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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 16 February 2013: I am glad you are taking a step in the right direction. Hopefully your therapist will be able to uncover what is really going on.
Also, I know you are angry and frustrated but take a look at the language you used in your post: "confron... (read in full...)
The romantic Valentines dinner and surprise turned out to be a stirfry on the sofa and an iTunes voucher! Am I right to be upset?
Q. So it was Valentine's Day yesterday and my boyfriend said I would be getting a 'romantic meal and a surprise'. I was quite excited and made plans for the rest of the day to show him how much I love him which he really enjoyed (like horse riding and ...
A. 16 February 2013: It certainly sounds like he let you down. I've been there when our expectations aren't met.
However, your boyfriend is in the army and I suspect that his financial situation isn't the best. He probably did what he could... and if his monetary... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't satisfy me sexually and I feel insecure about him looking at female celebs.....
Q. Hope you chaps can help me, i got into my relationship 9 months ago and i am deeply in love with my boyfriend, we have sex fairly regularly, but when we do he nearly always stops everything as soon as he has jizzed, like that's it he just tells me ...
A. 16 February 2013: I'll be honest with you: guys will ALWAYS be looking at other women. Some are more covert than others in their activities but we are wired to rate just about every woman's "bedability". It sounds like your boyfriend is pretty vocal about his ... (read in full...)
How do I help my boyfriend last longer without hurting his feelings?
Q. Im sorry if this is a little graphic but could really do with some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months, everything is perfect apart from sex. We have sex basically whenever we get the chance so sometimes a couple of times a day so t...
A. 16 February 2013: I suspect he already knows about his performance is impacting your relationship. If he is climaxing quickly and then apologizing believe me -- he knows. Also the fact that you've tried numbing creams also indicates to me he already knows what's ... (read in full...)
After all these years should I try to apologize for my behavior?
Q. I would appreciate some advice regarding an ex 'girlfriend', over whom I have some feelings of guilt. She was the first girl I ever kissed, when I was 15 and she was 14. We went to the same school and although we didn't know each other there, I'd...
A. 16 February 2013: If you can muster up the courage, I don't see any harm in apologizing. I am also assuming you don't have an ulterior motive (which from your post your intentions appear to be genuine).
When we are 15 we do a lot of dumb things, so go easy on ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 15 February 2013: Sorry to hear about his reaction to Valentine's Day. I know how heart breaking that can be.
Again, I can't state this strongly enough: If you want to make a change in your relationship you are going to have to take some action. Valentin... (read in full...)
We've been married 5 years and my husband sends his ex wife a Valentine's Day greeting?
Q. My husband has been loving and generous towards both me and his daughters this Valentine's Day. However, he sent an e-mail greeting 'Happy Valentine's Day' to his ex wife. We have been married nearly five years. How should I feel? React? ...
A. 15 February 2013: We don't know much about your husband or his motives, however he could be:
1) Rubbing in the fact to her that he is Happily Married and has moved on just fine without her.
2) On some sentimental level he misses her. They were married and... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 15 February 2013: It would appear that his lack of sex interest in you coincides with the time he came home from Afghanistan. I would tend to think this fact is definitely related.
1) Have you done anything I suggested? Looked at the books, had a heart-to... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 14 February 2013: There could be lots of things going on:
1) He is getting older. Men in their 40's often time lose testosterone and their sex drives can dwindle to nothing at all. He is probably out of shape too, especially if all he does is play video games an... (read in full...)
What to do when my boyfriend who had cheated before does not care about rebuilding trust and has nearly a hundren women on his contact list?
Q. My bf cheated on me a year and a half ago. I can't seem to get past it. I do not trust him at all any more. And he's not doing anything to help me trust him. He gets pissed every time I get mad because of his 205 contacts which three fourths r ...
A. 14 February 2013: If after 18 months you still don't trust him, I don't see you or him changing any time soon. How much longer do expect to wait on him to finally "prove" himself.
