
Not sure wheather to move in together as a family or not
Q. hi again you great agony aunts and uncles, i am back again for some advice on what to do, me and my man have been together for over 2 years now, its LDR, and recently we have been having the moving in together talk, but we are unsure what to do, we ...
A. 1 September 2011: I would urge caution at this point. You state you've been going out for 2 years, but that the relationship up to this point has been mostly long-distance.
So in other words, you really don't know how each other reacts on a daily basis. Not only... (read in full...)
Why do I feel terrible after giving oral sex to my boyfriend?
Q. I have been dating a guy for a month and a half. Having had not so great ex's (2 in total) in the past, I wanted to be careful about the next guy I chose to be with. I'm still a virgin, but I've had oral sex (I could classify as a technical virgin ...
A. 1 September 2011: I think the reason why you feel terrible after giving oral is because you caved in your standards. You had in your mind that you were going to wait at least 3 months before proceeding to that state of the relationship.
Unfortunately from the soun... (read in full...)
What help is available to give us some support? My Step son is terrorising the family with his behavior.
Q. This is very long but there is no way to shorten it. I have been in this relationship with my GF for 3 1/2 years now. She has both a daughter (8yrs) and a son(11yrs). My relationship with the daughter couldn't be better. It's the step son. H...
A. 30 August 2011: This is a tough situation to be in, especially for someone who is not the biological parent of the boy.
Here are some suggestions:
1) This boy does need help. From the previous abuse in his life, or perhaps because of mental illness, he need... (read in full...)
His parents made my life hell, and now that we've moved away he's withdrawn
Q. My husband is driving me crazy. We have been married for almost 20 years - when we first married he insisted that we live close to his parents who constantly meddled and controlled him making my life miserable. They had 24 hour access to our house ...
A. 30 August 2011: It sounds like your husband is using his lack of communication with you as a weapon. I think it is covering his hurt and resentment in having to pick you over his parents.
When a man takes a wife, his wife becomes the #1 person in his life. W... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is unappreciative of all the things I did for his birthday!
Q. Hi guys, Am I a doormat? Twas my bf's birthday over the weekend, really annoyed that he wasn't happy with anything. I organised a party and was given out too because he said he didnt want one. Then I was given out too for inviting the wrong people...
A. 30 August 2011: Well, I think you've learned something about your boyfriend during this session. It seems that he has some very different expectations for his birthday than you did.
It definitely sounds like you went out of your way to make it a happy day for ... (read in full...)
Can you please help give me some clarity? Because I am drowning in all these relationship troubles.
Q. Okay I have many issues with my relationship but I will bring up one at a time and see what we can figure out solutions. First off I am a 30 year old female in a 8 year relationship with someone who is 1 year older than me. He has 3 kids and I ha...
A. 28 August 2011: It definitely sounds like this guy and his ex comes as a package. Also, it sounds like his ex uses their children as pawns in her game to extract revenge upon him.
The long distance relationship is largely working because the ex and the kids are... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to live separately but not break up. Am I being selfish resisting this change?
Q. My girlfriend and I are in our mid-40's and have been going together for just over a year and a half. We've been living together for the last 6 months. She told me last month that after the year lease is up on our rental house that she wants us t...
A. 28 August 2011: I agree with your initial assessments: this does look like a step backwards in terms of your relationship.
I suspect there is a bit more going on than what you are saying in your post. You state that you were looking at wedding / engageme... (read in full...)
My boyfriend jokes when I want to talk about our future
Q. My bf of 9 months and I live together, are serious, want to get married and have kids etc. He's 35 and I'm 28. Lately we've been having some financial difficulties. Lately when I mention our future he makes a joke, I said I didn't like that and he ...
A. 22 August 2011: I believe his joking is a self-defense mechanism in hiding from the truth that he can't provide for everything you want -- right now.
I suspect both of you want to get married, do the honeymoon deal, have kids, own a home, etc. Let's face it,... (read in full...)
My antidepressant is affecting my sexual performance
Q. i am having difficultIes with maintaing an erection and I can barely ejaculate at all. I have heard that my body will get used to the drug and I will be back to normal again, is this true or will it cause permanent damage?...
A. 22 August 2011: I think this is really a question for your doctor or even your pharmacist (you can call and ask anonymously if you are concerned about it). I guarentee you won't be the first to ask that question to him / her. Sometimes a doctor will proscribe ... (read in full...)
