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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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If he doesn't want me after so many years, why doesn't he just let me go?
Q. I am 46,divorced with grown up kids. I have been single for 6 years and I live on my own. 4 years ago I met a man online who was 6 years younger than me. We talked almost every night and he told me he was leaving his wife. The years rolled by,...
A. 18 June 2011: I am going to have to second what CindyCares says. It definitely sounds like he tried to be with you romantically, but the connection wasn't there, so he found someone else. He is keeping you in the loop because you are a good plan B -- a frie... (read in full...)
I caught boyfriend masturbating and he left, hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. hello everyone. I was wondering if you could shed some light on why my boyfriend acted like this? . . The other morning my boyfriend woke me up, the bed was shaking slightly and it was obvious he was masterbating. I dont have a problem with that and ...
A. 18 June 2011: My guess is that he was extremely embarrassed at being caught and he freaked out and made a big deal out of nothing.
Give it some time for him to come to his senses. If you haven't heard from him in a few days, give him a call and reassure... (read in full...)
My husband shows no love towards me
Q. Hello all, my husband have been treating me very bad he has hitted me a few times and called me names that is too awfull to mention. The thing is im not sure if i feel the same about him anymore, he treats me different towards other women. He will ...
A. 18 June 2011: I am going to second a lot of the opinions here and say this relationship sounds extremely volatile and dangerous. Usually, when a relationship involves hitting and actual physical abuse, I think it is time you really need to consider the ... (read in full...)
Married ex had my name tattooed on his body.
Q. I am in a serious pickle and I'm afraid I've got myself into it. I was seeing a married man for a few years and broke up a few weeks back. He's been asking me to take him back since but I'm adamant to move on and make something of myself. Hoever ...
A. 13 June 2011: I agree with person12345. You should be flattered, but this guy went way overboard and you shouldn't feel guilty about turning him down.
I suspect this is all a ploy by him to "guilt" you into being with him. Guilting someone into a relation... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my husband doesn't find me attractive!
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 26 years. He just turned 49 and I am 48. In the begging it was very nice. We have 3 beautiful girls. But now , we hardly ever have sex. . He does not seem interested even though we are alone,and we...
A. 12 June 2011: I agree with C.Grant. It sounds like his libido is on the wane and that sort of comes about naturally with age. You've been married for a while so let's face it, there isn't much new about having sex with one another.
If you are both over wei... (read in full...)
Its either my control freak husband or my lover. What do I do?
Q. help i am a married woman with two children. my husband is critical,a control freak and over possesive, i cannot have my own friends because he gets angry and jealous if i go out, he even hit a male friend because we were good friends.there have bee...
A. 12 June 2011: It sounds like you are on the fence on this one and only you can make the decision. There are plenty of stories out there where woman stuck it out for the sake of their kids. And there are success and failure stories about women who jump ship.
... (read in full...)
Partner says my butt is too small!
Q. My partner keeps saying my butt is too small and that I need to eat more to make it bigger. However, a few years ago before we got together and were just mates, he once let slip that his ex had the best butt in the world. Now I'm getting anno...
A. 12 June 2011: I agree with Cerberus on this one. He needs to knock it off with the comments. How do you think he'd feel if you said his penis was too small?
These comments don't help a relationship and ultimately hurt in the long run.
I would suggest ta... (read in full...)
No love, but no divorce
Q. A month ago my husband after 12 years of being together said he loves me but is not in love with me anymore. He doesn't want a divorce and we are currently going to counceling together but he still wont tell me he loves me and he wont kiss me.. I am ...
A. 12 June 2011: A lot of marriages, especially one as long as yours, do suffer from burnout and a lack of feeling. It is interesting that your husband confessed his feelings about this to you.
I agree that this could be a early mid-life crisis or he is feeli... (read in full...)
Husband cheated on me wev been together 30 years please help
Q. Hi I have been with my husband for 30 years married 26 we have got 4 boys, just before christmas I found out he had an affair 8 years ago hes a builder and and a girl in a sandwich shop asked him and his partner to do a job for her she had been ...
