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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Is he cheating with me?...what's with the secrecy?
Q. I have been dating a man for 7 weeks. On paper we look great, same age, both solvent kids grown up, both working, similar interests and lots in common...there is just one problem...he hasn't let me see where he lives but has been to mine a few ...
A. 5 May 2012: There really isn't anything concrete to go on and perhaps right now you are jumping to conclusions.
I do agree with Lotti though. Have a talk with him and do check out his place where he lives -- insist upon that course of action when he returns.... (read in full...)
What can I do to save my relationship?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have three beautiful children together. Over the years we've had ups and downs like most couples but recently its been getting worse. I have gained wait since the birth of our last child who is about ...
A. 5 May 2012: I think your boyfriend gave you some answers as to how you can save your relationship -- the question is, can you abide and make the necessary changes?
Why not give him some space... With 3 kids in the picture, I am sure he is stressed out and ... (read in full...)
His spending and saving habits are giving me pause!
Q. My b/f is a nice guy, lovely company, helpful around the house when he stays over. We've been together 2 years. He's 5 years older than me. I have realised we have very different opinions on work, money, savings and planning ahead. I like to be ...
A. 5 May 2012: From the way you tell it, it sounds like your boyfriend has to grow up a bit more -- at least in the financial department. It is also wise of you to notice that his actions are giving you a reason to have some seconds thoughts about him.
Money... (read in full...)
Husband putting oral sex above everything else.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, our sex life has always been great, but lately I feel that I am nothing more than a mouth for him. He wants oral sex everyday, and though I dont mind it, it seems that he has no emotions about it, no ...
A. 1 May 2012: Part of the deal with sex is that it has to be a 2-way street. It sounds like you don't mind oral sex but it certainly sounds like he is lacking in the mutual satisfaction department.
Have you tried coming on to him? How about dressing up in so... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't like it that my job is as an exotic dancer
Q. I really cannot understand why guys get so Jealous ..But this has been a Really serious problem . My work as an Exotic Dancer pays very well , and is a Fun way to live life , Its all harmless fun . Yet my boyfriend is constantly trying to get me ...
A. 28 April 2012: Usually these types of situations end up like this. Only a few small handful of guys can deal with their girlfriends having a profession like this.
Let's face it, it is every guy's fantasy of having a hot girlfriend who also doubles as an exoti... (read in full...)
Getting married but all I can do is think of my ex
Q. Hi, thanks for reading this. I am a mother of 1 in my 30's Getting married next year but all I can think about is my ex!! We were together 10 years ago for 8 years and haven't seen each other much since! Our parents are friends and we have a fe...
A. 28 April 2012: I am going to agree with most of the other answerers here and say it is very unfair to your fiancée to marry him while you obviously still have feelings for your ex.
However, I think you need to ask yourself for how long you've been thinking... (read in full...)
I found he did some "swinging" two years into our dating... and not from him. How should I feel?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm in an exclusive relationship going on two years. We both own our homes. He is divorced and my husband passed away. He never would give me much information on why they divorced and claimed he never cheated on her, they just gre...
A. 28 April 2012: Personally, I don't think it matters how other people think about your boyfriend's past. What matters is what YOU feel about it. I think on some level you are looking for validation.
It would appear that your boyfriend's past relation... (read in full...)
Could my boyfriend return to the man he was?
Q. okay here one i think everyone has heard, but I think phycological i need to hear the answer. My boyfriend of two years is distant. he says it is cause of my nagging him to make plans or for us to work together on this relationship. Well he no longe...
A. 21 April 2012: From the sounds of it, your boyfriend isn't making you a priority in his life.
It would appear that you have addressed your concerns with him and his response is that he is tired of talking about the state of your relationship. He seems to... (read in full...)
My husband has filed for divorce and doesn't want to work things out. Should I just accept it?
Q. My husband of two years is in the process of divorcing me. I really don't want this to happen but he will not communicate with me any more. He said prior to him telling me that he was divorcing me that I was selfish and was always difficult putting ...
