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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Is this cheating? My boyfriend went out with his friends and he had a private nude lap dance provided for his enjoyment.
Q. I've never posted on anything like this before but I'm really not sure what to do. A few weeks my boyfriend went out with his friends just for a night on the town with the boys. At beginning of the night he and his friends went to a strip club ...
A. 5 October 2012: What I think your boyfriend did was on the fringes of cheating. It is certainly inappropriate, especially in a committed relationship but sounds VERY typical of an early 20-something male. In addition, I think it speaks a bit about the liberties ... (read in full...)
My husband is constantly putting me down.
Q. My husband who is in denial has been putting me down for years for one reason or another. I will point it out to him as he is doing but he sees NOTHING wrong with it. I have question his love for me, but im so sure that he is NOT nor has ever lov...
A. 5 October 2012: I really do sympathize with your plight.
What I suspect is going on is that your husband is bullying you to keep your self-esteem low. With your self-esteem low, you don't feel worthy and you are less likely to leave. In addition, you are prob... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilt or shame? I am having a relationship with a guy who used to be best friends with my ex
Q. I am having secret relationship with my ex-husband no longer former best friend's, is this trouble or what? Here is the background of how and why this developed. It started eight months after I left and filed for divorce. That is NOT why I left a...
A. 4 October 2012: No, I don't see any fouls here -- other than your motives. If you are hoping to stick a knife in your ex's life by dating his ex-best friend then I think what you are doing is wrong, but if you are genuine in your feelings towards him, than there ... (read in full...)
How does one get past being cheated on? I'm having anxiety attacks over it.
Q. How do you move past being cheated on? I've tried I get anxiety attacks and I don't feel good enough for anyone. I've even sat around and cried is it something I did what can I do to ensure this wont happen again....
A. 4 October 2012: I am going to agree with the other people who have posted thus far. It sounds like the emotional damage that this person has inflicted on you is causing you physical issues. I would encourage you to seek out professional help (therapy) so that you ... (read in full...)
I ended things because he betrayed me but I cant stop thinking of him
Q. I was dating someone for a while and I ended up finding out he betrayed and used me. I stopped talking to him but I cant seem to get the good memories out of my mind, it's killing me. I just wanna get over him but I can't. I feel like I want to call ...
A. 3 October 2012: Sounds like what you are going through is fairly normal.
You probably had some strong feelings for this person before you came to the realization that he wasn't up to any good. You can't simply change those feelings over night, especial... (read in full...)
He played me and tore out my heart. How could he do this to a good hearted person?
Q. Hello everyone. I hope you can help me because I have never felt more down or heartbroken in my life. I have been married for ten years and my husband left me about a year ago. I do not have a lot of experience with men. I have only had my hus...
A. 28 September 2012: Please accept my sympathies,
It sounds like you have yourself an old-fashioned heartbreak. It happens -- it is part of life and part of the dating scene. We put ourselves out there in hopes that someone will love us back and unfortun... (read in full...)
I'm 21 & I've never Had a boyfriend
Q. Hi aunts. Im 21 and i never had a boyfriend! It's starting to get to me now. When i was in high school i didn't mind. I didn't even go to prom but i was fine with that, i still did other fun things. But now its like will i ever get 1? Nobody u...
A. 28 September 2012: I was pretty much the same way as you when I was your age. I didn't have a girlfriend until well after college. I was shy and I also didn't want the drama that accompanied a relationship. Also, I found many of the woman not on the same maturity ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he isn't as serious as I thought he was about us
Q. I've just become exclusive with a guy I've been seeing on and off for the last 12 months. He's told me he loves me and I'm the only one it just took him a while to realize it. I was at a friends tonight who was on her dating site and I saw his prof...
A. 28 September 2012: Yes, you'd be a fool not to be worried.
I am calling this guy's bluff. If he is on a dating site and he was recently active, he is playing the field -- or at least keeping his options open.
That certainly doesn't sound like love to me.
W... (read in full...)
Do these kind of men ever change???
