A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Would you consider it appropriate for a married woman to send text messages that have a sexual theme to a single man? There's a woman at my workplace who I foolishly gave my number to so she could send me, at the time, an innocent media message. Now she sends me jokes on a regular basis that have a sexual content. I feel uneasy about it-if she were single then I wouldn't see it as an issue. With her being married I just can't understand what her game is. Am I just being a prude or is there something odd about this?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 All right, poster. Just change your number, be polite to her, and don't think more about the subject. If you make it easy for her to see that you're not interested, she will stop.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo she wouldn't have heard that I like those kind of jokes from single women as I keep my working relationships purely professional with just a handful of close friends in the workplace
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (15 March 2008):
No matter the differences we may have in opinion, Ask_oldersister always comes up with something interesting. Yep, poster, you're bound to have this kind of problems everywhere, and you need to know how to manage them. My way to manage this is tell it like it is and cut things short. This is blunt, but is clear. No one is lead on. No one is left waiting for closure. You can find your own way.
The fact that these are SMS, NOT e-mail, is very telling. Maybe it's safe to think that she doesn't send these to all the coworkers and friends. It seems also safe to assume these are hints.
Would it be too difficult to get another SIM card, or to have her phone number blocked?
Finally, though this might sound contradictory coming from me, since I wrote all that stuff below. it isn't a bad thing if someone likes you. It's only bad if they want to play with you. And the unmarried person very often becomes the toy.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 What's the difference if she's single or married? If these are indeed jokes of a sexual nature I see married women just as easily sending these as single women. Married women like to laugh too.
The bottom line is that you are uncomfortable with these messages and you need to tell her. Once you do this and she continues it is then considered sexual harrassment. And this is the case if she is single, bi, gay, married or a man. But you need to be an equal opportunity harrassee here. Perhaps she heard that you really like these jokes from a single woman?
Anyway, tell her they bother you and ask her kindly to stop.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (14 March 2008):
 Hell no you are not being a prude!!! Tell her doing this makes you uncomfortable and that you want her to stop right now. If she protests or acts like you are weird, threaten to tell her husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk-I see it's sparked a few replies-and thanks so far!
Let me just point out-these are not emails-these are sms messages to my phone! Also, married or not, I never said I welcomed them or was flattered by them-far from it. I'm not and would never be attracted to her in that way, and already I never mention or even acknowledge the messages
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (14 March 2008):
Sorry. I suppose the poster does not mean messages that would be easy to take for only friendly. Everyone receives this sort of e-mail from friends and I'm sure we all know when they are definitely nothing but "friendly talk". My aunt sends me those, and I don't believe she is into me, and that's because I know what sort of a relationship we have with each other. The problem is what happens when the nature of your relationship with the person, and the nature of the e-mail messages, is not so clear. And I assume this is what the poster means.
I see that the ladies are answering in a different manner. I just would like to point out that a man might just see this issue in a very different manner. We need to bear in mind that the poster is a male, and the sender is his coworker. Does he need any problems at his workplace? Should he run this risk? What if he indeed makes it with this lady, and then for whatever reason they break up? Would it be nice to run across this lady every day?
What if he makes a mistake about the nature of the messages, reeds too much into them, thinks they are flirting, and she says they were not and reports him to the HR department?
What if the messages are indeed flirting, but then she has a change of heart?
Sorry. If the lady works with you, or is somewhat attached to somebody, or you're not clear where you stand with her, run away.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 March 2008):
 I agree with the sister. We pass emails all over the place at work. I wouldn't read too much into this. Now if she does make a move on you, you know what to do, right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): I've known men and women to send such information by emails. They usuallyinclude other people. I recall one time a wife was upset that she sent her husband this information.
Call it ettiquote or what have you, some people just don't know when to say no, I won't do it. There only trying to be one of the guys/gals, but they don't consider the audiebce, that just assume everyone are the same: robots.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (14 March 2008):
Oops! I forgot. You don't know what her game is. You don't even know if she's playing a game or if she's seriously interested. But you do know she means trouble.
If she were hinting something, given that she's married and your coworker, I would wish she were more explicit.
What about her husband?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (14 March 2008):
There can be something odd about it. Let's build the "decision tree" here.
She might be just being friendly, or she might be flirting. If she's just being friendly, any love interest in her is down to 50%.
She might be flirting with you. In which case, she might be serious about her flirting, or not. Your chances with her are down to 25%.
If she is serious about her flirting, she might a) leave her family or b) not leave. Your chances are down to 17.5%.
If she leaves the family, you can either make it with her, or not. Your chances are down to 8.75%.
On the other hand, the chances that you will get yourself into trouble are 100%. Because she has a family and you'd be affecting other people's lives, and your own.
The choice is yours.
Also, let's turn the question around. If you were married, would you send messages with a sexual theme to a single lady?
If you are going to get involved with someone, why does it have to be with someone who has strong ties, and who therefore can't offer you the same degree of commitment you can?
I suggest that you don't pay attention to her flirting. Don't even mention her e-mails. Just delete them as you receive them.
There's your answer.
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (14 March 2008):
 You didn't give an age group, so here goes. She's being catty and playing you. Be careful. Block her emails AND tell her you prefer she NOT send you such explicit literature/jokes/etc.
If it is offensive, nip it in the bud. You'll be doing yourself a favor and her too (whether she realizes it or not) She's playing a dangerous game.
Good luck! Gena
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