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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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He is everything I've ever wanted in a man, but can I take this chance?
Q. I am a 35 year old single mother of one 8 year old girl. I was with her father for 13 years before he decided to leave. He is still in her life but we do not get along due to his verbal abuse and disrespect. it took me a while to trust men again bu...
A. 9 January 2011: It sounds like you have a bit of a long-distance relationship going. So it doesn't surprise me if he is too clingy. Normally, when you are in love with someone, you want to spend all your available time with them.
I am not sure of the dynamics... (read in full...)
My BF and I are in our 40s', but is it ok for us to spend the night together, at the risk of setting a bad example to our kids?
Q. my boyfriend and I met 8 months ago and we are in our 40's. the problem is he has 2 daughters 20,22 and I have one son 7 years old. We don't live near eachother so we don't get much time alone. When we are together we can't be alone in our rooms ...
A. 8 January 2011: I agree with Fabulosa. His daughters are old enough to know people sleep together.
Your 7-year-old son, however, doesn't. Most parents teach their kids to wait until they are married to have sex. Your son will remember that you were sleeping... (read in full...)
I want my wife back but the thought of her with him has made me think twice about it now
Q. I broke up with my wife 14 months ago after a 2 year marriage,we are both professionals shes 28 and im 33,the break up was mutual and really shouldnt have happened,since then iv had 4 sexual partners none of which were serious relationships,my wife ...
A. 8 January 2011: From the sounds of it, the guy that is with your ex-wife right now is a piece of work and was probably either trying to intimidate you or make you jealous.
I am not sure what question you are asking, however.
If you want to get back togethe... (read in full...)
How can I become a born again virgin
Q. How do I become a born again virgin I've been with a lot of guys and I'm now really starting to regret it I really want to change but I don't know how to make it official ? Can someone help me please?...
A. 8 January 2011: No such thing as a born-again virgin -- at least physically.
I think you can certainly change your ways, and stop the behavior that you were doing. Most "born again virgins" pledge that they won't have sex until marriage and to be honest, ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex so I won't be the only virgin
Q. So I'm 16 and a half and junior in high school. I'm a virgin and this fact hasnt really bothered me really. Now im finding out that alot of my friends are having sex or doing other sexual things with either their girl friends or random chicks. I ...
A. 8 January 2011: I wouldn't sweat this and I think you are probably over reacting. The deal is, not every 16 year old in your school is having sex. And if you are a virgin years from now, it shows you stand on your principles and you aren't one of the herd.
... (read in full...)
Why won't my boyfriend spend holiday's with me
Q. I'm an older woman dating a much younger man. I am in my 40's and he's in his 20's. Actually he is 27. We met online about five months ago. We met face to face about 2 months ago. I like him a lot and he tells me that he likes me too. Most of the ...
A. 8 January 2011: There really isn't enough here to answer your question, definitely.
This one is going to boil down to trust and what sort of relationship you have. Are you friends with benefits or are you progressing to something more serious with potentia... (read in full...)
Why does everyone let the cheater off so easily?
Q. Ugg! I am tired of reading posts that blame the cheatee rather than the cheater. That's ridiculous! The cheater is in charge of their actions. I keep reading people cheat because they are lacking something in their relationship....that is an excuse. ...
A. 1 January 2011: I think some forms of cheating are definitely because someone selfishly wants to have sex with someone else. For whatever reason, they cannot remain monogamous and must seek attentions outside the marital bounds. Perhaps it is a character flaw in ... (read in full...)
I have a room mate, not a soul mate
Q. My husband have been married for 4 yrs. We married 3 weeks after we met. He is my soul mate, he says I'm his. We would make love 2 to 3 times a day. I do know that after awhile things slow down. I get that. However, 1 month after marriage, I met his ...
A. 31 December 2010: I am not sure what the answer is or what is going on with your husband. Here are some potential solutions for you to try: 1) Go out on a hot date, dress to the t's and impress your husband. Put on your best moves and see what happens. Per... (read in full...)
My wife is leaving me help please!!!!
Q. Hi, my wife is leaving me after 6 years of marriage and 2 children 2 and 6. She told me 5 months ago she did not love me and is now leaving in a few days, the reason is she is unhappy and wants to be alone. We are doing a deed of seperation and I...
