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*ddie85 agony aunt

*ddie85

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*ddie85's profile:

I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.

Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.

I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.

I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.

I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.

My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.

Eddie

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How do I refocus & find out if I can continue to stay in my marriage.

Q.   I've been married for 16 hrs. I am 45 hrs old and have 2 boys with my husband. My husband works a day job as well as a 2nd shift job. I work in the morning part time and the rest of my time is devoted to my boys their schools and sports. My ...

A.   31 January 2013: Sorry to hear that you are going through these problems. Here are some solutions that I would recommend for you: 1) You have to realize that one of the main reasons why you can't get the other man out of your life is because your current ... (read in full...)

Feeling unfair in a first relationship

Q.   Im having my first relationship ever at age 22 but my boyfriend (who is 23) had a long relationship before me which lasted about 5 years and the reason they broke up was because the girl broke it off, not him. We have been dating for about 3 mont...

A.   31 January 2013: It sounds like you are going through a lot of firsts right now and you are discovering new and sort of scary feelings. You are finally putting yourself out there. You've obviously saved yourself for a special person and now that you have invested ... (read in full...)

Your thoughts on this? He's verbally abusive, spends time online gaming and watching porn. Have to ask him for his % share of bills. Is this relationship working or is there an answer?

Q.   hey guys i am writing this because i am at the end of tether with this man who is supposed to be my husband. We have been married for 4 years and it was long distance. I moved to the US about a year ago and since coming here my relations...

A.   30 January 2013: I am not sure there is anything YOU can do, other than initiate the process of starting the recovery process for your marriage. After all, remember the serenity prayer -- you only have control over yourself, not others. He will have to meet you ... (read in full...)

Does this 'ho ho ho' mean a laugh or a prostitute?

Q.   Hi there! I recently went into hospital to have an operation, and my partner who I've been seeing for nearly a year has been looking after me and has been my rock really, well I noticed in his inbox on facebook a message from his mate asking how...

A.   30 January 2013: Sounds like your boyfriend needs to get laid. I agree with CMMP, this is just guy talk at its worst. Most of us do it on one level or another and I wouldn't worry too much about it unless you have had problems with your boyfriend's indiscre... (read in full...)

My husband won't help with the housework and verbally abuses me

Q.   my husband and i have been together for 12 years although we have only been married 1 year i raised his daughter and now i am rasing his three grandchildren whom i love dearly problem being he dont help me with housework he thinks he dont do ...

A.   29 January 2013: I don't mean to be cruel or mean: Why exactly did you marry this man? He is argumentative, ungrateful, pawned off his children on you and worse of all: he's addicted to pain medicine. That's only what you've told us here, and I am sure you have a ... (read in full...)

The past of my boyfriend really bother me. I don't know how to deal with it

Q.   I am new at this lol never posted a quetion before but her it goes......it is kind of long. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. I have children from previous marriage and he treats them as his own. He is very selfless and kind...

A.   29 January 2013: I see several things that are currently bothering you and you are trying to silence the warning voice in your head. My question to you, is why would you want to silence this voice? I sense the following turmoil: 1) You don't consider yoursel... (read in full...)

This ex is stuck in my head and I'm afraid it's going to ruin my new relationship!

Q.   I am in such a mess. I was with a guy for a year and we had a great relationship then things came to an abrupt end, he was moving away with work and we mutually agreed it wouldn't work because of the distance. We agreed to remain friends but he said ...

A.   29 January 2013: From what I am reading, you are struggling because you are probably comparing this guy to your ex. Perhaps this guy doesn't measure up in certain aspects. In addition, you've only been broken up 6 months. I know when I broke up with an "ex" I d... (read in full...)

My wife is constantly texting another man, asked me to move out and yet says she wants to work on things!

Q.   Hi. I have used this site a few times and thank those who have added comments, it helps. Will try to be brief here... Married for 12 years, 3 great kids. Wife and I have always been great friends, quite a bit in common but our sex life has...

A.   29 January 2013: It certainly sounds like things are tumultuous between you and your wife. Reading between the lines, it sounds like there is a lack of passion for one another. Not only that, but it sounds like your wife has one foot in the "singles pool". ... (read in full...)

