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... Send *ddie85 a private message | | | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Why do some guys lie about losing their virginity?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together six months. Last week we talked about having sex for the first time. I asked would I be his first and he didn't answer, he just retorted by asking would he be mine. I said no, I was not a virgin. He then began ...
A. 4 April 2016: Well for most guys, it is an ego things. One on side of the equation we don't want to appear totally inept and on the other side, most guys probably don't want to admit how many women they have slept around with in fear that you'll reject them for ... (read in full...)
Do I have a right to feel uncomfortable? Everyone has a past, but my boyfriend keeps dropping bombshells
Q. I have had a wonderful few months with my boyfriend but he just keeps dropping bombshells. The first was about a one night stand he had in his unhappy marriage two years ago which he regretted. Then he told me he uses alcohol as an emotiona...
A. 30 March 2016: Yes you do have a right to feel uncomfortable given this news about your boyfriend. in fact, I'd be worried for you if you weren't! I know if I was in your shoes, I'd feel the same way about someone I was dating.
Unfortunately, this is also the... (read in full...)
How do you deal with loneliness and low self-esteem in a world where everyone around you seems to be busy doing things
Q. How do you recover from being an achiever and surrounded by peers who admire you and inspired by you to becoming the one that has fallen off the tracks careerwise, money wise, and even relationshipwise? Yes, there's family and friends but how can ...
A. 28 March 2016: Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Trust me -- you are valued more than you know.
We all impact each other's lives and lend meaning to them. Your presence has impacted others in some way -- even if you don't think so.
To me, it sou... (read in full...)
Are there men who want to build relationships and not just have casual sex?
Q. Dear Cupid It's a rhetorical question may be, but is there men who wants to build a relationship not just have casual sex. I have been dating for sometime and lost trust in male population as it is, everywhere I see people just want to have a c...
A. 28 March 2016: With there being several billion men in the world, I am confident in stating there is someone for everyone out there.
In today's Tinder and hook-up culture a lot of the dating mores are all about getting laid. And for some people that's all they... (read in full...)
He's married, won't leave his wife but calls me heartless for distancing myself
Q. Need advice!' I am recently divorced, because my marriage was never like a marriage and then he started cheating. My and my ex are good friends for now. Meanwhile, 6 years back I met and fell in love with a married man (I was married at that t...
A. 28 March 2016: What do you expect him to say when you attempt to leave?
I hate to say it, but you are his life-perserver and probably his soul source of emotional connection. While it is touching that he thinks of you in this way, I don't think he'll ever tru... (read in full...)
My unemployed wife does very little around the house
Q. My wife gets so little housework done and I'm fed up of living in a dump. She's a sahm with a 6 and 11 yr old and really doesn't enjoy being a housewife. We're comfortable enough on my income, but not living a life of luxury by any means. She ...
A. 28 March 2016: You have my condolences on this. It is always tough to deal with this, especially when you know your wife can do more.
The way I'd approach this is the following:
Tell her that you are struggling to get the house done and you recognize all th... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seemed too interested in my friend during our threesome
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years and have had a great sex life with lots of experimentation as we both have high sex drives. He has always wanted to have a threesome so I, having had two previous good experiences with thr...
A. 28 March 2016: From the sounds of it, your boyfriend acted 100% as expected.
Let's look at it from his perspective:
1) Presumably he has been committed and monogamous with just you over the past 3 years. Suddenly, you are giving him the 100% green light to h... (read in full...)
Time and time again I take him back, only to be rejected again!
Q. I am seeking advice, I have been involved with a man whom ive been on and off with for 5 years. we were together for a solid year and a half, and he broke it off. The breakup was devastating for me, I thought he was the one. since then we have bee...
A. 16 March 2016: I hate to say it, but relationships like these are like a drug. You remember the first "high" you got from your partner and since then you've been trying to recapture it. Each time he comes back you probably hope you can convince him to stick ... (read in full...)
I am in a lifeless relationship!
