A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi my boyfriend and I have been together 3 years we have a 10 month old daughter he has a doberman which he had when we met he has just moved in a few months ago but we have just discovered our daughter has a allergy to the dog now my boyfriend is on about getting a flat and moving out with the dog our relationship is a good happy one but I have always felt second best to the dog and now he's proving it how do I deal with this situation thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2015): "I do not want to get rid of the dog that's why I am asking for suggestions on here as what I can do"
If you don't want to get rid of the dog, then get rid of your daughter. That way your boyfriend can keep the dog in your house and you can keep him (boyfriend) in your bed.
Seriously, your daughter's health should be your first and only concern. That you are even looking for a magical solution putting baby daddy's and your convenience ahead of your child's well being only serves to demonstrate both of you lack good judgment and common sense.
The problem isn't that boyfriend's putting you second best to your boyfriend's dog, it's that you're putting your daughter second best to you're boyfriend.
I can only hope for the sake of your daughter that at some point you will grow up and start behaving like a responsible adult.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2015): I'm slightly bemused at the replies that you shouldn't get rid of the dog. It's your daughter who suffers being around it, animals can get re homed with other families that can take care of them well. I just noticed your comment about hoovering and that she has asthma. Asthma can be life threatening and its very serious why would you want to keep the dog? I really dont get it. People can die from asthma attacks, if the dog was around something that made him ill it would be cruel leaving it in that situation so its cruel for your daughter leaving her around the dog. Its not all the hair that causes allergies most of the time, its the dander anyway. You said that she has an allergy to the dog and she has asthma, let him move out with the dog if he more concerned about it than your child.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2015): Hi you say that you don't want to get rid of the dog but if your daughter has bad allergies then you need to or let him move in the other flat like he suggested if you really dont want to get rid of the dog.
Allergies to dogs or any other pet can be horrible if the allergies are pretty bad. I get a really bad chest, my lips swell, i wheeze all day, it really sucks. Do you really want to see her suffer because i wouldn't. Unless her allergies are very mild. But you haven't mentioned how bad they are.
The only thing you can do if you don't want to get rid of the dog or your partner is to let him get his own flat. That's all you can do, but if the allergies aren't particularly bad then all stay together in the house.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 October 2015):
 You tell him: "I hope you and your dog make a great life in your (separate) living quarters. MY daughter and I will continue living here... where she won't have to endure the distress of being in the company of an ANIMAL who makes her miserable..... Maybe, we can go on a DATE once in a while?"
That's plenty....
Good luck...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2015): To the annonymous writer I do not want to get rid of the dog that's why I am asking for suggestions on here as what I can do
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 October 2015):
 How do you know the child is allergic to the dog... I've read that children who grow up with pets usually have less allergies...both my kids are allergy free (from pet issues) being raised with both dogs and cats.
THAT being said... I do not have pets now. I had two wonderful dogs that my current husband is very allergic to. Both were rehomed with friends and the entire house was refurbished inside to remove all dog hair and dander...
I miss my dogs but my husband's comfort and health came first.
Many of my friends did not understand why I would choose to rehome my dogs vs end my relationship with my husband. Sorry people first....
If my husband moved out tomorrow I'd have pets within the week....
that being said... there are sprays that you can put on the dog to reduce the dander (that's what causes the allergies)
but if he wants to move out because of the dog, then get a DNA test and a paternity test and make sure that child support is in place for him to pay for his child.