I think you need to ask yourself: What would it take for you to finally say "I t... (read in full...)
I am inexperienced in sex but boyfriend is comparing me to his ex, who was better in bed.
Q. Last night me and my boyfriend had sex for the second time. I told him to take things slow and pace what we were doing, he suggested we tried some positions, I agreed to see what was best for me. Although it didn't end up going so great, he was ...
A. 14 February 2013: Your boyfriend sounds like a piece of work... A good guy NEVER EVER compares you to his previous loves... that is just completely wrong and unconscionable.
It sounds like your boyfriend is more into getting off rather than making love. With th... (read in full...)
I feel stuck, lonely and worthless... any words of encouragement or advice?
Q. I feel terribly lonely and sad. I feel unloved. And like people underestimate me. I can't help but look back at when I was in high school and was rejected by every guy I liked, and also no guys liked me, ever. I wasn't popular, I was shy. I had a ...
A. 14 February 2013: It definitely sounds you need to make some changes in your life. Believe me, I was once like you too but I finally got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
Let's look at each of your problems:
1) You are caught up in a dead end relatio... (read in full...)
Could it be that my boyfriend still loves his ex? He tells me he's slept with her several times since they broke up
Q. My boyfriend told me that he has slept with his ex several times since they broke up, she is the mother of his children. This has made me feel paranoid that this could happen again or that at least he still fancies her. I hate how this has made me ...
A. 13 February 2013: You aren't 100% clear in the time line of when your boyfriend slept with his ex.
If it was while you two were together, then I think you need to seriously think about what type of man you are dating. He would be a cheater and you'd be lowering... (read in full...)
Un-Happily Ever After
Q. At first glace it would seem that things are fine, however, I have never been so lonely and miserable in my life. My husband is not home very often and goes to his friends’ houses, his dad's house or fishing after work most days. When he is at home ...
A. 13 February 2013: It definitely sounds like you and your husband are on different wave lengths on what each of you needs to be happy.
It would appear that on the surface that he wants to do whatever he wants with little consequence to the kids and you. Some guy... (read in full...)
Online guy seems to have vanished! I'm disappointed did he get the wrong impression?
Q. Hello I'm hoping someone can shed a light please?... Last week I met a guy online. We exchanged loads of messages and seemed to get on really well and have loads in common. I told him my interests ag walking, camping and he hinted that he would ...
A. 13 February 2013: Unfortunately it sounds like your scared him off or he started to think you really weren't who you said you were. These days the whole "catfish" deal is rampant, where people pretend to be people of the opposite sex and try to entice people into ... (read in full...)
Is love enough? Will we hurt our families too much if we try to be together?
Q. My husband was a pastor, had 1 emotional affair another affair that was physical, I also had some affairs as well. He's wanting to make the marriage work, but I'm not. I met a man and he's in a bad marriage as well, we both have older children, but ...
A. 12 February 2013: It seems like things are quite tumultuous right now. I can't imagine what you are going through.
However, I will say that it does sound like you and your husband are through. You have both cheated on one another and the only thing that is keepi... (read in full...)
Is it worth staying in a relationship when its difficult to get along?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for a solid 9 months. He is older than me. I am 18 and he is 27. HE is an illegal immigrant and he has a 1 year old daughter with his ex. I found out about his daughter and literatly unbalanced ex 2 months ...
A. 12 February 2013: Wow, you are dealing with a lot in a relationship and looking at your age, I have to say so incredibly young.
I see a lot of things you are currently dealing with:
1) He is an illegal immigrant. At any moment he could be deported. The o... (read in full...)
Is five months too soon to move in with my boyfriend?
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for five months and we're thinking of moving in together. I spend about three or four nights a week with him anyway and we were on holidays together for over a week and got on great! I've known him for about ten ...
A. 12 February 2013: Each relationship moves at his own pace and its own comfort level. By you coming here and posting your question, I think you know the answer to your question.
In case you are truly on the fence though, I hope you examine the benefits and risks yo... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend says I'm boring and I "mother" him. How can I regain his interest?