Q. for about 6 months now, this married man and i have been fooled around. i have developed a lot of feeling for him. he lives away from me, so i only get to see him once or twice a month. recently ive learned that there are several other women hes ...
A. 28 September 2012: I am going to agree 100% with So Very Confused.
There are plenty of dependable, available and single men out there that are dying to meet a quality woman. The question I need to ask is why are you so hung up on a guy that isn't 100% into you... (read in full...)
Things have gone downhill with my boyfriend since I had a termination...
Q. Hey everyone I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years now, our relationship is the best thing in my life. About 3 months ago I got pregnant but I wasn't ready to have a child cuz I'm working and so is my boyfriend and I just wasn't ready to ...
A. 28 September 2012: I think your boyfriend is very upset with your decision. Up until now, your relationship has probably been all fun and games: sex, romance, and a plan for the future. However, reality set in when you became pregnant -- and that changes ... (read in full...)
Where can I find the strength and security to let go of someone I still love.
Q. I am in a struggle and I desperately need advice. I have sought out seeing a counselor but at this time cannot afford the cost. I have been in a relationship with a man I care deeply about for 5 yrs. the relationship progressed slower due to a lon...
A. 26 September 2012: You don't tell us what is going on in your relationship, but if more than half of you "knows" this man isn't the right man for you, then I think you know the answer.
However, before you make a decision, I think you need to ask yourself which fe... (read in full...)
Should I run or is he just insecure from being divorced twice?
Q. I'm frustrated and have told my boyfriend this on many an occasion. He is smart but I sometimes feel he is trying to outsmart me and tries to make me feel it's just in my head that I think he has too many issues and is clingy. He insists I answer...
A. 26 September 2012: This guy sounds extremely scary...why are you with him?
Let's go over some facts: it appears he has (or had) a drinking / light drug problem. The fact that he had bottles stashed all over the place is indicative of a problem. Also, do you want... (read in full...)
His marriage proposal left me cold, what is wrong with me?
Q. My bf of 2 years recently proposed to me, and I'm not sure if my emotional reaction to it is worrying or not? Basically, I didn't feel particularly happy or excited when he asked me, just confused, wondering why he's asked me, what's motivated him. ...
A. 26 September 2012: I sense you have many mixed emotions about this turn of events in your relationship. There is so much going on here that it isn't much of a surprise that you are feeling overwhelmed and confused.
On one point, marriage has never been terribly... (read in full...)
Do you think he is cheating?
Q. First, my husband works on the pipeline, so he is gone for 3 weeks and then home for 3 weeks. This time, he worked for 8 weeks so he's been gone since july. We talk on the phone every night so I thought everything was fine, he was just working 16 hr ...
A. 26 September 2012: Please accept my condolences.
It would appear to me that during this last lengthy bit of separation he came to the realization that he would be better off without you. I can't comment on whether he cheated or not -- there isn't any evidence... (read in full...)
Should I get mad at my husband if he doesn't loan my parents money?
Q. My husband and i have a savings account but he puts in the money but its for our future home, my parents need to barrow money and will give it back in 3 months and i know we have the amount they are looking for, my dad asked my husband and my ...
A. 26 September 2012: I think regardless of what you read here, you WILL get mad. Reading between the lines, you are looking for justification for your feelings.
You haven't spelled out how much your parents are asking for and the likelihood of them paying it back. A... (read in full...)
I feel rejected when wife turns me down for sex because I know she didn't say no to the other man
Q. Hi, I'll start this off by saying this is most likely not normal. My wife and I seperated for a couple months a few years ago. During that time she got with another man. As we were both certain we wouldn't reconcile at this time, I can't ho...
A. 25 September 2012: I would *highly* recommend your wife and you read the books by Dr Laura Schlessinger entitled "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage". Both are easily available and talk about what you are going ... (read in full...)
Married lover and I want to end our affair but keep going back for more
Q. I've been having an affair for a year now. Married for 9 and a half years with 2 children. My husband is great and I honestly am not sure what lead to my affair? I have been in this affair with our neighbor who we see all the time so it's extremely ...
