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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Is it a bad thing to want more sex from your bf in your relationship when he doesn't want it so much?
Q. I'm pregnant and bf never wants to have sex. I don't think he thinks he will hurt the baby or any of that. I think its cos we haven't been getting along as well as we used to before baby came along. He then has no interest as I think he needs to be ...
A. 20 May 2011: It sounds like he really didn't want you to be pregnant. I think the bottom line right now is to give him some time. It is a huge change of lifestyles now and it sounds like he may be trying to cope with it. He is also realizing that there was a ... (read in full...)
Is it a bad thing to want more sex from your bf in your relationship when he doesn't want it so much?
Q. I'm pregnant and bf never wants to have sex. I don't think he thinks he will hurt the baby or any of that. I think its cos we haven't been getting along as well as we used to before baby came along. He then has no interest as I think he needs to be ...
A. 13 May 2011: No, it sounds like you have some natural desires that your boyfriend isn't fulfilling.
My guess, at least from your post, is that your boyfriend might be hesitant to have sex with you because he is afraid to hurt you or the baby.
If you ... (read in full...)
We haven't spoken to each other for 2 weeks! I'm not good at talking!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We normally get along great and hardly argue at all, however when we do things always get blown way out of proportion. Recently I have been feeling that he has negleted me and am starting to feel...
A. 13 May 2011: It sounds like you both have communication issues and it also sort of sounds like you are both pretty set in your ways. Marriage is a two-way street and hopefully there is some sort of compromising in your life.
Does your husband have a drinking... (read in full...)
I am uncomfortable with my girlfriend's past, but I see her as my wife. what should I do?
Q. hello, So here is my story. I met my girlfriend less than 6 months ago, and shortly after we met we really hit it off. We have so much in common, we are really honest with each other, and we showed each other a lot of consideration th...
A. 13 May 2011: You can't change her past. I think you need to either accept it (and soon) or move on.
People do silly things in their college years. If we were all held accountable for actions in our youth, we'd all probably be in a heap load of trouble.... (read in full...)
I have been turned down so much that I wonder f my husband prefers his hand to me
Q. I don't know where to begin. I guess its quite simple. My hubby and I have been together for 7 yrs. Married for just over 1. In the beginning we had sex non stop. Then it went down to a few times a week, then once a week, then once a month, then ...
A. 13 May 2011: I agree 100% with CaringGuy. It definitely sounds like he has drifted away and now instead of worrying about your pleasure and fulfilling his duties as a husband, he has gotten into the habit of watching porn to satisfy himself. It could be that ... (read in full...)
How do I stop imagining how my wife cheated with this older man?
Q. Please help! I am still coming to terms with my wife having a full-blown emotional and physical affair with an older man. What I absolutely cannot get out of my head are the thoughts and images of these two people going at it - this man doing t...
A. 13 May 2011: It sounds like you are still dealing with the grief and resentment of your wife's betrayal.
I agree with your therapist's assessment... I think you need to realize that you are punishing yourself and that somehow her betrayal is your fault --... (read in full...)
He wants a baby - is it a good idea?
Q. I am a single mom of 2 boys ages 16 and 10..I'm 36yrs old and have been dating a man for 6yrs who has a daughter who basically he see's every other weekend!!He's been asking me to have a baby so that we can be a family cuz he feels that he has ...
A. 13 May 2011: If you have invested 6 years into this relationship and aren't happy or still have major doubts, I think you owe it to yourself to figure out why you are sticking around.
It sounds like he is playing the role of provider for you and despite ... (read in full...)
No sex in 3 months, he gets morning erections but doesn't like morning sex!
Q. Hiya everyone! Hope u can give me some advice as I really don't know what to do anymore. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year now and we haven't had sex for 3 months. He has told me he has a problem getting errections.however I am not sure if...
A. 25 April 2011: Something is definitely going on here. If he is close in age as you, he shouldn't have any problems with his sex drive and getting erections. If he is having problems getting erections, he may have to pay a visit to the doctor. There are ... (read in full...)
My wife had a one night stand
Q. hi my wife had a one night stand when we where enganged six yrs ago, but has being faithfull so far now i feel like cheating on her because am hurt. am just thinking about it. am not talking to her how can i forget she did it with our family frien...