Q. my boyfriend recently told me that hes bored with me and that i dont "challenge" him enough. After 2 years together he thinks we have nothing to talk about and that i mother him too much. i was shocked. I thought he was happy with how things ...
A. 10 February 2013: From your brief description in your post, you do sound like you are 100% settled in your life. You go home, work, and go out once in a while. It certainly sounds like you aren't passionate about anything and I think your boyfriend is trying to ... (read in full...)
How can I ever learn to trust guys again? And find a Genuine guy? My last Bf was a liar and a cheat.
Q. My most recent ex boyfriend was a liar and a cheater. He was super good looking and charming so I always fell for whatever he said and couldn't tell what was really going on. I am only just now starting to see what really happened. It's b...
A. 10 February 2013: Most people have been in your shoes. We fall in love and we overlook what should've been obvious because -- well we were in love and assumed the person we were in love with had our best intentions in mind. Don't beat yourself up, you are human and ... (read in full...)
Online dating -- I'm an idiot...
Q. I met a man online, I haven't dated for a while by choice...but we seemed to have a lot in common. I spoke to him via the site for a while and then we moved on to phone and text and we texted back and forth all day everyday. We agreed to meet and ...
A. 10 February 2013: This happens, more than you'd think and to a lot of people. It is hard to resist that initial pull when you meet someone for the first time and it seems like everything is falling into place. Especially when the bulk of the interaction is ... (read in full...)
It seems like I'm the one doing all the chasing
Q. I met a lad who's three years younger than me in September last year, and we hit it off right away. We found that we have lots in common; some things freakishly in common (our mums have the same birthday), which only led to strengthen our ...
A. 8 February 2013: You are at a critical stage of your relationship. At about the 6 month period, there is usually a decision whether this is going to be long term or not. You know each other well enough to be make an informed decision on whether to continue or ... (read in full...)
How can I increase my boyfriend's sex drive?
Q. My bf and I havent had sex in roughly two weeks. I noticed when it started getting spaced out, every other day turned to twice a week then once and now, I dont know. We both work, I would say he works works almost five days a week but shorter shifts ...
A. 8 February 2013: Sounds like you are doing your best to get your boyfriend in the mood: good for you.
However, I sense there is a bit more going on. Perhaps he is stressed out over the little ones or feels that you guys don't have any privacy. He may also be ... (read in full...)
I was about to end things with him and he turned his act around. Now I'm confused.
Q. I am 26 and have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years. I love him a lot, but for the last couple of months I feel like I don't know if I want to be with him anymore but at the same time I can't imagine not being with him either. What should I do? We ...
A. 8 February 2013: Deciding to end things is never easy. Especially with you and your boyfriend's long history.
Given your question, I don't think anyone can give you a concrete answer. So my short answer is to your question is: it depends and it is 100% up to yo... (read in full...)
Can I be lustful towards a man I've met and be happy in my relationship at the same time? Is this normal?
Q. I have lustful feelings (none other than that) for a male I've recently met. However I'm in a happy long term relationship. Well, I thought it was happy, do these feelings mean in unhappy or is it normal? I wouldn't do anything about it ever, but ...
A. 8 February 2013: I don't think it means there's something wrong in your relationship to be attracted to someone -- or even fantasize about sleeping with them. Let's face it, the world is full of attractive people and just because you are in a committed relationship ... (read in full...)
I'm 26 and want to know if this is a norm, for guys my age? I need to visit a prostitute every week or I get too frustrated.
Q. I feel compelled to sleep with a sex-worker at least once a week. Otherwise, my libido gets the better of me and I find it hard to focus on any task for long because of an over-active sex drive. If I go without sex for three months, I actually...
A. 7 February 2013: I certainly wouldn't consider your habits normal.
Most guys just masturbate: it's safer (no chance of sexual diseases), cheaper and doesn't cause people to question your character.
If you ever meet a woman that looks like a serious relation... (read in full...)
