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*ddie85 agony aunt

*ddie85

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*ddie85's profile:

I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.

Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.

I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.

I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.

I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.

My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.

Eddie

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Is this just cold feet?

Q.   Do I just have cold feet? I'm finishing a divorce-just waiting for the final decree. It wasn't a good marriage, and I have no feelings left for ex. I've met a wonderful man, at least I think he's wonderful. We've been dating about 6 months...

A.   13 November 2013: I agree with Tisha. This is one you just have to take a deep breath on and really see how your feelings play out. You are going through a highly traumatic time in your life and I sense you are still seeking out some "normalcy". On one level yo... (read in full...)

He suggested I share the cost of having his vasectomy reversed

Q.   Is it wrong of me to feel like he shouldn't expect me to chip in for the cost of his vasectomy reversal? Things have been getting serious with my boyfriend, we've talked about marriage/kids/etc. He had a vasectomy about 8 years ago. I've read t...

A.   13 November 2013: Personally, I wouldn't go halves on a vasectomy unless there was a wedding in the works and a formal decision of "having kids" is written in stone. You don't mention how long you've been going together, but while things may look good now, you... (read in full...)

We are rarely intimate anymore but he keeps watching porn! I don't know what to do!

Q.   My boyfriend has been watching an excessive amount of porn, at least 5 times a week.. i have personally caught him with his hands in his pants online early in the morning, normally i sleep in but its been becoming a bigger and bigger problem. we are ...

A.   12 November 2013: It sounds like there is a lot going on in your relationship and there are plenty of variables that could be at play here. Stress can certainly be a buzz kill when it comes to men getting erections. Also, if he is drinking or using drugs, his abil... (read in full...)

Boyfriend gets easily irritated at me regarding how I work and I don't know what to do? I am walking on egg shells anymore

Q.   We live together. He is divorced with a couple adult children. We talk about getting married. We share the same office. I have a home based business. I have a separate work space from the office in the home. He tells me to be myself around hi...

A.   1 November 2013: It sounds like he needs to respect some of your boundaries. We all have particular ways of working. Men, in general, tend to attack a problem head-on. Women, in my opinion, tend to look at a problem from a variety of angles and try to figure o... (read in full...)

Does my boyfriend wish things had worked out with him and his ex?

Q.   Why would my boyfriend (31m) look at his exes pictures on facebook all the time if he says he hates her because of the way she treated him. Is it really because he dislikes her or because he still has feelings for her - wishes things had worked out? ...

A.   1 November 2013: Love is a strong emotion. When we experience it with someone, as he must've (and I suspect he was with her long-term), it never truly goes away. Let's face it -- he has a LOT of history with her. He spent many good times with her and despite a ... (read in full...)

My jealousy and insecurities are ruining my relationship

Q.   I create drama in my relationship because I'm insecure and jealous. And I'm on the last leg with my boyfriend because he hates being treated like he's done something wrong just because I feel insecure and paranoid. Any advice on how I can get past ...

A.   30 October 2013: Lifetime patterns are hard to break and at your age they have become ingrained into who you are. There are a few things that I would recommend you do to address the problem: 1) Admit the problem to yourself - and to your significant othe... (read in full...)

My child's father suddenly wants to play a bigger role in her life

Q.   I have a child with my ex, she is 3, and I have raised her completely on my own with a little help from my family and her father's sister. I never asked her father to stick around me, but I practical begged him to play a part in his daughter's life, ...

A.   30 October 2013: I think the short answer is you really don't have a choice whether to forgive him or not. Being that he is a legal guardian, and provided he isn't abusive he probably has every right to visit his daughter -- regardless of your feelings. I wou... (read in full...)

Broke up... feeling sad. Thoughts? Advice?

Q.   My boyfriend, of 3 years, and I broke up Sunday night. We're both the same age and don't live together, but spent weekends together and any days during the week if we found time. We were a serious couple and had talked about children and settling ...