A. 25 April 2011: While I can understand your frustrations and sense of betrayal, I would urge you to think twice about feeling entitled to a fling. If you think it through, you'll feel guilty and your wife would probably be very upset too. I think it would spell ... (read in full...)
He as done a terrible thing to me so why can't I just hate him?
Q. My husband had an affair with my best friend and is now in a relationship with her. I am absolutely devastated not only for myself but for my baby boy who as only been seeing his daddy for an hour or so a week. He say's he wasn't happy and he ...
A. 25 April 2011: Sounds like you are still going through the grieving process.
My instinct tells me that you hope that things will go up in flames with his new found love and that he'll come back to you. I understand your feelings because you do have signific... (read in full...)
Should I be upset that my fiance promised to give me $ with my car payment...but then used it to gamble?
Q. I need help to see if i am over reacting. I have lived off and on with my fiance for over three years. We broke up a year ago because he had some anger issues. He got help and three months ago i allowed him to move back in with me. Things have been ...
A. 22 April 2011: I agree with you, you have every right to be upset.
It sounds like your boyfriend is very impulsive and has issues with self-control and common sense. When it comes to gambling sanely, you use money you can afford to lose. Gambling away you... (read in full...)
She asks me for help, for advice at all hours of the day and night...and then finally when I ask her out she says she just likes me as a friend!!!
Q. OK I had this friend, a girl, who I was interested in, right. And she probably knew it, I mean how could she not since I went outta my way to help her. Now she would call me for advice, for help when she was in trouble. And I would always help her...
A. 22 April 2011: No, I don't think she was in the wrong in to use you as a sounding board for her problems. And yes, she might've assumed that you were just being extra kind. Some girls can be a little dense like that -- after all they aren't mind readers.
She i... (read in full...)
I'd like him to take the initiative to plan an outing for us
Q. My husband never invites me out on the weekends. I love to go out and have fun. I have expressed to him that we need to keep the relationship alive by dating at least once weekly or once every two weeks. I would feel so special if he would invite ...
A. 16 April 2011: For some people, this is a normal way of life, but I wouldn't call it a very happy existence -- at least I don't think it sounds like one for you.
The source of his problem could be his workload. Does he really have to work that much or is it th... (read in full...)
Health problems, no intimacy or sex, a man who needs spcae.....this relationship is falling apart but I don't want to lose him! Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now. When we met it was wonderful. He was so passionate and loving and giving he held me like I was someone special. When he kissed me I felt like a school girl and was on cloud nine. About 6 ...
A. 16 April 2011: Interesting.
I got the impression that he wasn't interested at all in sex.
From the sounds of it, I think you've done just about everything within your power to make him interested. Perhaps he is worried about becoming injured while ha... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting for not wanting my girlfriend to spend so much time with her ex?
Q. My girlfriend of 2 years suddenly decided she wants to be close friends with her ex. They had lunch together last month and she keeps inviting him to her house to work on art projects. The thing is that she has gone back to this boyfriend 3 times ...
A. 16 April 2011: I agree with the other answerers. I know I would have major issues with this. Out of respect for you and if she values your relationship, I think she'd want to avoid having anything she does misinterpreted.
I think you need to tell her that whi... (read in full...)
Husband's emotional affair may turn physical. What do I do?
Q. My husband of 15 years has been masturbating to a picture of someone he met out of state. I found the text message of her in a bikini and discovered that he has been writing to her for over a year. He told her that he imagines that it is her he has ...
A. 16 April 2011: There really isn't any way, from your post to determine if he loves her more than you.
I think you can be proactive about this situation though.
It sounds like your husband is emotionally betraying you. I think its time you have a talk with... (read in full...)
Thinking of getting marriage annulled, any thoughts??
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and myself just got back toghether. I found out information about him going out on a date the following weekend with someone else. Why couldn't he just tell me he went with this new person to dinner? This really both...
A. 16 April 2011: I think the question you need to ask yourself is why did you get married to a guy who has repeatedly done this to you for the past 12 years? Did you think marriage was going to change him?
