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| | *oonridge McPhalify's profile:i've done a psychology degree but can see how a lot of the established ways are usefull but open to abuse by agents of social control (doctors/thought police).
i have been diagnosed as manic depressive but at the moment am not in any state that would be classed as serious. i appear to have things balanced by consuming omega three, b vitamins and dairy food, and have insight into irrational thought patterns because for a long time they came to dominate my thinking.
i like to see things from a logical point of view, see myself as quick to analyse and tend to back away from situations to view them objectively.
i love drugs and have for years but have more control over myself now than i ever did in the past. being bipolar i came to rely on mood controlling agents as i had great difficulty with wild mood swings. i am no longer experiencing problems with my mood and as such my drug use has calmed down (or matured).
i am single but am making an effort and hopefully something good will come along. i'm very picky though and dont want to be in a relationship for the sake of it
i am gay and while this is an issue (as it would be to anyone in a society where it is tolerated rather than accepted), i dont consider it to be a defining feature of myself. i prefer to associate with people because i find them interesting rather than because of labels.
i love agony aunt columns and friends say i give good advice (though they would wouldn't they). either way this is a hobby and a fun one at that. it also satiates my nosiness without having to impose it on people that could cause me to be known as nosy/interfering.
i am actively making an effort to find love but am wary of people. the risk has to be worth it as love tends to send me (literally) crazy. |
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How can I leave my husband with out hurting my kids?
Q. To explain my question I have to give some back ground. I grew up with extreamly over protective parents and was never allowed to date. Two months after I graduated high school I moved out. Two days after I moved out I went on my first date and was ...
A. 25 March 2008: jump ship this man is a parasite and has spread his genes sucessfully and your making it work for him, and he wants you to stay while he spawns more cuckoo's for you to suckle.
its pure darwin nasties... (read in full...)
I want to contact my ex but his bail conditions are not to contact me, can I contact him?
Q. A week ago, my now ex and I had a row which ended up in mild assault against me and serious damage to my car and other possessions. He was arrested and his bail conditions are to not contact me. I don't want him back. But I want to have my say...
A. 25 March 2008: the court might think that you are not taking it seriously, or if he replies he might get put away, do you want this maybe?
why tell him anything, although you may find it a release i can guarantee this will be like pouring petrol on a fire. do... (read in full...)
We are at opposite ends of the social scale and she doesn't like me that way...what can I do??
Q. Ok, I like this girl, I told her, and shes fine with it. We are always talking and we sit with each other in some lessons. But we're from oppsite end of the social scale. Shes popular and, and i'm just in the middle. There's a big difference. ...
A. 24 March 2008: you cannot make someone like you
she may like you as a person not a love interest and if other peoples perceptions of her are why she lacks interst in you then that is not worth fighting against. shallow people cum and go and you're better o... (read in full...)
My partner calls me bad names like "Loser" and "Bitch", how do I deal with it?
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles, I have been with my partner for 6 yrs now - we do not live together - i live with my children (18 and 22) and he lives with his son (age 19). We have talked about living together at some point, once he has recovered...
A. 24 March 2008: he is a dick and from what i can see there is a consensus here that he is doing you no good.
putting you down is his way of trying keep you, as he himself is the loser and you can see it. you are admirable in your desire to try hard and work for... (read in full...)
Should I say yes to a threesome with boyfriend and his mate?
Q. I have beening dating my current boyfriend for the past 4 years. I love him with all my heart and he loves me too. We are both college students and we attend different universities. We are seperated by amost 13 states. A few months ago he told me ...
A. 24 March 2008: if his fantasy is to have another male (with a female by default also present) and the male he has chosen has a close emotional connection to him and is very attractive maybe the part of the fantasy he desires is his friend (not simply generic ... (read in full...)
Why is my best friend being nasty about a girl I'm interested in?
Q. hi, so i'm 16 and bi-sexual and have known for about 3 years. i have had both sex relatioships, and really enjoy both. i meet this girl who works in the office across the road from me, and she really flirts, a couple of my mates have turned arou...
A. 21 March 2008: your best friend wants you most likely. we tend to feel anger towards the threat in life, if she liked this girl the anger would be directed at you but its at the girl and only you are hearing her anger so its like "hint hint, i like you". ... (read in full...)
I'm a stressed-out mother with a disabled ill-behaved child. Any ideas how to make her behave?
Q. Does anyone have any ideas for a very stressed out mother with a very very hyper 4 year old child(who happens to also have a Disability Spina Bifida w/ a shunt)She also has very strong anger issues. My husband and I took her to a Phsycologist and ...
A. 21 March 2008: labells serve a diagnostic purpose but can cloud the issue. blaming a disorder neatly ignores the fact that people with problems can help their behaviour but you need to be highly consistent with boundaries and have patience.
she is behaving... (read in full...)
