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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Should I leave my frustratingly uncommunicative husband?
Q. Should I leave my husband? We have been together 26 years but since i retired on health grounds 3 years ago and he took early retirement, the small cracks that have always been there have opened up into great big craters. He's not a bad man, he's ...
A. 12 March 2011: It definitely sounds like you guys have worn each other ragged. Sometimes that happens, especially at retirement. People can get along with one another in bits and chunks, but suddenly they don't have work to fulfill their lives and they spend too ... (read in full...)
He doesn't love me but its more than sex?
Q. I have a friend who is going through a tough time right now (separated and living on his own). We have been talking and seeing each other off and on for over a year. I really like him because he is very nice to me and though I have a weight pr...
A. 12 March 2011: I agree with the other answerer. It sounds like he is going through a very emotional time right now and is a little overwhelmed with "life". You've been a source of comfort and compassion for him and he doesn't want to mess it up or invest more ... (read in full...)
She suggested we meet for lunch again, so I sent her a text to set up another date. It's been over a day, and she hasn't responded. Any idea what I should do?
Q. Hi, I met this girl a few weeks ago in my course and managed to ask her for lunch one afternoon. We had a nice chat, talking about our families and interests etc. Following lunch she said we should get lunch again the week after, so I asked for h...
A. 12 March 2011: Leave the texting to the youngsters and be a man and call her. Texting is really a poor way to talk to person, especially setting up a date. To me, it shows laziness.
You'll be able to tell if she doesn't want to go out with you or not by her v... (read in full...)
Texting a girl from work and complimenting her, should I worry?
Q. my boyfriend sent a message to a girl he works with saying: "you and your son are beautiful :D i really like your style outside of work! i can dig your style! have a good night ttyl" i asked him about it, he said he was drinking and didn't...
A. 12 March 2011: It sounds like he has some interest on some level. You point out a lot of negatives about her, but it could be that she is interested in him and he is playing the game right back.
Why does he have her number in the first place? I think that sho... (read in full...)
Ex-husband won't move on.
Q. Hi. I'm separated five years from a man who is both extremely controlling and manipulative. He was mentally abusive throughout, to the extreme that he would hide things on me. We have three gorgeous kids and I've always said he could see them ...
A. 12 March 2011: It sounds like your ex still has feelings for you. It also sounds like he wants to try and keep on the facade of having a family, even though you aren't one.
It's been five years since you've been separated, why haven't you officially been div... (read in full...)
Could his sexual inexperience be the problem here?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our 30's. Up until 2 years ago when we met he'd never had any form of sex, including oral sex. He tried once in high school but couldn't perform. Since the beginning when we began having sex erections have been diffic...
A. 12 March 2011: I think after two years, I don't think he is going to get better. It really sounds like he has a self-confidence issue or another physical hang-up (although I tend to think it is the former). Is he afraid of women? Is he an introvert?
It so... (read in full...)
Separation and other woman
Q. Hello, My husband got another apartment in other state because at first he said that he is tired to commute 4 days a week. I was having alcohol problem that time and I even did not think this is separation. After a couple months he said to me, t...
A. 11 March 2011: First off, congratulations on your weight loss and sobriety.
I think you've determined that your husband is seeing someone else. At this point, I think you really need to decide what you can and will tolerate. Personally, I don't see your hus... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lied about having stopped seeing her ex when we first started dating
Q. I've been with my girlfriend about 5 years, and we're considering marriage. When we first started going out it was obvious to me that she still had feelings for her prior boyfriend, but she told me the relationship was done. The topic didn't come up ...
A. 11 March 2011: I think she lied to protect you and the way she was feeling about her ex at the time. No one likes to admit unrequited love and in her position, I don't blame her too much.
Was it dishonest? Yes. Does it ultimately change where you guys are at, ... (read in full...)
I'm a mess and I don't know what to do.