I think you need to have a sit down talk with him and ... (read in full...)
I'm almost 28, still never had an official relationship, obsessing over a loser I once dated briefly. I'm getting closer and closer to becoming that crazy cat lady!
Q. Ok, here's the gist: I dated a guy for 9 months, but it wasn't ever serious. Then he moved away and that was that, and this was almost 2 years ago! We have remained in contact and I saw him twice after he left, and we hooked up both times. It'...
A. 16 April 2011: Sounds like you need to get out there and get beyond this guy. Your last "relationship" sounds better than what it was because, let's face it, you are alone right now. And ANYTHING is better than being alone. Personally, I think you are using his ... (read in full...)
32 Year Old male virgin, no luck with girls, thinking of going to an escort. My religious side says no and my masculine side says hell yes!! Anyone in a similar situation?
Q. I'm 32 and am a complete and utter disaster when it comes to relationships. I am good looking, I'm not obese or anything, I can approach girls and talk to them, but I seem to always say the wrong thing and turn them off. I have followed the advice ...
A. 16 April 2011: I'd by pass on the escort service. You never know what you are going to contract with one those. I think you'll cheapen your honor and your class. Not to mention, you'll feel as guilty as hell about it afterwards. Let's face it, the escort is ... (read in full...)
Health problems, no intimacy or sex, a man who needs spcae.....this relationship is falling apart but I don't want to lose him! Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now. When we met it was wonderful. He was so passionate and loving and giving he held me like I was someone special. When he kissed me I felt like a school girl and was on cloud nine. About 6 ...
A. 16 April 2011: I think there are a bunch of things going on here:
1) With his cancer and treatment, I can only imagine what his libido is like. To be honest, my guess is he is lucky to get an erection. Chemo will drain anyone's health, let alone their sex driv... (read in full...)
Everyone at work knows he cheated. Besides that he is good to me. Should I stay?
Q. I can't see a clear path in my situation ....... that is where your advice comes in...... SO my BF of 3 years(now) with whom I have been living with for 2 years cheated on me last year with a coworker. It lasted 3 months and he ended it. He said he ...
A. 16 April 2011: His cheating sounded pretty serious... 3 months is a mini-relationship to be honest.
It sounds like this guy has commitment issues. First, you've been dating him 3 years and living together for 2. Are there any plans for marriage at this poi... (read in full...)
What are the advantages and disadvantages of living together?
Q. Dear Aunts, Just wondering what you can say about couples living together in one house without being married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such situations. Is this a bad thing or a good thing to do? Thanks!...
A. 16 April 2011: I tend to disagree with living together for a couple of reasons:
1) Marriage becomes less and less of an objective. I've read about couples who complain that one of them wants to marry but the other doesn't. I think living together sort of says ... (read in full...)
Why would he suddenly stop wanting sex?
Q. Why would a man , stop wanting sex suddenly with his wife? Is this true, when he says,he has no idea? What are the causes to this,and how common is that? I know man, who cant think of anything else,but sex Why is this happening? I feel humil...
A. 16 April 2011: If your husband is roughly the same age as you (in your forties to early 50's) it is likely his decline in testosterone is effecting his ability to want sex.
With today's sedentary lifestyle, I think it is happening more and more to men at an ea... (read in full...)
I need the truth but my husband won't talk about things!
Q. I have been married for 12 years in May. My husband is currently overseas (he is a soldier) and I recently uncovered some emails between him and another woman. They are very playful emails, with not one mention of a wife or child. He continually ...
A. 10 April 2011: Hate to break it to you, but it would appear (and I could be wrong) that your husband probably had a relationship with this woman. He doesn't want to lie to you and the best way not to lie, is simply not to answer. At the very least, it sounds... (read in full...)
Unhappy sex life ruining relationship!
Q. Hello, Before this I never thought it would be such and issue. My boyfriend and I had been dating for a year and a half. Our sex life went from several times a week to like three times a month, and it is always me asking a being very upset. I...
A. 10 April 2011: I agree with brit473. There are a few things you need to do / realize: 1) His sex drive may not be as high as yours. Try as you may like, that may not change. You may have to accept that. You may have to make a decision as to whether he... (read in full...)