A.   25 October 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. The first week after breaking up is often the hardest, especially in your case. Reading between the lines, it sounds like you want to try again -- that you still have a chance of working things o... (read in full...)

The relationship is great -- except for his psycho ex

Q.   I am very much in love with this man and we are engaged to be married in a year. He treats me wonderfully and we are best friends. The only issue is the mother of his child hates that we are together and has drawn a wedge between us. She is violent ...

A.   19 October 2013: Sadly exes with children are like ugly sweaters: they never go away. I hate to break it to you: this is likely to continue and may get worse -- especially if you get married. Unfortunately you can't deal with the crazies -- at least in a rational... (read in full...)

After five years is asking for a commitment too much?

Q.   I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...

A.   19 October 2013: I think there are two things going on here -- at least reading between the lines of your post: 1) First off, your boyfriend is still married. I suspect that you would like to see that changed. That is something that your boyfriend can probably... (read in full...)

What's a girl to do? No job with a boyfriend and his two kids.

Q.   I have been in a 2 year relationship. Three months after becoming an official couple my bf found out his ex was 7 months pregnant 7 months since they had broken up. He was pretty sure it was not his child and he says his ex had not spoken to him ...

A.   19 October 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It is always tough to start a relationship with a man who has a lot of unsettled baggage. First off, his children's mothers will ALWAYS be in his life. From the sounds of it, they will always h... (read in full...)

Trust issues from my ex are influencing my current relationship

Q.   Hi aunts and uncles I would much appreciate your veiws on my problem thank you in advance for reading . Ok well I have been in a very loving relationship with a wonderful wonderful man he treats me like a princess and I love him dearly .. he flew me ...

A.   5 October 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Sometimes the horrors of our previous relationships haunt our new ones. I remember once I was hit by a car. Every time a car got close to me, in the months after being hit, it would send bolts of... (read in full...)

I feel like he's never there for me when I need him

Q.   Dear Cupid I am with my current bf for 3 years, this is my first long term relationship. I love him to bits, i dont mind doing his share of work at home. I thought i found my ideal partner with him, he is sweet, very funny, very confident Bu...

A.   5 October 2013: One of the fallacies about relationships is you think you'll never be lonely again. Sadly, even married people get lonely and find disconnect with their significant others from time to time. There are lots of ways to approach your problem ... (read in full...)

I'm not making as much money so I'm behind on my alimony! Ideas?

Q.   i need help, i have recently got married and had a baby with a beautiful 24 year old girl. my ex wife took me for alot of alimony, and i was ok to pay her for the first year she was awarded it for five years. im having difficulties now paying her ...

A.   25 September 2013: I agree with Tisha and So Very Confused, if your circumstances have changed you may have to go back to court. First off, contact your lawyer and see what you can do and what it will take. He will offer legal advice. Yes, your ex-wife is proba... (read in full...)

I feel as if my husband has forgotten his commitment in this marriage and is disregarding the needs and desires that I have.

Q.   Hi. Thios os my situation. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years and lived together for 1 year before that. We split the bills equally because we earned about the same. (No children) About a year after we married he lost his job. We ...

A.   11 September 2013: It sounds like you had an unwritten agreement before he lost his job. Now that he has gotten a new job he is changing the game. I think for one you need to decide what the rules of the finances of your household are. Is it everyone chips in... (read in full...)

Married four years and the sex is dismal

Q.   Im in my forties my husband is 39 we have been married for 4 years i love him more than anything but we never seem to have sex it feels like he doesn't want to do anything with me and i feel lonely and unloved and im thinking he doesn't fancy me or ...

A.   5 September 2013: As we age, our sex drives tend to wane a bit. It takes extra effort to maintain that spark. I am sorry to hear you are going through this as I know the frustration and sadness you must be feeling. Here are my suggestions: ... (read in full...)

Does my travelling put guys off?

Q.   i feel like i am never going to settle down and find mr.right :( i am a 25 year old girl from the uk who has travelled a lot and i still love to travel, but i feel like it really puts guys off. They like to have flings with me but then for some ...