Q. I’m in mess. Me and my bf have been trying to make things work and it is getting to the point where neither of us know what to do. We have quite conflicting personalities but we are also similar in some ways. An example would be that I fell in love ...
A. 11 March 2011: I read your question and it definitely sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. You've stated that you've tried AA before and it didn't work for you. While, from the sounds of it, you aren't a bonafide alcoholic, I do think you have some issues ... (read in full...)
I satisfy my husband, but he doesn't satisfy me
Q. I satisfy my husband, but he doesn't satisfy me. What can I do? This has gone on for 20 years. I am sick of it! Now he has a heart condition and does not want sex at all. This has gone on for about 3 years. He does not even want to kiss, hold ...
A. 11 March 2011: I agree with a lot of what other people have posted here. I think it's time to ask yourself why you never pushed your husband to fulfill your needs in the first place? Surely at some point, he was able to, otherwise my guess is you wouldn't have ... (read in full...)
My marriage is in trouble.
Q. Been married for 26 years. I found out he has been taking hydrocodone and I believe he is addicted. He spends more time with a male friends than me. Nothing is the same. I asked why he doesn't want to spend time with me - he says he has more in ...
A. 11 March 2011: I agree with Jovan. I think it's time for you to sit down and talk to your husband about the state of things. If he is spending more time with his friends, it's usually to avoid you and there's usually something he is hiding. Hydrocodone is... (read in full...)
My husband gave his blessings for my having an affair. Opinions?
Q. Okay, maybe I shouldn't have to think so hard about this, but I'm in a predicament...I'm married to a wonderful and kind and loving and a man who thinks the world of me and an acquaintance friend of ours (we're all the same age)wants to get toge...
A. 20 February 2011: I agree with Caring Guy. I guess if your husband totally wasn't interested in sex anymore, I could see this as being okay, but I have a feeling your husband is trying to call your bluff.
Also, something to consider is that if you do go through ... (read in full...)
Is a 500 calorie diet too extreme?
Q. I'd like to go on a 500 cal diet. If i ever go over 500 calories, ill exersize it off. Has anyone tried anything like this and has it worked? I'm 5ft 3, 12st 8 and want to be about 8 stone by july. Could it work? I've had an eating disorder for ...
A. 20 February 2011: Yes 500 calories a day is WAY too low. If you think 1200 - 1500 left you binging, wait until you do 500. 500 calories doesn't leave you much to keep yourself healthy -- you'll wind up with vitamin deficiencies and you'll appear tired, cranky and ... (read in full...)
My foots out the door and I'm ready for a divorce.
Q. I've now been married for a year and 2 months. People always say the first years the hardest when we spent half that year not living together... three months last year i went to my parents for that time.. caeuse we were somewhat rocky.. and i needed ...
A. 19 February 2011: I hope you re-read your question and ask yourself: is this the husband / type of marriage you really want for yourself? Where do you see yourself with this man, say in 5, 10, 15 years?
Generally the first year is about some adjustment and lear... (read in full...)
Controlling husband makes me feel I need permission to have a life!
Q. Hi there thanks for your help. I've been married 18 years. My husband has a very caring side. Helps out around the house does some cooking etc. However, he has a very childish and controlling side too. I haven't been able to really have...
A. 19 February 2011: It sounds like you have allowed some serious communication issues to fester into sores and resentment. 18 years is a long time to live like this.
From your post, it sounds like your husband knows how to manipulate you -- either through carousin... (read in full...)
How is it he expects a housewife without marrying me?
Q. Hi, I have been living with my bf for 2 years now. We were in a long distance relationship before for almost 5 years. I moved in with him 2 years ago, and we've been living together ever since. The beginning was great; we were so happy with eac...
A. 19 February 2011: Why would he want to marry you in the first place? You are doing all the "things" that a wife would normally do without the commitment. He's got all the benefits right now (you are warming his bed, bringing in an extra paycheck, and doing the ... (read in full...)
Concerned he may have someone else...