I just really wish I knew if he really likes me or if I'm just being used.

Q.   I really like this guy, we work together and know each other for about two years. All we are right now is friends. About six months ago we started to have sex and he doesn't want anyone to know because its no ones business. Well we still do and we ...

A.   27 January 2013: I agree with most of the other posters here. This certainly sounds suspicious. You are lending him money (has he paid any of it back?) and you are providing him sex. He is doing the easy part by texting you, which is about as a minimali... (read in full...)

Everything else is great. So why does he have to masturbate so often? It's the why I can't understand.

Q.   Hello All! I am a woman in my late 40s, in a relationship with a man my age. We're 5 yrs in. Im a widow 6 yrs, 3 grown children, 6 grandchildren -- Pisces. He's a Leo. 2 grown children, diff mothers, always paid child support. But he enjoys lots...

A.   27 January 2013: Guys masturbate for a variety of reasons. Mostly because they are horny and don't want to bother you or just need a quick release. Also, pornography provides a safe way of having a little bit of variety. My guess is that he has been using po... (read in full...)

Husband texting ex and making comments about me that are leaving me feeling very insecure

Q.   I heard my now husband tell a friend of his that I was not much to look at but I make him happy. It killed me inside. I asked him about and basically said I took it out of context and has since made me feel like a beautiful princess and we have ...

A.   27 January 2013: Sounds like you are in a bind. You have a ton of circumstantial proof that your husband is cheating on you and at best, he certainly doesn't find you attractive -- I know I would feel extremely pained by his comment. Everyone wants to be found... (read in full...)

My wife's continous chatting with x husband is killing me

Q.   My wife of one year ( my second and her third marriage ) continues to communcicate with her x husband whom she left. He has not moved on and still loves her and seems to me to be controlling with narisistic behavior via email,skype etc. She responds ...

A.   27 January 2013: I agree 100% with Honeypie. You definitely need to sit down and talk with her about why she maintains this contact and express to her in no uncertain terms how it impacts you and your feelings for her. Your marriage is still new, and you are stil... (read in full...)

How can I get through this bitter breakup? I don't know how to cope.

Q.   I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years and things are disturbingly bitter, so much so that I don't know how to get over this whole experience. I had to break it off, I didn't trust him at all and I felt taken for granted. We are currentl...

A.   25 January 2013: What you are experiencing is normal. Breaking up is never easy, especially with a long term relationship. It is often a realization that dreams and wishes are left unfulfilled. Also, I suspect that you are questioning whether you have done the... (read in full...)

What is wrong with my libido?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. This is thus far the longest relationship I've been. I am 24 and he is 27. We love each other but the sex has taken a weird turn in the last few months. We were that couple that you couldn't...

A.   25 January 2013: Everybody, in the course of a long-term relationship runs into this problem. The first thing is do not panic but look at it as an opportunity to work on problem solving; together. 1) First thing take some time to reflect to yourself. Have you... (read in full...)

My boyfriend looks at other women and makes me feel horrid!

Q.   My boyfriend and have been together for three years now. He cheated on his ex wife and has made me feel uncomfortable when other women are around us. The first time this happened was when we invited a friend to lunch and she held his gaze for a ...

A.   24 January 2013: I am going to agree with "So very Confused". I think there is a lot more going on in your relationship than what you post here. Him looking at other women and your reaction to it are symptoms of an underlying problem. 1) Guys look at wom... (read in full...)

My husband has ED, no sex drive, and is completely none affectionate with me.

Q.   My husband is completely none affectionate with me, and I dont know what to try anymore. He is impotent from undiagnosable causes. I mean not the GP, or the psychologist could really figure it out what is his issue,but he lost all his sexual ...

A.   8 December 2012: I would recommend he see an endocrinologist. His hormones could be out of whack, particularly his testosterone. Also his urologist should also give him a thorough exam as well. As men age, this hormone naturally declines and when it is low, his... (read in full...)

How do I forgive his porn usage so we can be happy?

Q.   Hi all.I am in need of advice. I have looked up numberous articles but the advice is very generalized and not very helpful.How do you forgive someone that has betrayed your trust? I have been with my partner for almost 5 years and we have a family. ...