A. 25 September 2012: There is always something exciting about doing something so terribly wrong.
Yes, your neighbor is using you for sex. From your post that is blatantly obvious. You are a new thrill for him and I am sure he is enjoying it just as much as you. ... (read in full...)
Dating a man going through a divorce, is he ready for a new relationship?
Q. i am in a relationship with a man who is going through a divorce. he had been married for 14 years and his wife ended it. he reassures me that he is ready to start something new, that his marriage has been "dead" for years, and that he wants to be ...
A. 25 September 2012: There are no guarantees in life and no guarantees in any relationship.
It does sound like your boyfriend is going through a very traumatic time in his life. While there is no way to tell what the end result is, I would encourage you, like any... (read in full...)
How do you stay positive when you're single?
Q. How do you stay positive when you're single? I see all of my friends and some of my exes, happy anHow do I get my husband to stop being so insecure ?d in relationships... Don't get me wrong, I'm truly VERY happy for them and wouldn't wish anything ...
A. 25 September 2012: It sounds like you are making some positive changes in your life and the world is at your finger tips.
I do know what loneliness is like though and you are at a tough stage in your life. Many people your age feel the same way. However, I would ... (read in full...)
I want to make my marriage work but we are completely lacking a sexual bond and intimacy.
Q. My husband and I met when I was just 20. At the time, he was essentially a rebound as I had just broken up with my first "true love". I picked him on the basis of rational thought; he was reliable, very intelligent, caring, trustworthy, and capable. ...
A. 18 September 2012: It sounds like you have an attachment based more upon history -- not love. Saying good-bye to a close friend -- and from your post that is what it sounds like you are -- is always tough, especially when you were somewhat in love in the past.
... (read in full...)
My husband is lazy and I no longer feel compatible. How do I get him to understand it's over?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have three children (age 13, 11 and 10). Our 10 year-old is a special needs child with autism. Before my husband and I got married we talked about a future in which I would work and he would take ...
A. 18 September 2012: Sounds like your husband needs to man up, grow a pair, and start helping out around the house and with finding some sort of work. I know I'd feel guilty if I knew my wife was working as hard as you and I wasn't able to contribute anything.
To ma... (read in full...)
How do I get over my backstabbing boyfriend who cheated on me with my cousin?
Q. My question is, how do I get over the fact that my heart belongs to a lying, cheating, sneaky, manipulator bastard who had sexual intercourses with my younger cousin who is now 21 and pregnant by him supposely? I been knowing this guy for 2yrs now ...
A. 18 September 2012: I am going to agree with "So Very Confused" -- give yourself some time.
There are no magic formulas for getting over the pain other than knowing that you deserve better. You should also take some consolation in knowing what type of "man" yo... (read in full...)
My husband has been having an affair for 12 of the 14 years we have been married. I don't know if I should end the marriage.
Q. I am married for 14 years and has two kids. My husband is cheating on me for 12 years with different women. I got the chance to talk to one of his other women would you believe we just talk and didnt had a fight! They broke up because I have all the ...
A. 18 September 2012: Seeing your predicament, I think you need to say put and start getting your ducks in order so that you can move out and be self-sufficient. This may mean getting an education, reaching out to your family for support, or squirreling away money so ... (read in full...)
I know this is not normal but...
Q. Had a few drinks but was not drunk - I was performing oral sex on my wife when things got very intense and before I knew i slipped further down. To my surpise my wife moaned in pleasure and asked for me to do it again. I accomodated and before I ...
A. 18 September 2012: I think if the area is clean down there then there is nothing wrong with it. There are a ton of nerve endings down there and it is easy to generate arousal in that area. I don't see any problems with it and if it works for both of you, all the ... (read in full...)
I think we are dating but not exclusive. Do I have a right to be mad at him kissing another girl?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a month, we have been mainly making out and cuddling A LOT, we have spent a bit of time together outside of each others houses though. I found out from a friend that her friend kissed him last week at a college party. ...