Q. I am not sure if my boyfriend really wants a relationship and I am concerned that he may have someone else. For one I have only briefly met one friend and his wife. We have never done anything together with any of his friends and their girlfriends ...
A. 2 February 2011: It sounds like he has only invited you a little bit into his life. Maybe he is very personal / private with his life and doesn't like to invite new people in.
I am not sure if it has anything to do with you, but ultimately it sounds like you want... (read in full...)
Thinking of other men during sex!
Q. my husband and i got married 5 months ago. before marrying we had a child in 2001 and broke up for 4 years and got back together in 2008. We have been having some communication issues. And i feel sometimes he does not understands me. And that makes ...
A. 2 February 2011: It is fairly common for people to think of other people during sex. Let's face it, we all have active imaginations. I certainly wouldn't admit to him that you fantasize about other men, however. Nothing good will come of that -- only bad drama.
... (read in full...)
Still have thoughts of my first love even though I'm married now!
Q. hi, long story short. I'm married to a man i do love, but i cant stop thinking about my ex, my first love. ive always loved him but i fell in love with my husband and forgot about my ex for a while, but now i cant stop thinking about. I dream about ...
A. 2 February 2011: I think as time goes on preoccupation with the memory of your ex will fade.
You also need to ask yourself why you aren't with your ex. As humans, we have a tendency to remember only the good times. When you have a positive thought about yo... (read in full...)
I have a bad feeling he won't change. Am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend about 2 years. Started off sweet, charming, slightly clingy. We began texting each other prior to meeting. He would text up to 200 per day. Telling me his life story. At first I was flattered he was so into me. ...
A. 2 February 2011: This has train wreck written all over it. This guy is hemorrhaging debt, is recovering from a divorce, lives with his mom, appears to have gambling issues, and worse is controlling and at least mentally abusive -- my question to you is: what's i... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say he wants my new partner to be the father to our child, and he doesn't want to be involved in our son's life anymore?
Q. I dated this guy for about 3 years and we have a kid together but we are seperated and im with someone else..My ex came up to me a few days ago and told me that i should tell my new boyfriend to be the father of our son and that he didnt want to be ...
A. 2 February 2011: You are both young (from the sounds of it) and this is his way of dealing with the hurt of not being with you. He probably figures the best way to avoid the pain is to avoid all contact with you and all memory of you -- including his child. I ... (read in full...)
He works so much I feel like a single parent
Q. The roads are treacherous and icy today, the kids are home from school. My husband, although having the option (from his boss) to work from home, got up before the crack of dawn and spent over two hours to get to his office in a commute that ...
A. 2 February 2011: I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your husband. He's obviously working hard for a reason -- either he is a workaholic and gets a "high" / self esteem boost from working hard or you guys have a need for money and power toys and this ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is having a hard time with the fact that I've been with another man before him. Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I have recently talked about having sex for the first time, he would normally wait until marriage but because we love each other and are both willing, he said we wouldn't have to wait(plus we are planning to get married in the next ...
A. 2 February 2011: I think the bottom line here is to give him some time to get used to the fact that you've been with another man. He probably presumed you were a virgin and he's been disappointed that that isn't true anymore.
I find it slightly hypocrit... (read in full...)
Spark for another man, not my husband!
Q. I have been married for 14 years but I have lost all sexual attraction for my husband. We get along for the most part and he treats me well although we do fight quite a bit. We have financial problems and three young children. We do not spend any ...
A. 2 February 2011: Well, I think for starters, you should decide if you want to salvage what you have with your current marriage. Let's face it, it is going to take some work. I am glad you have some perspective about your attraction to your other male frien... (read in full...)
He hasn't replied to my second text of the morning
Q. Hi all, i need advice really, about something thats worryin me a little....... On new years eve I met a guy and had a one night stand with him. He was amazing. I really fell for him but was too shy to ask for his number, the next day he left, and I ...