A.   8 December 2012: I think you need to explore his reasons for looking at porn, together if possible. There are some reasons why men do this: 1) There is a lack of intimacy in the marriage. This could be emotional or physical. Perhaps he feels inhibited in the b... (read in full...)

How can I handle my feelings over this? He sent me a nasty email detailing all I did wrong in the relationship.

Q.   Hi ... I need some help and useful advice .... after almost 4 months ( no contact previously ) after a painful breakup with my ex whom I loved dearly I have recieved a nasty and scathing seven page email from him, stating EVERYTHING I did wrong ...

A.   8 December 2012: Wow, he obviously has a lot of anger over the ending of your relationship and used a cowardly tactic of sending you an email. Instead of moving on or at least having the nuts to confront you and talk openly about it, he used a juvenile tactic and ... (read in full...)

I have not moved on since the break-up. He has. How do I let go, and move on from this break-up?

Q.   Ok, so putting it simply, I'm struggling to get over my ex. We were only together a year but he treated me differently to any other man I have ever met. There were difficult circumstances, hence the split but it's been 3 months now and I'm finding ...

A.   8 December 2012: 3 months is still only a short time since the break-up and what you are feeling is completely normal. You must have had very strong feelings for him. It certainly sounds you've done just about everything you can. However, something that stands o... (read in full...)

How do I handle the fact that he keeps pictures of his ex-wife in our bedroom?

Q.   My live in boyfriend of 4 years has been hiding pictures of his ex wife around our bedroom. I found them while cleaning. One was even tucked in a photo album that I made for him for last Xmas. It is right by his side of the bed. I would not even ...

A.   8 December 2012: I am going to agree with dylan1. He was after all married to her and was probably a significant person in his life. Those feelings and memories don't disappear overnight. You don't mention why or how long ago they were together (or even how long... (read in full...)

How do I move on from a relationship that has totally consumed me?

Q.   Okay, this is sort of a long story but to make it sort of short the important details are that I'm in my mid-20s (my ex boyfriend is 29), both our Mom's are/were suffering from advanced stage cancer but mine recently passed away, and we've been ...

A.   7 December 2012: Personally, I don't think this relationship is worth saving. The fact that he cheated on you with several girls, without using protection indicates to me that he has no concern, whatsoever, about your health and well-being. Yes, he was probably ... (read in full...)

I'm having doubts as to whether I should give him another chance

Q.   I married a man about 3 years ago and about a year after found out he was still married to his first wife...which made our marriage illegal and void... Seems like things started going down hill since then. We stayed together because we did care for ...

A.   7 December 2012: I think this is a question that only you can answer. Not all relationships are based upon love and passion. Some people remain with each other simply because they get along. There isn't anything wrong with it, and some people prefer the situ... (read in full...)

I really want to forgive him and move on but I can't trust him any more.

Q.   Hi all, and thanks in advance for any advice you can give me. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we are generally very happy. In general, it is a perfect relationship. Unfortunately, recently I found out that he slept with someo...

A.   30 November 2012: You don't really mention how early you were in the relationship when he strayed. The reason why I question this is because if you weren't in a committed relationship then he had every right to sleep with another woman. While it doesn't speak much ... (read in full...)

My daughters are jealous of the time I spend with my boyfriend.

Q.   Ok, here is one for ya. Been in a serious relationship with a wonderful man and things are great except for my two girls (ages 19 and 20) from a previous marriage. I thought it would be his 11 year old daughter that would be a problem, but no... My ...

A.   29 November 2012: Your daughters are at a transitional period in their lives. They are just about adults and yet they still feel the need to be around you. I think you need to listen to them a little bit. It sounds like you are only in their lives from Tuesday ... (read in full...)

I feel that I am not the best lover for my wife

Q.   First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina. I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage. The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past. She insis...

A.   29 November 2012: I think you've got to go on what your wife is telling you. You'll drive yourself crazy if you continue to think that she is tolerating your "shortcomings". Let's look at the facts: she married you. That says a LOT. She obviously has had many... (read in full...)

My husband seems to prefer watching porn over having sex with me.