Lonely, confused, and lost: should I stay with him or leave?
Q. Hi I feel lost in life and need help. I broke up with my husband of 14 years nearly four years ago. We had had a good relationship and two amazing children but he cheated and I could not forgive him. I desperately regret this. I was intent I cou...
A. 22 August 2011: From your story, it sounds like you keep going to the source of your problems: cheating men. While you may miss husband #1, let's face it, he cheated on you and you couldn't forgive him. He probably seriously betrayed your trust at the time and ... (read in full...)
Dating is taking a toll on me, but I am so lonely! Should I take a break?
Q. I am struggling at the moment and need some encouragement more than advice! I had a date over the weekend with a really great guy - we were very similar in lots of ways - maybe too similar if there is such a thing? Well, we have decided to be ...
A. 22 August 2011: It sounds like you have a combination of missing your ex and a bit of bad luck trying to find someone new.
One of the semi-truisms of dating, it seems, is that your mate often comes when you least expect it. Perhaps, with all the dates you've b... (read in full...)
Torn between walking away or staying
Q. I need an honest answer from men who have been like this or know someone who has: He is 32 and immature. he cnat seem to hold on to a relationship longer than 2-3 months max. But I am the only one who has been the longest relationship. its been ...
A. 22 August 2011: I think you missed the real question here. The real question here is why do you still want to be with an immature guy who keeps breaking up with you?
While it sounds like you have invested serious time into him (2 years -- even off and on is si... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed by this hypocrite
Q. My former fiance and I have not spoken in 3 months. We were together for 3 years. I am so confused and sad about how he dropped me for someone new as if our relationship never happened. I have only called twice and texted once. He does not ...
A. 21 August 2011: It sounds like you are still angry and bitter over your break-up, which is entirely natural given your circumstances.
Born-again Christians aren't perfect -- as they like to say -- they are just forgiven. While the happy endings thing is a bit ey... (read in full...)
Married for 8 years, he is no longer interested in anything but work and money
Q. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. When we first got together, we had sex all the time. After about a year it started dwindling away slowly and now we might have sex 2 times a year. When I ask him what is wrong, he says he has no ...
A. 21 August 2011: Your situation, believe it or not, is not uncommon and you do have my sympathies.
It sounds like you have talked to your husband about it and he's ignored your pleas or justified his actions in some way. I think it is time to be more direct w... (read in full...)
Is it verbal abuse or is it actually my fault?
Q. I need some help dealing with my husband. I suspect that he is being verbally / emotionally abusive but I honestly don't know anymore. Maybe it really is my fault. We've been married for 9 years, have no kids and we both work all the time at fair...
A. 18 August 2011: Since this has occurred somewhat recently, I suspect there is more to the story than what you are telling us. You don't tell us what your husband complains about, but from the few hints you did leave in your question, my guess is that things aren... (read in full...)
Why does my husband flirt with everybody but me?
Q. Why does my husband flirt with everyone but me? He seems happy when he's with me. We laugh and cut up and have so much fun together. But the other girls get the "sweetie" and and the touches and stuff. Is he just a really flirty guy? I am a few days ...
A. 17 August 2011: I suspect its less about you and more about him, when he flirts with other women.
Some guys normally come off charming, or at least like to think of themselves as charming. They probably like to see how many women they can get interest... (read in full...)
We're having an affair. I know we should end it but its so hard!
Q. Dear cupid...I am a married woman who is having an affair with a married man for nearly 10 months now. I tried repeatedly to break off my relationships and so has he but we both keep getting back together. We are very much expressed love for each ...
A. 17 August 2011: I agree, it is hard to break off a relationship that has been your glimmer of hope in your life. Let's face it, both of you aren't happy with your marriages, you have found each other, and you are both probably the highlights of each others lives ... (read in full...)
I'm confused. She gave me her number and now won't answer?!
Q. So, a couple days ago at work this group comes in. I'm behind the desk so I help everyone. Consequently I sing really well so from time to time i sing to customers and at some point during the night, must have sung to this girl because she came up ...
A. 17 August 2011: Sadly, this happens and it happened to me more times than I could count.
I wish I could give you a specific answer as to why she isn't answering, but my rule was 2 calls and if no reply, she is either playing games, changed her mind, was tipsy wh... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has erectile dysfunction
Q. I've been dating a guy now for almost two years who is 10 yrs. my senior. I will be 50 next month, and he will be 60 in October. I was separated from my ex-husband for almost 7 yrs. before I divorced him. I had been celibate during the whole time ...
