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*isha-1 agony aunt

*isha-1

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Hi there!

Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.

I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman

If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)

Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle

All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama

"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain

I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/

So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.

The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.

If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html

If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.

You have my permission to say “no.”

If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.

There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’

Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.

Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.

Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.

I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.

I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html

More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm

I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171

Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.

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More than one way to get up the Duff!!

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< Prev1617181920212223242526Next > [240 pages, 9550 answers]

Could she be sleeping with other men, or intending to do so?

Q.   My long term friend with benefits recently told me that she needed some space, and she was emphatic that I respect her wishes. Here's the confusing part: we still have sex a couple of times a month, and when I do leave her alone she will reach out ...

A.   28 September 2015: Sounds like it's time to end the relationship. If there's no trust and a lack of honesty... what's the point? She wasn't invested in this relationship anyway. So the good news is that you can start the mourning and healing, and you only waited a... (read in full...)

Could she be sleeping with other men, or intending to do so?

Q.   My long term friend with benefits recently told me that she needed some space, and she was emphatic that I respect her wishes. Here's the confusing part: we still have sex a couple of times a month, and when I do leave her alone she will reach out ...

A.   14 September 2015: "She has given me a lot of hints over time about me slipping a bit in the courting department, which is something I attribute to the normal nuances of long term dating." "what's holding me back is having to go through the whole dating page... (read in full...)

A question about spenders, why does he expect me to fund him?

Q.   Why cant my boyfriend understand that every time he spends his money that he cant account for and comes back picking for a fight when i have little cash of my own to spare, that this creates a problem for me. I am not well off and probably have less ...

A.   6 September 2015: So did you work out why he was expecting you to fund him? And how to manage his expectations?... (read in full...)

I'm a little uncomfortable with her fetish!

Q.   Hi there! i have just found somthing out about my girlfreind that i did not know. We have been together for going on six years now. sex has been good, just lately my missus(Sarah) has been having problems becoming aroused and sexually moist. And she ...

A.   6 September 2015: How are things going? Were you able to integrate the fetish into your sex life? Hope all went well. ... (read in full...)

Could she be sleeping with other men, or intending to do so?

Q.   My long term friend with benefits recently told me that she needed some space, and she was emphatic that I respect her wishes. Here's the confusing part: we still have sex a couple of times a month, and when I do leave her alone she will reach out ...

A.   6 September 2015: Any updates?... (read in full...)

Why do guys keep breaking up with me?

Q.   Why do guys keep on either playing me or just break up with me?...

A.   6 September 2015: Sorry, I've been away, do you have any followup information?... (read in full...)

Am I wrong in insisting she get a divorce?

Q.   I really need some help figuring out what to do in my current situation. I have been with my girlfriend for a year now. When we first met I didn't tell her about an older daughter that I have because she hasn't been in my life for a very long ...

A.   6 September 2015: What does it matter if you are "wrong" or "right" for insisting on her moving forward with a divorce? Even if every aunt on this site says you are right to insist she gets a divorce, doesn't mean she's going to do that or be influenced in any way by ... (read in full...)

Should I accepy their FB friend request. They are family, yet remain distant

Q.   My Aunt and cousins just sent me a friends request. I don't see much of them even though we live close by. They never really bothered with us when we were growing up and even recently we were all at a family funeral and they never even spoke. ...

A.   6 September 2015: It depends on how you use your FB. If it's only really close friends and close family then by all means ignore the request. If you have hundreds or thousands of friends, what's the downside of a few more? If it's about networking in your chosen ... (read in full...)

Came across a conversation between my husband and his friend and I think he's cheating on me

Q.   I need help? My husband and I have been together for 7 years. And we have been married for only 4. I fell in love with him as a person and for his sense of humor. I never had a problem trusting him until the other night....I came home from my next ...

A.   4 September 2015: Don't leave the house without consulting a divorce attorney first, as that could be considered abandoning the domicile and could result in negative financial consequences for you in the divorce. Obviously your husband is at the very least emot... (read in full...)