Q.   My husband and I got married within a year of knowing each other and we have only been married for 6 months. Since I've had our daughter he seems to prefer watching porn to having sex. we only have sex if i basically tell him to have sex with me. a ...

A.   29 November 2012: I suspect there is a lot more going on in your relationship than what you post here. Also, there is some conflicting statements: you only have sex when you tell him to have sex with you and you follow it by saying you aren't having more sex. If he ... (read in full...)

Am I rushing the wedding bells?

Q.   I have been in a serious relationship for 10 months with a wonderful man. We see each other every day and spend weekends together. Our families have intertwined and everything is going great. When should I be expecting a marriage proposal? I'm 43 ...

A.   28 November 2012: First off, congratulations on finding a successful, loving relationship. The short answer is that I think at the 10 month period is a good time to start talking about long term plans -- especially if you both have broached the subject casually... (read in full...)

My husband cheated, the marriage is over but I'm afraid to end it

Q.   Dear cupid My husband had cheated on me in the past a few times i for gave him and we have tried to put it behind us. His affairs went on all though our marriage until he got caught,(20 yrs) no doubt he would still be cheating if he had not been...

A.   28 November 2012: Well, your feelings are certainly understandable AND rationale. The only life you have known for the majority of your life has been with that of your husband. The life that you know always feels safer than the life you don't know even if it is ... (read in full...)

How do I preserve my libido when my husband is preoccupied with other women?

Q.   I have really no problem with my husband's occasional preoccupation with other women, such as cashiers that he jokes with for the most part. I don't feel much jealously at all. HOWEVER, when he wants sex with me, that is when I get a bit ...

A.   28 November 2012: It does sound like your husband is crossing the line with his flirtations. Guys are attracted to all sorts of women: that is a fact. Just because we are married or attached to someone in a committed relationship doesn't mean we suddenly turn off ... (read in full...)

I really feel I need to get out of this mess, but he keeps telling me I'm making a mistake.. should I run as fast as I can?

Q.   My Fiance, slept with his late wife's sister soon after she passed. before we got together he said he was done with her and that they worked all there feelings out and that they would never do that again.. let me also mention that the sister is ...

A.   28 November 2012: There are a ton of red flags in your post and unfortunately the biggest red flag is you. You find an email that plainly states that he misses her and loves her and yet you wonder if he is worth keeping? How long do you suppose you will be wonde... (read in full...)

I fear I've been used by a man I met on a dating site.

Q.   I have been such a fool. I joined a dating site and met what seemed like a man in a million. He was a good listener, polite and we clicked. He took me for a meal and we ended up at my home, we talked and he listened to my problems and then we slept ...

A.   28 November 2012: I do agree with the other answers here. It sounds like he was more interested in a one night stand or something about part of the evening turned him off. Regardless, this does happen frequently and you aren't the first one to have this happen t... (read in full...)

Do you think we will ever have a future together?

Q.   I feel like ive made a huge mistake, i keep questioning my decision to end things with my bf of over 2 years, im heart broken.. Basically i ended things with my bf over many months of silly break ups and stupid arguments, we would text and pick it ...

A.   28 November 2012: Anything is possible in my opinion, but it sounds like there were some lingering issues that never seemed to be resolved. With your final statement of saying "you were done" and your boyfriend's subsequent actions indicate to me that he grew tired ... (read in full...)

Why am I a born again virgin with no one to love?

Q.   Hi , I am a born again virgin who has not had sex in ten years I am a young woman still I just turned 41. I want to get back to the love making days but now it's kind of hard to trust people now. I want to get married now and I just haven't ran up ...

A.   24 November 2012: If you really wish to remain sex-free until marriage you should consider using a religious-based web site such as christianmingle.com. They put together other like-minded people into relationships, much like match.com or eharmony, but the emphasis ... (read in full...)

Why can't I see my husband's computer screen? Why is everything a secret?

Q.   My husband and I had to live apart last year after he lost his job. He admits to having girlfriends while he was away. Now he is always reading twitter on his Ipad, and when I asked if could see what he was laughing about, he went ballistic. He ...

