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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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He wants to stop chasing women. So he dropped me. What can I do to encourage him to not just walk away?
Q. Hi, I have been really foolish and now I'm stuck in a love relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I'm 31 and female and met this amazing guy last year in a bar with friends, he's 3 years younger then me, funny, intellig...
A. 28 December 2011: I think you need to face the facts here and realize this guy isn't that much into you. You keep trying to believe that he is, when all indicators show that clearly his interest level in you isn't what you'd want in a boyfriend. No amount of ... (read in full...)
My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life
Q. My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life. 8 years ago, after the birth of our 3rd child, she convinced me to have a vasectomy so we would not have any more children. Immediately afterwards, my wife's ...
A. 27 December 2011: Gee, your perception of this site is probably just the opposite of reality. From most posts similar to yours I've seen most people are very supportive of your situation.
First off, let me state that your problem is somewhat common. People i... (read in full...)
He wants a BJ but I backed out of giving him one
Q. Hey ok i promised my Boyfriend I'd give him a BJ for the first time but when I got to his house and he *whiped it out* i paniced and said "i don't want us to get caught" he said i broke his promise now he is consently saying "u gonna back out of ...
A. 27 December 2011: Sounds like your boyfriend was more interested in getting his cookies tossed than having anything to do with you.
The fact that he is pressuring you into something you are hesitant on doing and making you feel guilty about it later on makes me... (read in full...)
How do I let go of him and move on with my life? or should I stay and fight for him?
Q. Dear Cupid, So here it goes...a year and 1/2 ago, I met my soul mate...online. I know this sounds very cliche for this era, but it happened. What seemed to be attraction and coincidence, I soon found to be a connection deeper than I had felt bef...
A. 27 December 2011: I really do sense the pain that you are going through right now. Unfortunately, while you may be soul mates, it would appear that you have met the right person at the wrong time. For whatever reason, it sounds like he has decided to end t... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't care anymore!
Q. I feel like my husband just doesnt care anymore. He never discusses any problems we are having but will always complian about my son. We havent had sex in over two months and the last time it took alot of convincing on my part. He sleeps all the ...
A. 27 December 2011: I would continue to see your therapist and sort out what you are feeling. Look for solutions rather than rehashing old stories. Let's face it, your options are pretty few at this point: 1) Deal with it. Perhaps he'll change, perhaps no... (read in full...)
Is this relationship worth saving due to communication problems?
Q. I have known my partner for 27 years. We lost touch for a while and I had two boys in another relationship. That fizzled out and I rekindled again with this man and had my third child. I am a professional women and have always been fiercely in...
A. 26 December 2011: From the sounds of your post, I think you've already answered your own question and that you already have one foot out the door. If you re-read your post, you don't mention anything positive about the man, other than you have longevity and th... (read in full...)
What lessons can I learn from this? My Boyfriend left without any warning after almost 1.5 years
Q. I’ve read a lot of wisdom on this site so I thought I’d seek some guidance and advice from you wonderful people. My BF of 1.5 years left me without any warning a month ago. I came home and all of his stuff was gone and only a note left saying...
A. 26 December 2011: I am going to agree with the other answers here. Let the man go. From the sounds of it, the relationship was in its dying gasps when he decided to pull the plug. Despite you bending over backwards to please him, if he isn't into it emotionally, ... (read in full...)
My b/f throws it in my face that he has 2 kids and all that I have is a cat!
Q. Hello everyone I'm looking for advice and anyone else who has been through this. I have been with my partner for 2 years. I love him most of the time. We do nearly everything together and are affectionate, and love each others company. We alw...
A. 26 December 2011: To me, this sounds like your boyfriend is jealous because your responsibilities are less than his.
My guess is that he is upset because you dote on your cat, more than his kids. It could also be that he is trying to play the hero card: I am a s... (read in full...)
He contacts me to cheat on his girlfriend (while he's drunk) and when I ask for an explanation, he won't give one!