A. 14 September 2012: I am going to agree with Basschick. It sounds like there is a conversation that you and your boyfriend haven't discussed yet. He is obviously at a different point in the relationship and is exploring his options with all potential players. He ... (read in full...)
My beautiful girlfriend can't get dates. What hope is there for the rest of us?
Q. I have a question for guys. I have this really beatifull girlfriend. She is a model type: 5.6". Very thin, with big boobs, blond, blue eyes, pretty smile, very friendly. We go out with her and another girl sometimes. Me and that other girl are ...
A. 10 September 2012: My advice: quit looking in bars for love. Usually bar hook-ups involve one nights stands. This isn't always the case, but most people in those types of places are looking for hook-ups, not serious relationships. Also, you have a higher incidence ... (read in full...)
He can't have sex, says its his problem. Is he that broken?
Q. He and I are dear old friends. He's been married twice and widowed within a few years both times. I was married to his best friend; then my husband died. About a year and a half after my husband died we started dating. All was well, then after...
A. 9 September 2012: My guess is that he is embarrassed about his lack of ability to have sex. Whether it is intimacy problems or physical (he can't achieve an erection) he feels that will let you down in a major part of a relationship. Most guys have a very strong ... (read in full...)
I think I'm a potential sex addict!
Q. Dear Cupid How do I cope? I think I'm a potential sex addict, just minus the action as I'm choosing to live an independent life for good valid reasons. I carn't stop thinking about sex and endless possiblites. Sexual intercourse is on my mind...
A. 9 September 2012: You don't mention what your symptoms are other than you think about sex a lot. Most people do think about sex -- some more so than others especially when they aren't in a sex-filled relationship. But what drives people to become sex addicts (or ... (read in full...)
Don't trust him, I'm ready to GO!
Q. I have been with my bf for five years now, and like most couples we have had to deal with various issues, in our case it is the issue of infidelity and trust, me being the one who doesn't trust him. He has stepped out on me several times, and each ...
A. 9 September 2012: I think you need to identify what is stopping from leaving?
You already have plenty of evidence that this relationship isn't going anywhere, so why not act on it and move on? I know you've invested a significant portion of your life with thi... (read in full...)
I feel like my boyfriend is losing interest in me, how should I handle this? Or should I move on?
Q. i love my bf, weve been together for 2 yrs now with no plans to move in together any time soon. he rarely sleeps with me which is something ive grown to accept but lately hes more interested in getting a motorbike than me. this summer ive been ...
A. 7 September 2012: There is a lot going on in your post and you are definitely at a major milestone in your relationship. You've invested significant time into this man and I think you are beginning to see him for what he really is.
Let's look at what is going on... (read in full...)
Dating for 2 years with no talk of the future, is this normal?
Q. Dear Cupid, Does anyone think it's normal to be in an exclusive dating relationship with a man for 2 years and still not know where the relationship is headed? We are both middle aged, own homes, spend 5 days a week together going back and ...
A. 7 September 2012: I think it is very unusual for not talking about the future. You don't offer much insight into your relationship but I can take some guesses, maybe one will fit:
1) He may have commitment phobia. If his last marriage ended badly, he may have fea... (read in full...)
Boyfriend makes threesome jokes, is he interested in his co-worker?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. To me, we seem to be a happy couple, and rarely argue. Recently, my boyfriend has been joking about having a threesome with a co-worker that he's been good friends with for a long time. He wi...
A. 7 September 2012: Your boyfriend is playing a VERY dangerous game -- with you and his career.
First off, all it will take is this woman to go to the Human Resources department at her work and claim sexual harassment. She has all the proof she needs with his text... (read in full...)
Am I driving him to drink?
Q. I have been with my husband for 3yrs now. We got married in feb 2012... He has a drinking problem. He stopped for 6 months that is why I agreed to marry him. I have 3 kids he has 2 we bought a house a yr and half ago. Here is the problem and I don't ...
