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Why do some people feel the need to brag and put others down?

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Question - (10 July 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 23 August 2010)
A age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I had dinner last night with an old friend from college. After she asked what my other friends and I have been up to her reply was, "Oh I see nothing has changed." She then proceeded to tell me about how she travels to different places for work and how she works so much. She then asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no, that I was single. So she talked about her amazing sex life and how she is going out with all of these younger men and how she went out with a model, but dumped him because he was "too boring."

I basically sat there and listened to her as she went on and on and on..... I'm just happy I see her once or twice a year now! Sheesh! Does anyone else know people who are like this? Why do they feel the need to put down others and brag so much?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010):

Its really a sad situation if someone feign to be your friend and have to brag. Myself, i'm going through that right now with a friend who brags about items with no value (clothes). I love to shop and my friends always say how much clothes i have. One thing about myself, you will never know what i'm doing, what i've accomplished, where i'm going or what i've purchased, maybe in time it will all exude. I have a huge peeve for braggers i called them "insecure late bloomers". If your friend is bragging to you its something you have that they want. We can't have it all just thank god and appreciate what you do have. My friend started early this morning with the bragging and i jumped to whats going on in the world today. You have to smile and say a prayer for these insecure individuals.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

Sounds to me like it's a sign of making herself feel better.

She's making herself seem so full of herself -- making you believe she has this amazing life style, but really it isn't at all.

She's actually insecure. People like that love making themselves look like a real independent,outgoing and confident person. When really, she's nothing of the sort.

She most probably dislikes her life - a lot!

I wouldn't take any notice, you most probably have a much better life than hers.

Next time you see her and she does it, I'd just do the same back. Tell her how happy you are with YOUR life and how you enjoy being single.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

Some people are just dicks.

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (10 July 2010):

dearkelja agony auntI have a friend who used to do this and I too figured out that she was insecure and what she was communicating was simply surface stuff. What I did was listen and nod to her stories and when she mentioned something negative about a mutual friend I said "Karen might not be as worldly as you and I know she is a stay at home mom but have you talked to her lately? She is the happiest person in the world and she is the best mom I've ever seen. I don't think we can measure people with our yardstick. I'm glad you have a fantastic job and amazing boyfriend but tell me, how's your inner peace?"

This reply brought out the floodgates and what I found was that her portrayed life was just a screen she told people because she was truly unhappy. She wanted to be married (her boyfriend was non-commital) and have kids. You would be amazed at the fact that people feel one thing but say another. Well, maybe you wouldn't.

This woman is still my friend, a little less insecure but she is definately in touch with her feelings. Step One.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

Obviously, she is trying to make up for whatever she did or do not have enough of, be it confidence, attention, self-esteem, what have you.

That you mentioned that she is dating younger men and models probably points at the fact that she is experience insecurity due to her progressing age.

So that is probably why.

I think "why" is not so much the question, rather, "how". How to deal with these kind of people. Smiling and nodding is certainly a passive way to let it go by, but that sometimes can invite more bragging. You can also try saying something, "Whoa, that's for you to know, and for me to never find out" as a joke. And if she continues to do so, you can remind her, "eek, too much info."

At this point, it may be too late, as you've known her for some time, and have already heard her talk about all these things. You could simply talk about the simple things that make you so happy, and claim that you are as happy as she is. She is talking about the things that she claims to make her happy--well, in a fair conversation, why shouldn't you? If she ventures to say that your happiness is invalid, well, then that's kind of rude and either she should apologize, or the get-together should end, and probably best to never occur again.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2010):

Insecurity id her problem. Arrogance is the face of those that are insecure. Someone once suggested I was arrogant a few years ago and it really hurt, because nothing could have been further from the truth. Those that are insecure will do anyting to appear confident, and soon they appear as if they're arrogant. It does go away for some, as it did for me and two or three other people I know. For some it never does, as they remain permanently insecure and in need or approval.

Your friend probably came across as very arrogant on her ways, but I can guarantee you the reason she said all that was because she was hugely insecure about her life right now. I would doubt her stories about these other men. Maybe there were a few, but it won't be nearly as good as she says. She was looking for your approval because really she's terribly insecure about herself. When she's not as insecure, you'll see a change in her attitude. But that's only if she helps herself. Other than than, nod and smile politely.

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