moving out with the dog actually may be an excuse to get out of being a parent.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2015): I wouldn't get rid of my dog. Sorry to disagree with everyone else but unless it was life or death situation personally I just wouldn't! the dog was there first.I used to work at an animal shelter and it was full of dogs people ditched when they had a child it think that's horrible.Animals are not a novelty to get rid of when you can't be bothered to fit them in your life anymore. How allergic is the child? Are we talking mild or extremely severe? My sister had bad asthma as a child and was allergic to cats. We never got rid of our cats, my sister grew out of the asthma as she got older but is still allergic. She has moved out now but still has cats herself. She takes anti-histamines. If it is not a life or death situation I can't see why the dog that he had before even meeting you should get dumped in a shelter. Lots of people are allergic to animals but not many many are allergic to the extreme. This sounds all too convienient that you now have a reason to get rid of the dog you felt 'second best too' its a DOG!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2015): My boyfriend gave his flat up a few month ago and moved in he had his own flat up until then his dog looses loads of hair I can hoover 5 minutes later its the same again she did see the dog but not for very long I am not trying to get rid of the dog he is a lovely dog I'm only thinking of my daughter with her asthma
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 October 2015):
 Are we getting the full story, if your daughter is 10 months old, how come your boyfriend moved in only a few months ago, where was he living during the pregnancy and for the first several months of her life?
Did you and your boyfriend discuss how you felt about his dog before he moved in? How come the allergy was only discovered after he moved in, wasn't your daughter exposed to the dog prior?
I am wondering, seeing as you always felt second best to the dog, if you thought him moving in and your daughter developing an allergy would be a good way to get rid of the dog.
You haven't mentioned how old the dog is, but if your boyfriend had the dog when you two met then it may not be an easy thing to find another home for the dog, and in this case I would not be advocating for euthanasia.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2015): Is the dog having certain flea treatment? is it wearing a flea collar? A doberman does not shed hair,that can effect asthma? is it the Dander ,skin, saliva? urine? there are many reasons why your daughter could be allergic to the dog,I would seek help and see if this can not be sorted out before you tell him that the dod must go. It may be something simple that is causing it.
This is what i would do and keep the dog away until you have found out what is causing it. Are you even certain that it is the dog? have you changed her diet or changed washing powder?
Have you discovered what the allergy is caused by yet?
Do you take precautions to minimise this allergy? there are quite a lot that can be done.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2015): I don't think it's the right thing telling you to split up as you have a happy relationship and a child will always be happier with their parents together. But I was so tempted to say you should tell him to get a flat and split up because he sounds like an absolute jerk putting his dog before his child!I have asthma and bad allergies to pets and when I was pregnant I had a massive asthma attack and needed to be hospitalised. My partner's dog caused the asthma attack and he never got rid of him even when that happened to me. I ended up staying with him but it was a big red flag and as time went on I realised how selfish he was about everything. He never did a thing with me and my daughter and only really cared about himself so we ended up splitting up a few years later. He didn't care at all that I had an asthma attack because of the dog. You've just moved in and already he's doing something that is incredibly selfish. Even if he did get this flat your daughter wouldn't be able to stay there. If he got this flat he couldn't leave the dog home alone over night so I'm guessing he won't be staying with you and your daughter over night. You'll be raising the baby by yourself more or less.Because I have these allergies I know how miserable it is being around pets and your daughter will suffer if she goes and stays with him. I personally would never put up with this now, I should have left when my partner put his dog before us. The only thing I can suggest if you don't want to split up is get a home with a big garden for the dog as Like I see it says.But to me this is a big red flag and in the future what else is going to happen.
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (21 October 2015):
 Your boyfriend is prioritizing a dog above his own DAUGHTER? I almost can't believe this is a real question. I'm sorry to say, it does speak volumes about where his priorities are, and not in a good way. His "solution" leaves you to raise a 10-month-old by yourself.
Personally I don't think I could stay with someone who had such little regard for his own child's well-being and the role he should play as a father in her life, but I'm guessing "let him go" is not the advice you are after. The compromise I can see here is this one: if you two have the money to maintain separate flats of your own, consider pitching in *together* for a place with a decent-sized fenced yard where the dog can be kept outside and away from your daughter while still allowing all of you to live together, hopefully in harmony.
Good luck and best wishes!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 October 2015):
 Aww, I hope he and the dog are very happy together (A boy and his dog...what a story..awwwwww)
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