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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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I refused to play his game
Q. Hi everyone I have a problem with a man who apparently is grieving for his wife. He showed a lot of attention to me before she died. He went cold for a little while but now its back again. His wife died 9 months ago. Unfortunately fo...
A. 5 February 2016: To be honest, it sounds like the relationship is all about him: he'll see you at his convince and when he wants to. It also sounds like he doesn't care too much about your needs and desires.
You don't give us a lot of clues to go over on what ... (read in full...)
Would a guy invest his time for texting almost every hour and everyday only to get sex
Q. Hello everyone! I am wondering, if a guy would invest his time for texting almost every hour and everyday only to get sex (my fear)? I don't know him in real life, we met online. He's charming and all that stuff. We've been texting about ...
A. 5 February 2016: The problem with texting back and forth is you really don't know the "real" him. It is incredibly easy to make up a story via texting. They are, after all, just words on the screen and you can't see the subtle body and facial that give his true ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a guy to only want anal and never vaginal sex?
Q. I recently met a guy from a dating site. The first time we met, we engaged in anal sex without a condom (he had a fantasy of ejaculating inside my anus) as a way to avoid pregnancy. Everytime we meet he only wants to have anal and never vaginal. ...
A. 2 February 2016: I hope you have a moment to re-read your post and ask if you saw someone post that, what would you think about them?
For me, I came across with this:
1) You are very risky with your sexual health. You let a stranger have anal sex with you -- ... (read in full...)
My fiancé almost never wants to have sex, is there a way we can compromise?
Q. My fiancé and I have been together for three years and i am sure we really love eachother however there has been a reoccurring issue in our relationship for about a year now...he almost never wants have sex. we have been living together for about ...
A. 2 February 2016: Can I be brutally honest question?
Why are you getting married?
To me, it sounds like there are a lot of variables that are completely out of whack in your relationship.
Marriage is tough -- over 50% fail depending upon which sta... (read in full...)
He wants sex almost every night! Is this normal?
Q. How often do couples have sex? I have been with my partner for just under 2 years and feel he always wants sex. I have a 3 year old from a previous relationship. So some nights I am just too tired and want to just sleep. Then he sulks if I say no or ...
A. 2 February 2016: Normal is sort of a variable here. One person's normal is another person's extreme.
Speaking as a guy, we tend to have a higher sex drive than women (at least in most cases). Couple the fact that he is older and with a much younger (and pro... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me that I get involved with a married man? Why am I such a mess?
Q. What is wrong with me?? Please tell me what's wrong with me. I am ending an alcoholic marriage and am getting divorced. It has been very sad for many years and then i get involved with a married man for the last 18 months cos he was kind and car...
A. 1 February 2016: Sorry to hear that you are going through this.
You are at a very tumultuous time in your life right now. You are approaching middle age, you are getting a divorce and you are struggling with one of the toughest emotions: loneliness.
It is n... (read in full...)
Boyfriend proposed but I feel unsure!
Q. My boyfriend of 8 years proposed! It was a complete shock. We had talked about getting married in the future and joked about it, but I wasn't expecting a proposal! I definitely love him, but I feel more anxious and embarrassed than excited. I ...
A. 1 February 2016: Marriage is a BIG step. Even though you've been together for 8 years getting marriage is nearly the same as forming a business contract. Your relationship suddenly becomes a joining of not only living quarters, but money and assets. Also, the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 2 years came inside me for the first time after sex. Why did he do this?
Q. My boyfriend came inside me after having sex. He always pulls out and this is the first time in 2 years he has ever done this. So I am wondering if I need to be concerned by the change in behaviour. Why do this after all this time when he has neve...
A. 29 January 2016: You know what they call couples who use the pull out method as a form of birth control?
Parents.
While you may have gotten (extremely lucky) so far you have to remember that when a guy is having sex, little bits of pre-cum are produced tha... (read in full...)
Why was the sex so different between my ex and this man and which one is normal?