Is her reaction to his remark just normal social media interaction? Or does it indicate a hook-up with her?

Q.   hey guys, got some social media drama for you.. so I am involved with this girl for a while. she just got a new apartment, announces the news on social media bla bla. This guy "friend" of hers responds on it says he cant wait to see it. she resp...

A.   19 August 2015: What does "involved with" mean? Are you in a committed exclusive relationship? When do you see her again in real life?... (read in full...)

Why do these high school girls think that the relationship will last forever?

Q.   I have three main "exes" from last year, and two years ago. I did some thinking and dating with these girls, all different from one another, but they all seem to have it in their mind that I broke their hearts and they can never be the same agai...

A.   18 August 2015: My memory of that age was feeling all sorts of new feelings, and feeling them very deeply. It was all new and wonderful and all new and awful and all new and very mysterious and puzzling and oh well, life can be a drama at that age, or any age for ... (read in full...)

Is her reaction to his remark just normal social media interaction? Or does it indicate a hook-up with her?

Q.   hey guys, got some social media drama for you.. so I am involved with this girl for a while. she just got a new apartment, announces the news on social media bla bla. This guy "friend" of hers responds on it says he cant wait to see it. she resp...

A.   18 August 2015: Why not ask her what 'meow' means on that post? When do you two see each other in person again? ... (read in full...)

She broke up with me because I'm leaving the country for a year to travel. Anyone else experience this?

Q.   Hello guys, I have been in a relationship for 9-10 months. We get along very very well, have lots of fun, similar sense of humour, sex is amazing, similar character and from the same "stock", as they say. However, I have been planning ...

A.   18 August 2015: Accept it amicably, go on about your preparations and just accept that it's what she wants. It may not be what you wanted or envisaged, but by the same token, having her boyfriend go off on a trip probably isn't what she wanted either. There may ... (read in full...)

What does this symbol mean in text talk?

Q.   I am in my 40's and not up to date with emoticons on text and email. Whilst I know this may mean a wink ;-) can someone tell me what ;-)))) means please....

A.   18 August 2015: A wink with extra smiles. Is there a broader context? Is that all you received from someone you are texting? It could be that they like extra smiles? Like some people like to add extra hugs and kisses. xoxoxoxoxoxox basic smile :) wearing sunglass... (read in full...)

I am having hateful feelings towards a 'friend' and want to let it go, but we work together and it's more complicated, but not just because of that.

Q.   Dear all, This is not a relationship question, but a 'freindship' question. Please help. I have been working with a woman ( I too am female) for seven years now. We developed a rather co- dependant freindship. Basically, I was going through a very ...

A.   18 August 2015: Sounds as though you are well on the way! Good luck to you! :)... (read in full...)

A question about spenders, why does he expect me to fund him?

Q.   Why cant my boyfriend understand that every time he spends his money that he cant account for and comes back picking for a fight when i have little cash of my own to spare, that this creates a problem for me. I am not well off and probably have less ...

A.   18 August 2015: Why can't he understand that your budget can't absorb his demands? There are a couple of possibilities. He's very selfish and only thinks of himself. He's rather ignorant, can't be bothered with maths and assumes that you will take care of him ... (read in full...)

I am having hateful feelings towards a 'friend' and want to let it go, but we work together and it's more complicated, but not just because of that.

Q.   Dear all, This is not a relationship question, but a 'freindship' question. Please help. I have been working with a woman ( I too am female) for seven years now. We developed a rather co- dependant freindship. Basically, I was going through a very ...

A.   17 August 2015: I'd be very concerned that she's collecting your mail for you. If she's pretending not to get emails and is ignoring texts, who's to say she's not 'accidentally' losing important work mail? You are trying to avoid pain, for her or yourself? Mayb... (read in full...)

I'm a little uncomfortable with her fetish!

Q.   Hi there! i have just found somthing out about my girlfreind that i did not know. We have been together for going on six years now. sex has been good, just lately my missus(Sarah) has been having problems becoming aroused and sexually moist. And she ...