A. 12 June 2011: It sounds like you are step 1 of the healing process and what you are experiencing is normal for this stage.
You've invested significant time into this relationship and for him to cheat on you has to be devastating. Do accept my sympathi... (read in full...)
Husband cheated with friend and he blames me!
Q. My husband in the navy and he was on deployment but before he left we decided we were going to have a threesom together and we look for the perfict women and we thought we found her but she flaked out so he left. he was deployed with a friend of ...
A. 12 June 2011: It sounds like you gave your husband an inch and he took it for a mile. I believe your husband took your consent of having a threesome with being allowed to sleep with this other woman whenever he wants. This really isn't the definition of a ... (read in full...)
Husband won't have sex and its driving us apart
Q. my husband wont have sex with me and its driving us apart. we have been married for 5 years and in the beginning it was great. but for the last 2 years im lucky if we have sex once a month, and its always me who instigates it. ive tried talking to ...
A. 29 May 2011: I think there is a lot more going on that what you are asking in your question -- and I do think you already know the answer.
If your husband appears not to want to be married and is dabbling in gay porn, it probably sounds like he may be bi-sexua... (read in full...)
Where are my friends when I need them?
Q. i met a guy 12 years older than me, said he loved me (very early on, mentioned marriage etc) he really charmed me, promised me and my son all sorts (without any prompting from me) even though he had not met my son. the things he was saying didn't ...
A. 29 May 2011: It sounded like this last guy was quite the player and really fooled around with your emotions. Let's face it, this guy dangling the winning prize in front of you and just as you reached for it, he pulled it back and yelled just kidding. It sou... (read in full...)
She has this annoying, troubling side to her personality...what should I do about it?
Q. I have been with this woman for over a year now, and I am truly starting to get annoyed to say the least. When I first got with her, she seemed to be what I was always searching for, but I noticed some early mood swings and dismissed them. She ...
A. 29 May 2011: I see a lot of red flags here. I see you doing a lot of listening and her doing a lot of talking. That is great for you. But at least from your post, I am not seeing her doing any listening or even acknowledging her faults. It sounds like she ... (read in full...)
How should I handle living with my arty boyfriend?
Q. Hi I am wondering if 'arty' people are difficult to live with in general? Is it hard to live with someone who likes to shut themselves away for a couple of days at a time while they fulfil this need to create? I'm asking this question because...
A. 29 May 2011: In short, I think so long as your comfortable with the situation, it could work out. Musicians, computer programmers, artists, writers, etc, all need their quiet time to create. If you are a clingy type that needs constant affirmation, I think ... (read in full...)
My husband wont end his affair
Q. Hi, i was hoping someone could advise me on my heartbreaking marriage. 3 years ago i found out my husband was having an affair, he swore he would give her up but he never did. Throught the 3 years ive found upto 30 secret phones - i bin them but...
A. 29 May 2011: Sadly, there is nothing you can do to stop your husband's cheating. If after 3 years and being caught multiple times, he hasn't stopped, he probably will never stop until the woman / women he is seeing call it off.
I believe he is using the fact... (read in full...)
How can she love me but still have feelings for someone else?
Q. Here's my dilemma.. I have been with this girl for two years.. We net at our old job. She has been wonderful to me, and we were very much in love, to the point we had a child together who is now 9 months old. Just recently she broke it off with me, ...
A. 29 May 2011: It definitely sounds like your girlfriend is playing games with you. I suspect she is on the fence with you and is keeping you in the loop by sleeping with you while potentially exploring other options out there. Then again, she could be ... (read in full...)
My Ex is ignoring me, I miss him and was nice, why is he being this way?
Q. Currently im trying to cope with the fact my ex is ignoring me. I broke up with him a cpl months ago because he was too busy for me and seemed to be going through a depression and being overwhelmed by work and school. So instead of listening to my ...