Q. I feel as though I'm in a lifeless, passionless, boring relationship with my long term boyfriend. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. At first it was exciting and very passionate. But time took its toll and that passion has been lost. Ou...
A. 16 March 2016: Unfortunately, some relationships last a lifetime and others only a short period of time. It sounds like the fireworks are over and you are beginning to ask yourself what is next?
When the sex fizzles and the magic seems to have faded what you... (read in full...)
How can I deal with the disruption of my BF's mate? The mate visits us almost every evening?
Q. Hi I have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years we have a son together. We are happy apart from the fact we get no time together because of his mate. My boyfriend finishes work. I have tea ready, then halfway through eating it his mate turns u...
A. 16 March 2016: Sorry to hear that you are going through this. This is always a tough one, because if you come down too harshly, he'll see it as you controlling him. If you don't say anything, then you wind up suffering and living in a relationship where you ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's unrelentless questions about my past are causing so much trouble!
Q. My LDR boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and have always been honest about each others past as trust and being honest is the key to a stable relationship, right? I thought so. Before knowing my now boyfriend, I used to go to parti...
A. 11 March 2016: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.
I hate to say it, but you are really powerless in this situation. The fact is, the past is the past and no apologizing or wishful remorseful thinking is going to change it. Nor should you feel... (read in full...)
How can I recover my self esteem? I was called ugly by a friend of my boyfriend
Q. I don’t even know the lad, never spoken to him. The only time we ever came into the vicinity of one another it was at a party my boyfriend invited me to. Apparently he keeps talking about me to my boyfriend in a vulgar/crude (sexual) way, which to...
A. 6 March 2016: The only person that can let someone else damage your self-esteem is you.
Let's face it, we all are ugly or beautiful to someone. I know some celebrities that guys would give their right arm to date who I wouldn't give the time of day to. It ... (read in full...)
My jobless fiance gambles and owes a lot of money. What should I do? How can I help?
Q. Hi.. im so stress out lately because of what happened to my fiance. We planned to marry soon and he tried to gain easy money from gambling. He lost all his money and worse, he used some of his parent money too. I dont even know while he did this...
A. 2 March 2016: You know who is the biggest gambler here?
You.
This does not sound like a stable situation to be in. Marriage has a huge failure rate and you are going in with under the worst of circumstances. Your fiancee is jobless and he seems to make... (read in full...)
Might my friends with benefits be developing feelings for me?
Q. This might be a silly question but I am seriously wondering if my friend with benefits might be developing feelings for me. So for the past three months or so he has been very attentive, calling and texting me all the time. He keeps asking que...
A. 1 March 2016: It certainly sounds like to me he is seeing you as something more than just a booty call. Usually the FWB situation is minimal personal relations and just hooking up when it is mutually convenient for sex. The fact that he is interested in your ... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend is back in touch with her ex- how do I avoid letting jealousy ruin things?
Q. Hi All Ive been with my partner a while now, it is LDR but we have done the usual normal couple stuff, gone on hols etc and talk every night, and see each other every week (and spend all our hols together). We are planning to move in together in 5...
A. 1 March 2016: I agree with Aunt Honesty's response. I'd first tell her you feel uncomfortable with the situation. I know that if my partner decided to "friend" an ex on Facebook (or any social media site), I'd be troubled by it. This would be doubly so in your ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling guilt and shame about meeting up with my ex when my now fiance and I were first dating
Q. Hi, Hope you can help with a dilemma. I met a great guy 18 months ago and now we are engaged. Our first two weeks were strange though. He was convinced it was the real deal me less so. Two weeks later we split before getting back togeth...
A. 1 March 2016: Sorry to hear you are going through this but it looks like you are trying to sabotage your current relationship.
Let's rewind a bit: after two weeks of knowing your current fiance, you broke up (temporarily) and you decided to see if there wa... (read in full...)
Would it be crazy to leave my husband who gives me everything for a man who couldn't give me what I have?