A.   23 November 2012: Please accept my sympathy for your situation. It certainly sounds like you have bigger problems than not being able to see his computer screen. Your husband has definitely checked out of the marriage and to me, I think he is trying to gather... (read in full...)

How can I regain some control over my relationship? I don't want to jeopardize the relationship

Q.   I am beginning to sense that I have no control over the relationship whatsoever. That is not to say that one should have complete control over the other, no. I feel it should be equal, each side contributing to the relationship. I'm currently ...

A.   22 November 2012: It sounds like you need something special to bring your relationship closer. Being that you've been together as long as you have, I am sure there is a sense of being "taken for granted" by both parties. I wouldn't be surprised if your boyfriend ... (read in full...)

Is there something wrong with this man wanting to date me? I'm 25 years younger than him

Q.   i met this guy at work he is 25 years older than me. but we have so much in common, and i find him very intersting and i want to know more about him. i love him. we have been seeing each other for about 10 months now. he has told me he loves me to, ...

A.   21 November 2012: Your family and friends just want the best for you. Do large age gap relationships work? Yes -- but they do come with their own challenges. And you should go into it with open eyes: 1) His energy level is going to be different than y... (read in full...)

I'm confused by his text. I thought he wasn't interested but friends say I'm reading too much into it?

Q.   Guys are so very confusing! I haven't actually "dated" in the past five years (being in an on-off relationship) but 3 days ago I met a nice fella online and met him up. We had dinner, drinks, and decided to go to a movie. On our way to the movie, he ...

A.   21 November 2012: What are you doing communicating by text messages? You miss out so much on non-verbal queues when you do that. Give the guy a call -- you can tell so much more about what someone is thinking by hearing their voice. You can jump to far too many ... (read in full...)

How do I overcome these bad thoughts that pop into my head about her past actions?

Q.   Hi, I am currently dating my gf of 7 months. She cheated on her last bf of a few years and that relationship ended mostly due to that. Shortly after she remained in contact with the guy she cheated on her ex wit and had given her virginity to this ...

A.   21 November 2012: I don't think you can magically get over your fears of your girlfriend going back to the other guy. It sounds like you are still fairly new to one another and your relationship's trust level isn't quite yet to the point where you can implicit... (read in full...)

He will not be intimate with me re the little things...

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years(I don't know how), because he will not be intimate with me like take my hand or touch me kiss me anything!!!! We have 2 children so sex isn't a problem obviously, but it's straight and to the point. ...

A.   21 November 2012: Usually a lack of excitement in the bedroom is a mirror of what is really going on in the relationship. Has it always been like this or is this something new? Are there some new (or lot of) stresses? Do you guys fight a lot? Reading betwe... (read in full...)

Is it common for people to be in a relationship and signed up to online dating sites?

Q.   I have noticed this kind of question comes up a lot on this website. Is it very common for people to be signed up to dating websites whilst in a relationship. I have found my boyfriend to be doing it and lying about it. when he is not able to lie, ...

A.   21 November 2012: The answer is absolutely no. It is hard to guess what the motivations of your boyfriend may be, but my guess is that he is keeping his options open. If things are going well, he'll stick by your side, but if things go south, he may not be willi... (read in full...)

How can I carry on knowing he cheated on me for revenge, when nothing ever happened with me and my ex? Should I call it a day?

Q.   Don't really know where to start with this but ill just give it a shot. Basically I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he cheated on me at the beginning and I forgive him. The problem is the girl he had his affair with would not let it go an...

A.   20 November 2012: There is a lot of bad history here and whether your boyfriend was being honest / truthful when he was drunk (or just vile) remains to be seen. I am sure there is some level of truth in his drunken words, however. Sadly, what he said cannot be ... (read in full...)

Why can't I see my husband's computer screen? Why is everything a secret?

Q.   My husband and I had to live apart last year after he lost his job. He admits to having girlfriends while he was away. Now he is always reading twitter on his Ipad, and when I asked if could see what he was laughing about, he went ballistic. He ...

A.   20 November 2012: Wow, you let your husband have girlfriends while he was out on his own? Where did that deal come from? It sounds like you busted your husband and he is more than likely carrying on with some of his old flames. The fact that he reacted so viole... (read in full...)

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