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*o_Very_Confused agony aunt

*o_Very_Confused

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*o_Very_Confused's profile:

I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....

Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.

My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery

and Long distance relationships...

I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...

NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.

Rules:

IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice

NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.

IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.

We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.

IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.

IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....

Old cliches:

Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place

Do as I say not as I do

Latest articles:

How to get many answers to your question.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...

Am I Co-Dependent?

No replies yet...

24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...

Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...

How you can tell someone loves you

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...

Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?

This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...

< Prev4567891011121314Next > [370 pages, 14749 answers]

My wife is secretive about her new massage therapist

Q.   Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried?...

A.   19 April 2016: if it's not on your shared calendar and it was done via a separate email address and it's being done without your being there...then I wonder HOW you know about it. It sounds like you are spying on her? it sounds like you don't trust are and ... (read in full...)

He cuts me off in middle of me speaking. He said people do it all the time. Is this true?

Q.   My boyfriend and I were working in the office yesterday. After a while he had to take over from what I was doing and I sat waiting for him. We were talking a little,but every time I was telling him a story he either wouldn't answer me or he would...

A.   19 April 2016: I sadly do this to my husband and it drives him nuts. In MY defense it's part of my ADHD...doesn't mean it's right. I'm working on learning to listen better. it's hard. it sometimes involves notes or i forget stuff.. ... (read in full...)

Why would my ex sign my son's birthday card this way?

Q.   Hi, This may be a strange question... my son who is 12 today, received a birthday card from his dad (my ex)that was signed with my ex's name instead of love Dad etc. In brackets next to my ex's name he has written in brackets 'your daddy'. He has n...

A.   18 April 2016: You are looking for a reason this is a change. I am sorry you and your ex don't get along and he is a jerk. I am also sorry he is trying to shirk his CS responsibilities, however in most locations visitation and child support are not ... (read in full...)

Why would my ex sign my son's birthday card this way?

Q.   Hi, This may be a strange question... my son who is 12 today, received a birthday card from his dad (my ex)that was signed with my ex's name instead of love Dad etc. In brackets next to my ex's name he has written in brackets 'your daddy'. He has n...

A.   18 April 2016: IF your son is wondering why not have your son ask his father.... (read in full...)

My wife is secretive about her new massage therapist

Q.   Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried?...

A.   18 April 2016: if her behavior is new or worrisome...ask her maybe she feels bad because she's getting an "extra" massage between appointments with her regular guy... you are worried about something an probably don't need to be...but you won't know until... (read in full...)

How much does anal sex hurt?

Q.   I have been with my husband since we were in high school and we both are extremely happily married. Our sex life is greatcoat nothing wild . He told me he would like to experiment a little but wants me to be 100% ok with it, (he's really respectful ...

A.   18 April 2016: OH good for you guys! I love it when a marriage is hot in the bedroom.... NOT all guys like the same thing so if you want to know what to say to him to turn him on ask him.... sounds like you are doing great already as for anal. it can ... (read in full...)

Should I be concerned about my wife's strange sexual dreams?

Q.   My wife and I have been together for 40 years, and our sex lives have always been 'satisfactory', nothing out of the ordinary really, only occasionally doing something rather daring. However, about six months ago she started taking medicati...

A.   18 April 2016: Clearly this is a positive side effect of her medication. I wouldn't worry unless she or her doctor is worried. why are you feeling inadequate?... (read in full...)

My wife is secretive about her new massage therapist

Q.   Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried?...

A.   18 April 2016: Should you be worried about what? that she's becoming more independent and able to make choices and decisions without your input? or is your implication being that she's cheating on you? why can't you ask her why she did what she did... (read in full...)

Am I being a controlling boyfriend?

Q.   I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years and we're finishing up college this year. We go to different schools but love each other so we've made it work long distance. The problem is that she's been partying a lot more. She traveled across ...

A.   18 April 2016: People do change over the years and 6 years during the late teens early 20s are huge times for us to change. Yes you are being controlling Yes you are being unfair and unrealistic. "her friends did drugs but she _says_ she didn't" ar... (read in full...)

Ladies, how would you react to your boyfriend sending you flowers?