I feel like the odd one out with a failed marriage and a child!
Q. Currently separated-marriage wasn't good in general for multiple reasons. Know it's better that we aren't together, but I miss my family being together (we have a small child). I know it's not true, but it SEEMS like everyone is married and has ...
A. 6 February 2013: It certainly sounds like the bottom fell out of your life and your reactions and feelings are completely understandable and normal. I am sure you are dealing with the repercussions of suddenly finding yourself single and the thought of forever ... (read in full...)
What can I do to make my parents be okay with this relationship? Or break up with him because they say he is no good for me?
Q. Hi Guys, So me and this guy are in a relationship since a month now. I really love him a lot and he says he loves me too. I'm pretty sure he's telling the truth. We have know each other a long time and it's amazing what is happening now. ...
A. 6 February 2013: Sadly you really can't convince your parents that this guy is the real deal. It certainly sounds like his reputation precedes himself and just the brief description you've given us indicates to me that you know in your heart of hearts he isn't on ... (read in full...)
Our relationship has changed since I've been pregnant, what should I do?
Q. My relationship has changed since I've been pregnant, and not for the better. My husband and I used to be very active together, but since I've become pregnant, I've had to change my fitness routines, so we don't share that bond anymore. On the ...
A. 5 February 2013: Sadly, it sounds like your husband is missing the point of your vacation together.
You really need to sit down and talk to your man about how you feel neglected and left out of the picture. Explain to him that you want him to have fun, but you ... (read in full...)
Our relationship has changed since I've been pregnant, what should I do?
Q. My relationship has changed since I've been pregnant, and not for the better. My husband and I used to be very active together, but since I've become pregnant, I've had to change my fitness routines, so we don't share that bond anymore. On the ...
A. 5 February 2013: I sense you are panicking a bit and I don't think your husband is responding the way you would want him to do. My suspicions is that since you've both been active and sporty, that he feels you are strong enough to take care of yourself. Sometimes ... (read in full...)
I got drunk and made out with co-worker. My husband said don't ever tell him if I cheat but I can't handle the guilt!
Q. I did something awful and I don't know what to do. I was out of town for work and was hanging out with other people in my field. We were drinking and a man who's very well known in my field started paying attention to me and I was flattered even ...
A. 5 February 2013: We all make mistakes, some bigger than others.
The only person that can forgive you in this situation is yourself. Let's look at the facts: You were out of town, you had way too much to drink, and you got carried away and did what a high sch... (read in full...)
Our relationship has changed since I've been pregnant, what should I do?
Q. My relationship has changed since I've been pregnant, and not for the better. My husband and I used to be very active together, but since I've become pregnant, I've had to change my fitness routines, so we don't share that bond anymore. On the ...
A. 5 February 2013: Pregnancy changes everything. Period. And you think this is bad, wait until junior comes along.
I don't mean to be Debbie Downer but you are both going to have to do a lot of adjustment in your lives now that you have a new addition coming. ... (read in full...)
Was it out of line for my therapist to tell me that I'm beautiful?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently started seeing a therapist because I have issues with my parents at home. I've been verbally abused my whole life and that is why I've decided to seek out a therapist. Last night I had my fist session with my therapist and...
A. 5 February 2013: I wouldn't consider it out of line. I think he was trying to dispel the years of emotional turmoil you've been under. I think a better question he could've asked you is if you believe you are ugly or fat and, if so, why you see yourself that way ... (read in full...)
Would you be annoyed if your friend drunkenly felt your boyfriend's butt?
Q. Silly question....Is it normal to be very annoyed at a good friend for feeling up ur boyfriends ass??? my good friend had too much to drink so she started touching his ass. Should i be annoyed?? because I am:( I would not do that to her boyfriend no ...
A. 5 February 2013: I would let this one slide if it was me. She was obviously pretty trashed that it didn't bother her to cross that boundary. However, if she continues to make her attentions known to your boyfriend (drunk or sober) I think it would be time for you ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 4 February 2013: Sorry to hear about the trouble he caused you. I guess it is better that you learned about his violent temper now, rather than if you had married him or shared property with one another.
