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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Will a guy ever see me as "special"?
Q. Hello my questions is about my dating history. I have a few boyfriends in the past. I have noticed that men like to chase women they like women who are hard to get. For some reason I don't why men don't chase me. I have to make all the moves in the ...
A. 2 May 2013: Unfortunately, from your post, you don't really give us too many clues to work off of in regards why guys aren't going for you. Normally, most men complain that they have a hard time finding a date or someone to connect with.
Here are my sugge... (read in full...)
My fiancé 'needs space'!
Q. I am having a major panic. Im engaged (was) to be married this December. Two weeks ago my fiance had an arguement that escalated and we pretty much havnt spoken. Now at the best of times he can be insecure and Im getting all the blame here as I ...
A. 2 May 2013: I am sorry to see that you are going through this. I know the difficulty you are going through: primarily, are you still together or not?
The fact that this has been going on for a few weeks now, doesn't bode well for your relationship. Couples ... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to stop yelling at me all the time?
Q. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and in the beginning he would never yell at me, but now it's like everything I do is wrong. I can't talk to certain people otherwise he gets really angry and threatens to leave me, if I don't do ...
A. 2 May 2013: It certainly sounds like you have reached an impasse in your relationship. While you have only given us a brief glimpse into your situation I sense there is a lot more going on than him just yelling at you.
I suspect that your boyfriend is very ... (read in full...)
I've just found out my boyfriend has a second child with his ex, I don't think I can deal with him having so many kids but I'm pregnant with his baby! Help!
Q. Just found out my boyfriend has another baby with his first baby mama, they already have a son I knew about. im also 5 months pregnant with his baby, he said he just found out that her daughter is his, he didn't cheat with her the baby was before me ...
A. 2 May 2013: First off, take a deep breath. You don't have to make a decision today and you are still reeling with the news.
I think part of this process is accepting that your boyfriend is going to be having another child. Unfortunately, it does mean the... (read in full...)
Has anyone heard of a man being impotent with no known cause?
Q. I have a serious dilemma about my marriage. My husband suddenly went impotent 8 years ago, and lost his sex drive 100%. Since than he went to numerous doctors,but they didn't find anything wrong with his health. They said, it is likely ...
A. 2 May 2013: Yes, this does happen and if he is of similar age to you, it could just be that he has reached a certain age where his body no longer has sexual urges. Sadly, it happens to many men in their 40's and more often as they get older. Often this rarely ... (read in full...)
It's as if I want friends but I'm afraid to be hurt
Q. m female, in my late 20's, attractive, intelligent,confident, well dressed and I have great hygiene. I have no problems meeting new people and being in large groups. I find interacting with other people easy. I don't suffer from any social ...
A. 2 May 2013: Sadly, what you are going through is largely normal. As we age, it gets harder and harder to make friends. People start families, get married, focus on careers, and generally start heading in different directions. To compound matters, you are an ... (read in full...)
He cant be bothered with intimacy anymore, am I wrong for wanting more than just companionship?
Q. Is it wrong to want more than companionship?? Hi I'm in a relationship with a guy who I've known 10 yrs. I'm in my late thirties. My relationship has been a Rocky one. He has always been the one running back and I have allowed this. The last 6 mths ...
A. 1 May 2013: Guys his age can run low on sex drive -- it does happen to men in their 40's.
I suspect your sex life could use a reset - especially if he is resorting to using pornography to get by. Perhaps there is something you are doing (or not doing) t... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty? My ex-husband and I live together and take care of our kids, we haven't had sex in over 2 years, and I have started seeing someone!
Q. my ex-husband and I live together and take care of our kids we have had no sexual relations in over 2 years he hasn't even tried. he doesn't kiss me or tell me he loves me. He doesn't even touch me in anyway. I have talked to him about it. he said ...
A. 1 May 2013: I think you have to get straight with yourself on whether you are in a relationship with your ex-husband, or not. From all outward appearances you are: you live together, you share bills, you raise your children together, and yet the magic or glue ... (read in full...)
Hubby has no job and exchanges sexual pictures with girls online. Help?
Q. Ok im not sure what way to turn... i can really go to my friends like i want too because i dont want them to judge.... but all ive done is cry today... i been with my husband for 15 years off and on but only been married 4 months... we have 5 lil ...