Q.   Hi All Ive been dating quite a while now, things are good generally I do get her the occasional 'just because' gifts, her fave choccies, an engraved pen when she started a new job etc- nothing too overboard though. I would like to get h...

A.   13 April 2016: My husband wants to send to my office but he can't. I'm actually relieved that he can't. It becomes a distraction at the office then I have more stuff to carry home. If you want to send HER flowers for HER then send them to her at home. B... (read in full...)

I don't get along with my boyfriend's family and things won't change because they all live in the same building and I have to live there too if we get married

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now,we are talking about marriage,I love him and want to marry him but his family not so much! i have met them so plenty times to know I don't feel as welcoming and get this cold vibe!at ...

A.   13 April 2016: IF you don't want to live with his biological family that's understandable. If he can't see that you two should have your own place, then perhaps he's not the right guy for you. I know you want us to come up with a way for you to convince him ... (read in full...)

Can a nine year age gap work?

Q.   My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, I love him with all my heart we match a lot and sometimes I forget that he is older than me. I don't know how to react to friends and make them see how I love this guy. I believe that he is my soul mate and...

A.   6 April 2016: Until my husband's birthday in June I am 14 years older than he is right now. IT works for us but a. we do have very different taste in music as FA said. and other things as well. but it works for us. age after a certain point is just a ... (read in full...)

Do all women like to be watched while they are bathing?

Q.   When I ask my wife how she will feel if some one peek in her bathroom and watch her bath, she got extremely horny. Is that normal... how do I know she got extremely horny?, I was doing an intercource with her when I asked. So she basically went ...

A.   29 March 2016: I do not like being watched when I'm bathing/showering. That's my private time. Your wife may like it....... (read in full...)

Will my wife ever have a threesome?

Q.   My wife and I are married for 5years. I am a sex crazy person and my wife was traditional Indian. I always wanted to watch my wife in bed with other guys. I told her my fantasy during sex and she got turned on extremely. She has never watched porn ...

A.   29 March 2016: No she won't and if you were wise you would LET IT GO. Some things like threesomes are better kept as fantasy. I speak from experience.... (read in full...)

Husband is complacent, and I am fliriting with a co worker.

Q.   I have been married for 3 years now and I love my husband very much. There is a problem and I do not know how to overcome it. I have been gaining feelings for a coworker and I know that my coworker feels the same, we are always flirting and I cannot ...

A.   29 March 2016: I can't really improve on what Honeypie said. I am married 3 1/2 years my husband has "dropped the ball" I have at least 2 guys at work that hit on me and flirt with me and would easily have an affair with me if I would let them.. I cut t... (read in full...)

Should my stepbrother and I date in secret? Our parents have told us that we can't.

Q.   me and my step brother like eachother but my step mom and my dad have set us tow down and said we cant date but i want to know if we should date secertly or not ...

A.   28 March 2016: I agree totally that if you were older that it would not be your parents issue but at this point as teenagers it's not going to be a good idea and I think you should listen to your parents. AFTER both you and your stepbrother have matured and ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend is angry because I'm not ready for sex

Q.   my boyfriend and me are in a relation since last three years. he says he wants sex but i am not ready. he got angry when i said so. I really love him and i dont want to lose him. but i am really not ready for sex. he is really angry with me when i ...

A.   23 March 2016: for me the answer will matter if you are 18 or closer to 21... if at 21 in a 3 year relationship and you are not ready for sex perhaps you and your boyfriend need to part ways as he wants one thing and you want another. IF you are 18 and... (read in full...)

I called my boyfriend's parents house several times and he reported me to the police

Q.   I did something wrong today. Last night I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend because he never has time for me and always makes me feel second to everything. I was still mad and we argued again today. Not only did he not admit he was wrong, h...

A.   23 March 2016: Calling the house and hanging up was immature and wrong. He did not need to call the police but he did. clearly he's telling you that your behavior is unacceptable. Send his parents a lovely card and some flowers and apologize that way. ... (read in full...)

Married but living in different states.

Q.   Hi, my husband and I live apart due to me getting a job in another state and him staying behind to finish school. Every break I get I go visit him. This isn't true for him, he recently decided to stay home over his spring break because "there is ...