A. 21 April 2012: If he has filed for divorce, I think he has already made up his mind.
Unfortunately for you, his feelings for you apparently don't line up with what you feel for him. I assume there were warning signs along the way. With your high-pow... (read in full...)
Should I divorce my husband? How would you feel about this?
Q. Hello, I'm new to the site. I would like to see what others think of my situation. My husband does not come home to me from work. He goes to his parent's every single night for 2-3 hours after work. Yes that is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...
A. 21 April 2012: I think your situation further validates my theory that women marry men in hopes of changing them and men marry women in hopes that they never change. Sadly, you knew going in that he was a "momma's boy".
Marriage is tough as it is, but when you... (read in full...)
Should I divorce my husband? How would you feel about this?
Q. Hello, I'm new to the site. I would like to see what others think of my situation. My husband does not come home to me from work. He goes to his parent's every single night for 2-3 hours after work. Yes that is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...
A. 21 April 2012: After reading your post, I think there is a LOT more going on here than what you have written.
What I am not getting from your post is why he chooses to do what he does. Is he waiting for traffic to calm down before he makes the rest of the trip... (read in full...)
What kind of guys are likely to be interested in me? My husband wants a divorce. Feels tough right now.
Q. Hi everyone need some positive advice. I have just turned 40 and my husband has left me and wants a divorce - we don't have any children. I am feeling numb and empty but we have had a bad marriage for a long time. However I am worried that I a...
A. 21 April 2012: I am going to agree with Honeypie's assessment.
I wouldn't worry about what sort of guy is going to be interested in you. It is a big world out there and many women who are your age find caring, loving men who want to share their lives with you... (read in full...)
Boyfriend only lasts 5 minutes!
Q. My bf is 14yrs older. I notice now that I dont get more thsn 5 mins of sex with him. He lasted longer before. I dont know why. I just want an orgasm too. But I never get it....
A. 21 April 2012: It sounds like you need to have a word with him about his quick finishes.
I agree, that for most men, 5 minutes is about average from initial penetration. Although, if done properly, a man can delay his orgasm.
Here are some suggestions:
... (read in full...)
What to do after been treated like this by this player?
Q. Ironically I've always tried to avoid these type of losers but I ended up falling for one who made his work rather well in making me fall in love with him. He has now discarded me for another one and he has even told in my face he never liked me but ...
A. 21 April 2012: Moo's Mum advice is pretty much spot on.
Give yourself some time to get over the pain and hurt of being let down. You aren't the first person to be treated this way and you won't be the last. Unfortunately, men AND women do this to each other --... (read in full...)
How is it possible to find out the cause of my husband's impotence?
Q. How is it possible to find out the cause, of my husband's impotence? He is unable to maintain an erection, and he says due to this he lost his sexual desire. So now, he has erectile dysfunction, and total loss of sexual desire at the last few ...
A. 19 April 2012: In our 40's many men lose their sexual desire and some even lose their ability to have an erection. There are many potential causes for this:
1) Low testosterone / too much soy food. As we age, this hormone drops. Soy can increase estrogen... (read in full...)
How do I liven things up between us? Despite him rejecting my advances regularly?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. We were always very passionate and affectionate. A couple months ago, he began to act less and less, however. I realize that this can happen as a relationship progresses, but physical affection and ...
A. 19 April 2012: Unfortunately, I see the disparity of sex drives in a lot of couples relationships on dearcupid.
It sounds like you've hit a bit of a lull and I have to commend you on your tactics. Right down the line, you've done exactly what I would've... (read in full...)
Is he with someone else or just busy?
Q. He only reaches out to me when I contact him first and sometimes does not even reply to me. We have been had sex a few times each time he cuddles me ask me about things but then disappears. He canceled last night @ the last min and now I am ...
A. 19 April 2012: I agree with the other posters here. You are his booty call and he comes around when he is horny.
A man who TRULY wants to be with you will crawl through the Sahara desert to fetch you a glass of lemonade.