A. 2 February 2011: I agree with CaringGuy... I think you are overreacting on this one too. He replied to your first text message and that is a positive sign. You contacted him from facebook and he must've given you his number.. so again, a positive sign.
Final... (read in full...)
Are confident men ever scared to ask a woman out?
Q. are confident men scared to ask a women they are attractive to out .? meet a man an he has flirted with me now for about 4 month now . let me say we only see each other for a short time each time he get a little more comfortable with me but he h...
A. 1 February 2011: I agree with caring guy. If you are interested in this guy, why not ask him out. Keep it casual -- like meet up for coffee or lunch or something.
Some guys are naturally shy or just don't want to get rejected. Maybe he doesn't want to appear t... (read in full...)
Is it weird that something like that is enjoyable?
Q. During the act of bringing me to orgasm, my normally conservative boyfriend reached up to my throat and slightly squeezed. He lingered for a moment and then released, I guess to see if I would protest. He then placed his hand back on my throat with ...
A. 1 February 2011: It sounds faintly like erotic asphyxiation. I believe it is akin to what David Carradine died of (but I think he took it to some extremes). You can read more about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_asphyxiation... (read in full...)
Help!!!! Is my relationship worth saving?
Q. Hi and thanks in advance. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Its been a constant trust issue on his behalf. Accusations, of me being unfaithful(I've never been I'm loyal) I'm not allowed to speak to the opposite sex. If I do, th...
A. 1 February 2011: Usually, I'll give just about any relationship the benefit of the doubt in terms of working, but clearly this one isn't worth saving.
I am sure there'll be dozens of women posting to run and run while you can from this guy. He sounds like he ... (read in full...)
My husband has delusional thoughts of me
Q. My husband has delusional thoughts of me. He asks certain questions and twists them into something totally different. He has always done this. He has always thought i am cheating on him, that i have or will. I cant stand defending myself against ...
A. 1 February 2011: I've met people like this and they are extremely tiring and uncomfortable to be around. Personally, I think they like to play mind games in order to control you and to make themselves feel superior. It is a form of mental cruelty. I am not sure ... (read in full...)
I think I deserve better than what I'm getting!
Q. So my husband and I will be married for a year in March but we have been together for four years! We have a huge age difference! He is 40 while I am 23 mind you that he does not look a day over 30! My friends thought I was absolutely crazy but I was ...
A. 1 February 2011: Something is clearly going on here. A 40-year-old guy not wanting to sleep with a younger woman definitely raises red flags in my book.
I am not sure why you married him in the first place. When a guy fools around with his ex-girlf... (read in full...)
He wants nothing to do with me or the child but I want him back...
Q. after years of dating, my boyfriend broke up with me when i told him i was pregnant. i due next month. he said at the time he was to young(25) and wanted to enjoy life but he didn't want a serious realtionship. in october 2010 i talk to him over an ...
A. 1 February 2011: Sadly, I think the writing is on the wall for you and this guy. It's a shame that you are now expecting a baby and he doesn't want any part in raising it. He sounds like quite a character.
At this point, I think you need to ask yourself why you ... (read in full...)
Fiance cheated, take him back or not?
Q. I recently broke off my engagement with my fiancé who I have been with for three years. I found out about a month ago by going through his computer (looking for a paper I had written, not to spy) that he was looking at other girls online; not porn ...
A. 1 February 2011: I agree with your cancelling your engagement. During the dating process one should be on their best behavior to impress their mate. Clearly this guy wasn't on his best behavior.
He had you and was looking for something on the side or wanted a... (read in full...)
Help!!! Is my boyfriend addicted to porn?
Q. My boyfriend of one year is addicted to porn. Well I think he is. I used to think it was ok but now I'm not so sure. WE used to watch porn together and have fun with it but lately it seems that he prefers to please himself to porn rather than being ...
A. 1 February 2011: Yeah something is definitely going on. When a guy resorts to pleasing himself with porn over having actual intercourse is a sign that he is being a selflish lover and that there is something else going on.