Q. A little while ago, I had sex with someone. I'd only ever has sex with one other person before this. My first "lover" was my ex. During the act, we did not really kiss or look at each other. Or talk much. Even when I lost my virginity to him...
A. 28 January 2016: Like the hundreds of ways to make a cake, there are many different styles of lovers in this world.
Being that this is your second "love" you can definitely tell there is a difference.
A lot of it has to do with emotional connection. You... (read in full...)
Would it just be better for me to be on my own rather to be with someone who is never around?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together a few years and were best friends before we got together. Since moving in together the relationship has become totally stale, I can concentrate on my career from home as I'm self employed but he works ...
A. 28 January 2016: It sounds like since moving in there has been some changes in your relationship.
The question is, though, were these problems present before you moved in? Did he work a lot of hours before? How often did you spend time together beforeha... (read in full...)
If I have to ask "where is this relationship going?" the answer is probably "nowhere".
Q. I am a 54 yo female, divorced for 6 years, no children. He is a 60 yo male, divorced for 5 years, he has a 20 yo son who lives out west, another son who lives away as a college freshman and a third son who lives with him who is a HS sophomore. ...
A. 28 January 2016: Sorry, but this relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
When a guy wants to be with a woman, generally he'll move heaven and earth to be with her. I mean come on, even if we aren't emotionally in the game, generally it'll happen i... (read in full...)
I've completely lost interest in sex due to the health issues it causes for me
Q. I'm in a long term relationship (7Years). We are very happy together. I love him. However, I have to completely lost interest in sex. I think like main reason is that I get a bladder infection every time won have sex (been to doctors and had lots of ...
A. 24 January 2016: Sorry to hear about this. Not having sex can really put a damper on a relationship, particularly for men.
Here are some of my tips:
1) Use lube. If you are tight or experience vaginal dryness, there are lots of products that might be able to... (read in full...)
Should I even bother with a man who still has his ex's photo on the wall 10 years after she has passed away?
Q. I went met this guy online. We talked for 9 months before making plans to meet in person. He was a very nice guy, but has an annoying side to him. He liked to win when we had our little spats. Anyway, we went on a couple of dates finally, and they...
A. 24 January 2016: My opinion: You were out of line to call out the portrait.
Sorry, but he obviously has very strong feelings towards this woman and she likely passed away during a time when their relationship was in "bliss" mode. So naturally his feelings... (read in full...)
What should I do? Is it wrong to have sex without marriage?
Q. I will be 70 next year and I have had no sex for many years since my husband passed away I am also a Christian and my Christianity tells me that sex before marriage is wrong can I please have your thoughts on this I'm not looking to get married and ...
A. 24 January 2016: This is a decision that you are going to have to make on your own, I am afraid.
Most Christian faiths preach that sex before marriage is a sin. However, in today's society most people do have sex without marriage or even before marriage.
You... (read in full...)
The idea of my boyfriend watching porn makes me never want him to be home alone
Q. Hello looking for some advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years and i love him! The one problem is in the first year of our relationship i found out he watched porn .. at the time i wasent that bothered and gotover it but fot some ...
A. 22 January 2016: I hate to clue you in on a little secret: guys look at porn. And I am willing to bet a paycheck that your boyfriend still looks at it.
Let's face it, we are all human and we get horny or just desire to view something different. I am sure if ... (read in full...)
He can't stay hard, says I'm too wet and yet he wants a threesome???
Q. Dear Cupid I'm dating a guy for about a month, we did hit off well and he was nice and everything. Fast forward we had tried to have sex a week back, he told me I'm too wet and when he was able to do it, he couldn't hold his erection, tried ...
A. 22 January 2016: It is hard to say what exactly was his problem but I can certainly give you some clues:
1) Guys in their 40's have a few more problems holding an erection (generally) then they did in their twenties.
2) Using a condom can affect a man's a... (read in full...)
Online guy has me confused. I think he wants me to pursue him even though he gives nothing back
Q. Hi again all, the online dating drama continues! So I've been messaging a man online for a couple of weeks and he seemed really nice. He told me upfront he's looking for a relationship, as am I, but his actions since then have me confused and ...