A. 14 August 2011: I am not sure there is a clear-cut answer for you here. You are missing a key and vital component of your relationship -- physical intimacy. Whatever his reasons or excuses, he isn't keeping up with his end of the bargain in providing that. ... (read in full...)
Kicked BF out of my apartment for online cheating - did I over-react?
Q. I kicked my boyfriend of 9 months out of my apartment after I found evidence he had been flirting with a girl online and even gone as far as to give her his phone number. He also invited her to come visit our town and he'd be a "tour guide". When ...
A. 13 August 2011: I don't think you over reacted at all on this.
Let's face it, this guy was cheating and you caught him red-handed. While he may not have had sex with her, he was definitely setting up the opportunity.
While it is easy to second guess you... (read in full...)
I don't want my fiance having strippers at his party!
Q. Tomorrow night will be my bachelorette party and my fiance will be having his bachelor party. We are having two separate parties and I would like him to come home that night. He refuses. Our mutual friend who isn't going to his told me that there ...
A. 13 August 2011: I never understood this mentality by men and women. Yeah, I can understand a night at the bar, perhaps reminiscing about past loves or what not, but I never understood the need for strippers, who usually double as prostitutes if the money is right. ... (read in full...)
Is this an affair waiting to happen?
Q. Hi everyone. First time here and I have a big problem I could use your advice on. Here's the story. We're both married and attracted to each other. We have been friends for a year now and over that year our attraction has grown and we have...
A. 12 August 2011: The short answer to your question, is yes to just about everything you asked.
The question is why did you feel the need to come here and ask a question you probably already knew the answer to, but were to afraid to answer for yourself?
Let's f... (read in full...)
Was he the victim in our fight? Or me?
Q. Our first romantic week-end away (after 3 years) turned into a violent mess of emotion after I expressed my upset about his three second idea of love-making. Like where’s the fire? What’s the rush babe…? Given that the setting was relaxed and ...
A. 11 August 2011: Interesting. So you wanted a romantic session and he delivered a wham-bam-thank-you-maam instead...
If I read between the lines, he probably finished too quickly and was embarrassed about it. Most guys like to brag about how long they can last... (read in full...)
He won't marry me. Should I issue an ultimatum?
Q. Okay, I made a mistake by moving in with my boyfriend, but the damage is done and if anyone can help me, I would appreciate it. Basically, I want to get married and he does not. I have been with him for four years, and have lived with him for thr...
A. 10 August 2011: I am not sure what you are waiting for. You've given him 4 years to make up his mind, you are covering his bills, providing for him sexually and you are still sitting and waiting?
I know it is hard to hear this, but if your goal is marriage... (read in full...)
Husband has been impotent for 5 years with no reason!
Q. Would you believe in your husband if he would say, he does not know, why he has no sexual desire, and why he can't get up for 5 years? We have been married for 25 years, and had great sex. But sex suddenly stopped 5 years ago. He is impotent, ...
A. 9 August 2011: You don't mention how old your husband is, but a lot of times, sexual dysfunctions can come about as a result of age, being overweight, having heart issues, smoking, diabetes, or a circulation problem. I agree with the other answers here in that he ... (read in full...)
Ex bf still in picture, what can one do??
Q. I have a girlfriend who I have a kid with and we've been together for 3.5 yrs. Our daughters 2.5 yrs old. Coming into the relationship she had kids with a prior bf and a relationship lasting 13 yrs. She swears up and down shes over him and has no ...
A. 7 August 2011: It sounds like your girlfriend is playing you and not being 100% faithful. Sending semi-nude pictures of herself to an ex is not being true.
I am not sure what her motivations are in doing this. Perhaps she realizes your relationship isn't go... (read in full...)
Should I just get over him, and how do I do that??
Q. So....my problem is men related! Nothing new there then! Haha! I'll keep it (try to) as brief as possible. But basically I think I'm being blown out and lost guy I think was right for me. I met him 4 months ago, he told me from first date didn't do ...
A. 7 August 2011: It sounds like the guy you were seeing was stringing you along until something better came along.
I hate to say it to you, but a lot of guys are jerks like this. While it doesn't make it hurt any less, it should make you somewhat grateful... (read in full...)
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