I think at some point you have t... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to love me again?
Q. My boyfriend and i are together 3 years he is 44 and i am 42. Basically he became good friends with a woman for about a 2 years ago. he helped her settle into our country they were friends and now he is telling me he is in love with her and he c...
A. 19 April 2012: It sounds like to me that you are caught between a rock and a hard place here.
I think we have to look at love as a bit more of an emotional thing rather than something that can be reasoned with using logic. It would appear that your boyfrien... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps on, "giving me an out"??
Q. My bf of 8 months (or maybe soon to be ex, im not sure because we just had a fight) often says to me "i'm giving you an out". He's done this several times out of nowhere, mostly because he's concerned about his personal and financial situation. I ...
A. 9 April 2012: A man's self-esteem can often times be tied to the amount of dollar's in his bank account. Let's face it, when we are in love, most guys will open their vaults for the woman they love.
It would appear that your boyfriend isn't in that position... (read in full...)
Should I try to date this gym rat who reminds me of my ex husband?
Q. I met a new guy and he says he is falling for me - I am uncomfy with that. I have just started dating again after taking almost three years off after a BAD relationship. The new guy tells me how he is falling for me and that he can see us together ...
A. 8 April 2012: Some alarm bells went off for me in that he started saying he was "Falling for you". When guys get emotional too fast, it is often a ploy to get someone into bed that much sooner. Let's face it, you are both getting to know one another... why rush ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's drinking is ruining everything!
Q. My boyfriend has an obvious drinking problem, even he admits it. At times he has tried to cut down, but over the course of a month or so he just works back up to the same old excessive amount. He comes home drunk all the time. He's even started ...
A. 8 April 2012: From the sounds of it, your boyfriend is an alcoholic. There is nothing you can truly do to make him stop. He has to make the decision to stop and I would advice that he seek professional treatment. If he is unable to afford that, he really needs ... (read in full...)
Is it just sex or more?
Q. i have been having sex with a guy for about 2yrs now.. in the begining he and i was jst hooking up... 2yrs later... i am soo much in love... i dont think he feels the same way. he probably likes me... or does he jst like having sex with me. he ...
A. 8 April 2012: After 2 years, yes, it definitely sounds like he is using you solely for sex.
Sadly, he hasn't invested the emotional commitment that you have in this matter and from the looks of it, you are wasting your best years as well as your emotions... (read in full...)
I'm miserable in my marriage but too exhausted to leave
Q. Im so miserable in my marriage, but I feel I have no energy to leave. We both went through together lots of challenges also a recent tragedy. We loved each other, but our life had many unbelievable challenges, and now we both feel burned out. He is ...
A. 2 April 2012: It sounds like to me that you are dealing with a lot right now. Before you make any decisions about your marriage, I think you need to take some time to yourself to help sort things out. You may be suffering from mild depression that could be ... (read in full...)
Why can I not move on? What is the matter with me?
Q. I had a 5 year on and off relationship with my exboyfriend as he was seeing other women. I confronted him with evidence 4 months ago. I walked out for good. He send me email saying that his flat feels big, cold and empty without me. I sent hi...
A. 2 April 2012: What you are experiencing is normal. When love ends, it can be a very traumatic and painful experience. After four years, you have invested serious emotional and time commitment.
Unfortunately, your ex-boyfriend isn't a keeper. Not only was... (read in full...)
Empty nest, infidelity, mistrust, insecurity, low self esteem, no sex...is my marriage doomed?
Q. i am 46 yrs old, married for 25 yrs, all of our children are grown. we got married because i got pregnant. It was my husbands idea to get married. He wanted to do the right thing. After our daughter was born we had two more children, a son and ...
A. 2 April 2012: No, I don't think your marriage is doomed. Let's face it, you've overcome some serious hurdles in the 25 years you have put together.
What I do sense though is that you are starting to have second thoughts on whether you want to continue the seco... (read in full...)