A.   23 March 2016: I have a few questions who is paying his bills? if you are stop. who initiates most of the contact? IF you do stop. wait and see how long it takes him to contact you. when he does.. be light and sweet... see how long it takes for the se... (read in full...)

Is it weird that my husband is a house husband?

Q.   Hello! My husband's firm has recently hone bankrupt and he has consequently lost his job. So now I am the only one working. We have no kids, I own the house where we live and I own the family car. He owns nithing.My job pays reasonably well so we ...

A.   23 March 2016: Hello I too have naturally curly hair and I too just recently got a house husband and I too own our home and make good money. So I could have written your question. My husband lost his job two weeks ago. He will not be getting unemployment... (read in full...)

Should I help my son financially?

Q.   My son is 28, and has basically never worked. I'm soooo disappointed in him, I can't begin to say. He hasn't spoken to me in over a year.He doesn't respond to phone calls, emails, texts, or anything. He thinks I belittle him because when I was i...

A.   22 March 2016: As an adult child who has received her fair share of help from her parents, I strongly urge you NOT to give him any money. IF he was working and supporting himself and attempting to be an adult, that would be a different story. Even if he wa... (read in full...)

When people say they are ''not ready for a relationship'' is that just a line to discourage the other party?

Q.   I was seeing a 25 y.o. woman over a month ago. She just lost her mother due to very complicated circumstances so she went through a very hard time. I took the 'not ready for a relationship' line as sincere. I didnt pursue but was open to go on mo...

A.   21 March 2016: Sadly when someone says that they often leave off the last part "with you" When I met my now husband he swore to me up and down in and out right and left that he was NEVER getting Married. Marriage was STUPID. note he is my husband.... wh... (read in full...)

He wants my help obtaining a British passport renewal

Q.   Hey Aunts, There is a guy I've been talking to on for 5 months. We get along quite well and he plans to come to our country for a visit this summer (his is part nationality here). We like each other, just not in-love and we talk on a variety of ...

A.   21 March 2016: I would not lend him a penny. I would not make phone calls for him. The fact that his "sister" is ANYTHING does not matter. Do not date him. do not give him any money do not give him access to any of your secure information. He sounds ... (read in full...)

Why is he not scared that I'll become pregnant?

Q.   There's this guy that i am seeing that i had sex with on the third date, after that it has been once a week(everytime we meet). We have seen eachother for approximately 2-3 months. BUT, there is one thing i dont understand. He always comes inside o...

A.   21 March 2016: not his uterus not his issue. He's not scared.. he does not care. have you been tested for STDs? I would have a full panel screening as a man who can so easily think he may impregnate a woman may not care if he has a sexually transmitted... (read in full...)

My ex has filed for bankruptcy and the house I was awarded in the divorce is being included! What can I do?

Q.   I got divorced a few years ago. In my divorce I was awarded the house with my ex husband paying the outstanding debt. My property stood good for the mortgage but my name isn't on the mortgage A few months ago my ex decided that he was filing b...

A.   21 March 2016: Clearly your STB ex does not care about you or hurting you or any children involved...not sure why you feel you need to play nice. FILE the contempt papers. ... (read in full...)

Why did my married man detach so quickly?

Q.   Hi I am new and don't even know if I'm in the right forum. I was having an online affair with a MM for a cpl months. He said he was unhappily married and only there for the kids and I could relate because although I am not married I've been with my ...

A.   18 March 2016: Actually you wanted to hurt a woman who did nothing to you. Your revenge didn't hurt him, it hurt an innocent woman and children. That's what was not cool. BOTH YOU and the cheating lying MM are culpable. IF you don't own your OWN BAD BEH... (read in full...)

Did I make a mistake of calling him cute?

Q.   I've been seeing someone for several weeks and we got intimate twice. No sex (pants still on) but topless as we both agreed we weren't ready for sex yet (I'm a virgin). Both times were great however during second time I was shy and called him "cute" ...

A.   18 March 2016: When my much younger husband was my NSA boytoy I called him cute all the time. HE HATED IT. it was not enough for him to leave me or end the relationship. being intimate with someone after only several weeks of knowing them is not a wise i... (read in full...)

