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Why does he want to keep me a secret? Is he just using me???

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 February 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 15 February 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Well im seeing this boy, and he asked out another girl (my best friend). So i immediatly dumped him, my friend didn't know we where going out (well seeing each other) at the time, so I didn't say anything. Luckily she said no. Then about a week later he said to me, "want to meet up" and i asked him why, and then he said because we are seeing each other! He never even told me we were seeing each other again! And now we are seeing each other in secret nothing really happens, he only asks to have sex with me and pull. I refuse sex, but I sometimes do pull him. Is he using me, even tho he said he loves me? what should I do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010):

He's using you. Or he has other sinister motives.

I remember a guy i worked with asked me out once. He told me not to tell anyone else in the office and just keep it "a secret between us". Then guess who showed up at our work night out? His girlfriend that he apparently didn't have.

This guy sounds like an idiot, you could probably do so much better.

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A female reader, Ruth_x United Kingdom +, writes (14 February 2010):

Thanks guys, you's have really helped me :D


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A female reader, missSamanthamary Canada +, writes (14 February 2010):

heres the way to tell if hes using u , tell everyone whats been going on and then word will get back to him and if he gets mad then hes using u , tell him that ur sick of being a secert and if he wants to be with u then people are gonna no about it, i went through the same kinda situation and i told like everyone , i found out in the long run that my guy was playing like at least 100 differnt chicks . by the sounds of it this guy is using u , be carefull u dont want to end up completly heart broken . ps dont have sex with him

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (14 February 2010):

He's using you until he can get the girl he really wants. He's already hurt you by dumping you for your friend. And all he does is ask you for sex. Seriously, you can do so much better.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (14 February 2010):

DrPsych agony auntI agree with the others - he is keeping you a secret as he is keeping his options open. He hopes you will have sex with him to give him sexual experience (teenage boys can be very insecure about this). Don't let him use you or become his doormat. It sounds like he is calling all the shots - he decides when to meet, what should happen time he calls you tell him to go away. Asking your friend out shows that he has no respect for you, but he can only keep disrespecting you if you let him...

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A female reader, Tigerlily United States +, writes (14 February 2010):

Anyone who truly loves someone wants the world to know... they don't keep it a secret. Sounds like he's only interested in the sex stuff. I think your first instinct was best, dump him.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 February 2010):

Honeypie agony auntHe wants to have you to hang around in case he doesn't "score" whichever girl he fancies..

Tell him to get lost.

You don't need to be someone's "security blanket".

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (14 February 2010):

dearkelja agony auntThe fact that it's a secret means he wants to keep his options open. The fact that he asked your friend out means he's keeping his options open.

He's quite young to be saying he loves you and I tend to think he's saying it in an effort to get you to have sex.

Actions speak louder than words and his actions are not saying he loves you.

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