In terms of dating, take your time in searching for a ne... (read in full...)
I feel uncomfortable still living at home at 27 but its a necessity right now. Any advice?
Q. I am currently 27 and living with my parents. I am doing it while I sort out my finances which are a mess (long story short, I took out a loan with my ex fiancé to help him clear his massive debts but he committed suicide shortly afterwards leaving ...
A. 3 February 2013: Please accept my condolences.
You have a few choices that can help you out:
1) Find a different, higher paying job. Nobody says you are locked into your current job. It is a big world out there and you have services to offer, why not see what... (read in full...)
I am interested in a man that bakes alot o f cookies. Is he Gay?
Q. I have a wonderful life. I have everything bit cannot find love. I have been very unlucky in my search for love. M question is , I met a man that works at my gym. I am attracted to him. Everytme , I goto the gym he comes over and talks to me ...
A. 3 February 2013: The guy may not have picked up on your question because he feels it would be inappropriate to ask you out on a date. After all, if he works there, I am sure he didn't want to risk offending you by asking you out. Or he could be in a committed ... (read in full...)
Am I expecting too much? I still can't trust my BF even though he's changed his ways.
Q. Hello I am looking for some advice or maybe someone who has been there too. I am so extremely utterly confused. I have been with my bf for a little over a year. I have realised I don't trust him. When we first got together he was a jack the lad a...
A. 3 February 2013: First off relax. A lot of what you are feeling is probably because you are pregnant and now you and your boyfriend are now bound to one another -- for at least the rest of your lives.
Your boyfriend had every right to facebook and chat with oth... (read in full...)
Did watching the birth of our daughter make my husband gay?
Q. I’m 32 years old woman and now I’m experiencing really hard time in my marriage. My husband(he’s 33) and I are married for 3 years and 6 months ago our daughter was born. My husband never wanted to be in the delivery room, but I wanted him to be ...
A. 3 February 2013: I think you are right with your suspicions that your husband is cheating on you. All the signs are there: no sex in 6 months (at yours and his age that should be very concerning) and with him missing after hours and chatting with other guys in the ... (read in full...)
After 26 years of marriage, no affection from my husband. Is this the end? Do I need to make plans?
Q. I've been married for 26yrs we have had our ups and downs like everyone do.But for the past 3yrs my husband gives me no attention,love or affection.I have told him about this,but it's like talking to the wall.He don't talk anymore,and when we do he ...
A. 3 February 2013: Have you spoken or shared your concerns with your husband? I mean a sit down, heart to heart with him about your future and where he sits with you?
There could be many reasons why your husband has become uninterested in you. Have you consider... (read in full...)
My fiancé wants to become a surrogate through artificial insemination for her friend. What do I say?
Q. This is going to be weird but here it goes. My fiance brought up a weird question to me. Her long time friend because of a health condition her window to have a child is closing fast. My fiance came to me and asked me how I would feel if she would ...
A. 31 January 2013: First off, I would URGE and INSIST he consult a lawyer. These types of deals are super dicey. I would also suggest he read the following article, which made national news:
http:... (read in full...)
How do I refocus & find out if I can continue to stay in my marriage.
Q. I've been married for 16 hrs. I am 45 hrs old and have 2 boys with my husband. My husband works a day job as well as a 2nd shift job. I work in the morning part time and the rest of my time is devoted to my boys their schools and sports. My ...
A. 31 January 2013: Sorry to hear that you are going through these problems. Here are some solutions that I would recommend for you:
1) You have to realize that one of the main reasons why you can't get the other man out of your life is because your current ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 17 October 2012: I can understand having sex 3 times a day early in a relationship. When things are new, yeah people can't stop having sex, but at the age of your relationship, it should be dwindling down a bit. Most guys would love to have sex once a day but even ... (read in full...)
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