I think I said something that put him off, how do I fix this situation?

Q.   I have a question about a sorta thing I had going with a guy. We have never actually met but we have mutual friends that thought we should. So here's what happened. We started talking on fb a lot two weeks ago. I was under the impression w...

A.   18 March 2016: Rule one on meeting folks online, if you live close and don't meet IRL within a few weeks, then it's nothing but fun and games and time wasting. IF you live more than 3 hours apart but less than an 18 hour plane ride, then meeting within 3 mon... (read in full...)

Mixed messages--is he interested or not?

Q.   About 6 weeks ago I met this lovely guy from Tinder who is also 23. On the first date we didn't kiss but he immediately suggested meeting again. On the 2nd date he also didn't kiss but again, he immediately suggested meeting again. On the 3rd date ...

A.   18 March 2016: 3 dates are what i gave anyone... the 3rd date could seem great to the other person but I knew I didn't have "those feelings" and didn't push to have a 4th date. seems to me that if you have not heard from him in two weeks since the 3rd date... (read in full...)

Why did my married man detach so quickly?

Q.   Hi I am new and don't even know if I'm in the right forum. I was having an online affair with a MM for a cpl months. He said he was unhappily married and only there for the kids and I could relate because although I am not married I've been with my ...

A.   18 March 2016: OH sweetie... this is going to hurt you badly but you were just a totally replaceable, interchangeable online fantasy girl that meant NOTHING to him. You brought back the excited feelings he misses in his marriage and clearly he brought it f... (read in full...)

I'm overwhelmed and don't know what to do. Is his behaviour part of his grieving or something else?

Q.   I am a 21 year old female with a same age boyfriend, we both are in school and work part time jobs. We have been together for 3 1/2 years. With a 7 month break up 2 years ago. It was a very ugly breakup, which was very hard on both of us. We bot...

A.   18 March 2016: If he has not had bereavement counseling (available from the hospital/hospice and/or the funeral home) then he should get some of that. It sounds like he's trying to find coping mechanisms to mourn a very deep powerful loss. To be honest yo... (read in full...)

Would it be a bad idea to text him? There was no formal goodbye to our relationship

Q.   I dated someone for a month, which ended two months ago. There was no formal goodbye. The communication just faded on his end. I never reached out again but I find myself thinking about him all the time. I was very attracted to him physical...

A.   18 March 2016: I totally agree with the other aunts that there is nothing there to look for. Let it go. IF a guy is interested in a woman he knows is responsive to him (as you were to him) he will continue to contact her. He's gone. He was rude to not ... (read in full...)

He's not hit me. But could the other things he does be called abuse? what should I do?

Q.   To be blunt and simple, when my year long boyfriend and i argue, he pushes me around. He'll grab me and squeeze my face, throw me down, he'll push me in front of almost anyone.. All throughout the year, he's never hit me though. He will punch...

A.   14 March 2016: It's very much abuse. It will probably escalate but even if it does not it's already at the "LEAVE HIM NOW" stage. Are you waiting for the day he punches YOU instead of the wall? what makes HITTING you vs squeezing, biting you the de... (read in full...)

Am I in the wrong because I don't want my jobless boyfriend moving in with me and depending on me to get him a job?

Q.   My LDR BF said he wants to move in with me and asked me to find him a job at the company where I work. He has been working as a part time delivery boy for a local restaurant for about a year after I've known him. Then he hurt his toe and said he ...

A.   10 March 2016: You are NOT wrong at this point. IF you do as he and his family ask THEN you WOULD BE WRONG. enabling him to continue to be a child (he is behaving as a child does) is not helpful to him. I would not get him a job at your place...ra... (read in full...)

It's over. Is going no contact the best way forward?

Q.   My boyfriend yelled at me. In his words, not yell but was speaking curtly. He used expletives and went on about how he wants nothing to do with me. I am a little unnerved and shocked. Right now, I don't want to have any contact with him. I am tr...

A.   9 March 2016: IF you have not told him that it's over and you have had this type of situation before then I suggest a text going "I am not going to take the type of abuse you heaped on me today ever again. consider this notice that we are done. DO NOT contact me ... (read in full...)