A. 5 September 2012: Alcoholics will use any reason whatsoever to turn to the bottle -- so no you aren't driving him to drink. They are looking to dull out life's pains by numbing their feelings and dealing with their fears.
He has a serious problem that needs PR... (read in full...)
My abusive ex boyfriend refuses to pay me back the money he owes me
Q. I am stuck and need serious advice. I just got out of an abusive relationship (emotionally, verbally and recently, physically) and trying to recover. We bought a condo together but he put the mortgage under his name. I, however, paid the lawyer ...
A. 5 September 2012: I think there are only two ways to go about fixing your problem:
1) Take him to court. This could be prohibitively expensive and lengthy. Don't expect immediate redress (it may take months or even years to see any form of money). In addition... (read in full...)
Have you wished you focused on some things but not others during your 30's
Q. I am a single mother of an 8 year old child who has special needs. I’ve been single for 3 years and prior to this I was in a long term emotionally and physically abusive relationship for all of my 20’s I a mature student who is training as a health ...
A. 4 September 2012: We all go through phases in our life where we reflect on our past and where we are going in our future. What I sense, judging from your post, is that you are longing for a bit of companionship, but at the same time, I sense you fear getting ... (read in full...)
I have questions about male performance
Q. I have a question about male performance. I was married for 16 years, and my husband never really satisfied me. His age was 24-39 and mine 33-48 at the time. He could easily become erect, but then as we had sex, he could only keep thrustin...
A. 4 September 2012: Some guys do have this problem. I don't know what the exact percentage is, but it is called premature ejaculation.
If you are still with him and you need to have it addressed, there are a few things you can do:
1) Have him see a doctor. T... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend blew off my birthday. His birthday is in a few days. Should I blow it off or at least send him a card?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of 1.5 yrs allegedly forgot my birthday (*actually, I think he remembered 2 days before but decided to be cheap and blow it off). When I didn't speak to him for 2 days, he still didn't try to make it up to me, so I asked him to ...
A. 4 September 2012: What are you doing with this guy?
To me, this doesn't sound like a relationship at all. In 1.5 years you've been together only half a dozen times and his attitude generally shows he sees you as a friend more than someone who he is trying t... (read in full...)
Are there guys out there who actually don't like strip clubs?
Q. Are there guys out there who actually DON'T like strip clubs? I live in a mining town and strip clubs are starting to pop up everywhere, and since mining is a very male dominated field, guys go there after work to bond, and blah blah. I've been ...
A. 4 September 2012: Some guys really get off on going to strip clubs. It seems to be a right of passage for many of them and especially if a group starts to form, there is a sense of peer pressure to go to them.
I've been to a few of them in my early 20's. I wasn't... (read in full...)
Is my husband controlling? Now the children are copying his style of communicating too.
Q. Is my husband controlling? We have been married for 21 years and he always wants to know where I am and what I am doing, even what time i will be home. I never go anywhere without one of the kids! He talks to me like i am a child, telling me what...
A. 31 August 2012: There is a fine line between being controlling and someone who sincerely cares and wants to keep track of you in case something happens.
You really don't provide any concrete examples in your submission so it is hard for me to make a judgemen... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is on chat rooms, dating sites and looks at porn
Q. im in a long term relationship, im sort of happy but my man keeps looking at porn and going on chat rooms and has put himselth on dateing sites. he will hide what he is doing on the laptop by clicking of iit when i stand up or go near it. I on...
A. 28 August 2012: I hate to break it to you, but most guys look at porn. With the ease that it can be found on the Internet and with our higher-than-you sex drives, many guys are drawn to it. Some of them develop problems to it and others can take it or leave it. ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend cheap or am I being unreasonable?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now - and i think reality is really just hitting I used to gush about how perfect he is in every way – and I think the honeymoon is now over. One of my issues that I want to ask about, is regarding ...
A. 28 August 2012: I agree with most of the other answerers here. It is time to sit down and figure out who pays for what and how much. If you feel that you are being short changed, come up with a list of how much you are spending versus what he is contributing.
... (read in full...)
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