A. 21 April 2013: I am sorry to see that you are going through this. I can only imagine the hurt, betrayal and pain you are feeling.
You basically have two options: run or fight.
1) If you decide to run, I suggest contacting a good lawyer. The fact that your h... (read in full...)
How do I stop this crush? Met him at AA meeting, but he's way older than me
Q. Have a crush on a guy at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting! I'm 18 and recently got out of rehab about a months ago and started going to the local AA meeting. AA meetings is the last place I thought I'd devolp a crush on someone. But for the past 3 ...
A. 20 April 2013: First off, congratulations on getting sober. You have taken a HUGE step in improving your life.
One of the tenants or recommendations for many 12-step programs is not to engage in any form of relationships until you have a year of sobriety... (read in full...)
Is he holding out on me? He's kind and funny. But it seems he might also has Erectile dysfunction.
Q. So I've met a new partner and everything is going amazing! He's kind, funny, everything I could ask for! Until we got in the bedroom! He's 54 and can't get it up! Well he can because I've felt it and in foreplay he's been hard! There's a bi...
A. 20 April 2013: At his age, it wouldn't be too surprising to find out that he has ED. Many men, beginning in their 40's, begin to experience some form of this -- particularly if they are overweight and out of shape.
To make matters worse it eventually becomes ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my insecurities are interfering in the bedroom
Q. Hello everyone, I’m in need for some advice. I would like to be sexy for my husband… but I have no idea how to. I don’t think I am sexy or have to looks to be considered sexy. I love my husband and I love sex with him. But I’m scared. I have always ...
A. 20 April 2013: I agree with the other replies here: guys look at a variety of pornography and it doesn't necessarily reflect something you are lacking.
First off, I do have to commend you for exercising. I believe normal exercise promotes a healthy body ima... (read in full...)
Broken hearted over a truly nice guy who backed way off by overhanging things on his own without talking to me
Q. I started dating a man i have liked for years, about 3 months ago. He knew I had kids and my age (43) when we started dating. We live about an hour away, don't see each other alot, but texted every day. Things have been great, he's said i am ...
A. 20 April 2013: Please accept my sympathies on what you are going through. I can certainly relate to what you are going through.
I agree with the other people replying to your question: it certainly sounds like he has some qualms about possibly being a steppare... (read in full...)
My bf cares about my organsm but will not let me pleasure him. How can I help him just let go and have fun with me?
Q. I am dating the greatest guy, he's 30 and im 26. We've been together for about 5 months now and recently had sex for the first time. He was a virgin (im was not) so it was something very special for him. He loves foreplay and is wonderful with h...
A. 20 April 2013: It sounds like you have a very sensitive and caring boyfriend. Compared to what many women complain about on this site, I think you've got a keeper.
The fact that he is going so long can prevent him from "finishing" It is one of those things t... (read in full...)
Her husband is trying to make up with her -- should I let her go?
Q. I met a girl online locally, she been married for 3 years. Husband cheated on her and hit on her, lied to her, and made her feel less of a woman. We met up, and talked, and found a connection. Eventually we kinda hooked up telling each other we love ...
A. 18 April 2013: Your woman is going through a very traumatic time in her life. Divorce always causes so much emotional turmoil and the fact that she hasn't committed to going through with it indicates to me she isn't sure what she wants.
While I don't doubt he... (read in full...)
Girlfriend accepted an offer to go for a drink with another guy
Q. Hi Basically, my girlfriend works and there is a shop she visits everyday on her breaks. A new guy has been working there for a while till the end of the month and she was telling me there is a little flirting when she sees him. Anyway, one rand...
A. 18 April 2013: Look on the bright side: your girlfriend was honest with you and called off the date.
On the downside, she didn't see this as a come-on. When a man asks a woman out for a drink, it isn't to be just friends. This is a getting to know you - do we ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems obsessed with his low-life loser friend
Q. my boyfriend of 10 years recently got together with a friend he went to high school with. This "friend" Mark, cheats on his girl, hits on everything that walks (embarrasing - he is such a loser)and encourages my boyfriend to cheat (boyfriend says he ...