Q. Okay.. So i had a thing with this boy, a while ago, but it ended. Now everytime he has a girlfriend or things end with his latest one he contacts me again, and its hard cause i still have feelings for him. Anyway he recently contacted me (drunk) ...
A. 23 December 2011: I am going to agree with Abella...
This guy doesn't have good intentions -- you are a booty call to him -- nothing more.
If you are looking for a loving relationship, this man is not going to deliver because his sweet-talk is all hot air.
... (read in full...)
Newly wed, no sex and we argue! What can I do?
Q. My husband and I got married about 2 months ago after being together for nearly 5 years (living together for over 3 of those). We have always had great chemistry (really, no complaints in the bedroom), and while we have had our ups and downs like ...
A. 23 December 2011: Sorry to see that your honeymoon phase was over so quickly.
How do you get over your resentment / anger? You forgive and let go... Marriage is filled with that, while it may be tough, it sounds like both of you are going to need to get good at ... (read in full...)
She wants a child and I want to make her happy, but I don't feel ready! What should I do?
Q. Hello dear cupid friends,i have a problem and need advice. Me and my wife will complete 5 years of marriage on july next year. There she'll be 29 years old, for this reason she wants a kid, it's her dream. I have 25 and will have 26 next year. The ...
A. 22 December 2011: Aside from money and possessions, do you want a child and do you want it with her? I think foremost you need to answer that. If the answer is no, you need to be straight up so that she can decide what she wants to do (and that may mean she leaves ... (read in full...)
FWB said I love you, then took it back?
Q. Today I was talking to my fwb when towards the end of the phone call he said "I love you". I immediately replied with "what" since it was such a shock and he repeated it. I said "no you don't" and said bye and hung up. A few minutes later he...
A. 22 December 2011: I don't think this was something out of a habit. Most guys don't randomly say "I love you" when hanging up their phone. Ladies, probably, men, no.
Going out on a limb here, I suspect he may be developing or has developed some feelings towards ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't care anymore!
Q. I feel like my husband just doesnt care anymore. He never discusses any problems we are having but will always complian about my son. We havent had sex in over two months and the last time it took alot of convincing on my part. He sleeps all the ...
A. 21 December 2011: From what you describe, it sounds like your relationship is more one of convenience rather than one of love. At best, you are roommates and he is the slacker one that is behind on his rent.
The apparent lack of communication is what bothers ... (read in full...)
We separated due to his telling another woman he was only sticking around till he could afford a divorce, now when we were trying to reconcile he's messaging women again!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 5 months. This is going to be a long story everyone I am apologizing now. I guess to start we both changed after we got married. We moved into a camper trailer right after we got married. It is located on his ...
A. 21 December 2011: I guess the question you should really be asking yourself is "why you love this man?" and "Why do you not deserve better?"
Five months into your marriage, your husband is planning his divorce and already flirting with other women. And yet, you... (read in full...)
Happily married, but I hold another guy close in my heart. Any thoughts on why I feel this way?
Q. Dear friends, I'm happily married, 28f. Two years ago I realised that love doesnt have reins. I began to like a person very much quite secretly. Though it did not cause any of us any harm I still like him. I have also deduced from his eyes that he ...
A. 20 December 2011: Many people, while married, still cherish someone deep down in their hearts. Whether it is a friend, past mate or even a crush, it is completely NORMAL to feel this way. Often times it is a fleeting crush and other times it is something that ... (read in full...)
Hubby's clothes have body glitter on them...is this from another woman?
Q. Three years ago right after having a baby, I found my husband's jacket that he wears everywhere (especially on business trips) covered in body glitter, on the front. He of course told me a female co-worked sat on it after he had thrown it on a ...
A. 20 December 2011: Going from your question, there isn't way to be 100% sure what went on. His story is plausible and it would appear that whatever did happen, happened a long time ago.
I think at this point, you need to see if other things are starting to add up. ... (read in full...)
Ladies, how do you react when your man is attending a bachelor's party which you know its going to be wild?