Q. I really need some advice.... Firstly what I'm about to admit is horrible - I'm not here for sympathy or understanding and I know I'm completely 100% in the wrong and nobody could be more disgusted with me than I am. I married my long term boy...
A. 27 February 2016: No it wouldn't be crazy to leave your husband, but at this point, it certainly wouldn't be wise.
1) You are dreaming about a fantasy right now. You are business associates so you don't know if the feelings that you have for this guy will be recip... (read in full...)
I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!
Q. My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...
A. 27 February 2016: I am do sympathize with your plight. I can relate to what you are going through and I realize what kind of dog you are dealing with. They are indeed strong and big animals.
Unfortunately, you backed your husband into a corner when you said, "I... (read in full...)
What did my ex girlfriend mean by this statement?
Q. For starters, I am aware that I need to move on and stop obsessing over my ex, but there are some things that still confound me to this day. I wonder if she ever really loved me or if she loved how I made her feel instead. Understand what I'm ...
A. 27 February 2016: I hate to break it to you, but you do need to move on. In no short words, she has telling you that she has moved on, is seeing someone that wants to be with her, and is trying to tell you in as nice as way as possible that you need to leave in your ... (read in full...)
I'm appalled at his disrespect, but what can I do? Is it time to breakup?
Q. My partner of 3 years goes out each thursday night with friends, this is usually fine but i am at work on a friday so do prefer him not to come in too late. He usually comes in about 1am. Weve had a number of arguments about this mainly because ...
A. 27 February 2016: This is always a tough dilemma.
If you come down on the fact that he is going out and creating a raucous when he comes back in, he'll see you as taking away his freedom and stealing his "fun". If you ignore it, this problem continues to fester a... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is unhappy that I'm watching porn so she retaliated by posting photos of herself on the internet!
Q. Ok I'll get straight to the point. Like most women my girlfriend hates porn. I told her when we got together that I didn't like it either, but recently she caught me watching it. We've now been together for 3 years. Needless to say she got really ...
A. 24 February 2016: So let me get this straight... she catches you doing something wrong and instead of talking about it in a rational manner, she goes out, gets (semi) naked and posts her pictures on the internet and you are only "thinking" about leaving?
This ... (read in full...)
Should I be sending risque pics to my boyfriend? Will it get on the internet?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and we have a very close relationship. He is an incredibly sweet person and I honestly trust him with anything. The other day we were talking and it just so happened that he sent me a topless ...
A. 20 February 2016: The short answer is: NO!
Once you take a picture and send it to him, it is in his property. He can forward it to his friends or if the day comes when you break up, he can blackmail you or just put it out on the internet just to spite you. Al... (read in full...)
The problem is that after ten years of marriage we never have sex !! How to deal with this stress?
Q. I need some help. I've been with my husband now for 10 years. I'm 27 and he is 43. Obviously there is an age gap but it has never been an issue up until now. The problem is sex. We never have it. Its very rare and he says its because of stres...
A. 20 February 2016: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Unfortunately it is fairly common in long-term marriages. Let's face it, you've sort of been there, done that and gotten the t-shirt. It is also easy to take one another -- and their needs for ... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend has a low sex drive
Q. I look after myself and love sex and intimacy. I have met a guy who after a few attempts admits he has ED and it feels numb and he hardly masturbates. It caused a rift in his marriage and viagra didnt work and his hormone levels are normal. I ha...
A. 19 February 2016: I think you have some serious thinking to do.
It sounds like your boyfriend knows he has a problem, has sought medical help and hasn't found success.
That leaves you with only a few choices:
1) Have him get a second medical opinion. ... (read in full...)
How do I get over shock divorce?
Q. I am still very distraught and sad over my divorce that happened over a year ago. Mainly because I did not want the divorce to happen, nor did I see it coming. I was very much in love with my husband, we were married for 3 years and together for...
A. 18 February 2016: Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know this can be painful.
Part of it is accepting reality. Clearly your ex has moved on and my guess is that this new person he is with was likely in the shadows when he asked to get out of the m... (read in full...)
