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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Using the word "love" in greeting, birthday, or holiday cards.
Q. Hi everyone, I'm curious what women think about this question. Now that the holidays are over Ive gone through all my Christmas cards again as I usually do before I put them away for the year. I keep every card I receive because if someone took ...
A. 19 January 2016: There was a time I used Love and hugs and kisses very liberally.
Now I would use something else such as "warm wishes" so as to not confuse or lead on people.
"luv" is not the same as "love" either.
... (read in full...)
Why won't online disappearing boyfriend block me?
Q. I met this guy through a site about over a year ago. After our first exchange of a few messages, he disappeared. Then after a few months he appeared again then disappeared. He appeared again but this time messaged properly and wanted to get to. ...
A. 15 January 2016: why do you need/want him to block you?
Why don't you block him for your closure?
... (read in full...)
I lied to my dying friend and told him that I loved him. Now he's gone and I feel sick
Q. I slept with my friend because he was dying and because I felt guilty for leading him on. Each time after having sex he would cry and hug me and profess his love for me. He had a crush on me for years. During his last days I lied to him that I loved ...
A. 15 January 2016: Sounds exactly like the Downton Abbey Storyline where Daisy married William before he went to war to make him happy and when he died his father made sure she got his things and treated her like the loving daughter and she had such guilt since she ... (read in full...)
Will having a pet interfere with my dating life?
Q. Hi all, this is not a relationship question as such but any advice would be appreciated. I have been single for just over a year now and living on my own for around 6 months. I have absolutely always wanted a dog or a cat (or even a rabbit), ...
A. 15 January 2016: Having a cat should not interfere too much with dating unless you start dating someone who is allergic or afraid of cats then they can't come to you.
Having a dog while dating is a bit more complex as dogs need humans to feed and walk them mor... (read in full...)
Why does he cuddle but no kisses?
Q. Hi I've spoken to you previously about man who was fwb but then seemed to want more then disappeared. Anyhow I am confused , have been seeing him lots , last six nights in row. He initiated was lovely , cuddled , spooned ,he was nude . thing is ...
A. 15 January 2016: Sex can be very impersonal but kissing is very intimate.
When I was a swinger my then husband and i had a rule NO KISSNG.
I could do anything else with anyone else but KISSING was so intimate it was not allowed as per our rules.
ask ... (read in full...)
Help me deal with heartbreak after a break up
Q. A few days after Christmas, my now EX of three months invited me to her place for lunch. When I arrived she seemed a little distant, and started crying. I knew right away that whatever it was we had, was now over... She said that she wasn't ready...
A. 13 January 2016: two weeks is not a long time to be over something like this.
IF after 6 weeks you are still having problems sleeping then it may be time to seek professional help but the issues right now are normal.
I once had a relationship break u... (read in full...)
Am I a shopaholic?
Q. Anytime I feel bad or stressed, I go out and get new clothes. And I have felt bad a lot of times last year and just had my first bad feeling today. So out I am to get new clothes. I can't help it. Does this make me a shopaholic. I am currently...
A. 13 January 2016: IF you are shopping to soothe yourself and can't afford it and can't stop then yes you would be a "shopaholic"
but that's just a term...
you are using it as a very poor substituent for finding appropriate coping skills.
I have a friend who... (read in full...)
Struggling to cope with my mother's behaviour. What can I do?
Q. So I'm just struggling on dealing with my moms put downs. My mother is a single mother, and she doesn't work because she's disabled and can't work because of her hand. Therefore she's always taking medications and is always moody. I think not having ...
A. 12 January 2016: IF your mom is in pain from her disability then I somewhat get it.
I have chronic daily pain. IT changed me. IT made me cranky and intolerable. It renders me unable to do all but the bare minimum in my daily life. Pain steals our real per... (read in full...)
Sex is good but he's gone cold
Q. I met a guy at uni a few months ago and i guess we sort of became fuck buddies having mostly drunken sex. It hasn't been constant but before Christmas it was happening regularly and it turned into a more friends with benefits as we spent more time ...