A. 28 May 2011: I agree with Monique. Your boyfriend is trying not to re-open the wounds that you caused him when you first broke up with him. If he was in a depression when you broke up with him, you are probably making it worse and each time he hears you ... (read in full...)
His wife found out about our texting and he's broken it off with me. I'm gutted and don't know what to do.
Q. am gutted ....im married,my husband is violent and moody but we have a 5 year old boy which is the main reason i am here,plus i have no where to go ,last october i started talking on facebook to a married man who i added thru a mutual girlfriend ,we ...
A. 28 May 2011: What you are experiencing is normal. Sadly, this guy was an emotional outlet for you and he was within his rights to pull the plug on it. Sadly, you are going through a "break-up" - remember those from your premarriage days? They still happen and ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my marriage or tough it out?
Q. Hello, This is gonna be long. So if you don't have the time, you might want to click through this one, lol. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and together for 14 years or so. To start from the beginning, initially we got along...
A. 26 May 2011: To answer your question briefly, only you can decide for yourself if you should leave or not.
Generally speaking it sounds like you've had a rocky relationship to say the least. Your wife is a borderline alcoholic -- perhaps she should seek tre... (read in full...)
Stupid thoughts about the grass being greener
Q. I'm in a great relashionship. I love my girlfriend, I admire her and I really see a great future and family together. We are both 27, on the verge of buying a house and talking about having kids. Still... I'm a stupid guy with a stupid instinct. E...
A. 25 May 2011: As a guy, I think we tend to look at woman as conquests. By nature, I think, we were meant to pro-create fairly freely. So what you are experiencing are some natural feelings and they are largely based upon fear.
What the rational, and mature p... (read in full...)
After years of a sexless marriage my eye is beginning to wander
Q. OK, here's my situation. I have a good marriage of 12 years and a nine year old son. In the last 9 years my wife has not made love to me except for two times, even though every other part of the marriage works. Even after surviving SERIOUS cancer ...
A. 25 May 2011: This is a fairly common problem and your reaction to a lack of intimacy in your marriage is understandable. I agree with YouWish in that chasing another man's wife is usually a recipe for disaster. The ensuing drama is usually a nightmare and will ... (read in full...)
He asked me to marry him but he's still married!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years. He had asked me to marry him but he is still married. His wife has a debilitating disease for last 10 years since he left her, he hasn't tried at all to divorce her. Just last week he told me that ...
A. 25 May 2011: I am going to second CaringGuy's opinion. You really don't mention any redeeming qualities about this man.
Sure it is easy to say "I love you" but to actually back it up with actions... that's a different story. If he was serious about marrying... (read in full...)
B/f blowing hot and cold with me and its not the first time he's done this!
Q. I'm so confused.. please help! I've been seeing this guy for four months now. I met him online. we are both 36. I have a little girl who is 4 and I'm divorced. I have some trust issues from my past relationship but other wise I'm in a good place (i...
A. 24 May 2011: This relationship sounds very wonky to say the least. I agree with your assessment -- this guy is other full on or full off.
The marriage proposal, while flattering, sort of indicates to me that he is on an emotional rollercoaster and that he'... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 yr old female in love with a 20 yr old
Q. I'm a 40 yr old female in love with a 20 yr old. I struggle with our age difference and it doesn't bother him at all. He wants to marry me and loves my kids as his own. I've discussed with him that someday he would like to have his own children ...
A. 24 May 2011: I would proceed cautiously on this one. I am glad that you click on this. There are many successful big-difference age group relationships that have weathered the storms.
However, I do caution you.
At 20 years old, he is still maturing. ... (read in full...)
My wife thinks sex is optional.
Q. I will have been together with my wife for 19 years in August. Our sex life was great for only about the first 6 months we were together. It was my wife who wanted to get sexual, as I was a virgin and way too shy. She was somewhat experien...
A. 21 May 2011: I definitely think she's come up with a sad excuse as to avoid intimacy in your marriage. And it sounds like your wife is on the defensive here and she doesn't want to deal with it. Let's set the record straight -- in most healthy and happy ... (read in full...)
