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*o_Very_Confused agony aunt

*o_Very_Confused

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*o_Very_Confused's profile:

I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....

Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.

My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery

and Long distance relationships...

I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...

NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.

Rules:

IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice

NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.

IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.

We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.

IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.

IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....

Old cliches:

Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place

Do as I say not as I do

Latest articles:

How to get many answers to your question.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...

Am I Co-Dependent?

No replies yet...

24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...

Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...

How you can tell someone loves you

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...

Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?

This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...

< Prev56789101112131415Next > [370 pages, 14749 answers]

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   3 March 2016: I agree with Honeypie. Call the rescue. Maybe get someone from the rescue to come talk to you and your husband and meet the dog to discuss how rescues work. Your last post said you were contacting shelters, you offered to take over the reh... (read in full...)

How do women perceive a guy with a beer belly?

Q.   Have a few questions about dating and wanted to get women’s perspective. But if any guys have input would appreciate your advice as well. Thanks in Advance. I'm a guy who is 24 years old and currently in Uni. I’m finding it difficult dating...

A.   3 March 2016: Just like YOU have a preference on the types of girls you find attractive so do women. Some women prefer fit men with muscles. some women, myself included, prefer a guy with what I like to call "a bit of smush" I like a "thick" guy. ... (read in full...)

My foreign girlfriend of 3 months is pregnant and I can't say that I love her and don't wish to marry. What should I do?

Q.   I'm in a bit of a unique situation. I've been dating this girl for 3 months. I am 23 and she is 20 years old. I just found out she is 6 weeks pregnant with my child. She is from South America and is here with a student visa studying the Eng...

A.   3 March 2016: Worst ways to start a marriage have happened. It's a rough situation. Here's the thing, IF you marry her, you must marry her and in your own mind commit to being married to her NO MATTER what (absenting abuse or cheating) that mean... (read in full...)

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   3 March 2016: He's agreed to "rehome' the dog CALL the RESCUE.... why are you so resistant to the RESCUE? they are there for people just like you who don't want to put a biting dog down but know how to deal with a dog like yours since the RESCUE is BREED... (read in full...)

How do I make this threesome idea happen?

Q.   I want have a threesome with my wife and friend. the game plan is they should not know each other so I want to blind fold them and to convince them for this and then the game goes on.... suggest me how to make this wonderful...!?...

A.   2 March 2016: Does your wife want a threesome? IF not then NO you can't do it. Do you wish for your wife and friend to have an affair? IF not...then NO don't do it DO you wish to NOT be friends with this person ever again? then NO don't do it. I... (read in full...)

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   2 March 2016: OP you seem resistant to contacting the rescue...that's exactly what they are for. ... (read in full...)

He didn't offer his jacket--was I in the wrong to get upset?

Q.   My guy and I have a lot of problems, one of them being that I feel he doesn't show he cares when it really matters. Today we were sitting in a classroom that was incredibly cold. I was taking a test online and couldn't leave the desk. At times I got ...

A.   1 March 2016: He's right. IF you wanted a jacket you should have asked for a jacket. Men (and women) are NOT mind readers. Just because YOU were cold does not mean he knew it.... (read in full...)

Could my personal trainer have a crush on me?

Q.   I am 20 and he is 36 and is married according to his FaceBook. When I first met my personal trainer, he kept looking deep into my eyes with the biggest smile. He then texted me asking how my day has been and when I am starting, to have a good ...

A.   29 February 2016: Here is reality. He is doing his job. He is technically old enough to be your DADDY. HE is MARRIED. He may very well find you attractive or have a crush on you, but as a a professional adult he will do nothing about it. Flirting is F... (read in full...)

Dating. How long should I wait for some kind of chemistry to develop?

Q.   So I'm dating this guy, he's 30, and though we get along really well I'm not feeling the attraction. And I know attraction is overrated, but I notice myself thinking I hope he doesn't put his arm around me or kiss me goodnight, because I'm just not ...

A.   29 February 2016: oh the rejection part is hard. you could say "I appreciate the invite and I"m very flattered but I don't think I will have the time any time soon for us to get together again" it's not a "your not my type" and unless he has NO social skills... (read in full...)

Dating. How long should I wait for some kind of chemistry to develop?

Q.   So I'm dating this guy, he's 30, and though we get along really well I'm not feeling the attraction. And I know attraction is overrated, but I notice myself thinking I hope he doesn't put his arm around me or kiss me goodnight, because I'm just not ...

A.   28 February 2016: I always gave it three dates but by the time I got to the third I knew if I was going back for a 4th or not. sadly the guys I really liked didn't always really like me back.... ... (read in full...)

Dating a 37 year old guy. How can I tell him to use anti- wrinkle cream in a nice way?