A.   5 September 2013: There could be lots of reasons why men are you using it for a fling. It may be because of your traveling, or it is because you allow yourself to be treated as a fling. Traveling shows a lot of independence. Some men are intimidated by an indep... (read in full...)

Is there really sex after 50?

Q.   I have such a dilemma, I can't figure it out what goes on with sex in the older age group. It is because, sadly me and my husband are not sexual anymore , due to his erectile dysfunction, and lack of libido. It has been investigated by doctors, ...

A.   2 September 2013: I am sorry to hear you are experiencing this. For both men AND women, as they age, their sexual prowess declines. Also with familiarity and as the relationship ages, the "newness" of sex declines. I do believe that many people experien... (read in full...)

Can I get over his disgusting sexual past?

Q.   If opposites attract can they live a long happy married life together? I am in my 40s, my children are grown, my first marriage lasted almost 20 years. I met a man who's also in his 40s with two grown children. He has been married two times before. ...

A.   2 September 2013: I have to ask: what is your connection to this man? I mean what is drawing you to him? From your brief description, you are polar opposites, in some of the most extreme values. Usually couples share a common ground -- especially ones that sti... (read in full...)

My husband blames me for all the damage caused to our relationship

Q.   Hello this is going to be a long question but I need advice. Me and my husband have been together for 5 years now. Married for 6 months. We have a three year old son together. He is my first everything and we've had a lot of ups and downs througho...

A.   27 August 2013: It is always tough working in a relationship where another party isn't willing to admit fault. You don't give any specifics here and I think there is a LOT more going on in your marriage that you list here. The question I have though is: with all... (read in full...)

How do I relieve my loneliness? Many guys just want one thing.

Q.   I am 30 years old and a single mum of 2 kids. They are 11 and 7. I have been single for 5 years. I recently graduated from university and have a good job. I live in a nice part of town. I have a good circle of friends many are settled down wit...

A.   27 August 2013: Loneliness is a silent killer -- I've lived through it and I know what you are going through. You really aren't alone, but I know exactly how you feel. The one thing I would urge you is to keep your spirits up. Yes, many men don't want a ready ... (read in full...)

He is a good father but always turns down sex.

Q.   I've been with my guy for over 5 years. Together we have two kids (2 and 4). We haven't had a regular sex life since I fell pregnant with #2 in Oct 2010. This year alone we have had sex about 4 times. I have tried to talk to him about it but he ...

A.   27 August 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Being in a sexless relationship can be incredibly tough. Especially for someone as young as you. You don't mention your man's age, but could it be an age-thing? If he is significantly older it... (read in full...)

Am I being unreasonable feeling unwanted?

Q.   i have been living with my boyfriend for 4 months i thought i'd feel closer to him but i feel even more so like i am second best to his friends/activities. He goes out every friday, watches football every other saturday and plays alot of golf - we ...

A.   27 August 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Sometimes finding the right balance between being together and independent can be a tough proposition. Your boyfriend obviously has a life. He finds pleasure in things that uniquely define him. Yo... (read in full...)

We've been through so much and I'm just not sure that the affection is there anymore

Q.   I posted on here a couple of months ago about my awful relationship. My boyfriend putting beer weed and telly before me, and making me me worthless and pointless. Problems have been going on for ages. My boyfriend has some problems in that he ...

A.   24 August 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It is always tough when you have gone through so much and you feel like you've lost that feeling. What is going on is that you have a lot of resentment and disappointment. Part of you wonders ... (read in full...)

Why does my b/f get soft and hard when we have sex?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are both 18. We had sex twice now,safely with the pill and condoms. Arousal isn't a problem but he softens and hardens throughout the whole time. I can feel the difference but I'm not sure if it's because he's overexcited or if ...

A.   24 August 2013: There could be lots of reasons why this is happening: 1) Condoms cut sensitivity and sometimes circulation to the penis. For a guy this can cause a loss of erection. While I don't want to discourage you from using a condom, this could be a sou... (read in full...)