Could this be called psychological abuse?

Q.   Hello. Advice would be really welcome here. In a long distance relationship of over a year. Good times and bad. Currently we had a heated discussion last week which we did not share a view on, and he did what he has done before and totally ignor...

A.   9 March 2016: it's not abuse. it's childish it's immature and it's time for you to end the relationship and stop making excuses for the little boy he is.... (read in full...)

Did my boyfriend act unreasonable in this situation?

Q.   Did my boyfriend act unreasonable in this situation? Now my boyfriend has said that he hates when I drink alcohol, I don't drink often and when I do its at family birthdays and bbq's in the house. Hes always with me when I drink because I invite ...

A.   8 March 2016: given the past history, I do believe his request is controlling and unfair. but lying is wrong too.... (read in full...)

Did my boyfriend act unreasonable in this situation?

Q.   Did my boyfriend act unreasonable in this situation? Now my boyfriend has said that he hates when I drink alcohol, I don't drink often and when I do its at family birthdays and bbq's in the house. Hes always with me when I drink because I invite ...

A.   7 March 2016: Can you say no when someone offers you a drink? IF not, then you may have an issue with alcohol. IF you have an issue with alcohol then I am totally on his side. IF this is his personal opinion and you can easily go without alcohol for extended ... (read in full...)

Is flirting cheating?

Q.   Where do I begin? Basically I am a flirty person by nature, and I never really had a problem with that, I have my fun, mess around, and never really have anything that lasts. However, just over a year ago now I met a girl who I really fell for. We ...

A.   7 March 2016: Have not read the replies yet... but I will. I am a former swinger. And an outrageous flirt. I once asked my now husband (we are not swingers but I was a swinger when I met him..he was not) if it bothered him that I flirt so much. He laug... (read in full...)

My wife wants to end our marriage says she loves me as a friend only

Q.   Firstly, I love my wife very much and dont want to split up. She has recently suggested that she is not 'in love' with me anymore, sees me as a friend and that she wants to break up which I dont and want to make our marriage work. She had a bit of a ...

A.   7 March 2016: While Code Warrior's ideas are ok... it appears that much like in the USA the LORD MANSFIELD rule applies and that means that the man married to the baby's mother at the time of birth is the legal father. DNA be dammed. https... (read in full...)

I'm speechless after my husband's reaction to my wearing my mother's ring!

Q.   Hello! My mom, who was my best friend and to whom I had the closest relationship you could possibly imagine, passed away 5 years ago. A few days ago my dad gave me her engagent ring telling me she has always wanted me to have it. So- I have been ...

A.   7 March 2016: My husband feels the same way. We compromised I wear my mothers diamonds and gold on my ring finger of my left hand. we had the stones and gold fashioned into a very unique one of a kind set. It's my mother's gold and diamonds but it's OUR... (read in full...)

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   3 March 2016: I agree with Honeypie. Call the rescue. Maybe get someone from the rescue to come talk to you and your husband and meet the dog to discuss how rescues work. Your last post said you were contacting shelters, you offered to take over the reh... (read in full...)

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   3 March 2016: He's agreed to "rehome' the dog CALL the RESCUE.... why are you so resistant to the RESCUE? they are there for people just like you who don't want to put a biting dog down but know how to deal with a dog like yours since the RESCUE is BREED... (read in full...)

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   2 March 2016: OP you seem resistant to contacting the rescue...that's exactly what they are for. ... (read in full...)

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   28 February 2016: He's home, the dog is home, the kids are home no one wants the dog put down (and a shelter will put down a dog that bites) contact the cane corso rescue.... see what they suggest. https://canecorsorescue.org/ they may have training fo... (read in full...)

I am on the verge of being divorced over a dog! Dog left me for the dog!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and married for 5 months. Our relationship was picture perfect. No arguments, completely devoted to each other etc. Not to mention he stepped up and has been a father to my 2 kids from a previous ...

A.   25 February 2016: I love big dogs. Big dogs need well trained owners to train them well and they are NOT the first dog for people to try. I had a dog that bit my son. I had the dog destroyed the next day. YOU don't bite my child and live. IF he did not get... (read in full...)

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