A.   17 August 2015: I find it astonishing that she's been able to have sex with you for 6 years and only recently struggles with arousal, and that it's taken her this long to clue you in to the fetish. It doesn't seem honest of her, you know? I guess you will have to t... (read in full...)

Know of any books on relationship building?

Q.   Dear Aunts and Uncles, Can you give me the names of any books that will talk about how a couple should build a relationship from their first introduction to their marriage? Sorry, but I do not want your advice. I want the name of a book to rea...

A.   17 August 2015: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD ... (read in full...)

Should I go ahead or should I remain a virgin?

Q.   Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex ...

A.   17 August 2015: It's possible to be sexually attracted to someone who isn't a good prospect as a partner. It doesn't mean you have to act on it. If you're really struggling with this, have you thought about seeing a counselor? As you say, you are confused and have... (read in full...)

Are her values too at variance with mine for me to consider an ''official'' relationship?

Q.   Hey, been courting/dating a girl for 4 months. Nothing to full on but we do have a sexual relationship, looks like things are on the way to being a "official" relationship. Just found out she had a one night stand before we met. (I'm not judging ...

A.   17 August 2015: "I have found that it makes me feel like I don't really see her in the "girlfriend material" way anymore" "I guess I don't really like the idea of taking the relationship to the next step with someone that has different values about sex to me" ... (read in full...)

I'm scared my parents will make a big deal out of this date!

Q.   Hello :) Okay so like my boyfriend asked me to go out for a movie and like I suggested to have a double date and he said sure. So like my friend whose double dating with us suggested that we have a movie day then the next day we can hang out in ...

A.   17 August 2015: Why would they object?... (read in full...)

Should I go ahead or should I remain a virgin?

Q.   Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex ...

A.   17 August 2015: If you're this confused you really aren't ready.... (read in full...)

Should I go ahead or should I remain a virgin?

Q.   Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex ...

A.   17 August 2015: I agree with So Very Confused, if you have to ask, you aren't ready. Eventually, you'll find the right guy and you'll just know it's right.... (read in full...)

How can I tell my sister in law to stop discussing these things with my husband?

Q.   "hi, my husband's sister feels possessive about him, they are very close and my husband is a doctor. she talks about bra, nipples and takes suggestion from him about sex, it is normal to have such talks even when I said I'm feeling discomfort by h...

A.   17 August 2015: "Hey, I know you two are super close and that you feel comfortable talking about all kinds of things but I have to let you know that it makes me very uncomfortable. In the future, I'd prefer that you have these conversations about sex and intimate ... (read in full...)

Are her values too at variance with mine for me to consider an ''official'' relationship?

Q.   Hey, been courting/dating a girl for 4 months. Nothing to full on but we do have a sexual relationship, looks like things are on the way to being a "official" relationship. Just found out she had a one night stand before we met. (I'm not judging ...

A.   17 August 2015: Why haven't you ended the relationship yet? You've already stated that you feel "silly for bothering to date and court someone who would give them self away so easily." If you continue to date/sleep with/whatever the label it is you want to call... (read in full...)

I hate these pictures!

Q.   Hi, I know this may sound silly but I'm really upset.... I got married a few months ago and recently got back my professional photo album and dvd. I was reluctant to have a photographer as I hate pictures of myself as I know I'm not photoge...

A.   17 August 2015: Hand the DVD over to your best friends and your closest relatives and have them find the most flattering shots to share with family and friends. You don't have to live with them, but remember that the people who love you and wish you well would like... (read in full...)

Am I appearing to be too eager, via my texting actions, considering he never initiates a text conversation?

Q.   I hooked up with someone via tinder. Met twice; sex once. Both agreed to continue no strings. Both like each other. Think I like him more. I don't want this to be a short term sex thing more long term friends where he continues to see me as a frie...

A.   17 August 2015: I'd stop trying to build this relationship; you've demonstrated to him that you like him and have given him plenty of time to start to initiate contact with you. He hasn't taken the initiative at this point, perhaps he needs some space to do it or ... (read in full...)

Are her values too at variance with mine for me to consider an ''official'' relationship?