A. 12 January 2016: IF you want more with him... then the best bet is to totally leave him alone and let him come to you.
I did this with my LDR NSA FWB (that's a lot of initials for a relationship) I was NOT available for anything other than fun and games...... (read in full...)
Why would a married man keep in touch with his mistress while on vacation with his wife?
Q. Why does a married man who is on vacation with his wife keep in constant touch with his mistress while he is away? And tells her he misses her and can't wait to be with her again?...
A. 12 January 2016: My smart aleck response: Because he can.
The aunts and uncles have all in various ways touched on why he does it.
Truth is we need to look at why you are asking... what you are asking is "who is he lying to me or her?"
what you are a... (read in full...)
Couples: How long is too long for separate vacations ?
Q. Question for the Happily married men : would you go away for 26 days to another country to visit your family if you're wife couldn't go? Would you book the trip without consulting her about the length of time? After I raised an issue with month...
A. 11 January 2016: Well then his actions tell you all you need to know.
do not listen to his words...words lie... WHAT a person does is what they mean to happen.
his actions say "YOU DO NOT MATTER to me as as much as MY blood family or my own feelings"
... (read in full...)
Now I know should I meet him?
Q. Hi, I met this guy online. We been talking 5 months. He lives 2000 miles away. He wanted to come visit me however I have roommate so we mutually decided I go visit him. I was under the impression we were dating monogamously. Come to find out, he's...
A. 11 January 2016: you can usually for a small fee cancel the flight and reuse it for something else within a year.
check with the airline to see what your options are for canceling and then schedule to go somewhere else.
... (read in full...)
Do I let a work collegeague know that her fiance is cheating on her?
Q. I've come across something quite disturbing and need some advice please. Last weekend I was on a hen party spa weekend with my friends. We went to this beautiful hotel which also had a spa and was a 2 hour drive from our town. Whilst we were ...
A. 8 January 2016: OH and I would like to stress that if they were already married I would say stay out of it... but they are not married yet.... ... (read in full...)
We are worried about how our families will react to our age difference!
Q. A year ago while watching a Dr Phil episode about a "sugar daddy" website I checked it out mainly out of curiosity but actually ended up meeting someone. It started out as just hanging out when he was in town on business but it later turned i...
A. 8 January 2016: I immediately thought of the movie ONCE AROUND (1991) with Richard Dreyfus and Holly Hunter.
He plays an older man and she the younger woman and the families are not happy.
I believe in age gaps. I am 13 years older than my husband and ... (read in full...)
Do I let a work collegeague know that her fiance is cheating on her?
Q. I've come across something quite disturbing and need some advice please. Last weekend I was on a hen party spa weekend with my friends. We went to this beautiful hotel which also had a spa and was a 2 hour drive from our town. Whilst we were ...
A. 8 January 2016: Normally I am of the "not my circus not my monkeys" school and would say nothing
BUT she appears to be totally trusting and you have pictures..
I think Aunty BimBim is right... that something should be said but NOT annoymously.
I li... (read in full...)
Was my hair an issue? Or another woman? Did he have a valid reason for not wanting to sleep with me?
Q. I had a big argument with my boyfriend just before Christmas and we ended up not seeing each other for two weeks. Whenever I'm seeing him or I'm around him a lot I make sure that I shave my pubic hair off because he doesn't like it. But because ...
A. 7 January 2016: what she said... points down.
sex was not planned and it happened and he didn't want to because how he's cheated on someone else with you...
so he blames YOU. ... (read in full...)
I am a beauty pagent winner who suffers body image issues.
Q. Hi. I have been struggling with body image issues and it's ruining my dating life as well. I have this friend/crush with whom I fooled around a couple of times. We'll be meeting up again but I'm very self conscious about my body and scared he might...
A. 6 January 2016: Since you don't want surgery then googling what you ARE is useless.
why aggravate yourself?