A. 29 December 2010: Just try to be civil for the kids' sake. I know this may be the toughest part, but you mustn't play the kids against her. It'll only come back and haunt you.
It sounds like your wife is a lost cause. For whatever reason, it doesn't sound li... (read in full...)
Is he only wanting me for the sex?
Q. I've been dating this guy in the military. its been two years. he still doesnt want me as his girlfriend, now im starting to think it just about the sex to him... he really only texts me. he even told me he was talking to someone else and i said ...
A. 29 December 2010: Almost every person has been through this before. It is extremely hard letting go of someone you care / love, especially after you've slept with them.
From the sounds of your post, it doesn't sound like you are a traditional boyfriend / girlfrie... (read in full...)
My girlfriend slept with other men and now I can't touch her without seeing them...
Q. I met this girl back in March of 09. We had a lot of fun and built a relationship for a month before having sex. Over the next year and a half we fell apart and a lot of it was she has a lot of problems with her self esteem. I really love this girl ...
A. 29 December 2010: I agree with Cerberus to a point. You are going into basic training in 4 weeks. Repairing trust issues will certainly take much much longer than 4 weeks.
I think you are going to have to make some tough decisions.
You could cut your l... (read in full...)
Am I outgrowing occasional sex?
Q. About 4 years ago just after university, I had what I thought was a one night stand with an acquaintance who was in town over the weekend. At times over the years, he has come into town and propositioned me (sublety). Sometimes I said I couldn't ...
A. 28 December 2010: I agree with dirtball on this one. You called this guy hoping he'd make you happy and fill some of the depression that you've been having. Let's face it, you've lost your job and had two relationships not work. It's the holidays and emotionally, ... (read in full...)
Do women's sex drives fall off in their mid 30s?
Q. The conventional wisdom seems to be that a woman's sex drive peaks in her early 30s. Is this consistent with people's actual experiences? I've had an on/off relationship with my girfriend (35 years old) for about 8 years (we were "off" for about ...
A. 28 December 2010: Sounds like she already has given you her answer above. If you re-read your question, she has come out and given you a bunch of reasons why her sex drive is lower (2nd to last paragraph)
I think most women, in their mid to upper 40's start me... (read in full...)
Married for 16 years, if I met husband now I wouldn't give him a second thought!
Q. I have been with my husband since I was 16. Now that I am 32 I find myself to have grown apart from him. We are different people with different likes and dislikes. If we were to meet now I wouldn't give him a second thought. We have 3 kids together ...
A. 28 December 2010: For the sake of the kids, I'd try to work this one out. This is one of those challenges that married life brings about. I realize you aren't happy, but raising kids as a single mom is a huge undertaking. Single life even under the best of ... (read in full...)
He lies about smoking weed!
Q. Hi.. I have this problem with my boyfriend... He constantly lies to me about weed. I am so against it and i tried to forbid him of using it.. He always hangs out with his friend that smoke weed, and he claims that he does not. I convinced him that ...
A. 27 December 2010: I agree with dirtball. You've done the song and dance with this guy and he keeps going behind your back in order to smoke dope.
If this is the type of behavior you want from your boyfriend, then stick it out. Otherwise it's time to find someone ... (read in full...)
Love and bills.
Q. Hello, I'm in a relationship with a man who loves me and knows about my past. However, I have big financial woes (he knows about that too). I've almost 30 thousand dollars of debt in credit cards and personal loans. I'm embarrassed by i...
A. 27 December 2010: To the best if my knowledge there is no debtors prison in the United States.
I agree with your family and boyfriend... you got yourself into this mess, you need to get yourself out. Be patient with the job search - there are jobs out there, y... (read in full...)
I do all the housework and he refuses to contribute or help.
Q. I don't know what to do. I am in a relationship with a guy who is a year younger than me. He moved in with me three months ago (after online dating for two--I know it was a little soon...) I'm starting to get second thoughts about continuing a ...
A. 27 December 2010: Sounds like you bit off more than you can chew with this one. I think it's time for you and him to sit down for a talk. You aren't his mommy and you aren't his keeper. He needs to man up and start doing his share around the house.
Quit paying h... (read in full...)
