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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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A dating question: Can it work when one person has a career and the other what they consider 'an everyday job'?
Q. Hi I've been single for 16 months now. I've had a few dates, a few casual flings and I'm ready for a serious relationship. I met a guy online a few weeks ago. He's 8 years younger than me, intelligent, funny and we get on really well. In fact I g...
A. 7 April 2013: With your previous updates, I expected this to happen.
Personally, it sounds like he has a communication issue. The fact that he broke up with you via text message and seemed sort of wussified about it, indicates to me he knew that what you were... (read in full...)
I said I'd have a threesome but now I'm having second thoughts about it!
Q. My Fiance and I have decided to have a ffm Threesome, we decided to use an Escort for it. My fiance had Threesomes before with his Ex GF, it is my first one. Also I'm not BI not into other females at all. But know he likes to see the Bi of the ...
A. 5 April 2013: I agree with most of the other answerers here. You do have the right to terminate this arrangement -- even if you've changed your mind.
There are so many things that can go wrong:
1) An STD. Condoms can protect you from some things, but... (read in full...)
Almost had sex with a co-worker during a rough time with my marriage, should I suffer with the guilt rather than destroy my husband by telling him about it?
Q. Last year before christmas me and my husband went through a really crap time. He was being agressive (not towards me) we were fighting lots and he pushed me away mentally by refusing to hold my hand or anything. I ended up getting close to a guy i ...
A. 5 April 2013: I agree with CMMP -- this is something you keep quiet -- especially if it is over.
You made a mistake and it sounds like you didn't cross any sexual boundaries (I hope).
By telling your husband it will shatter his trust in you and could potent... (read in full...)
Will he ever stop going on dating sites? I hesitate to allow our relationship to develop further because of this.
Q. Can someone please answer, because I think I am slowly losing my mind through this. I have been dating for three years now. He wants to take our relationship further, but I can`t. The reason I can`t is because for at least two years, I have be...
A. 5 April 2013: I think the real question in your post is how much longer are you going to waste time on him and why do you keep going back?
Clearly the man enjoys the thrill of the hunt or enjoys getting / sending flirty emails to new women. Whether he meets th... (read in full...)
My girlfriend claims we got too close too soon
Q. I'm so confused on what my gf is taking about. She said she's to attached to me to soon and feels she needs to take a step back. . We've been dating 3 months. The other day she's talking about me meeting all her family and her son and now this. I ...
A. 5 April 2013: To me, it sounds like she is realizing this is suddenly serious stuff and it scares her. She is probably scared of making a good impression on your parents and what her parents will think of you. You may be her first real man since her ex. Also, ... (read in full...)
I think I made a terrible mistake and need help making amends
Q. I made a terrible mistake. I am a college student, but I am an older one trying to get a second degree. One of my teachers is the same age as me (and I am also a female). She invited me to couple of her concerts (she plays instruments in a group). ...
A. 5 April 2013: I think you are over thinking the situation. I totally agree with C. Grant... you apologized, she responded that there was no need to apologize and that she is a busy college professor. She has dozens of other students and classes to attend to... ... (read in full...)
My fiance seems to have no goals or ambition
Q. I'm 24 and my fiance just turned 30. He lives at home with his parents, going to community college for the last 10 years now trying to get his bachelors, and has no work or real relationship experience. His 'income' comes from his parents by working ...
A. 5 April 2013: You are falling into a typical trap that I think many women your age make: you are assuming you can change your boyfriend. Sadly, if he is 30, lives at home, is making a meager earning and isn't truly striving to make a respectable living what ... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend is asking me to send him pictures of my private bits. Why does he need them?
Q. Hello. I am a female in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives in another country. We still haven't med in person..but have communicated by email, telephone, text message and video and video messaging that he's sent me. This has been going ...
A. 4 April 2013: I would be very hesitant on sending him any photos of yourself. There is no telling what he may do or whose hands those photos will fall into.
I have seen it far too many times where gullible girls send naked pictures of their privates to their... (read in full...)
Lately arguments seem to be tearing us apart
Q. Me and my partner have been together for 3 years, we both love eachother alot and have had our fair share of problems but we cant seem to be apart. Recently we have been having a lot of arguments and it is begining to tear us apart. No matter how ...