Google instead "how to love myself as I am" and "how not to let small minded people upset me"
You are what you are.. embrace it. love yourself a... (read in full...)
I am feeling like a failure at sex with big butt women!
Q. My ex and I have been on and off for quite sometime. In the beginning of our relationship she was petite, and when we would have sex she would complain that she couldn't handle me because of my size (I'm not saying that I'm the biggest in the ...
A. 6 January 2016: ONE of our shorter posts with an apology for length... usually they indicate a lack of self-esteem and in this case that's glaring.
I suggest one that you get some therapy to work on that sense of self and the underlying depression... do not thin... (read in full...)
Couples: How long is too long for separate vacations ?
Q. Question for the Happily married men : would you go away for 26 days to another country to visit your family if you're wife couldn't go? Would you book the trip without consulting her about the length of time? After I raised an issue with month...
A. 6 January 2016: So he offered to return earlier... did you say "yes please when are you coming back?"
and he has done nothing to fix this.... that's passive aggressive behavior because he does not wish to come back early.
IF you are this angry... people ... (read in full...)
Do you think I have even the smallest chance with my long distance crush?
Q. I really suffer from a breakup...Okay, to be honest, it wasn't even a breakup. It was a rejection. My long distance crush is 21 and I’m turning 16 next month. The guy is simply awesome! I can tell you he's worth all my tears cause all my friends ...
A. 5 January 2016: OH sweetie you have it bad.
He won't think you are jealous.
He doesn't see you that way at all.
You don't want to lose him... you can't lose what you have never had.
you will later in life look back at this and give the same advice to... (read in full...)
He doesn't know my real age!
Q. I've been dating a guy for a month and hes 28 and doesnt know my real age...i really want to tell him but im afraid if i tell him i will lose him ...he thinks im 30 but really im 36 and i cant live a lie anymore like this ...can any of you aunties ...
A. 5 January 2016: If you let him assume it and didn't lie to him it's easy just tell him...
IF you lied it's a bit more complicated... and you have to tell him but you should preface it with the fact that you know you were deceitful and why.
FWIW your gap is... (read in full...)
I've seen the drink destroy my family and now I am dating a drunk!
Q. I have been dating a man for a little over 6 months. When we first met, he would call me on weekend trips with his friends or when he was at the bar and tell me how much he liked me, etc, but he'd be so hammered and drunk we couldn't have a coherent ...
A. 5 January 2016: you need to go to Al-anon.
if you don't know if you want to leave him (and to be honest while i get that i think you should consider ending it)
Al-anon will give you the coping skills you need to live and love with an alcoholic. Active ... (read in full...)
He asks such nonsense questions!
Q. Is it just me or other experience that their husband ask a nonsense question? Such as when I put my yoga mat on the floor to do some stretching he bombarded me with questions before I could even answer the first one. Like, Where did you get that...
A. 5 January 2016: sounds like he was trying to connect to you on some level
I drive my hubby nuts in the mornings I get up around 5:30 or so and I'm a morning person. He gets up closer to 7 and is not fully functional for nearly 2 hours.
IF i asked him qu... (read in full...)
I need some guidance with this 'unhealthy' relationship
Q. I have posted here once before, and received some great feedback! However, I wasn't ready to make changes in my life!! Now, I am asking again for help with a relationship which I consider to be unhealthy, but very addictive. I have lived with my ...
A. 5 January 2016: Congrats on Sobriety... it's hard to do My husband celebrates 1 yr sober today.
I suggest since you are already in AA you become a double winner and go to Al-anon as it will help you learn to cope with him.
and while you may trust him again ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going on a trip without me and I resent him for it. How can I get past this?
Q. My boyfriend loves to travel and has travelled extensively before we met. He is going on a 2 week trip to Spain next week. It's a place he has always wanted to visit. I cannot go due to it being my busy time at work. I told him to hold off and we ...
A. 4 January 2016: I get 26 days a year of vacation. My husband gets 14.
If I only took off when he could it would be a waste of my leave.