Friends with benefits for 8 years, then I find out he is married! How do I get over this?
Q. hi everyone, could do with some advice please, how do you get over a man who you see for 8 years as friends with benefits? im totaly heartbroken and there isnt a day goes by i dont think of him. he got married 2 years ago and never told me and yet ...
A. 27 March 2012: How sad...
It sounds like this man was more than a friends with benefits situation for you. Unfortunately that sometimes goes with the territory in these nebulous relationships.
Let's face it, when you sleep with someone you are bound to get... (read in full...)
Dead beat boyfriend wont get a job!
Q. What should I do about my live-in boyfriend not getting a job? We have been together for nearly 3 years now. He got fired from his job in October for leaving the property, while on the clock of all things. He hasn't had a job for going on 5 ...
A. 20 March 2012: Without knowing your boyfriend, I cannot comment on his ambition.
In short though, you have reason to be concerned. You are currently supporting him and if you decide you want to start to raise a family, it brings into question whether he can p... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for being curious about what she is doing when she is on this game for up to 8 hours a day?
Q. My girlfriend plays World of Warcraft from anywhere from 3 to 8 hours a day.When I walk by her I sometimes stop to look at her "whisper" box to see who she's talking to. She has become increasingly upset at this,telling me I'm annoying and rude ...
A. 20 March 2012: I've been there too. Playing World of Warcraft can be an intense experience, especially when you are doing group adventures. Each person relies upon the skills of another person and if one person is distracted it could result in an entire ... (read in full...)
My ex will not allow me to date around our children
Q. Why is my ex saying he won't allow me to introduce another man to my kids. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago, we lived together and had 2 kids. We.broke up.because he has a bad temper and the relationship had been abusive at times and I didn't.trust ...
A. 17 March 2012: I am going to agree with Cerberus on their post. What you are dealing with is a very abusive and controlling man. It sounds like to me he wants to have his cake and eat it too and he is using the kids to deny you from seeing anyone else.
I wil... (read in full...)
I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship. Is anyone else like this?
Q. Ok, here goes... I'm nervous about posting this but the bottom line is I'm lonely. I live in a big city and whilst I know people, I would consider the vast majority acquaintances. I moved away from my home town years ago as most of my childhood ...
A. 17 March 2012: It sounds like you need to change the direction in which your life is heading.
You appear very successful and that you have a lot of what people want out of life and you are grateful for it. There's a lot to be said about having a roof over you... (read in full...)
The lack of sex has put me in a constant state of frustration and I don't know what to do
Q. Hi there. I am 53 f engaged to 51 m. We have been living together for 2 years and are getting married later this year. I keep putting off the date as I get a knot in my stomach when I think about it. The problem is that sex is not happenin...
A. 16 March 2012: At his age, he is likely experiencing a loss of sexual drive. Unfortunately that happens as we get older.
It sounds like his medications and health problems could be the central issue. If possible, I would recommend that he talk to his doct... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if my b/f of 7 years is ever going to totally commit to me
Q. Hi everyone, I would realy appreciate your thoughts on my situation as I am very confused. I have been with my boyfreind for seven years, I have two children and he has two grown up and a seven yr old. He proposed to me early on giving me a ...
A. 16 March 2012: It certainly sounds like your boyfriend has strung you along for 7 years. Amazing how fast time flies, no?
At this point, I wouldn't call your engagement an "engagement". Sure he has stuck around, but when push comes to shove, he isn't willing ... (read in full...)
He is not listening to me. What I want now is his affection!
Q. My husband and I have participated in swinging, mostly me having encounters with other me and occasionally girls. My husband would get turned on by putting craigslist ads and inviting young men over and single women or couples to come over. It would ...
A. 16 March 2012: Married couples often change with the years. You are probably beginning to realize that the swinging lifestyle isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Many posts have been written here lamenting that fact.
Your husband has to realize at this poi... (read in full...)
Opposites do not attract....