A. 3 April 2013: I agree with CMMP -- if he isn't making you happy -- what makes this the perfect guy?
I think you are frustrated because reality isn't matching your fantasy. You are wearing rose colored glasses in your relationship. You want a man who want... (read in full...)
A dating question: Can it work when one person has a career and the other what they consider 'an everyday job'?
Q. Hi I've been single for 16 months now. I've had a few dates, a few casual flings and I'm ready for a serious relationship. I met a guy online a few weeks ago. He's 8 years younger than me, intelligent, funny and we get on really well. In fact I g...
A. 3 April 2013: Personally, I think there is quite a bit more going on than what you are posting here. Here are some of my assessments:
1) You are still way early in the relationship. You only have a few dates behind you and you are still getting to know one... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty that I haven't told my wife about the emotional affair
Q. I have been married for four and a half years. We have a two-year old. We have much in common, but when my wife gets upset and high strung (she is a self-described "uptight" person), she shuts down emotionally. While we were engaged, she would ...
A. 3 April 2013: I see more trouble coming out of confessing than just sucking it up. You did what you did and I know the pain you went through. You didn't cross any physical barriers and while you may have emotionally betrayed your fiancee, I think on some level ... (read in full...)
I told her I needed space and now I find she's been having sex with the husband of one of her friends! I'm shocked!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 years and recently I told her I needed some space because I am currently in school trying to finish my degree in Respiratory therapy which has been extremely stressful. We still see each other once a week ...
A. 1 April 2013: I suspect there is a lot more going on than what you tell us here. I also suspect that this affair with the married guy was going on longer than you know as well.
Let's look at a few of the facts going on here:
1) Your girlfriend didn'... (read in full...)
Should I back down in the face of my Gf mother refusal to have me in her home?
Q. Hi in light of my previous question I posted over a month ago I would like to ask if I’m right in thinking to stick to my guns . Basically My Gf Mother will not let me in the house because over 2 months ago my gf and I argued over something p...
A. 29 March 2013: Personally, I think you let this one go. It sounds like your girlfriend's mother isn't the forgive and forget kind.
My question do you is how to intend to stand your ground? Do you mean that you are going to confront your girlfriend's mother a... (read in full...)
Married man was flirting with me but now he tries to ignore me. Why?
Q. Hi everyone. Please don't judge because of what I am going to tell you. I have been flirting with an older married man and he has been flirting back. Long eye contact, a lot of smiling back and forth and all kinds of other things. He is alw...
A. 24 March 2013: I agree with VSAddict... why would you care if a married man flirts with you or not? My guess also is that he stopped flirting with you because he was starting to feel guilty or didn't want to cross that line...
I sense there was some sort of ... (read in full...)
We have two young kids and my husband is hiding and deleting texts to a 17 year old girl.
Q. My husband and I recently got in a fight. Hes a 26 year old man texting and messaging a 17 year old girl about our marriage problems, but that's not all. He was deleting their messages as if they were never even talking. I questioned him on it one ...
A. 24 March 2013: Your husband is obviously avoiding whatever issues you two may be having. The fact that he is going and telling a 17-year-old girl about the problems in your marriage indicates to me he feels that he can't talk to you about what is going on. ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my alcoholic boyfriend? At times he blacked out and acted evil.
Q. My boyfriend Max and I have dated for seven months. I thought he was the "one." He was always very attentive, we have wonderful fun together and we spend lots of itme together. As the relationship progressed I noticed that each time we went out to ...
A. 24 March 2013: It sounds like your boyfriend has a problem with alcohol. Some men are like that: add alcohol and they turn into instant jerks.
And it sounds like when he does drink he does lose control and you wind up on the receiving end of his bad behavior... (read in full...)
Is it me or him? I am sick of begging for sex. How can he be 23 and have such a low sex drive?
Q. I’m older than him. He is 23 and I am older. So if you are the kind of person who doesn’t understand the older woman, younger man relationship doesn't respond I’m looking for help and information. Not “advice” that’s not going to help me, at a...