I don't think we are ready for sex
Q. So me and my boyfriend are going away for a weekend I heard him talk about having sex with me to his friends but I don't mind I think we are ready. Thing is he has had sex before and I'm still a virgin, what if I'm not good enough, what if his first ...
A. 10 April 2011: I agree with Lazy Guy. As you being a virgin, however, I have to question why you would go spend a weekend with your boyfriend and put yourself in that situation. Let's face it... when couples go away they usually have sex, especially if they are ... (read in full...)
My Bf got a stripper pregnant on a one night stand. How do I deal with it? He's sorry.
Q. Hi, my boyfriend of 8 yrs had a one nite stand and now a female is carrying a baby from him. She was a stripper. he says he is sorry I want to still be with him try work things out for us we have kids together,but how do I deal with this sex I m...
A. 9 April 2011: I think the real question is why would you still want your boyfriend? 1) He potentially exposed you to AIDS and a host of other nasty VDs by his indiscretion. 2) His paycheck will likely be garnished to pay for child support 3) You'll forev... (read in full...)
BF is upset because I won't pick him up at the airport. Is he being unreasonable?
Q. My boyfriend is flying into town to close on his house on Monday at night, and will be here until Friday. I have class Monday until 9pm and he expects me to pick him up at the airport after class even though his flight gets in at 7pm and i have ...
A. 9 April 2011: I think both of you are being uncompromising to be honest. You should've offered to come get him and he should've said, "gee, I don't want to put you out and have you miss school -- especially if my plane is delayed, I'll just take a cab." Eith... (read in full...)
Depressed because of age. Any advice?
Q. I am getting terribly depressed and although not suicidal. I keep getting very depressed because I am coming up to 60 years of age. No man will want me now I know that and cant help wondering what a bleak future. I know one doesnt have to have a ...
A. 9 April 2011: It sounds like you are going through a change right now and rightfully so. Turning 60 is a mile marker in one's life and while I agree, generally men are interested in younger women, it won't stop them from finding someone who is alive and wants to ... (read in full...)
Husband has anger issues. How do I deal with this?
Q. Should I give my husband a second chance? We have been together for almost 11 years. My daughter was 7 when we met. He was very affectionate, and was very good with my daughter. The only thing I found out about him is that he has problems with ...
A. 9 April 2011: I don't think moving out (or him moving out) is the answer at this stage. So long as he hasn't become physically abusive, there is still hope. I think you need to pull your husband aside -- one on one and express your concerns to him in a non-con... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheats but won't admit to it. He doesn't take me seriously. Please advise.
Q. So, the scenario is that Im with a man who has cheated in the past a couple of times..and every time he got caught his answer was that we were having problems..anyways, been together for 6yrs and Im not happy how everything is going..I have no trust ...
A. 9 April 2011: I agree with the other answers here. I think you have to question why you've invested 6 years in a guy that doesn't take you seriously. He has cheated on you several times, from the sounds of it, and he's likely to continue to do this. Why ... (read in full...)
Husband is impotent and no idea why?
Q. What would you do, if your husband , suddenly becomes impotent , but you don't know why? My husband got impotent ,pretty suddenly ,after he lost his erection middle of intercourse a few years ago . Since than , he can;t get a normal erection....
A. 7 April 2011: My guess is that either:
1) He has a mental hang-up that has gotten progressively worse because now he has performance anxiety. In which case, he is using disinterest as an excuse for trying?
2) It is hormonal. Has his testosterone bee... (read in full...)
He has not had a job in the 9 years we have been together! Will he ever change?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 9 years, he never had a job in 9 years, only 2 times he had a job for like a month each job.. I m a dancer so more money is not necesary to live well, but it is necesary because all he cares about is to play ...
A. 7 April 2011: 9 years and no job? And you are just starting to get bothered by this? I think its time whether you want to be married to a man or a boy. If all he does is play XBox and you've allowed it to continue for this long, I see no reason why he wo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is angry and moody all the time...I am no longer attracted to him sexually and considering leaving...
Q. I just need some helpful advice. I am in a relationship which is about 2 and a half years old. In the beginning things were fantastic, i had met the love of my life, the man i had always dreamt of. We moved in together, which went very well f...