Q. Three of my boyfriend's close friends are getting married, two of which he is the best man. His boys have been raving about this bachelors eve parties for the past couple of months. I don't know how to behave or act. SHould I act cool about it or sa...
A. 17 December 2011: Sometimes men do cross the line at bachelor parties. I am not saying all men cheat at these events (99% seems a bit high). However, usually adult entertainment exists, which usually means there is a stripper.
While not all strippers are prostitu... (read in full...)
Holiday away and the ex will be there
Q. We'll be apart for our 1st Christmas. He's visiting on the west coast and I'm east coast. 10 days away and his LTR ex/friend who calls and texts him still lives there. She visited there last Christmas and I'm guessing she will this year. I'm ...
A. 16 December 2011: I am going to also agree with the other people who answered before me.
There's nothing you can do to change what your boyfriend is going to do behind your back. If he's going to cheat, its probably best you know now, instead of months / years do... (read in full...)
How do I get my act back together after screwing up?
Q. I have recently come out of a 4 year relationship. I joined a dating site and met a man who seemed respectable. We have so much in common. We went out and we had sex. Since that his phone has been switched off. I know i have to accept i was used. I ...
A. 16 December 2011: I am going to second other people's advice: quit digging yourself further into a hole.
It sounds like you made a mistake and you admit to doing so. Why not learn from them and become a better person. You are in a good position right now to know ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating or is his story plausible?
Q. Please bear with the long description :/ Any reply is much appreciated. I have been in a relationship for 8 months with a guy who looks great on paper. He's a doctor with a prominent position and good reputation in the community. We met online. ...
A. 11 December 2011: His story is vaguely plausible, but I wouldn't buy it.
The fact that he didn't seem concerned that someone hacked his account is very weird. In addition, if someone had hacked his account, why wouldn't he want to change his password and why ... (read in full...)
I feel trapped within my marriage..
Q. when we were living together , he acted generous, he paid whenever we went out to eat, but now that we're married and have a baby, he's been bickering with me that I should be the one working while he stays at home and watch the baby; he said women ...
A. 11 December 2011: He sounds like a classic case of a controller.
There are really no easy answers here. If you want to try and fix this situation, I highly recommend that you sit him down, explain to him what you are feeling and how you want to work as a couple... (read in full...)
I care about him despite our distance and 13 year age difference. Should I wait for him?
Q. Hi. I need objective opinions. I'm 30, and have been seeing a 43 year old never married man, I'll call Sam. It's been almost a year of dating. We don't refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. I've secretly dated other prospects briefly....
A. 10 December 2011: I agree with his sentiment on not being ready to marry due to logistical problems. He does indeed need to move closer to you. However, have you considered the fact you could move closer to him?
If you truly want to be with someone, you'll f... (read in full...)
Misbehaved while being drunk and high, and now I've messed up my chances with this guy I like
Q. I became single about 6 months ago, since that time I have been drinking too much and I have discovered that I am a very mouthy drunk. (Well who isn't..) I ended up drinking to blackout one night and went home with a friend of my brother. I didn't ...
A. 10 December 2011: I would suggest that you apologize and the sooner the better. I would also recommend that you do it in person -- no cop-out text messages or phone calls (unless that's all you've got to go on).
Explain to them that you were drunk and that you... (read in full...)
My partner refuses to acknowledge that alcohol affects his performance and always blames me or tiredness or stress for his brewer's droop
Q. I am so angry with my partner right now. He got back from a 4 week business trip and he was telling me how much he missed me and was looking forward to coming home and when he got home that night he started having a few drinks which turned in to ...
A. 10 December 2011: Alcohol definitely affects a man's performance, especially when consumed in excess.
A man's ability to have an erection is often tied to his ego. We pride ourselves in our ability to satisfy our woman, so if our equipment isn't working,... (read in full...)
So what gives? I don't want to be duped again. Is it because he's too shy and I'm too skeptical?
Q. Hi everyone. I need some advice. So, on Thursday night I slept with someone for the first time in a long time. We briefly dated last year but it ended in disaster. everything felt wrong as our "relationship" started after a drunken one night stan...