Q.   Hey, been courting/dating a girl for 4 months. Nothing to full on but we do have a sexual relationship, looks like things are on the way to being a "official" relationship. Just found out she had a one night stand before we met. (I'm not judging ...

A.   17 August 2015: Oh and P.S. You're not technically a ONS with her but you aren't officially a boyfriend, so you're what? A FWB for the time being? If you are struggling with the 'morals' of this situation then definitely end the dating/sex stuff as it seems to be c... (read in full...)

Is it weird that the guys in this one family in my small town always stare at me?

Q.   Hi Agony Peoples. I'm just lookig for some insight. I work in a small town in a small business and there is this one family who always stare me out of it. They are all men and older than me. Some of them never married or had girlfriends because ...

A.   17 August 2015: They could have social anxiety, or other socially disadvantageous syndrome, such as Aspergers. If it's really bothering you, can you find a way to speak to someone close to this family?... (read in full...)

Could she be sleeping with other men, or intending to do so?

Q.   My long term friend with benefits recently told me that she needed some space, and she was emphatic that I respect her wishes. Here's the confusing part: we still have sex a couple of times a month, and when I do leave her alone she will reach out ...

A.   17 August 2015: So she's not your girlfriend or date, right? You state outright that she's a friend with benefits. So, I think now that you realize that this set up doesn't serve you and you are having problems with the status quo, then it's a great time to end ... (read in full...)

Why do guys keep breaking up with me?

Q.   Why do guys keep on either playing me or just break up with me?...

A.   16 August 2015: So you are 30-35 and are asking why guys keep playing you or breaking up with you? If this has been going on for 12-20 years and you haven't been able to figure it out, then perhaps there is something beyond race? How old are the men you are dati... (read in full...)

Are her values too at variance with mine for me to consider an ''official'' relationship?

Q.   Hey, been courting/dating a girl for 4 months. Nothing to full on but we do have a sexual relationship, looks like things are on the way to being a "official" relationship. Just found out she had a one night stand before we met. (I'm not judging ...

A.   16 August 2015: If you don't see her as girlfriend material anymore, there's probably nothing anyone here could say to change that. So do her a big favor and end the relationship right away, so she can move on and find a guy who will accept her with all her 'flaws' ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says that he owns me and will say he wants to hurt me during sex. Is this the beginning of an abusive relationship?

Q.   I started dating my boyfriend coming up for a year now. I'm 25 and he's 45. From the moment we met we got on great and always love being in each others company. But a few months ago I had a night out and he went very weird with me saying he didn't ...

A.   15 August 2015: Best of luck to you. Be safe.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says that he owns me and will say he wants to hurt me during sex. Is this the beginning of an abusive relationship?

Q.   I started dating my boyfriend coming up for a year now. I'm 25 and he's 45. From the moment we met we got on great and always love being in each others company. But a few months ago I had a night out and he went very weird with me saying he didn't ...

A.   14 August 2015: Here are the UK contact details. 0808 2000 247 and http://www.womensaid.org.uk Call the number today. Please. ... (read in full...)

I desperately want to see my old friend but I'm also scared if it feels wrong.

Q.   Really complicated situation. Struggling with what is morally right. I have a friend who is a girl. We have know each other for nearly 15yrs. She is one of my closest friends I ever had. Our connection is spiritual, emotional and mental. She stud...

A.   13 August 2015: We could tell you what our morals might dictate in similar circumstances, but what's the point? The morals that matter are yours. You're not putting this solution out to a popular vote, right? How about trying this, flip the situation all arou... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is going to a wedding where his ex will be there, I'm not going but not feeling good about the situation

Q.   My boyfriend has been invited to a wedding without me and his ex will be there. I've fallen out with him about his ex many times because I've found out that he's gone to see her behind my back and lied about it, repeatedly. When I found out that...

A.   13 August 2015: First of all, your boyfriend can't invite you to a wedding if the people having the wedding didn't invite you. That's very rude, to invite someone to a wedding if the bride and groom didn't. So drop that idea from your problem-solving. Now, on the ... (read in full...)