Convenient FWB? Or a relationship in progress? I'm confused
Q. About 7 months ago i met this guy online (lives out of town) he came out we had a nice time and ended up sleeping together. He then returned two weeks later but I didn't feel it, and told him i didn't see things progressing. We decided to be FWB as ...
A. 27 December 2010: I agree, this sounds like a fwb minimally and at best a long distance relationship. i'd see where it goes when he visits and play it from there. You also need to make up your mind as to what you want (and see what he is thinking too)... (read in full...)
Convenient FWB? Or a relationship in progress? I'm confused
Q. About 7 months ago i met this guy online (lives out of town) he came out we had a nice time and ended up sleeping together. He then returned two weeks later but I didn't feel it, and told him i didn't see things progressing. We decided to be FWB as ...
A. 27 December 2010: I agree, this sounds like a Den minimally and at best a long distance relationship. See where it goes when he visits and play it from there. You also need to make up your mind as to what you want (and see what he is thinking too)... (read in full...)
Is it risky of me to do this no contact for a month knowing I want my BF and the relationship back?
Q. ok so ive been with my bf for 4 years he cheated..he confessed it and told me that it made him realize how much me and the relationship meant to him and he was willing to prove to me how much he wanted this relationship and to earn my ...
A. 27 December 2010: I think you need to make a decision on whether to stand by your original plan / principles or take him back.
It sounds like he wants to get back together though.
Also, how bad was he cheating? Did he gave sex or was it a ling term cheat (or j... (read in full...)
It just disgusts, saddens, and makes me depressed everytime I think about my girlfriend's past
Q. So this is kind of a interesting situation. My girlfriend is 16 years old, and I am 18 years old. We have been in a steady relationship for about a year now. I have been having problems getting over her past. At one time, she got mixed into the w...
A. 27 December 2010: I think you've got this one out in the open and you've talked about. I am glad your girlfriend is doing better.
I am not sure there is an easy answer here. I think as time goes on her past's effect on you will diminish. You can't cute or hurry "n... (read in full...)
Depressed and Panicked... 32 yr old single female.. is there any chance for me?
Q. I feel so truly depressed.. after making some bad decisions over the last 3 years, in terms of relationships. I've ended up single... i will turn 32 in 2011 and its causing me serious stress and depression. People keep telling me i'll meet someon...
A. 27 December 2010: Women, even in there thirties, are able to find dates / mates.
It's a matter of getting yourself out there. Hit the gym, join a running group, join a dating site.
You've got a lot going for you .... wear it with pride!... (read in full...)
I feel so alone. Week before Christmas he left because he needed 'space'
Q. On Monday, only 5 days before Christmas my husband and I got into a huge argument. It was really over nothing, he was drinking and going on and on about nothing. I asked him to be quiet so I could get some work done at home (I work from home) and ...
A. 27 December 2010: Well, I don't think there is an easy answer here.
From your keyyer, it sounds like this guy is s borderline drunk. Normal role model fathers are there for their families and aren't getting drunk. Does this guy have a drinking / drug problem?... (read in full...)
I cheated on my wife with the girl we previously had a threesome with!
Q. About a week ago I cheated on my wife with a girl that my wife and I have been having threesomes with. Now she says she wants me out she dosent love me and I disgust her. She keeps talking about her broken family I told her I'm sorry and I love her. ...
A. 27 December 2010: I think the best thing to do at this point is to give her some time to get over the initial anger. This may take a few weeks to months, so you'll have to be patient.
I don't think there is a simple solution here. You screwed up. At this point yo... (read in full...)
What do most women 35 and up look for in a relationship?
Q. what do most older women 35 and above look for in a relationship ? the reason i ask is because i was involved with a women for 5 years she has (3) kid from pervisous relationships and i did also most everything for her but got nothing in retur...
A. 27 December 2010: Sounds like you tried to fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. I think also, with the best intentions, you tried to buy her love.
To answer your question, however, each woman is different. Just be yourself and find someone who lives yo... (read in full...)
Why is my married colleague acting so weird?
Q. I’m confused. I am a single woman in her 30’s who has not been a relationship now for a year. A few weeks ago started a new job whereby I share an office with three other colleagues, 2 of whom are married men and one of which I find attractive but ...
A. 27 December 2010: Sort of sounds like he may be interested in you in a friendly, sort of paternal way. Then again even most happily married guys still analyze or think about potential hook-ups.