A. 20 January 2016: Have you guys even met yet? I think that would be key.
Online messaging / dating is all a numbers game and he could be juggling a lot of different "plates" right now. The fact that neither one of you has taken the next step -- in any way, sha... (read in full...)
I got herpes from boyfriend while pregnant, turned into staph infection, I terminated the pregnanc and now he doesn't act the same towards me
Q. He was my first. I got pregnant.I was ecstatic.He had genital herpes all the time.He just never had an outbreak.so he didn't know.I caught it during the first trimester and had an outbreak all over my cervix.The doctor wrote it on paper that genital ...
A. 20 January 2016: There are a lot of reasons why your boyfriend may feel the way he does right now. Ultimately, you will have to talk to him one-on-one to determine his stance.
Here are some thoughts though to consider:
1) He could be grieving. One for the bab... (read in full...)
My BF just got back from a trip and said he missed me but I had to contact him to make plans to see each other
Q. Just want to know your take on my situation. I am not sure if there is cause for concern. I hope you can help me figure that out. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 1/2 years. We have a great connection as friends and still after all this t...
A. 20 January 2016: There is a lot that could be going on at this point and it would be hard and rather unfair to make too many conjectures.
If I had just gotten back from vacation abroad I would certainly need to catch up on my sleep, get used to the new time sch... (read in full...)
She wants everything. Should I walk?
Q. Been going out with a woman, for a month, she tells me if I want to continue to see her, I have to buy her gifts, cards, flowers, and take her out two times a week. Do I walk away? She said she will give me two days to make up my mind. I sure know ...
A. 19 January 2016: My advice to you would be to RUN as fast as you can. Also the fact that you are starting to having second thoughts indicates to me that this woman "isn't all that."
Women that demand gifts and physical items, aren't really into you and eventual... (read in full...)
Tired of being the other woman but...
Q. Hi everyone, Am struggling following the break-up of a sexual relationship with a married man. We started as friends, which evolved into a FWB. We would hang out if I made plans for movies etc. Even though he always said how much he would like to ...
A. 19 January 2016: Your resulting feelings as a result of your situation are completely normal and I do sympathize with you. Please be cautious and forgiving with yourself. It is very easy to start doing self-destructive things to "punish" yourself. Per... (read in full...)
He's chatting on porn sites and I feel deceived
Q. I am in a very happy marriage (or so I thought) until I discovered my husband was secretly contacting other women on porn sites. He told me it was pure fantasy and meant nothing and that he would stop as I had got so upset. He does not see this...
A. 14 January 2016: Perhaps it is time to turn the tables on him. Ask him if it would be all right (or how he would feel) if you went to Facebook or another social media site and flirted, talked dirty, or just sought emotional bonding with men. Let's face it.... (read in full...)
Am I an idiot to keep responding to him?
Q. Met a guy from a dating site 2 years ago. Met him on and off throughout and we just meet for sex. last time i saw him was about two months ago. I would of liked him to of wanted more then sex but i know he doesn't. The sex is alright but i know he ...
A. 14 January 2016: I think you really need to decide what you are looking for. At the get go, I think you were looking for a fling and if something became of it, then you'd be onboard. But after 2 years, the relationship hasn't even really taken hold. And from ... (read in full...)
Sleeping together didn't go very well ...
Q. Dear Cupid I am dating a person for past one month and we slept together yesterday. He is really not my type, but he was really sweet and I wanted to give this a try. Only when I slept with him realized, he might have erectile dysfunction ...
A. 12 January 2016: Sorry to hear about your experience. Guys egos are often tied to being able to get an erection (or not). For a first time, it is usually a double whammy as usually the first time is the best and most memorable. Now you'll like remember him as ... (read in full...)
Moved in but should I move out?
Q. my bf of 3 yrs (on and off) and i just moved in together and he is a weird one. we do not sleep in the same room let alone the same bed. he hates my dog. we do not communicate and sex has become boring and almost non existent. he ignores me for ...