Is it ok to be in a hotel room with a guy you are just meeting?

Q.   Hello Aunts, I just met a likeable guy some days back and we started talking. So we've decided to hang out but his place is quite far from mine and he suggested we lodge in a hotel room together. Is it okay to be in a hotel room with a guy you are ...

A.   13 August 2015: When you say "quite far," what exactly does that mean? How far in terms of time does he live? Why can't you just meet up for a day at an attraction like a museum or amusement park or a fun restaurant, halfway in between? Why do you have to have an e... (read in full...)

Boyfriend is so insecure he is constantly accusing me of cheating and I haven't!

Q.   I have a major problem. My boyfriend is 4 years younger than me (he just turned 20) and is SO insecure! I havent cheated on him yet from the very beginning he's accused me of it. He always says sorry when we fight about it, and that hes just ...

A.   12 August 2015: Get. Out. Now.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says that he owns me and will say he wants to hurt me during sex. Is this the beginning of an abusive relationship?

Q.   I started dating my boyfriend coming up for a year now. I'm 25 and he's 45. From the moment we met we got on great and always love being in each others company. But a few months ago I had a night out and he went very weird with me saying he didn't ...

A.   12 August 2015: Whoops! Those are the U.S. Numbers! Here are the UK contact details. 0808 2000 247 and http://www.womensaid.org.uk Be safe! ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says that he owns me and will say he wants to hurt me during sex. Is this the beginning of an abusive relationship?

Q.   I started dating my boyfriend coming up for a year now. I'm 25 and he's 45. From the moment we met we got on great and always love being in each others company. But a few months ago I had a night out and he went very weird with me saying he didn't ...

A.   12 August 2015: It's certainly not the beginning of a healthy relationship. I'm a bit concerned for your safety if you try to end the relationship. Can you tell your family or a trusted friend? I have a number and website for you to call and visit. 1-800-79... (read in full...)

Why do most guys like big boobs so much?

Q.   Why do most men (especially guys my age...) like big boobs so much? As I see it, it's just extra fat! And last time I checked, for men, too much fat is bad. I have small breasts and feel so inadequate. Breasts are so "out there" (unlike a penis - ...

A.   12 August 2015: I think guys like boobs full stop. Hell, WOMEN like looking at boobs too. Have you ever really looked at a so-called women's magazine? Boobs on display all over the place. People slow down to look at car crashes too. It's curiosity. You don't want... (read in full...)

Do you think he'll still want me to be his gf knowing I went on holiday with a male friend?

Q.   Hi, I live in Italy and at the end of last year I went out with an Italian guy in the north for 3 months. We were never official but I really liked him. He broke up with me by pulling a Houdini and I was heartbroken. We got back in touch 5 months l...

A.   11 August 2015: He is what I would call a flake. See what I meant about healthy skepticism? He's not reliable, he's all over the place, what he says and what he does do not mesh. I'd just drop him like the proverbial stone. All you will get from him is drama, u... (read in full...)

The guy is all over the place and I can't figure out what he wants

Q.   Hi, I'm just looking for a little advice. I've been dating this guy. Not long. 3 weeks but in those 3 weeks we had in excess of 10 dates. It was going well. Then one night I was staying at his and we got a little closer than we had previously (...

A.   11 August 2015: He can't say anymore? Ah, that usually means there's another woman on the scene. I'd back away--no hugs needed--and then sprint as fast as you can toward the brightly lit "EXIT" sign. This guy is all over the place because he's a disaster... (read in full...)

Do you think he'll still want me to be his gf knowing I went on holiday with a male friend?

Q.   Hi, I live in Italy and at the end of last year I went out with an Italian guy in the north for 3 months. We were never official but I really liked him. He broke up with me by pulling a Houdini and I was heartbroken. We got back in touch 5 months l...

A.   4 August 2015: Interesting question. What I'd want to know is what he's been doing these past few months? Has he been polishing the silver in the local Catholic church? Practicing chants with the monks? Handing out alms to the poor? And what was the deal wit... (read in full...)

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