A guy I was messaging online wanted me to do things I wasn't prepared to do and in the end he stopped contacting me. Now I see he's viewed my profile again. What does this mean?

Q.   I have been on and off a dating site for about 5 months and have made a few pen pals. In the first few months there was a guy, he is 29 years old and he wanted a friends with benefits situation. In the beginning he was sort of nice complimenting ...

A.   24 August 2013: Let's look at the facts on this one: 1) This guy is hoping to get laid. From the sounds of it, your chats are very sexually charged. I am guessing they are largely the foundation of your chats. 2) You are enamored by a guy much younger bei... (read in full...)

He's acting like I cheated on him! I did not!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. Recently I turned 21, my boyfriend however will not be 21 until June. On my birthday we spent the whole day together and later that night I was going to go out with friends. Since the ...

A.   21 August 2013: First off, Happy Birthday I think your boyfriend is upset because he missed out on the "fun" part of your birthday. Let's face it, when you turn 21 you pretty much have access to everything and it is easy to get caught up in this new sense of... (read in full...)

Why do I miss my ex-bf when I'm better off without him?

Q.   We broke up a few months ago and there are times where i can't stop thinking about him. This guy was everything to me, we were together for 4 years but obviously things weren't working out. - I was the bread winner and mostly taking care of...

A.   13 August 2013: Going through the withdrawal process of a love -- especially one as long term as yours -- is definitely an emotional drain. You have my sympathies and I know what you are going through. I know at one point in my life I went through the exact same ... (read in full...)

I can't imagine the feeling of walking down the aisle and listen to him promise things to me that he already promised to someone else.

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for eight months now, I met him while he was still living and in a marriage with another woman. He states that they were separated though they still lived together, said I love you, and hasn't filed for a ...

A.   11 August 2013: Divorces happen. Assuming he is the same age as you he probably got married before he really knew and understood what he wanted out of life. It happens... Most people get married way too young, in my opinion, and often time as a result divorce is ... (read in full...)

We dated for 4 years, broke up and now 3 months later he's getting married! Why didn't he marry me?

Q.   Hurt and angry about that my ex is about to marry his new girlfriend! Ex and I dated for 4 years. We had talked about marriage-it was a bit of a rocky relationship. He broke up with me, and less than two weeks later, he is already with someone new...

A.   11 August 2013: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know the pain and hurt you must be feeling -- especially after spending as much time as you did with him. The fact is, your boyfriend didn't want to commit to you because, with your own word... (read in full...)

I feel unwanted and it's like having sex with a stranger!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together just shy of 2 1/2 years. He's been under a lot of stress lately because we are starting college and because of his job, but stress from school and his job have never been a problem with our sex life until now. ...

A.   10 August 2013: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. To be rejected physically for sex can be crushing on one's self-esteem, especially when you are doing all the trying and you are in love with the other person. I don't believe in playing tit-for-... (read in full...)

I don't get enough attention from him and he'll go days without texting or calling!

Q.   Hello there, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a few months. We're two different people, with different interests, but somehow we love each other. I've always had problems with him not giving me enough attention, we could go for days...

A.   10 August 2013: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. One of the most difficult things in a relationship is finding the right person who wants the same level of intimacy as you. It certainly sounds like you two have very different expectations and ... (read in full...)

My wife doesn't want to tell me that I am not her best lover. Why does she lie?

Q.   I met my wife when she was 40 (now she is 46). She told me that, among almost 30 previous sex partners, I am her best lover. I can not believe her. My penis is only 5 inches and normal thickness. I am not bad in bed, but I know I am not the best. ...

A.   10 August 2013: I have to ask you why you care, or not, if you are your wife's best lover... what difference does it make? She is married to you and therefore she chose YOU out of all her other suitors to spend the rest of her life with. If that doesn't stand fo... (read in full...)