YOU are the one making the issues and the problems.
Having resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting... (read in full...)
My married son is going away to meet up with a woman he is attracted to. Do I tell his wife?
Q. Hello. Thank you for reading this. I am having a problem with my son and his wife and I could do with some honest advice. My son has been married for 3 years to his wife. Prior to the wedding they had dated for about 7 years. They now have tw...
A. 4 January 2016: I would NOT say anything to his wife.
I would also NOT enable him by helping him out. REFUSE to watch the children and tell him to ask his wife to watch them
... (read in full...)
Why can't I leave this pill popping pot smoking drunk?
Q. Hi everyone, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and he's a major pill addict and smokes pot and is an alcoholic. Trust me I had no idea he did all these things when we started dating. We now live together with my ...
A. 4 January 2016: congrats OP... now STAY STRONG... go to AL-anon for support on this one... it's free and it's a huge help.
... (read in full...)
Does what appear to be scratch marks automatically mean your partner is cheating on you?
Q. Does what appear to be small scratch marks bring you to the automatic conclusion your partner is cheating on you? It's nothing obvious and he has rashes and a skin condition. The lines don't seem to last long either and they are on the back ...
A. 30 December 2015: so JUST because of these scratches you think he's cheating....
or is there something else that makes you think that.
if that was the only thing and he has a skin condition and they are small then no I would not automatically assume... (read in full...)
Is this man almost twice my age trying to get close to me? Ask me to move in with him?
Q. Okay so I've just met a guy older than me.. (50 years old) and he owns his own business and we have been chatting for 3 weeks at most. He invited me out out 2 times already. The first time I was cautious and questioned him a lot (after all he is...
A. 30 December 2015: You seem very naive for your age.
Yes he's trying to start something.
I don't think saying "you need to get out of your house" translates to "move in with me" at this juncture.
he asked if you are friends as he's trying to figure... (read in full...)
Heartbroken over silent boyfriend
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months, but recently I've been pushing to see him more. I know i was wrong for being so bossy. He now seems to be backing off. I've hardly seen him and he doesn't put x at the end of texts. He also doesn't repl...
A. 30 December 2015: OP I'm sorry but if after only 4 months he's blanking you it's over. He's not as into you as you are into him.
I had a guy do this to me once over the holidays about the same way.
On NYE I went to his house thinking he would be home alone an... (read in full...)
Was listening to a man moaning on youtube cheating on my husband?
Q. I was away from my husband, who doesn,t like phone sex, and I decided to play with myself unsuccesfully, so i listened to some random moaning on you tube that helped. I feel bad and feel like I cheated on him. Am I wrong to have listened to the ...
A. 30 December 2015: i don't think so at all.
heck you didn't even LOOK at it you just listened to it...... (read in full...)
He didn't contact me Christmas day. What can I say to him? Is my reaction reasonable?
Q. Hello everyone I have been dating a wonderful man for 3 months. We were friends for 4 months prior to that. He is kind, attentive, loving, considerate, reliable, funny, generous, always keeps his promises, and generally a good man. We get on...
A. 30 December 2015: I don't celebrate Christmas at all. To me "happy holidays starts on Thanksgiving (4th thursday in November) and runs through January 1st. We do not have Boxing day.
I too think you are being picky about this.
... (read in full...)
I just caught my fiance, cheating on me numerous times with tgirls. What should I do?
Q. I just caught my fiance, cheating on me numerous times with tgirls, CD, etc. He appears to have a serious t fetish. He claims to love me and wants to marry me. However, when I confront him with the obvious evidence, he denies everything. The wier...
A. 29 December 2015: He wants OUT of the relationship but is NOT man enough to do it himself.
Be a strong woman and give him what he wants his walking papers.... (read in full...)
I feel like she got me to fall in love with her but now she's backing out
Q. I met a girl at work and it became apparent after a couple of weeks that we liked eachother. She had literally just split with her ex of four years. After expressing to eachother that we liked eachother we kissed and things were good. We went out ...