Q.   So my boyfriend is 37, happy guy and it takes much to irritate him. Though he doesn't look far older than his age, his face wrinkles a lot especially when he smiles. I can't change this fact but it might at least be lessened if he uses moisturi...

A.   28 February 2016: As a partner who is older than my spouse (by 13 years) if he implied in any way shape or form that my age and normal parts of aging (sagging skin and or wrinkles) were NOT acceptable it would hurt my feelings and damage our relationship. IN ... (read in full...)

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   28 February 2016: He's home, the dog is home, the kids are home no one wants the dog put down (and a shelter will put down a dog that bites) contact the cane corso rescue.... see what they suggest. https://canecorsorescue.org/ they may have training fo... (read in full...)

How do I contact this married man to tell him I'm pregnant? I want him to help support me!

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm the op of this post "He lied to me..he was cheating on his wife with me. Do I tell her?", which I posted a month back. I found out that I'm pregnant few days back and I'm positive he is the father since I didn't have sex with an...

A.   25 February 2016: "I need financial support from him to raise the baby" that's your first problem. IF you can't afford to raise a baby on your own then you should not be having a baby. You can get a paternity test at any time after the baby is born until b... (read in full...)

How do I find enjoyment in life?

Q.   How can I find enjoyment in life? People say find a hobby, but I don't seem to want to do anything. I feel that feeling passionate about anything at all could help me pass the time but I can't find anything remotely interesting. Every day I just ...

A.   25 February 2016: ya know it's hard to be an adult. I"m nearly 56 and I don't adult very well. I go to work and I go home. I don't want to do anything. you are young. It sounds to me like you are not giving yourself enough credit. (squarely average is a lousy wa... (read in full...)

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   25 February 2016: I love big dogs. Big dogs need well trained owners to train them well and they are NOT the first dog for people to try. I had a dog that bit my son. I had the dog destroyed the next day. YOU don't bite my child and live. IF he did not get... (read in full...)

How can I successfully encourage my Bf to take better care of himself and improve his personal hygiene?

Q.   I want my boyfriend to take better care of himself when it comes to hygiene and clothing. I don't think I'm asking for too much: I would like him to brush his teeth twice a day, I would like him to shower and wash his face once a day, I would lik...

A.   25 February 2016: It was YOUR choice to change to athletic OP. You didn't have to. You can't expect him to do something JUST because YOU did it. That's NOT how real life works. I asked my husband to stop drinking. He did. I do not have to do ANYTHING to ... (read in full...)

How can I stop my family from questioning everything my husband and I do?

Q.   Hiya Just a little question for you all..I am 35 years old, married, own a beautiful home and have a good job. All which I achieved. When I was a teenager, I had some fun like every other teenager, went travelling etc. I tried university but d...

A.   24 February 2016: I personally would be snarky and give answers that make them cringe. I would start with. "do not ask questions you do not want the answers to" then "how can you afford it" "we deal drugs and run numbers and sell young girls into slavery... (read in full...)

How can I successfully encourage my Bf to take better care of himself and improve his personal hygiene?

Q.   I want my boyfriend to take better care of himself when it comes to hygiene and clothing. I don't think I'm asking for too much: I would like him to brush his teeth twice a day, I would like him to shower and wash his face once a day, I would lik...

A.   24 February 2016: Sadly you can't mandate that a person up their level of hygiene and dress to please your needs and ignore theirs. IF he said to you "come to my level of dress and hygiene" you would laugh in his face and say "no way" well that's basically wh... (read in full...)

What are the stages between the state of being lovers to the state of being friends?

Q.   What are the stages of going from lovers to friends? My ex lover wants to be friends and I don't know how to go about it. Can it work? I'm still attracted to him and I know he likes me....

A.   19 February 2016: my ex husband and I parted very amicably. We are friendly. I like his wife. We see them twice a year at an event both couples attend. I will sit and play a game with him or his wife and he with me or my husband. We keep up on facebook ... (read in full...)

What are the stages between the state of being lovers to the state of being friends?

Q.   What are the stages of going from lovers to friends? My ex lover wants to be friends and I don't know how to go about it. Can it work? I'm still attracted to him and I know he likes me....

A.   19 February 2016: I have never seen it work where former partners/lovers can become good friends. Friendly...yes Civil....yes but FRIENDS... actual friends... rarely works and like WiseOwle said if you still have feelings for him it will never work. ... (read in full...)

My married boyfriend is acting distant but he still wants to be with me. I am not sure what's going on?

Q.   Please no judgment. I have been having an affair with a married man for close to 3 years. It's been amazing. But lately he seems a little more distant. His texts are less frequent and shorter. He says he is just being cautious. He sexted me ...

A.   18 February 2016: OP, only he knows why he does what he does. My aunt of blessed memory was the mistress to a married man for 25 years. Till the day he died in his wife's arms. She could not go to the funeral. She could not be comforted or mourn in public ... (read in full...)