A. 17 March 2013: There could be lots of things going on here. It is definitely unusual for a man his age to be that uninterested in sex.
Here are some suggestions / comments:
1) Is he gay or have gay tendencies? Perhaps he isn't interested in women at all.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sexualises women and makes dirty comments!
Q. My bf Of 4 years has a bad habbit of commenting when an attracive woman walks by us if we are out. He knows i dont like it but tells me he cant help it ( which i dont buy). He will make sounds, his draw may drop or goes "whoa" and even turn ar...
A. 17 March 2013: Most guys do this on some level. In our own minds we'll categorize and rate women. We are naturally wired to analyze a woman and determine her "doability". Most guys do have control over this impulse and know when to keep quiet.
The fact tha... (read in full...)
I have needs too, and they are not being met!
Q. BACKGROUND: I have been with my BF for over a year now. We don't live together yet, but we see each other at least 3 times a week. Every time we see each other, I give him at least 1 blow-job, some times even 2. A quadruple amputee could count ho...
A. 17 March 2013: I agree with the other repliers here. You definitely need to state that you aren't being satisfied. And it sounds like you have tried being fairly subtle about it.
Have you tried verbally telling him. For instance, you can say "I love it when ... (read in full...)
His father is screwing around with visitation/custody
Q. Is there anything I can do to make this situation different? Husband and I separated about 7 months ago and have a 2 year old together. When he left, our custody agreement was to switch every week. That never happened for various reasons. A few m...
A. 15 March 2013: Unfortunately, it sounds like your ex has a new woman in the wings.... at least that would be my guess as to why he is dodging his duties with his child. He could also be doing it to mess with you and make sure YOU don't meet anyone new as well. ... (read in full...)
Should I get everything off my chest or stay silent?
Q. Should I get everything of my chest or stay silent? I was friends with a guy a for couple of years and we had "kisses and cuddles" on numerous occasions, it wasn't anything serious, we were both going through some stuff and I thought we were ...
A. 15 March 2013: I am not sure if giving him a piece of your mind is going to do anything to him. It may help you vent, but what do you hope he gets out of it? He obviously knows you are angry because you've cut contact off with him and the fact that he keeps ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend had disappointed me, when will I feel complete trust again?
Q. Hi, I'm still so doubtful of the future of my relationship. We had a lot of problems into the end of our first year together. And I broke up with him. But during the 2 month break he came to some realisations, and looked at his faults and decid...
A. 12 March 2013: Five months is still a short time to regain complete trust. Yes, you can rebuild trust, but it does take time often more time than people think. Everyone has a different time line and you don't mention specifically what you went through in terms of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants a baby and I already have 2. If he spends time with my kids will he get over this?
Q. We have been together for 9 months and now my boyfriend has confessed that he wants a baby. Problem is, I already have 2, and have no inclination to have any more. My kids love him to bits. We don't live together, but do u think if he spent more ...
A. 10 March 2013: I agree with CMMP. He wants HIS kids -- with his DNA, his offspring, and his last name.
Yes, I agree, once he gets a taste of raising kids and how much work and stress they can be, he may change his mind. I know I dreamed of having children... (read in full...)
My fiance is a compulsive liar and it's getting worse. I just don't know what to do about his undermining behaviour. What should I do?
Q. I think I am dealing with a compulsive liar and I dont know what to do. I have been with my fiance for almost three years now and things just seem to be getting worse. When we first met he had told me all of these things. Lies. That his roomate w...
A. 9 March 2013: Whether your fiancee is telling the truth or not, remains to be seen. The fact that you have serious trust issues with him is a problem. You've been together for 3 years now, and it seems like you hardly know the man -- or worse you don't believe ... (read in full...)
My Bf tried to make love to me for the first time. How can I help him relax better next time?
Q. Two nights ago, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was my first time ever having sex, but it wasn't his. Prior to the other night, we talked about having sex before and we basically decided that it will happen when it happens....
A. 9 March 2013: This happens and it is to be expected. There are a lot of nerves involved in making the first time extra special. This can often affect a man's performance.
I am sure that there is a lot going on here, so here are my tips:
1) Be sure that you... (read in full...)