A. 18 April 2013: From your description, it appears that your boyfriend has a bit of a man crush on his friend. They probably ran together in school and I imagine your boyfriend is thinking about times they had in the past and how free and easy life was. I am sure ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for your boyfriend to start acting like a jerk?
Q. Is it normal for your boyfriend to begin acting like a jerk? Mine has started ignoring me for 15 hours at a time for video games, telling me he doesn't like texting because it annoys him, never wants to stay on the phone with me, and hardly ever ...
A. 18 April 2013: While it is difficult to ascertain exactly what his motives are, it sounds like you are starting to see what your boyfriend is truly like when life gets difficult.
Your boyfriend may love you but his actions are speaking louder than words. ... (read in full...)
Is my husband at the root of all my problems?
Q. I have had such a difficult couple of years. Long story short. -I have been a stay at home Mum for nearly 4 years. Gave up my sort of "career" to raise my two kids. Which as left me feeling neglected and unappreciated. - My parents are div...
A. 17 April 2013: Sorry to hear that you are going through a traumatic period in your life.
It sounds like you are wrestling with change: your husband has let you down, the rock that was your parents' marriage has been shattered, and your dreams of your career c... (read in full...)
I kicked him out for cheating and now he's begging to come back
Q. I am 35 years old and have been with my husband for 7 years .. i found out 8 months after our marriage that he was cheating on me even before we got married... I forgave him.. in Sept 2012 i lost my baby at 6 months pregnant and 2 weeks later fo...
A. 17 April 2013: It sounds like for most of your dating "life" and married life with this man, he has cheated on you. What makes you think he won't cheat again and what makes you think you know all about his current indiscretions? I am guessing he has had more ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time trying to save this marriage?
Q. My husband of 13 years had affair that went on for 6 months. She didnt know he was married and he never told her. Didnt. Take long for me to figure out what he was doing and i never left our home all info i learned thru different things. Its been 6 ...
A. 17 April 2013: I agree with old bag. It takes two to fix a marriage and clearly your husband isn't working on salvaging what's left of your marriage. I suspect he is either consumed with guilt or doesn't want the marriage to end out of fear that he'll actually ... (read in full...)
Should I Swallow my pride or just move on?
Q. I left my husband a year ago because I found out he was cheating on me, we haven't filed for divorce but live in separate houses and live separate lives. I was so determine to file for divorce with my taxes money this year so that I could finally ...
A. 10 April 2013: I think the only person that can answer this question is you. There are no guarantees in life and you'll certainly be taking a risk in going back to your husband. Things could work out blissfully or he could be going through the motions of being a ... (read in full...)
If she was so disgusted why didn't she make him wear a condom?
Q. this is a similar problem to what many other guys posted about being obsessed with their wives past sex lives. but this is a little different. she was married to this selfish loser for twenty years, had two kids by him.was a virgin she discovered ...
A. 10 April 2013: I think you are over obsessing about your wife's sexual past. She was married to the man after all and even though she couldn't stand him, she had sex with him -- enough to produce two children. Also, she was married to him for 20 years... that's ... (read in full...)
Will I be labeled as a liar? I didn't tell the truth about how many sexual partners I have had
Q. Hello, I'm writing because I'm in a bit of a situation. I was in a relationship for 7 years from the age of 15 and completely adored the guy. On reflection, he was rather manipulative, unsupprotive and didn't really care about me. This was a...
A. 9 April 2013: Why not try stating this:
"I have loved and lost before but I have only slept with people I truly cared / loved. That feeling is extremely rare for me and takes time to develop and I reserve that activity for when that event occurs."
That wa... (read in full...)
Does he really love me or does he just not want to hurt me?
Q. I have been friends with this guy for about 5 years and have been having sex with him for just as long. We both agreed it was a "no strings attached" relationship. A few months ago we were both at the same bar and he acted like he didn't even know ...
A. 9 April 2013: The fact that your "relationship" has lasted 5 years indicates to me that there is probably something more going on than just friends with benefits. In most FWB situations, people use one another, grow tired or find someone new and move on. ... (read in full...)