Am I silly for being disappointed and upset that my much richer boyfriend got me absolutely nothing for Valentine's Day?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for close to two years. I am upset , disappointed he didn't get my anything for Valentine's Day. I got him a cute bag with his favorite candy , card , along with shoes. I would of been happy with a thoughtful ...
A. 18 February 2016: Can I be honest here: you got suckered in by the materialist side of Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day has been turned into a Hallmark holiday so that people buy tons of crap to prove their love for their loved ones. The more one spends, ... (read in full...)
I used a fake name on the website because I had been stalked in the past, now my b/f wants to end things!
Q. I met an older man about 14 years older then me on an online dating site. I went by my username since I met him, however I started a physical relationship with him 7 months ago. I just recently told him my real name because I started falling in love ...
A. 17 February 2016: It sounds like to me that he was looking for a reason to bail and this was as good as an excuse as any to give you.
To be honest though, I would feel sort of confused if I were him. Here you've been dating for a while, you've trusted him with you... (read in full...)
Is it acceptable to say love you to an ex?
Q. hi. last year i went through a very messy divorce. my ex husband shattered my heart and i became determined not to fall in love again. it would be safer that way. however 6 months ago i meet an extraordinary man, kind and sweet. we began to date. i ...
A. 15 February 2016: I would have a super hard time accepting the fact that anyone I was dating was still saying they love their ex. The short answer to your question is "no".
To me, the word "love" can have many different meanings. I love spaghetti, running ... (read in full...)
Is masturbation interfering with our sex life?
Q. I've been pretty addicted to masturbation/porn since I was 16-17. I'm now 28 and married. I still masturbate about 1-2 times a day, I fear it's affecting my sex life. In the past 6months I've begun to notice that I have trouble keep an erection...
A. 15 February 2016: Yes, too much masturbation can effect your sex life with your wife.
Here are the reasons:
1) Probably when you look at pornography you are looking at the hottest of the hot women. Suddenly, you find yourself with your wife, who probably doe... (read in full...)
Should I have lied to my friend when she asked me for my true opinion?
Q. First of all we’ve been friends since childhood. Now we’re in our forties. I’m married with two kids. She’s single and looking. After a particularly bad experience with a man, she asked me for my honest opinion. And I gave it to her. I told her...
A. 13 February 2016: I don't think you've done anything wrong here.
She asked for your opinion and from what I've read, you gave her an honest and accurate one. She is into jerks and sleeze-balls and it is no surprise that she is single.
Unfortunately... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to forgive and get over what my ex did?
Q. How am I supposed to forgive and get over what my ex did? I was with a man for 3 years, but knew him for about 2 years before dating. We were best friends before dating. So I had around 5 years invested into him. We really were very close...
A. 13 February 2016: While clichéd, time is the healer of all emotional wounds here.
I know I mourned my first ex-girlfriend for 6 months -- a lot longer than the relationship lasted itself. She broke my heart and it took a LONG time to get over it.
Love ca... (read in full...)
How can he be in love with the woman he cheated on me with?
Q. Dear cupid, how can a man be happy and in love with the woman he cheated on his spouse with? I was married for just over 3 years to a man who I really loved with all my heart. Someone I never could of pictured hurting me in anyway. He a...
A. 13 February 2016: Sorry to hear you are going through this. I am very surprised you aren't angry. I can sense your hurt and confusion, and I sense too that you are trying to figure out what went wrong.
Unfortunately, our hearts can sometimes lead us into trouble.... (read in full...)
10 euros? Is that really my worth? His ex wife walked away with all the luxuries and all I get is a gift for 10 euros?!
Q. Hi guys, i just wonder how everybody here think about this situation. I have a bf. we are 8 months now in our relationship. We are not living together. Our distance is about two hours drive. But we use to see each other almost every week, we call ...
A. 13 February 2016: You state that you are easy to please but here you are complaining that you didn't get enough for Valentine's Day. I sort of feel there is a bit of a conflict here.
Let's face it, Valentine's Day is a commercial holiday that seems to be promoted... (read in full...)