A. 12 January 2016: And it took you three years to figure out the laundry list of negatives? I hate to say it, but you don't sound like a match at all. What benefits did you see on further complicating your life with someone you have so little bonds with? I... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts about me dating my boss?
Q. Hey There is a guy who wants to give a job. He has a tech business that is booming and has a lot of Franchises. He likes me a lot and we have only known each other for 2 months. I like talking to him and sharing jokes but am not in love and more...
A. 12 January 2016: My advice to you is:
If you really care about your job, than all relationships at work are off limits.
Having a loved one at the office can lead to:
1) Sexual discrimination problems
2) If things go south, you'll have to go to work an... (read in full...)
I feel disrespected when he spends so much time with his ex
Q. my supposed boyfriend and I got into a small argument the other day and like always, it turned into a huge mess. We've been off and on for almost a year now. He was at the end of a marriage with the mother of his kids when we got together, which I ...
A. 12 January 2016: Sorry to hear you are going through this. I have news for you on this one: get used to it. When a man has kids with someone else, the other woman is ALWAYS going to be in the picture. That's just a fact since they share kids together and tha... (read in full...)
I think he is selfish and only thinks of himself!
Q. I have a bf of 2 years. He asked me to help him to buy an iPhone 6 months ago with my credit card. I did and he's making the minimum payments every month since I know he had a job but was looking for another with better pay. He got the second job so ...
A. 8 January 2016: I have a feeling that your boyfriend conveniently forgot about owing you money -- or would assume that since you are together that you wouldn't hold him responsible for the debt.
Then again, I could be completely wrong.
I think the next month o... (read in full...)
I am a beauty pagent winner who suffers body image issues.
Q. Hi. I have been struggling with body image issues and it's ruining my dating life as well. I have this friend/crush with whom I fooled around a couple of times. We'll be meeting up again but I'm very self conscious about my body and scared he might...
A. 7 January 2016: The guy you are with sounds fairly callous. I suspect he complained about your breasts to make you insecure -- and you know what it worked! You gave him that power and you've made yourself miserable as a result.
You are a beauty pageant person -... (read in full...)
She wants to leave me because I looked at photos of other women
Q. Hi my name is david I am in need of help Ive been with my fiance for 6 years now She has a problem with me looking at other girls And watching porn etc. I soon worked this out as around 3 months into the relationship i watched a film and sh...
A. 7 January 2016: It sounds like your girlfriend is a bit insecure.
I do tend to have a different opinion to this than most people, so brace yourself.
My opinion to your fiancee is: get over it. Guys are always going to look at women. Whether it is at the bea... (read in full...)
I need to move on from my ex but I've never had the same feeling with anyone else
Q. I have not moved on from my ex boyfriend and it's been 2 years. Him and I were together for 4 years, from the time I was 20-24 years old. I'm not exaggerating when I say he was perfect for me. Him and I just had an amazing connection that ...
A. 7 January 2016: I am sorry to see that you are going through this. It is always hard when you think you've found the "one" and have it not work out.
That being said, your ex was not the "one" Obviously he was going through some tough times or maybe he was look... (read in full...)
My recovering drug addicted boyfriend has gone AWOL .... again!
Q. Hi everyone I come here in despair, hoping to gain some insight from objective people. I have been dating a guy who is a recovering drug addict. We have been together for just over three months. At the beginning of our relationship, h...
A. 18 August 2014: I sympathize with your plight. It is always tough being in love with someone who just isn't there or even emotionally capable of being in a relationship.
Dating and being with a recovering drug addict is a lot of work as well as a lot of risk. W... (read in full...)
Why am I so unlucky in love?
Q. I am 40 yr old single mum of a 7year old boy who I adore .I have a great job wonderful family and friends.I am on numerous dating sitessnd for the past 3.5 years have had several relationships/stroke flings. I always get caught up in the romance and ...