My husband is too good to divorce but we live in a 100% non sexual marriage

Q.   My husband never hugs me, or looks at me. I don't understand him, because he says ,he loves me. He is completely non sexual with me. I feel totally deprived, and neglected. He is a nice man, he is working hard, and supportive with money.. He ...

A.   8 August 2013: You have my sympathies. This is a very common problem and sadly the outcome is rarely good. This is never an easy situation and whether you are "satisfied" is ultimately up to him. Being that he has been to the doctors, it is reasonab... (read in full...)

I called my partner out on his lies, he promised to stop but doesn't show me as much affection anymore.

Q.   I met my partner a year ago. It was wonderful to begin with, then I discovered his lies. Started with hiding porn, then he was mailing women behind my back when I was at work, then one evening on his phone he had signed up to a swingers website ...

A.   8 August 2013: It is one thing for guys to be interested in porn: most men are, especially if the action in the bedroom isn't meeting their expectations (or if they have higher than normal sexual urges and need a release). Most guys look at porn and keep it a ... (read in full...)

Tired of being alone in my marriage

Q.   I have been feeling really down. I got remarried, everything was really good in the beginning. But now, I do everything. I work two jobs, i watch a baby during the day, and do hair on side. I also have 2 children of my own, and my husband has a ...

A.   1 August 2013: Given his response to his to your questions, I think you are on the right track. I think what is going to make a difference in your relationship is: 1) Can you guys manage on a budget without making you work 24-7? 2) Will your husband ... (read in full...)

Divorcing, and I feel hurt and anger and extreme regret!

Q.   Any tips on coping with feelings of hurt/anger/regret? Husband and I are divorcing-next month we can finally submit paperwork. He feels I'm trying to take every penny I can, I feel he's trying to keep every penny he can. We have a 2 yea...

A.   31 July 2013: Getting divorced is an extremely emotional time for everyone involved -- especially when money and children are involved. Let's look at it from his side: he has become successful (monetarily) and he sees you leaving him as a threat on that. F... (read in full...)

What gives? I have this urge to cheat ...

Q.   Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for close to a year about, and I've always felt, or rather, thought about sleeping with other people, but I guess it's normal to entertain the idea even if you're in a relationship, so long as you don't act on it. ...

A.   31 July 2013: I hate to break it to you, but just because you are in a committed relationship doesn't mean that you won't be tempted from time to time. Part of being human is being attracted and being attractive to other people. How you deal with these th... (read in full...)

Tired of being alone in my marriage

Q.   I have been feeling really down. I got remarried, everything was really good in the beginning. But now, I do everything. I work two jobs, i watch a baby during the day, and do hair on side. I also have 2 children of my own, and my husband has a ...

A.   31 July 2013: I truly feel for you. It is always rough when the marriage is new and to have these kinds of problems. You are still getting settled in your new life and then reality throws you a major curve ball. It sounds like you have your hands full wit... (read in full...)

Happily married men do porn???

Q.   My husband just came home from a 2 week business trip. I noticed the Internet history on his laptop was full of porn including a site called " F@$ and k women locally" and it gave a web address of our home city. I was so shocked when I went to look ...

A.   31 July 2013: I hate to break it to you: most guys look at porn -- even those getting sex on a regular basis. Guys are wired to want variety and pornography provides a convenient way of getting that outlet. Being that he was on a business trip he probably... (read in full...)

After a night of passion he told me he isn't looking for a relationship but wants to continue meeting up for sex. I was embarrassed and hurt so I liead and said I wanted the same thing but I don't.

Q.   I had a night of passion with a regular in the bar where i work. He is very nice and i really liked him. Then i met him again twice more. Im so embarassed because he said to me this morning that he hopes i dont expect anyting from him as he doesnt ...

A.   30 July 2013: It sounds like you made a mistake -- and they happen in real life. To me, it sounds like you were lonely for too long and decided to put aside what you truly want out of relationship in hopes of either a fleeting illusion, hoping to change his mind ... (read in full...)

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