I'd proceed cautiously with this one but at the same time don't ov... (read in full...)
He called it quits after 11 years!
Q. I'm 57 and he is 61. We were together for 11 years, but didn't live together. We were both married twice before, I have a 21 year old daughter he has no children. He was so very good to me and my daughter, generous financially, but being a alcoholic ...
A. 27 December 2010: So the guy tells you that you are being needy and clingy and you still want him back? Listen, give the guy some space. No amount of pleading, begging is going to bring him back.
My suggestion: give him some time, perhaps a week or two without ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is being a jerk, my mom blames me that I'm not married!
Q. Hi, I need so much help that I don't even know where to start. First of all, I need some help understanding my boyfriend. Secondly, I need help dealing with my mum in response to my boyfriend problems. My boyfriend of 10 months has been ...
A. 26 December 2010: I agree with the other answers offered. It sounds like this guy is going through the motions in your relationship. Worse, he puts you down a lot. If you want a lifetime of this behavior keep hanging out with him. But I think you want better.
Chalk... (read in full...)
My boyfriend HATES affection.Should I seriously reconsider this relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years....he hates affection. I on the other hand am very, very affectionate. We are both in our early 30's and there have been talks about getting married in the future but I'm not sure that I can marry ...
A. 26 December 2010: Red flags are going off on this one. I didn't realize there were guys like this.
A few things of concern: us he gay? Medically is he okay? Is he depressed? Do you think he is attracted to you? Are you or him overweight?
I'll be honest he isn't ... (read in full...)
I have an online friend that I confide in rather than my boyfriend. Is this wrong?
Q. Hi everyone .. Please help me think.... Ok...I've been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We love each other. We like doing things together and spend 24 hours a day together coz we have the same Job and work at the same place and same ...
A. 26 December 2010: I am going to call this one the way I see it: yes you crossed the line so to speak when you gave this guy your phone number. At that point it became personal.
You sort of sent him the message that you were available.
Your best bet is to f... (read in full...)
He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal.
Q. Hello I have been married for 9 years, five of those years have been spent begging, crying, bargaining, conjoling my husbanc into making love to me. He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal. the only way he ...
A. 26 December 2010: Sounds like you are doing the best you can given the situation. Be honest and hopefully he'll realize you are serious and come around. Best wishes.... (read in full...)
Is he being flirtatious or just friendly?
Q. can a man give you flirting jester an just be friendly ? flirting jester are winking stareing into your eyes hugging you once in awhile smile at you an putting his hands on your shoulder . have a man that i see a few times in the month that doe...
A. 26 December 2010: Sounds a little too familiar to me, bit the only way to know his intentions is to get to know him. Perhaps have lunch or a quick chat or two on your break.
There is nothing definite that I can see other than he feels he has a connection with you... (read in full...)
Is he being flirtatious or just friendly?
Q. can a man give you flirting jester an just be friendly ? flirting jester are winking stareing into your eyes hugging you once in awhile smile at you an putting his hands on your shoulder . have a man that i see a few times in the month that doe...
A. 25 December 2010: My guess is probably not. You don't mention in what context this occurs, so it is hard to tell. Either he is a touchy-feely type or he is trying to send signals to you that he is interested in you.
If you don't appreciate his advances, simply t... (read in full...)
Dating a man 20 years older I really can't see what I am getting out of this relationship
Q. I am 35 in a relationship (for 20 months now) with a man of 55. I love him, he wants to marry me, but i am hesitating. Sex is nearly absent (he has medical sexual problems), there is no financial security, and all issues that come with 20 years age ...
A. 25 December 2010: I think you've answered your own question and i'd probably add one more: comfort. After the time you've invested its bound to be difficult to sever the ties.
I think you need to be honest with yourself. You want out but are afraid to make a change... (read in full...)
I like him but I'm really not sure where the relationship can go
Q. I met this guy sometime back online. But, he lives out of town. We went out twice and then he went back home. The second time he was here I told him I didn't see us together but after a few weeks I started missing him. So, we continued to chat via ...
A. 25 December 2010: I'd go with the flow on this next date. If it is a dud, then its time to have the be friends talk. Go in with an open mind though.
It sounds like you are being honest with yourself though. If this doesn't pan out you'll need to find an outlet t... (read in full...)