I found dirty underwear in the car that wasn't mine. Threw them away and now wondering if my husband is cheating
Q. Hello, this is actually my first time posting on social media. I just feel I have no where really to turn to. Last week I found dirty underwear in my car that weren't mine. When I found them I thought nothing really of it and threw them away ...
A. 10 February 2016: Sorry to hear that you are going through this.
Off the top of my head here are some reasons why the dirty underwear was in your car:
1) Perhaps some passerby decided to play a prank and throw them in through an open window.
2) Could it po... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend cheated on his ex wife and I'm worried he will cheat on me
Q. I met a lovely guy a few weeks ago who was married for 18 years. He said they broke up many times but waited until their daughter grew up before they divorced. He said that he cheated on his ex with one married lady from an adult dating site and ...
A. 10 February 2016: Men cheat for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it is out of sheer desperation -- or loneliness. Other times it is for conquest and the thrill of the hunt (or mere sex for sex's sake).
From his description, it sounds like he sought out comfort ... (read in full...)
Do I throw away a 3 year relationship based on a "gut feeling" my BF is cheating on me?
Q. Please help me. I cannot live this way anymore. I am on the verge of throwing away an almost 3 year relationship with a man I love and adore because of a "gut feeling" he is cheating. How do I deal with this? I am right at the edge. I hav...
A. 10 February 2016: I think the most important question you need to ask yourself, is why do you feel this way?
In short, you've given us no clues as to why you feel this way other than a hunch.
Just from the description you've given us, he is with a much youn... (read in full...)
Does being friends with benefits ever work out?
Q. I am a 42 year old single man. One of my best friends is a 33 year old single woman. We have never been romantic in any way but recently my friend told me in a joking way that she would give me oral sex if I took care of some things around her hous...
A. 10 February 2016: Personally, I think it suddenly changes the game when "friends" become friends with benefits.
Let's play this out, you do her a favor (or not) and she provides sex for you.
If all you are looking for is sex, then great... mission accompli... (read in full...)
My younger husband likes to tell me that no one else will have me because I'm older
Q. I am older than my husband. Every time me and my controlling abusive husband have an argument he will say no one else will have me as I am old ( early forties, which no one believes my age) and will use a load of vulgar language towards me. I have ...
A. 10 February 2016: It sounds like your husband likes to fight dirty. And when arguments turn to a personal level, such as yours, they are rarely healthy and are usually a sign of a poor relationship. It is also a sign of lack of respect. I wonder under what ... (read in full...)
I've relocated and quit my job and now I'm afraid he'll run off with someone who can give him children
Q. Hi folks, I don't know if anyone has been in a relationship with some one younger, I have been for coming up 3 years. life is good, but one thing I'm young 44 just he's coming up 32. I have grown up kids he has none. when I met him he didn't ...
A. 6 February 2016: I am sorry to see you going through this.
Sadly, people often change their minds about children. Countless marriages and relationships have broken up because a couple were assumed they were or were not going to have children, only to have one... (read in full...)
He says he'll be understanding in dealing with me but he loses his patience and becomes abusive!
Q. I have been in a relationship for a year now with my partner who i have known for 6 years as we worked together. We have a 5 week old baby boy. I have had lots anxiety and mental health issues most of my life but I have done a lot of work on myself ...
A. 6 February 2016: Sorry to hear you are going through this.
You are in a tumultuous time right now. Adding a new born into what seems to be a troubled relationship only adds to the problems. I suspect more is to come.
You don't give us too many clues as to... (read in full...)
I refused to play his game
Q. Hi everyone I have a problem with a man who apparently is grieving for his wife. He showed a lot of attention to me before she died. He went cold for a little while but now its back again. His wife died 9 months ago. Unfortunately fo...
A. 5 February 2016: To be honest, it sounds like the relationship is all about him: he'll see you at his convince and when he wants to. It also sounds like he doesn't care too much about your needs and desires.
You don't give us a lot of clues to go over on what ... (read in full...)
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