I'm losing patience with his son
Q. My boyfriend and I have lived together for 1 year. He and his 15 year old son moved in with me and my 7 year old and we have been trying to all get along. Since day one, his son has refused any type of socialization with me in the house. He stays ...
A. 9 April 2013: I certainly understand your frustrations. Sadly, it would appear that your boyfriend and his son come as a package deal. Also, the 15-year-old sounds fairly typical of a teen these days -- especially one who hasn't had much of a structured ... (read in full...)
I'm around men all the time, including when I go out with friends. So why have I still not had a relationship with a guy yet? Am I doing something wrong?
Q. I'm 19 years old I go to college, work, I have a lot of friends, I go out all the time, and have a great family. I have everything going for me, but it always feels like theres something missing. I never had a serious relationship, like the type...
A. 7 April 2013: At 19 years old you are still way young to be worrying about long-term boyfriends.
Most guys are that age aren't really capable of relationships. Their careers aren't set up, money can be a problem, and they are focusing on school. Some lucky on... (read in full...)
I filmed my b/f and I during sex and he doesn't know about it. Should I tell him?
Q. dear cupids, i have a hobby of filming if possibly every thing that happens in my life so i would analogize it and to keep it in memory. my boyfriend does not love to do every thing under the spot lights yet today i filmed me and my boyfriends se...
A. 7 April 2013: I certainly would not show it to him. It would breach his trust in you.
How would you like it, for instance, if he had videos of you showering or using the bathroom? I imagine you wouldn't like it very much and you'd feel violated too.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't do anything to me sexually!
Q. my partner and me been going out for 2 and a half years but in bed he wont do anything i do everything to him but he wont do anything i love him but im finding myself dreaming about other ppl ive askd him to do things like go down on me he wont i ...
A. 7 April 2013: I agree with CMMP. If after two years he is a lousy lover he is not going to change without some encouragement on your behalf.
Have you told him that you need an orgasm? Have you told him how to give you an orgasm? These are important things a... (read in full...)
Need to move on from FWB situation
Q. I am 53 years old. I met a man 3 years ago after we both were fresh out of divorce. We dated and are good friends with benefits. He has helped me and I took care of him after an accident. I sold my house due to the divorce and he offered me to live ...
A. 7 April 2013: I agree with Janniepeg. Imagine that he was going off to a foreign country for a long time and he may not return (ala a war situation). How do you think you'd have sex? Probably pretty intensely -- especially if it was possibly the last time ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be treated like a door mat!
Q. Hi I'm with this Guy for 3 years. In this 1 year he never misses an opportunity to tell me I don't measure up to him, that he is with me cause I begged him not to leave me. Always finds something or other to humiliate me. He should be always...
A. 7 April 2013: Wow... after everything you've stated in your post and yet you've invested 3 years of arguably the best years of your life with him -- I have to ask what does this say about you?
Simply put, he treats you this way because you allow yourself... (read in full...)
No sex for three years! If he was attracted to me when he married me, why isn't he now? Should I try going to counselling alone?
Q. My husband isn't interested in having sex with me and my frustration is turning into anger. I don't know what to do or how not to feel angry and disappointed. Our sex life was great when we dating which made me even more attracted to him. We've been...
A. 7 April 2013: Something is clearly off with your husband. Normally men are the ones who complain about their wives neglecting them. The fact that you have been turned down repeatedly for 3 years means your husband is avoiding you.
Here are some potentia... (read in full...)
Any wives of cops out there? My husband cheated on me
Q. I recently was told by my husband that he cheated on me. We have been together for over 6 years, married for 5 years. Our relationship has seen long working retail hours, opposite shifts, 15 month Iraq deployment, two beautiful children, and he r...
A. 7 April 2013: Sorry to hear about your husband's transgression.
From what I have read, wives who are married to police officers have some of the highest divorce rates. The stress of the job and the camaraderie that is formed with his fellow officers make it ... (read in full...)
A dating question: Can it work when one person has a career and the other what they consider 'an everyday job'?
Q. Hi I've been single for 16 months now. I've had a few dates, a few casual flings and I'm ready for a serious relationship. I met a guy online a few weeks ago. He's 8 years younger than me, intelligent, funny and we get on really well. In fact I g...