There is no valid reason why my husband refuses intimacy. What can I do about my controlling husband?
Q. can anyone help me find out why my husband 46 won't get intimate or even have sex with me? This has gone on now for over 7 years now. Before it all stoped, when we did have sex, he humiliated me in telling me how to do what and when. He is a very...
A. 21 May 2011: Strange, have patience after 7 years? You deserve an answer as to what is going on and the sooner you ask him flat out what the deal is, the sooner you can resolve the issue. It sounds like Abella offers some solid suggestions as to the reason.
... (read in full...)
Are women just completely selfish?
Q. I was married for 12 years when I found out that my wife had been having an affair for 3 years. After about 8 months of trying to work at staying together for our at the time 8 year old twin boys I finally realized I couldn't be with her anymore. S...
A. 21 May 2011: I am sorry that you had to experience your wife's affair. That must've been tough.
In short, not all women are selfish and lazy. Some are, but most aren't.
Everyone has their character defects -- and no one is perfect. I think a bit of h... (read in full...)
Married, but fell in love with my first love.
Q. Im a 25 year old married women with 3 kids all from my husband. I have been with him for nearly 9 years now and been married for just over a year. A few months ago i got back in contact with my first proper love. We have been talkin ever since. An ...
A. 20 May 2011: First loves are extremely powerful. I know I still think of mine from time to time. For whatever reason, it is like a drug that beckons you to rekindle those glory days and ask yourself "what if".
Like any drug, though, it comes with a price.... (read in full...)
Is this a normal ex friendship?
Q. Is this a normal ex friendship? My partner and i have recently seperated. we have 2 kids i am 36 and he 42. We parted for a number of reasons and it was i who instigated the seperation. One of our problems was his ex. At first i never had any kind ...
A. 20 May 2011: Yes, it definitely sounds like something was up.
With his children from his previous relationship grown up, there really isn't too much of a need to be contacting this woman. Sending her pictures and otherwise being chummy, sort of crosses ... (read in full...)
Help me with this situation. I wonder if I really love him and he really loves me.
Q. i am married and have been seeing a married friend for almost a year. we agreed on no strings attached policy. in Feb we decided to break it of as i suggested he try and work things out with his estranged wife. he still comes over. we don't to...
A. 20 May 2011: Whether or not he is trying to work things out with his wife, it sounds like he doesn't want to ruin your relationship with your husband. He is trying to be the strong one and being cold towards you.
I am sure on some level, he is tempted ... (read in full...)
Is it a bad thing to want more sex from your bf in your relationship when he doesn't want it so much?
Q. I'm pregnant and bf never wants to have sex. I don't think he thinks he will hurt the baby or any of that. I think its cos we haven't been getting along as well as we used to before baby came along. He then has no interest as I think he needs to be ...
A. 20 May 2011: It sounds like he really didn't want you to be pregnant. I think the bottom line right now is to give him some time. It is a huge change of lifestyles now and it sounds like he may be trying to cope with it. He is also realizing that there was a ... (read in full...)
BF looked at massage parlor/escort sites. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt?
Q. I recently found out that my boyfriend of 5 years looked up a review site for massage parlors/escorts. I was looking at his web history because I was curious how often he looked at porn, which I'm fine with. According to the web history, about 3...
A. 20 May 2011: My guess is that he is probably contemplating checking it out. He's probably on the fence about using the services of one of these facilities. The average guy doesn't get online and look for exotic massage parlors just for giggles.
How's... (read in full...)
How do I deal with these games???
Q. I am in a difficult situation and not sure what to do I have been with my partner nearly 18 months. He has two kids and i have none. I love him but just lately i have had my doubts... We both can be jealous. He gets more jealous when he has ha...
A. 19 May 2011: It sounds like you both have issues with communication in telling one another that their actions bother you. If you are doing something that he doesn't like in bars, then he should politely ask you not to do that, instead of letting it torment him ... (read in full...)
