A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. I went on a date with a guy just over a week ago and completely hit it off with him. I could tell he was quite bowled over with me and was very complimentary and we had a lovely time. He said he wanted to see me again but I wasn't free for a week. The very next morning he text to book me in for dinner on my first free day. Every day this week he has sent me lovely chatty messages and we went for dinner on Friday. On Friday he held my hand, kissed me and told me he was looking forward to me meeting his friends, but things just didn't seem to flow as well. I felt a bit awkward but at the end I said I'd really like to see him again and he said I should arrange the next date. I messaged the next day to see how he was and he responded an hour or so later, but now days have gone by and I have heard nothing from him. I have chased guys in the past and I don't want to do that again. I feel like something I did put him off me and I'm gutted because I really liked him. In my experience, when a man doesn't message, it just means he has lost interest. What have I don't wrong and do I just let it go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2015): Thank you for your advice. I am the original poster. Well, I did just what you said and arranged the third date. He seemed quite into it and initiated conversations this week. Then - 20 minutes before we were supposed to meet up yesterday he messaged me to say he wasn't coming - he wasn't "feeling" it and that we could be friends if I wanted. I was gutted. I put in a massive amount of effort (we were going on a picnic) and was so looking forward to it. I still don't know what I did wrong. The thing is, I would have been up for a friendship, but the way he let me down felt so disrespectful. I was angry and upset and let him know that. I just feel like giving up on dating completely. I am attractive, intelligent, funny - I have an interesting life and I am really into my fitness. I am kind. I don't understand what I am doing wrong. I really don't.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 October 2015):
 he told you it's up to you to arrange the next outing.
so do it. you texted him generically right?
so now you show him how you like to be asked for a date.
you call him and ask him if he's free for the date and ask if he wants to go to dinner or whatever wherever you want
pick a date a time and a place and ask him.
he TOLD you to set it up... MAKE IT SO.
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A
male
reader, BE125 +, writes (19 October 2015):
Hi, I'm in your age bracket and if I had a nickel for every time I thought I had a woman's interest only to see her vaporize, I'd be rich. First I would not think you did anything wrong whatsoever. The fact that you are concerned about that speaks highly of your character. One thing I zeroed in on was you mentioned you felt awkward and things didn't seem to flow as well on Friday. I think the key to this may lie in what you said there. My guess is whatever made you feel awkward made him feel awkward too. It seems to me that perhaps the reason he felt compelled to have you arrange the next date makes me think he may have felt like he let you down. It's the first time I've heard of a guy telling a woman to arrange the next date. My suggestion would be to do exactly what he proposed and arrange the next date, and see if he puts his money where his mouth is. You might text him and say here's what I came up with for the next date and does this time work for you. If he does not reply, that tells me he's the one who is probably doing something wrong, not you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 October 2015):
 Get over self-inflicted pain. don't assume that you did something wrong just because some dumb A doesn't respond the way you think he ought to respond. some folks are just weird and can't be figured out so don't waste time or be anxious about this sort of disrespect. Just smile at yourself in the mirror and move on. I hurt when I see these messages of "what did I do wrong?" It means you jump to the conclusion of you are at fault somehow. So many folks are just like upu in believing they are doing something wrong when it's more likely than not that they've just been wronged by some jerk. Better luck next time and work on your self esteem. Best of Luck Malama Pono
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 October 2015):
 I don't think you made any mistakes, but why NOT arrange the next date?
Maybe pick something you both like to do and then give him to time/dates you are available on. THAT way the ball is in his corner - if he doesn't get back to you.. chalk it up to a "not a good match" and move on.
Some people can be VERY friendly the first couple of times you met, but they CAN'T sustain that kind of friendliness. It can also be that he is dating multiple ladies and is more interested in another.
DOESN'T mean YOU did anything "wrong".
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (18 October 2015):
You did nothing at all-but maybe he to sensed like you that things did not flow as easily as the first time and perhaps he is quiet sensitive. Im nor suggesting that you chase after him.But one note to him stating that you would enjoy his company at dinner.-film or a drink if he was free.This way you will find out if he is stil interested in you or not.Best wishes NORA B.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2015): He said to you arrange the next date, since you haven't he has assumed you are not interested!
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