A. 10 December 2011: Reading between the lines in your question, I think what you are wrestling with is your conscious.
It would appear that you were dating a year ago but that the relationship was largely based upon sex. And it would appear that you broke up becau... (read in full...)
Wife says our courting period was "really short." What did she mean by that?
Q. I have been married for 9 years. Recently, my wife and I were having a deep conversation about the early part of our relationship and she said that our courting period was "really short" implying "too short." We dated for about 8 months before I...
A. 29 November 2011: Her comment could mean anything.
I suggest that the next time you are talking with another on this level -- if you really truly want the answer -- that you bring her comment up and ask her what she meant by it and if she has any regrets. Explain ... (read in full...)
I just want to be loved. Am I asking too much?
Q. Really upset at the moment and really need some advice. I was in an 8 year relationship with my now ex, we had three children together, but broke up due to his alcohol addiction and temper. Anyway i went trough alot of stuff with my ex and i vowed ...
A. 24 November 2011: Your relationship sounds more like one of convenience rather than love.
Some men need a kick in the pants (so to speak) to make them aware that there is more to a relationship than paying halves at the homestead and taking care of each other's ... (read in full...)
My bf had a crazy fit and hurt me. Should I take him back?
Q. I have been. With my fiance for 3 years and we have had a lot of ups and Downs but here recently it has gotten. Horrible. And. As got in a bad fight. Last. Week and he called me a fucking. Whore and tried pinning me down on bed so I couldn't move. ...
A. 24 November 2011: I am going to follow suite with the other answers here and say this relationship is over. Sometimes when things go south, it takes a bit of courage to end them for good. Also, when things go bad, behavior like this tends to come out (the ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to date and feel used!
Q. Hi everyone. I need help on this issue. I was married at a young age and am new to dating at the age of 30. I decided to use a dating site since I don't go out much. I'm very well educated, great shape, have assets, but stupid when it comes to ...
A. 20 November 2011: Sadly, a lot of guys are looking for a quick hook-up these days. I think a lot of it is either sitcoms or what not that perpetuate the myth that people should be sleeping together while hardly knowing each other. You are going to have weed through ... (read in full...)
Girls' night out - girlfriend comes home drunk at 4am
Q. My girlfriend went to a nightclub for a girls' night out last night, came back at 4am and spent the first hour of today throwing up. How worried should I be? The poster for the event she went to depicts a young lady sitting down in a chair, with...
A. 20 November 2011: On the surface, I wouldn't be too concerned about this. It sounds like she tied one on. So long as she didn't cross any lines by flirting or coming on to other guys, I think you could chalk this one up as an adult lady trying to rekindle her early ... (read in full...)
Why are some men so selfish?
Q. Why some men so selfish?. My partner and i have 2 kids together he is 42 and i am 36. Our relationship is very dull, we never go out as a couple, we have little to no sex life to which i put down to him not having a sex drive. He never treats me or ...
A. 20 November 2011: From the sounds of it, you aren't in a relationship at all, you have a roommate that you share a child with.
I think the sooner you realize that this "relationship" is likely not to grow any stronger, the sooner you'll be able to heal from it ... (read in full...)
Every time things start getting steamy he backs off!
Q. So i have been in an 8 mth relationship with an amazing guy! We get along so well and really know how to encourage and support eag other emotionally. Our major problem is sex. And i can wait for actual sex but we haven't even gotten past first base! ...
A. 16 November 2011: You've been involved with a guy for 8 months and he hasn't put on the moves yet?
Something is definitely amiss here and before he goes away to college, I do agree that you'll have to sit down and ask him what is going on. It'll be uncomfor... (read in full...)
How can I leave my husband without hurting my kids?
Q. I have been married 27 years to my high school sweetheart and we've had our good and bad times in our relationship. I've tried to leave multiple times through the years for different reasons but have no family and always felt alone and that I couldn...
A. 14 November 2011: Let's face it, you are going to hurt people by leaving your marriage. There is no way to sugar coat this or make any easier for anybody involved.