He is everything I've ever wanted in a man, but can I take this chance?
Q. I am a 35 year old single mother of one 8 year old girl. I was with her father for 13 years before he decided to leave. He is still in her life but we do not get along due to his verbal abuse and disrespect. it took me a while to trust men again bu...
A. 24 December 2010: If you think the man has potential, I'd certainly wait it out. It sounds like he is a decent man and is willing to be with you and your child. Men like that don't grow on trees.
I'd take a hard look at his work ethic and his long term plans ar... (read in full...)
I suffer my uninterested husband, I want more romance in my life
Q. i have been married for almost 30 years. my husband never, never , never initiate romance, sex or anything. he never makes me feel special. he never takes me away or really talks to me . mind you, we do go places and do things, but only if and IF, i ...
A. 24 December 2010: I agree with Monks, it sounds like you've tried all sort of different routes, including counseling.
It takes two to fix a problem and it sounds like your husband and you have different issues. It also sounds like you are very angry at him and ... (read in full...)
Who should tell my daughter what happened?
Q. I'm a divorced dad who has a 20 year old daughter living with me. Let me make this short and to the point. Her long time friend who is 22 and in our life since she was 4 years old, propositioned me for sex. I denied her telling her I can't be with ...
A. 24 December 2010: Definitely let this one lie. Any more that you do will probably make matters worse and only embarrass the parties at stake.
Give it some time, I am sure things will work themselves out.
Also you should analyze and try to figure out what ... (read in full...)
I'm confused about this guy I'm dating, is he just not that into me?
Q. Ok here goes, im 35 yr old woman who has been on 7 dates with a 44 yr old man, we met thru a course, and hit it off. he added me on fb and it went on from there. Due to his job he works long hours so i have only been seeing him once a week. I...
A. 23 December 2010: Something isn't quite right here. After 5 months and you barely hug / kiss?
I have a feeling he is taking things slow (perhaps too slow), since you describe him as being shy. Perhaps he is religious or a Catholic upbringing which makes it... (read in full...)
My husband is controlling! What is the right thing to do?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and my husband recently had a child and it has gotten to the point where he does not let me take the baby out, his mother is constantly telling the baby that she is her mother which is very annoying, just a few days ago while he...
A. 23 December 2010: I agree, you don't owe anyone any answers to why you left & came back and your husband should stand up in this regard. What goes on in your marriage is your business and nobody else's. As soon as you invite your families into the problems of your ... (read in full...)
I have not been interested in sex in about 10 years
Q. I have not been interested in sex in about 10 years; I am 44 and have been married 15 years. It started when our kids were young. I have tried hormones (pill and even testosterone) and I am simply not interested. Anyone else in my age group have ...
A. 23 December 2010: I think it is sort of sad to see that happen to you. I sort of wonder if there is something behind the loss of interest of sex. Did you or your husband gain weight, become physically unattractive? Is your husband not any good? Medically, has ... (read in full...)
What are the signs you are getting over someone?
Q. Hello all, How do you know when you are getting over someone? what are the signs? I feel I am geting over my abusive and controlling ex applying he no contact rule but somehow don;t want to , even though he was bad for me. We had great sex, and I...
A. 23 December 2010: I think you don't really get over someone, especially if you had a strong connection with them.
However, time does help and when / if you find someone new, I think you'll have better memories that will replace the old ones.
What is impor... (read in full...)
He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal.
Q. Hello I have been married for 9 years, five of those years have been spent begging, crying, bargaining, conjoling my husbanc into making love to me. He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal. the only way he ...
A. 22 December 2010: Interesting. Have you tried seducing him-- wearing something that turns him on? You may have to work at it a little to get him motivated. Is it possible he doesn't find you attractive anymore?
In fact, from your follow-up, he just sounds a... (read in full...)
He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal.
Q. Hello I have been married for 9 years, five of those years have been spent begging, crying, bargaining, conjoling my husbanc into making love to me. He does not allow me to initiate sex, he tells me he is not a peforming animal. the only way he ...
A. 21 December 2010: Wow, this is one of the first times that I've heard a woman complaining about a man not wanting to make love. Interesting too see the answers you get versus the ones you'd get if the sexes were reversed. Either way, from the way you write your q... (read in full...)
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