My husband wants sex and I don’t. I love my husband. I just don’t want to have sex with him.
Q. My problem is a little embarrassing, but it’s causing a lot of trouble in my marriage. My husband wants sex and I don’t. I love my husband. I just don’t want to have sex with him. It has gotten to the point I dread the weekend because I know...
A. 8 March 2013: Men express their love through sex. When you reject him or dread his affections, we usually take it as a personal affront that you don't love us, find us attractive, or worse. Metaphorically speaking men consider sex to be the dessert of marriage ... (read in full...)
I want to leave him and find someone I can show affection to, but I worry it will affect my children negatively.
Q. My husband and I have been together for 17years and married for almost 12. We are fairly young to have a relationship that has gone on for this long...I am 32 and he is 34. It was great in the beginning, however over the years we hardly touch, talk ...
A. 8 March 2013: I am sorry that you are going through this. I know the decision you are facing is extremely hard and challenging.
Will you children be happy with your decision? Probably not. Divorce affects children in many different ways. Some kids are more... (read in full...)
I was foretold that my girlfriend will go on dating sites saying that I neglected her. Now it came true.
Q. I have been in a relationship for a year and half. Her ex comes to her house regularly to pick up and bring their son home. He comes in, we talk, there are no bad feelings. Around a year ago he dropped a sarcastic remark relating to my girlfriend ...
A. 8 March 2013: Your woman is looking for a new mate and you are wondering what to do? Come on... seriously?
Her ex -- remember he is the guy before you -- told you this would happen. He probably experienced it before and gave you forewarning. I wouldn't... (read in full...)
My boyfriend smokes a lot of weed...should I be bothered by this?
Q. Hello, I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half now. Ever since I met my boyfriend about 2 years ago, I have known about his marijuana use. He is high pretty much all of the time, and he smokes it through out the entire day, ...
A. 8 March 2013: It sounds like weed is an important part of your boyfriend's life. Many young men get addicted it -- at least mentally.
It sounds like you are starting to realize that your boyfriend isn't amounting to much. If he rarely goes out and is loafing ... (read in full...)
I feel so bad when we have disagreements and nothing seems to help.
Q. Dear Cupid, Please help. My boyfriend and I are basically perfect except when we have relationship problems. We rarely have disagreements but when we do I feel so alone and lower than I've ever felt. I've tried explaining to him that I do not w...
A. 8 March 2013: Disagreements and arguments happen in all relationships. What makes a successful one though is whether your arguments are constructive and healthy. There is a difference.
A healthy argument is where both parties are heard and a mutual agreemen... (read in full...)
He cannot keep an erection, what do we do now?
Q. My husband is suffering from erectile dysfunction. He has been to many doctors, including a urologist, neurologist, , you name it. After many diagnostic tests, it seems that nothing physical can be found. He used to have full erections almost daily. ...
A. 6 March 2013: Many guys in their 40's and 50's suffer with this problem. It sounds like you've run the gamut with the doctors, but here are my suggestions in case they've missed something:
1) If you hasn't tried Viagra or a similar medication, he should d... (read in full...)
Will love ever find me with the fear of being abused?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a single young woman raised three children on my own fell in deep depression after losing my first born daughter to natural causes I made it through by GOD's Grace. My second daughter has graduated and is now working. My son is ...
A. 6 March 2013: First off, you deserve a lot of credit for the positive actions you've taken. Getting out of abusive relationships and cleaning up from drugs is no small task. Only a few lucky ones actually get to experience sobriety for any substantial amount of ... (read in full...)
I moved in with him after one month, realized it's a mistake then moved out. . .
Q. I've been going out with my bf for 5 months. He is 31 and I'm 30. I am his first gf. We have lived together for the last 4 months. I know we rushed and moved in too soon. During this time he lost his job and i only work part time... So we ended up ...
A. 6 March 2013: Give yourself some time and don't panic! Your relationship is not doomed.
Your boyfriend is going through a very traumatic time in his life. For men especially, losing one's job can be very traumatic. Men often define themselves by their jo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said his ex was fantastic in bed
Q. I am absolutely devastated. my boyfriend told me a while ago how fantastic one of his exs was in bed (to hurt me because of something nasty I had said). One year into our relationship i've asked him why he said it, he said 'not as fantastic as ...