The reason why you can't leave or haven't yet, is you know this. Deep down, you know it is going... (read in full...)
Does my husband keep me around for the sex or because he actually loves me?
Q. My husband has signed up for dating and sex sites over 7 times in our * yrs of marriage. watches porn all the time......and we are having other issues as well..... is it just a guy thing or is he really looking for something else???? we have always ...
A. 14 November 2011: I am going to agree with shrodingerscat -- there isn't enough information here to know for sure.
What surprises me is that you keep him in the picture. After all the years of marriage, you've caught him several times cheating on dating sites (e... (read in full...)
My Bf has given me an ultimatum-either I orgasm with him and without my vibrator or he's going to break up with me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years and I always thought we had a pretty good sex life. We have sex 5-8 times a week usually and feel really comfortable with each other and have great chemistry. It might help to preface this with saying ...
A. 13 November 2011: It sounds like you and your boyfriend are having some sexual incompatibilities.
First off, many (in fact most women) can't experience an orgasm via penetration sex. There are some different positions you can try, but from what I've read and expe... (read in full...)
He said that if I don't find a way to enjoy giving him head that our marriage will be over!
Q. I have been with my husband for almost four years. When we had been dating for a month I told him that I hated giving head. We have been married for a little over a year now and he is telling me that if I don't find a way to enjoy giving him head ...
A. 4 November 2011: First off, I am going to state that no one should do anything that they don't want to in the bedroom. It sounds like you made your position fairly clear during the dating process and now he is playing marital blackmail with you to get what he ... (read in full...)
What do you do when the distance between you starts to grow bigger?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and together 5 years before that. Things haven't been perfect and we have been working on things for quite some thime now. We see a counselor once a week and he sees someone on his own. I have and ...
A. 4 November 2011: It sounds like you have forgotten to cherish and romance each other. It is commendable that you are taking action by seeing counselors. From the sound of it, you can save yourself a bit of time (and money) by simply reigniting your relationship on ... (read in full...)
I did all the housework at first, then we had a baby, and now he wont help out!
Q. Ive lived with my husband for 8 years. We had our first child this year. I work full time and so does he. Before we had a child, I did all of the housework, yardwork, clothes and dinner myself with no help. Now that we have a baby, I have very ...
A. 3 November 2011: It sounds like your husband has gotten into a bad habit. You were quite capable of doing all the housework on your own, but now that you have a child, it would appear, that it broke the proverbial camel's back.
I think you do need to sit down wit... (read in full...)
I already have trust issues and now my younger boyfriend wants a threesome!
Q. I have been in a livein relationship for 15mths now. I ham 43 my boyfriend is 28. He now wants a 3sum, him, me and another girl. At first I wanted to please him but have since told him that I was worried about the following 1 I couldn't ...
A. 3 November 2011: Well, you have to admit, your boyfriend definitely has some guts in bringing this one up. I do not agree that 3-somes belong in any healthy relationship (they seem more for adventurous college-aged people who like to drink too much). I also agree ... (read in full...)
B/f could give me a little more security by texting me but he doesn't!
Q. He says he loves me. He told me to ask him for anything I needed in this relationship. The ONE thing I have asked of him is to text me throughout the day/night (we work different shifts), just so that I know he thinks about me. I didn't ask for ...
A. 3 November 2011: How is the rest of your relationship? Do you guys spend quality time together or are your schedules so messed up that you are getting by on text messages?
I'll be honest, text messages, in general are poor ways to communicate. Sure, on some lev... (read in full...)
I'm bored and frustrated with my relationship! Help!
Q. I've just divorced my husband of 20 years then met this man 16 years older than me. Im attracted to him because he's more caring and understanding than my ex-husband. He has no kids and has his own home and car and still working with a good ...
A. 31 October 2011: I am going to agree with Mystiquek on this one. If this guy is in his mid to early 60's he's probably pretty set in his ways and perhaps lives on a fixed income. Does he have extra money and just prefers not to spend it or is money tight?
Some ... (read in full...)
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