Let's face it -- porn is the easy way... (read in full...)
Does the army change people???
Q. i have been in this relationship for over 2 years and my boyfriend is now in the army, we both talked about it and thought it would be a good thing to do. now that he is in the military, i feel neglected and he is not the same person he was before ...
A. 1 February 2011: Definitely the army changes people. It is a very regimented way of life and he is meeting people from all over the country and seeing life through a new set of eyes. In addition, this is probably the first time he's been away from his parents, so ... (read in full...)
Does he need space? What should I do?
Q. im 19 and still new to this guy thing,Ive only dated 4 guys in my life and 3 of them didn't last even a month...But the one that lasted we were together a year and a half...and i loved him to death he was my first everything and even first bf. We ...
A. 31 January 2011: Sounds like this guy wants all the benefits of a relationship without doing any of the work -- and by benefits I mean "sex". I think you need to decide for yourself if you want a friends with benefits relationship or not. And after reading yo... (read in full...)
I feel like I have to do everything for him, for us.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and a half. We are'first loves'. We've been living together for about a year, and I'm getting to the point where I don't know if I want to stay with him, but if I think about leaving him, the ...
A. 31 January 2011: Sounds like you have a "boy" and not a "man" in your life.
I think it's time for you to take stock. Is this the man you want in your life -- a guy without much ambition, smokes pot (and knows you are against it), and you guys quibble about sm... (read in full...)
My friends either let me down or leave me out of their plans. How do I make new friends?
Q. Since I graduated, some of my close friends have moved away. The girls I work with are still around and I lived with 2 of them for 9 months, yet neither of them talk to me, text me, or invite me to anything. They are still in college so I guess they ...
A. 31 January 2011: Well, you won't make new friends sitting at home. At your age, it is challenging to find new friends and the way to make friends is to get out there. Here are my tips: 1) Make friends at work. You are around each other a lot and I am ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become distant and is being an ass!
Q. My boyfriend is being distant. I am 20 and he is 21. We have been together for almost 2 years now. He use to always be a gentleman, caring, fun, loving etc. However, recently he has become a complete ass to me finding the simplest things to complain ...
A. 31 January 2011: You don't mention what his family problems are but it sounds like they are very consuming. You would think that he would rely upon you as a sounding board. I think there are a few things you can do and it's up to you to decide when to apply th... (read in full...)
Stuck in a viscious cycle of arguing with my husband
Q. I am a married mother of two toddlers, married for 6 years. My husband and I are stuck in a viscious cycle of blame and arguing. We have a multitude of problems... mostly I think it stems from lack of good communication, and stress, but I am at a ...
A. 31 January 2011: It sounds like you are overwhelmed right now with lots of things. You've got a family, your husband is probably overworked, and it sounds like you have medical issues. It certainly sounds like you need to catch a break. What you are feeling is ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of my husband acting like a teenager! Is it time to leave?
Q. Hello, First off, I've been married 20 years. For the most part its been a good relationship. However, there's been issues of him isolating me from my friends throughout the whole marriage. If I do go out which is probably 15 times in 20 year...
A. 31 January 2011: Only you can decide if it is time to leave or not. It certainly sounds like he has control issues and has to constantly one up you. I am not sure the extent of his drinking problems, but if he is an alcoholic, that can further exacerbate his r... (read in full...)
I'd just like to have sex with my wife once in awhile but she has no interest
Q. i have been with wife for 6 years ,but for the last three the sex has gone my wife has no sex drive ,she doesnt no why,if i bring it up im in the wrong or i get ok i do it,i dont want it like that at all so then im allways feeling rejected,i av said ...
A. 23 January 2011: Sadly, anti depression pills will sap her sex drive. Hopefully she can get off of them and her sex drive will revive a bit. If possible, have her consult with her doctor to see if there is anything that can be done.
In addition, I think yo... (read in full...)
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