A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I split with my boyfriend (and father of my 3 year old twins) 5 months ago after years of him lying and stealing from me but he still won't move out. Nothing has changed, I still do all the cooking and cleaning and look after the twins by myself, the only difference now is he does even less than he did before and is even moodier! It's driving me to depression. How do I tell him I want him to go without him starting a massive argument where I end up feeling like the bad guy?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 Give him an ultimatum, leave by the end of the week.
If not, his stuff goes on the street outside and you change the locks at the same time.
Rough justice, but it sounds like he's not going to move out unless he knows you mean it. And for him to know you mean it, you have to really mean it.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 Sweetie, you are going to have to be the 'bad guy'... and tell him to move out!! He is very comfortable there, you are there to cook, clean and look after his kids, he has a bed and a roof over his head... why move when he would then have to look after himself? It is time for him to hit the road so that you can have your life back.
Seek legal advice with regards to assets and the children.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 I think it's time you embraced your inner 'bad guy'. What incentive does this guy have to leave? You cook for him, clean his house, look after his kids. He gets to see the twins anytime he likes and you are allowed no expectations of him because you are no longer his girlfriend....sounds like an 'ideal' situation for him really.
If he leaves he will be responsible for cooking his own meals (shopping too), cleaning up after himself, paying his bills and helping you with yours, he'll have to pay to support the twins but will only get to see them every other weekend...and when he has them he'll have full responsiblity for them which probably scares the hell out of him if he is not used to helping out with them at all....
are you getting the picture?
If you are sure you no longer want him in your life (apart from liaison about your children)then get assertive girl. You don't have to be aggressive and have a huge argument - just tell him it's time he was gone, perhaps give him a deadline to go? Why are you the bad guy if you try to move this situation forward? It's time to think of yourself and your future happiness....he's not thinking of you that's clear!
You probably should seek some legal advice about assets and access to the kids too!
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