A. 6 April 2011: From the sounds of it, it would appear you want to leave or easily get out of this relationship. Let's face it, things aren't working out too well.
Normally, if had stated that you didn't have kids, then I'd suggest perhaps it was time to consi... (read in full...)
I want a threesome my wife doesnt, but she's already been in one!
Q. Here's the problem: I want to have a threesome. My wife does not, though she has had them in her past (before me). She also has a far more extensive sexual past than I have. I'd love to add more partners in the future, but I am willing to forgo ...
A. 6 April 2011: I don't think you can hold a resentment against your wife. Generally speaking, threesomes don't fit very well into the realm of marriage. Despite your wife's past, when she signed on for marriage with you, she was under the assumption she was ... (read in full...)
Should I meet my ex coworker? We are both married and I am unsure of her intentions.
Q. I worked with a woman a few years ago, and our relationship at the office got very intense. We worked together all the time, and this woman, who was my superior, had my office moved next to hers so we could be closer to each other. We are both ...
A. 6 April 2011: Right now, it sort of sounds like there is potential interest in one another and I suspect all it'll take is for one person to make a move.
Why not meet up with your respective spouses together? That way it is all legit and you can't be accus... (read in full...)
He's horrible towards me but great with the kids, what should I do?
Q. Help!!! how do i get over the pain!??!!!!! my story is full on...well to me anyway. I have been broken up with my daughters dad for two years now and it would have to be the most horrible experience I have ever had....I had post natal severely....I ...
A. 1 April 2011: Sounds like what you are going through, in terms of your feelings towards your babies' father is NORMAL. Of course you are going to feel sad. When you needed someone to lean on, he was out doing drugs and cheating. Who wouldn't feel bad when that ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't seem to appreciate me sexually... is he just being friendly?
Q. I know I should be asking him this but wanted your opinion on it. Its about my boyfriend, we been dating for 3 months. I just don't feel like he likes me, sexually. He does do a lot of nice things for me like a friend would do, like help me if ...
A. 31 March 2011: I think the key point is that you need to talk to him and ask him if he is attracted to you. I'd be honest with him and say that you notice that doesn't seem to be that into you. If there is something you need sexually, that he isn't providing, ... (read in full...)
We've been married a year and it's not working out. Any suggestions on how to fix this?
Q. my husband and i are separated. we meet up every couple of days but nothings changed. he is still nasty to me. treats and talks to me in a horrid manner. its the main reason we separated. weve only been married just over a year and things have never ...
A. 31 March 2011: Sadly, it sounds like things aren't working out very well. They say the first year of marriage is often the toughest, however, both of you are mature adults and it sounds like you invested a fair amount of time into one another before you tied the ... (read in full...)
He was using escorts during the first part of our relationship
Q. I've been dating a guy for just over a year. I know I should'nt have done it but he left his laptop on and I had a look. It transpires that he was sleeping with escorts in the first few months of our relationships and even up to six months into it ...
A. 26 March 2011: I think you need to seriously take stock of your boyfriend's character at this juncture. If he was putting your health at risk by sleeping with escorts -- while being with you, then I'd certainly think that you need to reconsider whether this guy is ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is afraid of work!
Q. So, I have been dating my current boyfriend for about a year now. Very early in the relationship we decided to move to another city and live together (after about 4 months of dating). We have now been living together for about 8 months. I love ...
A. 12 March 2011: I agree with the other answerers here. It definitely sounds like the man you are with is lazy and not very motivated. I think you moved in with him a little too quickly as well. At 4 months, you are still learning a lot about each other and i... (read in full...)
Should I leave my frustratingly uncommunicative husband?
Q. Should I leave my husband? We have been together 26 years but since i retired on health grounds 3 years ago and he took early retirement, the small cracks that have always been there have opened up into great big craters. He's not a bad man, he's ...
A. 12 March 2011: It definitely sounds like you guys have worn each other ragged. Sometimes that happens, especially at retirement. People can get along with one another in bits and chunks, but suddenly they don't have work to fulfill their lives and they spend too ... (read in full...)
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