A. 29 December 2015: Do you REALLY want to be her rebound guy and end up losing her fully?
Perhaps she realized she's NOT ready for another relationship so soon after ending her last one and she's backing off so that she can get her head in the right place so tha... (read in full...)
Couples: How long is too long for separate vacations ?
Q. Question for the Happily married men : would you go away for 26 days to another country to visit your family if you're wife couldn't go? Would you book the trip without consulting her about the length of time? After I raised an issue with month...
A. 29 December 2015: My happily married husband hates to travel and has no family he likes so no he would not go.
He also shares his home and his income with me so he checks on everything with me.
He does not like to be apart from me so he would not do this.
... (read in full...)
I just want him to love and care about me but he never shows any emotion
Q. I'll try and explain this as simple as I can :) Right, am 29 years of age and when I was a little girl, I had a best friend who is a boy and we where the best of friends since the age of 6 up until we where 13, we had sleep overs, we where best fri...
A. 29 December 2015: My advice is painful. LET HIM GO.
He's not the boy you loved. He's a nasty selfish self-centered "man" who will take what you give him as long as you are willing to do it on his terms.
Stop rowing the relationship boat. Wait for him to cont... (read in full...)
This married man has me confused. Please help!
Q. I have a problem concerning a married man. I feel as though I have been 'played' but I am not sure how it happened. My head is all over the place. I am normally quite sensible and I'm definitely not interested in men who are with someone, married ...
A. 28 December 2015: He's a creep.
sorry. He's cheating and lying to his wife (trust me if you asked if he minded if you called her and asked her how she felt about the conversations you had with him he would be very upset as I'm sure she has no clue about this w... (read in full...)
I think she's a thief but what to do?
Q. Any advice will be appreciated please. Two weeks ago my colleague came round my house to pick me up for a course we both had to attend. She wasn't due to pick me up until 8am, however was at mine 30 minutes earlier (she said she arrived early as...
A. 28 December 2015: Cannot improve on what Honeypie has said.
do not say anything to anyone but do not trust her in your home or around your things ever again.... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my co-worker crush?
Q. I'm 18 years old, female and have a crush on my supervisor who is 32, also a female and married. I have had several boyfriends over the years and slept with 5 men in total - never had any feeling for any women until I started my new j...
A. 28 December 2015: You are reading too much into it.
You've got a girl crush and that's NORMAL.
it doesn't mean you are gay or even bisexual or bicurious...
it means you have a woman who is older and is having a work career and a home life and you want tha... (read in full...)
Can't get him out of my head but is he really interested?
Q. I met this guy 3 years ago at a program and we became good friends. We both had a 'thing' for each other but both were committed to different people so didn't act on it. We lost in touch after the program ended until last year when I got back on ...
A. 28 December 2015: I would not hook up with him. I assume you mean have sex.
Just say NO... it will haunt you and hurt you and may end up on the "things I wish I had not done" list.
Telling him how you feel will clear the air and it can't get any worse for yo... (read in full...)
He's nice and he's flirty. But is he really just a player ?
Q. I've been speaking to this guy for a while on snapchat, he used to live nearby but has moved away (apparently only for a year but I am unsure). I never knew him when he lived here but we went to the same school. I just never seen him as he was a ...
A. 28 December 2015: I worry for you. You know he's a player, you know he's treated you badly already and you have NOTHING invested in him but some time online and yet you are unwilling to just say NO to him and blow him off.
Tell you what...let's try this... ... (read in full...)
Why can't I leave this pill popping pot smoking drunk?
Q. Hi everyone, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and he's a major pill addict and smokes pot and is an alcoholic. Trust me I had no idea he did all these things when we started dating. We now live together with my ...
A. 28 December 2015: IF you want to live with him (and put yourself and your child at risk) I get that. It's hard to love an addict. I do.
BUT I am married to mine and there are NO children to harm AND I am an adherent to the guidelines laid out by Al-anon.
... (read in full...)
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