A. 10 August 2014: I am sorry to hear that you feel that way. When one isn't in a relationship it sometimes appears that we are unlucky in love. It also would appear that others have all the luck in a relationship and that someone we are doing something wrong.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied about meeting his ex and now I don't trust him
Q. How can I sort my own trust issues out? I need help before it ruins my relationship. Sorry this is very long! Bit of background: I have had 3 serious relationships. All 3 of my ex partners have cheated on me in varying degrees - one had a coup...
A. 4 December 2013: Your boyfriend definitely crossed the line here. I suspect he has known your history of bad luck with people who cheat. The fact that he went out and saw his ex girlfriend without informing you was ignorant on his behalf. Perhaps he didn't want ... (read in full...)
Four years and he still doesn't know when he'll be ready for marriage?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and yet he still says he doesn't know when he'll be ready for marriage. I've asked him twice now and he's said he does want to 'one day' but he has lots of living to do before then. When I ask him what type ...
A. 4 December 2013: Reading between the lines here, I see a lot of maybes and sitting on the fence -- by both of you. You talk about living together, but it wasn't an explicit offer. You talk about marriage, but he says he wants to, but not right now. You've ... (read in full...)
Do I leave him alone for good? Have I done too much damage? And is there a way to win him back over? I
Q. I started dating this man back in August. Things were going really well. He seemed to genuinely care for me. We spent a lot of time together at first. Going out to eat, doing fun things, and he even took me away for a long weekend. Well needless to ...
A. 3 December 2013: Sadly, it sounds like this relationship is largely over. From what I make of it, it sounds like you pushed him into a corner to make a decision on how far he wanted to take the relationship and instead of submitting he realized your tactic and ... (read in full...)
Can you forgive a cheating husband?
Q. Hey all, im devastated , found my husband of 6 years cheating, he had changed for a while and i suspected something. I took his mobile while asleep and found love msgs.. I was soo shocked, im young and we hav two adorable girls... He then started ...
A. 3 December 2013: Sorry to hear you are going through this. I can only imagine how devastating this can be.
First off, realize that what you are feeling is normal -- given the circumstances. Overnight feelings of forgiveness don't happen and sometimes people s... (read in full...)
Should I help out my estranged step-son?
Q. Hi everyone, I need really fast advice. I have a step son 24 years ago. When he was a little boy like 2 years old I'm taking care of him. I was pregnant that time and I'm always angry to this boy. Partly my pregnancy and also maybe I'm jealou...
A. 3 December 2013: You don't mention what sort of help he is requesting, but I assume it is money.
It sounds like he is at his wits end if he is calling you. Let's face it, he has plenty of resources: his biological mother, his step-mother, his siblings, and his ... (read in full...)
People tell me she's fake because she had a nose job
Q. So I've started dating this girl who is so beautiful, funny and one of the sweetest girls i've met she's so down to earth and adorably innocent but daring if you understand that. She told me the other day on our second date she's had a nose job, ...
A. 3 December 2013: Just because she's had plastic surgery doesn't mean she is fake. There could be plenty of reasons why she had the surgeries performed. Maybe she had a birth defect, maybe it was oddly shaped, or maybe she just wants to look her best.
Sadly... (read in full...)
Breaking up and what am I entitled to?
Q. Can anybody tell me if you have been living with your partner for 9 years and you decide to break up, would you be entitled to half or any of the property? I'm in this situation and I don't know much about legal stuff. The house is in his name b...
A. 13 November 2013: I agree with Keeley on this one 100%.
I don't know about the laws in the UK, but in the US, most states don't have common marriage law. Therefore as a live-in-girlfriend you are entitled to pretty much what you brought into the relation... (read in full...)
Is this just cold feet?
Q. Do I just have cold feet? I'm finishing a divorce-just waiting for the final decree. It wasn't a good marriage, and I have no feelings left for ex. I've met a wonderful man, at least I think he's wonderful. We've been dating about 6 months...
A. 13 November 2013: I agree with Tisha. This is one you just have to take a deep breath on and really see how your feelings play out.
You are going through a highly traumatic time in your life and I sense you are still seeking out some "normalcy". On one level yo... (read in full...)
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