How do I politely tell this man that I don't wish to stay in contact?

Q.   How do I let someone know politely that I don't want to be in contact with them any more? So there's a guy who I used to be kind of friends with in another city. I've met up with him a handful of times and we chatted occassionally on skype. For the ...

A.   18 February 2016: This is easy. It's not like he's in your face he's on your phone! IF you must you text him and say "I can't be in contact with you any more" and then you block his number, his email etc. This way you have told him and you owe him noth... (read in full...)

Could I get pregnant this way?

Q.   Hey all! so, I am a 35 year old married woman- hubby and I dont want kids. I have been on the pill for 10 years and a few months I had to quit because my body was starting to feel the stress. Hubby and I have been using condoms since. Lately, ...

A.   16 February 2016: Yes you can get pregnant that way What I did when I could not take the pill for contraceptive due to nursing was used a combo of Natural Family Planning (taught by the Catholic Church to anyone) and a diaphragm during my fertile time. This mea... (read in full...)

33 year old wife being hit on by a couple

Q.   oman, my husband took a promotion at work to get into management. I didn't understand why he needed to take it because he gets the jobs that no one else wants and is constantly away from home for long periods of time. This has put a strain on our ...

A.   16 February 2016: As a former swinger I can tell you that a 3 way is in your future if you go over there. IF you want to do this you must discuss it with and obtain approval and permission from your husband BEFORE you do it. ... (read in full...)

Is it normal to be turned on that your wife slept with other guys before you met her?

Q.   When I met my new wife I had just gotten divorced. I had only been with my ex-wife so didn't have much experience. My new wife had been married twice and had two children. I'm not overly endowed so I was very nervous about having sex with her for ...

A.   16 February 2016: I don't know that it's anything good or bad. I know that I can get turned on thinking of my partner with someone else. And as for her liking a smaller penis over a larger one I'm with her. A large penis HURTS. IN the case of a penis ... (read in full...)

I see the signs that my younger boyfriend loves me but he won't express them

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm in a relationship with a guy much younger than me. That doesn't show though. I'm hopelessly inlove with him. I can see the signs that he loves me but he's hiding his feelings and emotions from me. He say he won't get married but at ...

A.   12 February 2016: I cannot speak for your younger man. Only he knows what's going on. How much younger is he? How long have you been with him? Do his friends know you? Does he go out in public with you or are you just at home having sex? Unless he co... (read in full...)

I am interested in a friend of the family's daughter who is 10 years younger than me. Should I not go there?

Q.   Please don't be upset with me as I know how it looks and seems but I'm really confused. I'm a 31 year old male (Jan.) and I've been single since the summer of last year. Just recently during the holidays I have been spending a lot of time with my ...

A.   12 February 2016: She's an adult and you are an adult. Only time can tell if the relationship will work. Ten years with the man older is much more acceptable than my husband being 13 years younger than I am. I suggest you ask the young lady out for coffee ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want to date me, but gets mad if someone else is interested. What's the problem?

Q.   i been talk to this guy over 3 yrs on the phone. We never went out. We talk about ever thing I only talk 2 times a week or if he sick i call ever other day check on him. I fell in love with him. I never told him right off but i did ask ...

A.   12 February 2016: He is not in love with you. Some people just don't share well. They don't want you but they don't want anyone else to want or have you either. He is a time waster for you if he is preventing you emotionally from moving on to find a partner... (read in full...)

Wouldn't most parents be thrilled to have a kid like me?

Q.   My mom and I are having problems right now and I don't know why. I will probably graduate at the top of my class in May. No drugs, gangs, or anything I like that. I am managing money for my dad and his partners and collecting nice management fees. I ...

A.   12 February 2016: I'm too wondering if what you do with your dad is on the up and up... it sounds pretty shady for a teenager to be doing this kind of work. Your parents are divorced, did dad's "business" have anything to do with it. To be honest I had a ... (read in full...)

I am happy and don't want negativity from family to ruin it!

Q.   I am 28 years old women with no children. Well established in my career. My parents recently divorced so I moved back home to help my mother maintain bills. My love life hadn’t been much of anything because past relationships just didn’t work out. ...

A.   10 February 2016: I have no issues with age gap relationships I am 13 years older than my husband who is a mere 11 years older than my oldest child. It happens. Go for the RELATIONSHIP and let the family know so that they can watch it unfold and you can show... (read in full...)

My younger husband likes to tell me that no one else will have me because I'm older

Q.   I am older than my husband. Every time me and my controlling abusive husband have an argument he will say no one else will have me as I am old ( early forties, which no one believes my age) and will use a load of vulgar language towards me. I have ...

A.   10 February 2016: Yes it's totally the right thing to say. It's totally appropriate for you to leave him to rot in custody and it's totally ok for you to end the marriage and move on. Being alone (which you won't be forever) is preferable to abuse.... (read in full...)