Q. My screenname says it all! lol I have a big problem (pun intended). My fiance is very small and I am very big. I cannot feel him inside of me when we have intercourse and thereby I am sure that he cannot feel me. We are older (I'm 37 he is 41) ...
A. 15 March 2012: Then I think you have a decision to make.
If you've honestly tried everything and he hasn't responded, it is unlikely he is going to change. I suspect with his size, he is insecure with his abilities in bed. Have you tried encouraging him and ... (read in full...)
Opposites do not attract....
Q. My screenname says it all! lol I have a big problem (pun intended). My fiance is very small and I am very big. I cannot feel him inside of me when we have intercourse and thereby I am sure that he cannot feel me. We are older (I'm 37 he is 41) ...
A. 14 March 2012: Sorry to hear about your bedroom difficulties.
If you didn't have a child with him, I'd encourage you to think twice about whether your relationship would really work out. It sounds like you are sexually dissatisfied and sadly there's only a f... (read in full...)
He had sex with his ex....we were seperated but neither of us had filed for divorce, so did he cheat on me?
Q. My husband and I were separated for a year. After the first 6 months we started to talk and go out to dinner and such. We do have a daughter together and we were only married a little over a year when we separated. We worked on things and he had ...
A. 14 March 2012: Technically, yes, he did cheat.
I am not sure what the terms of your separation were, but this could also be a gray area. If you intended to split up or your marriage was over, I think you probably need to let this incident pass. Also, at what ... (read in full...)
Do I just have to be okay with no sex in my marriage, or should I find someone to give me that "experience" my body is craving?
Q. Hello, I really need someone to help me out. I have been married to my husband for almost five years, and we have two children together. Ever since we had our second child, my husband and I have had very little to no sex. He could care less about ...
A. 8 March 2012: Before you go the cheating route (and that's what you'd be doing if you did stray), I would encourage you to explore with your husband why your sex life is so unsatisfactory. It is much easier to talk about this subject than trying to hide reasons ... (read in full...)
My husband of 8 years seems more like a friend than anything else
Q. I love my husband but more often we seem like friends than anything else. No sentiments communicated on how much he loves me etc - does this just fade over the 8 years that its not necessary to tell it anymore? We seem to have grown apart and have ...
A. 8 March 2012: Nobody said marriage is easy.
A lot of couples that have been married for a while often cross this road. One day, you realize that you are quite different from one another and you have grown to comfortable in your daily routine. The statemen... (read in full...)
I feel trapped! I married the wrong guy
Q. I married my now husband after 8 years of dating. We didnt live together first. So its been a year now and I feel trapped that i've married the wrong guy. I knew all about him before we married but only since we started living together did i r...
A. 6 March 2012: After reading your question, I have to say that you are experiencing about what is normal in an 8-year-old relationship -- and almost an early mid-life crisis.
Let's face it, the longer we stay with our significant others, the more changes ... (read in full...)
Starving for sex while husband jeks off in the next room!
Q. My husband sneaks off to masturbate. One morning I woke up and wanted a cup of coffee while I watched whatever show I had recorded the previous night. My husband had left about an hour before, while i was still asleep. I made my coffee, and in m...
A. 6 March 2012: No, I don't think you are wrong.
Your husband is being selfish. Part of the pact of being married is being there for your spouse. By expending his sexual energy in this manner, he leaves nothing for you.
Most men do masturbate -- ev... (read in full...)
I try so hard to be a good wife and be sexy for him but he is not interested and keeps coming on to other women!
Q. Hi. I am having a hard time. In a relationship for a year. My husband keeps coming on to women. He went to Salvation Army to get us coats and 3 friends called he was all into this chick. I called him. No nothing to worry about. I went over and ...
A. 5 March 2012: It sounds like your husband still enjoys the chase and the thrill of the hunt. Some guys never out grow that ego boost of knowing they can score a woman on the side despite having a pretty woman at home. Or it could be that your husband is overly ... (read in full...)
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