Why do some men not care about women's feelings?
Q. Why some man are so unconsidered of someone elses feelings... He stringing me along for over a year, always coming back saying that he wants to try things out, knowing how in love i was, I was always honest about my feelings hoping he would make ...
A. 19 May 2011: Sounds like you picked up a jerk. There are a bunch of them out there. Sadly you have to weed through the bad ones to find the guy that will want to be with you. Unfortunately, that's the world of dating.
My guess was that he was stringin... (read in full...)
My husband has had a 13 year affair. what should I do?
Q. I have recently found out my husband of 13 years has been having a physical and emotional affair with a woman at his work. This has been going on since the day we got married. I am in shock. He says he wants to "move forward" with me and "get ...
A. 19 May 2011: I agree with the other answers here. There are some serious issues. If he has been unfaithful to you since day 1, then I don't see how this can be repaired. Since you've cheated on him as well, I really see this marriage as a huge farce. At t... (read in full...)
Me and my husband argue too much. how can I solve this?
Q. I really want to stop fighting with my husband,but I can't, and soon I will have to end the marriage, or he will. We have some ongoing very stressful and painful issues, and we cant seem to deal with them. One,his family hates me, but he does not ...
A. 19 May 2011: I think I see a bit of the problem here right off the bat: No where in your question do I see you list what he argues with you about. It sounds like you have a lot of resentments and issues that you've taken out on your (potentially poo... (read in full...)
I just need an unbiased opinion on what to do. I am confused about everything now.
Q. I met a man about six months ago through an online dating service. I found him on facebook and requested him as a friend. That is when we really started talking. This was in January. He told me he only pursues then dates one woman at a time. I asked ...
A. 19 May 2011: It's hard to say definitely what is going on here. Usually abusive spouses don't easily change their colors -- maybe this one has but you'd have to be the judge of that. However, with two strikes against him, I'd be EXTREMELY careful about him. I ... (read in full...)
I have four kids and I am afraid to leave. Should I stay just for the kids?
Q. Hi. I have four kids under 5. My relationship with my husband has gotten cold and I feel extremely lonely. He has been looking online, as I found out not long ago for a companion, because he feels lonely too. He did not tell me anything about it. He ...
A. 18 May 2011: I completely understand about your being afraid to leave. If you husband is committing adultery, physically abusive or your drugs / alcohol, I think at that point, you need to consider moving on, but until then, I think you need to give your ... (read in full...)
Does playing 'hard to get' and being slightly unavailable keep a guy?
Q. Hello everyone. I have a question - does playing hard to get work and how do you do it? I am always the very willing one, always available, always wanting to spend time with my guy, quite needy and I always end up losing the guy I'm with! I think I ...
A. 17 May 2011: I agree with some of the other posters here. If you play hard to get, it means to me, that you aren't very interested in pleasing me and that it is all about you. I lose interest pretty quick, unless you are incredibly super cute or something, but ... (read in full...)
Does this mean I am being dumped or what does this man mean?
Q. I am 50 years young and a have been a widow for 2 years. I have start dating . So I meet this man 5 months ago who has been divorced for three years, he has two children age 16 and 13, he spends a lot of time wiht them, becuse the X wife's job ...
A. 13 May 2011: What a cad for dropping this on you via a text message.
I think there's something more going on. After 5 months, you have something built up and you deserve a better explanation then a lame text message.
I agree with the other people and... (read in full...)
Is it a bad thing to want more sex from your bf in your relationship when he doesn't want it so much?
Q. I'm pregnant and bf never wants to have sex. I don't think he thinks he will hurt the baby or any of that. I think its cos we haven't been getting along as well as we used to before baby came along. He then has no interest as I think he needs to be ...
A. 13 May 2011: No, it sounds like you have some natural desires that your boyfriend isn't fulfilling.
My guess, at least from your post, is that your boyfriend might be hesitant to have sex with you because he is afraid to hurt you or the baby.
If you ... (read in full...)
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