Why does he keep flirting with me when he is married?

Q.   Guy at work was flirting with me for about 6wks then I asked him out for a drink. He refused stating if he was not married he would, than proceeded to let me know how flattered he was,and lets continue to be friends. So I said I was sorry for ...

A.   10 February 2016: I am married. I am not dead. I flirt. I wear a wedding band and mention my husband as soon as possible so as to not confuse the person I flirt with that I am flirting for anything other than "fun and games" NOT ALL FLIRTING is about gettin... (read in full...)

A threesome has turned into a disaster. My wife wants to spend the night with guy without me

Q.   my wife and I have been married for twenty three years, recently she said she wanted to try a mmf threesome. She met a guy online who is older than her and after getting to know him we agreed to do it. The first two times we all had fun, the third ...

A.   10 February 2016: as a former swinger who's current marriage is a NOT sharing EVER relationship I can see how this happened. It's pretty much HOW I ended up with the current spouse. She wanted permission to cheat. Asking full out to have an affair is not kos... (read in full...)

Is it a good idea to propose to her on St Valentine's day? She never revealed earlier why she broke up with me, previously.

Q.   We went out for a year and then she broke it off. After about 4 months we started seeing each other. We have been seeing each other for the past 2 months. I am not sure why she broke it off. I am a healthy 65 she is 54. She has never been marri...

A.   27 January 2016: You've only been dating two months... I think a proposal is premature and i think that Valentine's day is also not a great idea. you two took a 4 month break... but never discussed WHY she needed a break... you need to discuss that too. IN a... (read in full...)

Is he being insensitive or really think of not wanting to meet so he plays this *game*?

Q.   So Ive been in a relationship with my BF for 7 months. He likes to call me by 30+ pet names and at one point started playing a game where I should say my real name is not my name or he will count strikes and skip meeting days we meet up on. He even ...

A.   27 January 2016: He's an idiot and not deserving of adult treatment since he can't behave as an adult. I personally would tell him... NO GAME. and then say "every time you act like a child with this foolish game nonsense, I am absenting myself fro... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my boyfriend's gaming female friend

Q.   My bf follows a lot of cosplayers/models on social media. A lot of the time, he usually has a picture of one set as his phone or computer background, which he changes pretty regularly. This never really bothered me until now. One of the things he...

A.   27 January 2016: I agree with CindyCares... other than the fact that he's given her money (how much and what were the circumstances) it's a no brainer to let it go.... (read in full...)

I'm very self conscious about the cold sores on my mouth and worried about what others think

Q.   I've been feeling really insecure and self-conscious recently because I have these two horrible cold sores on both corners of my mouth that look disgusting and really hurt! I know this may seem like such a small thing to be moaning about when there ...

A.   26 January 2016: if they are both at the corners of your mouth they may not be cold sores. the best thing to do is get a full medical diagnosis and then figure out treatment. ... (read in full...)

He lied to me..he was cheating on his wife with me. Do I tell her?

Q.   Dear Cupid I was dating a guy for a month, I was not attracted to him physically but sounded a nice decent person with a great job and everything. I asked him so many times whether he is single and he said he is and he never married since he...

A.   26 January 2016: I would not tell her. She may know and look the other way, they may have an agreement. Or she may not want to know. He's a dog. But he's HER dog. not yours. His bad behavior is not a reflection on you. LET it go.... (read in full...)

Why was my ex nice after the break up and now he's ignoring me?

Q.   When my ex and I broke up, we decided to remain friends. In the beginning, things were great. We were talking everyday, laughing, having fun. Then one day be became passive aggressive. When I made a joke, he called me bitchy and then later said tha...

A.   20 January 2016: Because you are an ex. I will never understand why people think that it's important to be friends with an ex. Be civil be friendly (different than friends) be adult. I know that when I broke up with my ex we were very friendly at firs... (read in full...)

How do I handle the wedding invite of a brother I haven't spoken to in 10 years?

Q.   About ten years ago, I caught my brother stealing from me(about fifty dollars) so he could take his girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) out on a date. He was a very selfish person. At that time, we live together at my parents house. Due to my ...

A.   20 January 2016: I agree that it was NOT a mistake at all. It's a way of saying "lets work this out, we were childish and stupid a decade ago and now we are grown and eventually we are all we will have" I do not like my brother. I do not get along with hi... (read in full...)

Using the word "love" in greeting, birthday, or holiday cards.

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm curious what women think about this question. Now that the holidays are over Ive gone through all my Christmas cards again as I usually do before I put them away for the year. I keep every card I receive because if someone took ...

A.   19 January 2016: There was a time I used Love and hugs and kisses very liberally. Now I would use something else such as "warm wishes" so as to not confuse or lead on people. "luv" is not the same as "love" either. ... (read in full...)

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