A. 5 March 2013: What your boyfriend did was sleazy and slimy. He really took a personal stab at you and your feelings are certainly justified. Everyone likes to think that we are the "best" the person we are with has ever had. That is generally not the case in ... (read in full...)
I'm scared I'm never going to find a boyfriend
Q. Settling? Is it ok to do so? Im a almost 22 year old college student, with a job and who's saved up enough cash to buy a car! Im soooo excited! I have no kids and Im moving into my apartment this summer! :-D Im doing great for myself, well i think ...
A. 5 March 2013: I went through the same thing at your age and you will survive and you WILL find a boyfriend, trust me.
It certainly sounds like your chips are falling into place. You've got a lot of things going for you and for that you deserve a lot of credi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not perform oral sex and I love it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for some time now and he doesn't eat my box. He says it's not his thing what should I do???? when that is one of my favorites like almost can't live without it and it's driving me nuts......
A. 5 March 2013: I agree with Cerberus on this one. Some men aren't down with it. Perhaps you can work with him on it -- there may be something that bothers him about it that you can help mitigate (i.e. being squeaky clean down there).
You shouldn't force yo... (read in full...)
How can I make new single friends? Everyone I work with or know is either married or engaged
Q. How do I make new single friends to go out with? I am 27 and got out of a 4 year relationship about 3 months ago. I now feel ready to get back out there and start living again, but all of my friends are in long term relationships and don't feel lik...
A. 4 March 2013: This is always tough a task and I am glad that you are looking for ways to get out and meet people. The older we get, the more challenging and scary this endeavor is. It seems like when we leave high school we forgot how to make friends.
What ... (read in full...)
I want to talk to my guy about sex but I don't know how!
Q. Hi y'all, I'm in need of some advice. I'm about to marry a very nice, caring, intelligent man. Trouble is... there's nothing going on in the sex department. I've known him for 6 years, and for three of those years, he was in and out of a ...
A. 4 March 2013: To get what you want, you are really going to give him some encouragement and clues. I am sure during some time in your relationship he did hit your high notes in the bedroom department. Have you thought about reminiscing with him? Perhaps before ... (read in full...)
Any tips on coping with the stress and co-parenting with a jerk?
Q. Majorly stressed out with work. I work from home so my son doesn't have to go to daycare full time-but this means that 4 hours of my work day, he is here (makes it very hard to get work done!) My job is very stressful and doesn't pay well. Anyw...
A. 28 February 2013: Unfortunately, it sounds like your ex is still bitter about the break-up of your relationship. To make matters worse, you were having a tough day and your child is sick. That would likely explain why you guys butted heads. I can only imagine the ... (read in full...)
How long should I date a guy before asking to be exclusive?
Q. I was using an online dating site and met a guy two months ago. He lives in another town about 45 minutes away. We see each other once or twice a week and communicate daily. He has a full time job, goes to school, and has a son. Recently he's been ...
A. 28 February 2013: I think before you ask him for exclusivity you need to make sure this man is worthy of that level of commitment. From your brief description, it sounds like you are hoping by upping the relationship level you hope to magically see more of him.
... (read in full...)
B/f can't text me during the work day yet he's on facebook?
Q. I've posted about this before on this site, however the problem is still continuing. Every time I text my bf while we're both at work he just completely ignores me, yet he's on facebook posting statuses, liking pictures, just doing whatever. He ...
A. 28 February 2013: There are a couple of things going on here:
1) Your boyfriend isn't making any time for you. If he has time during the day to surf facebook he certainly has time to send you a text. He could also phone you during lunch or during his breaks. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's family doesn't like me or my children
Q. I have been dealing with for two years now and it come and goes in waves. My Boyfriends parents dont really seem to like me or my kids. When we 1st got together it seems that they just dealt with me but you could tell by small subtle hints they ...
A. 28 February 2013: Unfortunately, you are stuck with his parents. They and your boyfriend come as a package deal. While you may win them over in time, it is unlikely. You do have a few options:
1) Insist that your boyfriend defend you. While you can't make his... (read in full...)
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