A. 7 April 2013: With your previous updates, I expected this to happen.
Personally, it sounds like he has a communication issue. The fact that he broke up with you via text message and seemed sort of wussified about it, indicates to me he knew that what you were... (read in full...)
Sexually angry and numb
Q. My husband sleeps in the recliner instead of commingle to bed. Plus he watches porn and downloads videos and pictures. I think his addiction is giving me no desire for him I just have sex to do it. I don't get orgasm and some reason I'm detached ...
A. 6 April 2013: The short answer is that it sounds like you feel unappreciated and that you feel you aren't attractive enough to him and therefore that turns you off. You probably wonder if he is making love to the porn stars in his mind rather than you. The fact ... (read in full...)
I'm a struggling army girlfriend who feels like I'm giving 80 percent and he's giving 20!
Q. My boyfriend of 2and a half years is in his advance infantry training in the army right now it's been 4 months since he left and i have only got to see him 2 days out of all of that and I still have 4 months to go. This is the hardest thing I have ...
A. 6 April 2013: To be honest your situation sounds completely normal.
He probably cannot put that much effort into the relationship because he is in the military. The demands that are being placed on him are enormous -- more than you can possibly imagine.... (read in full...)
My 75 year old husband is having an affair with a 29 year old!
Q. I have only been married for one year. I am in my 60's. My husband is 75. He is having an affair with a 29 year old girl. I love my husband. I do not want to leave him. I am devastated. He denies it all. The psychological abuse is over ...
A. 5 April 2013: I am sorry to see that you are going through this.
Assuming you have absolute proof on this, I think the first hurdle you have to face is the fact that your husband is cheating on you. That means he is sleeping with someone else and doesn't ... (read in full...)
We keep breaking up, does this mean we're not supposed to be together?
Q. Me and my ex keep breaking up does this mean were not meant to be together ? I don't no really why we keep breaking up we just have petty arguing , he even got into another relationship for about 5months and iv tried moving on but he keeps walkin...
A. 5 April 2013: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this stressful situation.
What is interesting to me is that you state that he loves you, but no where in your post do you mention why you love him... What exactly do you feel that and what does tha... (read in full...)
I don't want to be this man's toy and then he moves on!
Q. I'm currently dating a Saudi guy (we are both studying abroad): he is an awesome person and hanging out with him is fun (on a mental level). We hang out, been a little physical (foreplay) but haven't gone all the way yet. I'm afraid that once we ...
A. 5 April 2013: You don't mention how long you've been dating, but clearly you aren't ready to go to the next level. There is a certain level of trust that hasn't been earned yet and I think deep down inside you know that. You are probably just too afraid that if ... (read in full...)
Why do I have lusting ways toward a guy who is soon to be engaged?
Q. Dear Cupid,I ran in to my elementary love/crush on this one web site and the groove was the same we greeted one another with small talk and everything then he told me he is engaged my heart broke into a million pieces.I think he is the one I should ...
A. 5 April 2013: We are all attracted to certain people and sometimes the pull is hard to resist. Even happily married people can enjoy fantasies... and sadly that is what I think you are indulging in...
You hardly know each other and assuming that things w... (read in full...)
I said I'd have a threesome but now I'm having second thoughts about it!
Q. My Fiance and I have decided to have a ffm Threesome, we decided to use an Escort for it. My fiance had Threesomes before with his Ex GF, it is my first one. Also I'm not BI not into other females at all. But know he likes to see the Bi of the ...
A. 5 April 2013: I agree with most of the other answerers here. You do have the right to terminate this arrangement -- even if you've changed your mind.
There are so many things that can go wrong:
1) An STD. Condoms can protect you from some things, but... (read in full...)
A dating question: Can it work when one person has a career and the other what they consider 'an everyday job'?
Q. Hi I've been single for 16 months now. I've had a few dates, a few casual flings and I'm ready for a serious relationship. I met a guy online a few weeks ago. He's 8 years younger than me, intelligent, funny and we get on really well. In fact I g...
A. 3 April 2013: Personally, I think there is quite a bit more going on than what you are posting here. Here are some of my assessments:
1) You are still way early in the relationship. You only have a few dates behind you and you are still getting to know one... (read in full...)
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