I have to either starve or binge, how can I get out of this endless cycle?
Q. heyx i was just wondering if i am normal, and if im not, what can I do to change? Basically, a year ago i was over 10 stone. Then i lost all the weight, and got to 8 stone. I felt happy, and good about myself. But then my cousin stayed over and I sa...
A. 21 March 2008: everyone thinks about food and to do so is normal. but you have gotten into an obsessive pattern of thinking which is unhealthy. you need to develop hobbies and a healthy diet.
binging on chocolate and then restricting your food intake is bad when... (read in full...)
My boyfriend borrowed $2,000 from me last year but when I ask for it back he gets mad! What do I do?
Q. Dear Cupid: My boyfriend and I been together for 5 years. I make 3X money of what he does, and that is now, cause before he used to make none 'cause he was in school. Therefore I would pay for a lot of things, like restarant, plane ticket, ca...
A. 21 March 2008: you have been made a tool of and he knows he can talk to you like shit beacuse you wont get you money back if you dont kiss his ass.
he does not respect you
the only difference between you and a mom figure is that he wouldn't have sex with a ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else have a weird looking vagina???
Q. I am sure that this has been asked time and time again, but I really worry if my boyfriend is telling the truth about my.... vagina. You see it "sticks out" well the lips do. I tell my boyfriend that I need to get it fixed, but he says it is normal ...
A. 21 March 2008: my vagina looks like jack nicholson in batman!... (read in full...)
My husband has sex with me when I'm asleep....is it rape or "silent sex"?
Q. my husband had sex with me when I was drunk and asleep - I woke up as he pulled out and was climbing off me, cleaning himself up with tissues, I have confronted him and he says he thought I was awake - there is no way he thought I was awake as we ...
A. 21 March 2008: not very much detail to this-cant go accusing people on hardly any evidence. hes your man and you can meter out whatever punishment you want based on your personal (intoxicated) experience.... (read in full...)
A gentle way to break up from my GF who has self-harm tendencies?
Q. I've grown apart from my girlfriend of 15 months and need a very gentle way to break up with her over a period of time. I don't want her to get really upset as she used to self-harm...
A. 21 March 2008: dont be drawn in by manipulative shit about self harm, as this will encourage her to carry out these unhelpfull (possibly attention seeking)practices. state your case and say it is you, that you dont feel the same, that you have grown apart from the ... (read in full...)
His dreams are causing problems in our marriage
Q. My Husband of 6 years has been having sexual dreams almost every night,Of course he has a full errection.Several times I have heard him say sexual things out loud while in his sex dream.What really upset me is that he has even called out a females ...
A. 20 March 2008: you cannot control his dreams and to expect him to is unreasonable. sleep apart from each other if this keeps happening and dont pander to his whims as much.... (read in full...)
My partner who is 10 years older treats me like a child! It ruins my day!
Q. My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year. Everything is usually fine because my bf is very caring and we love each other. But, one thing really bothers me and it often makes me upset. He is 10 years older than me and it is true that he is ...
A. 19 March 2008: so he doesnt listen to you, tries to control you, wont accept your opinions, tells you you are a child and generally annoys you and makes you feel unhappy.
why are you with this loser?... (read in full...)
Is it normal for drinking to inhibate erections?
Q. Alright so I've got a question here, is it normal to have a hard time getting an erection when you drink? I know it happens a lot when you get smashed, but for me it happens almost instantly. Last night for instance I drank 6 beers, not enoug...
A. 17 March 2008: brewers droop-your question answered... (read in full...)
Got caught masturbating!!!!
Q. I love to masterbate and love porn. I've been in a relationship for 2 year with my girlfriend and things are great but I feel she does not trust me because I masturbate. I tell her it is just a fantasy, I'm being truthful with her, we make love 4 to ...
A. 17 March 2008:
if you want some privacy cover your tracks and do it on your own pc-duh!
snoopy wont change, people are understanding of differences between themselves and others or they are not. if she has a problem with it then dont leave trails for her to f... (read in full...)
He is selfish in the bedroom and doesn't even look at me anymore in public either...help!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a while now,and i always assumed things were great between us.just recently he has become very distant,when we go out he will stand away from me or if i put my arms around him he just keeps his in his pockets he ...
A. 17 March 2008: -in the early stages of a relationship people act out of character to strengthen the links between each other due to hormones and excitement from the novelty factor. when this stage has calmed down you can see how people are naturally.
-he m... (read in full...)
I'm in a "secret" relationship with a female friend, what do you think?
Q. Confused about my sexuality (possibly) question. I've been in one relationship with a female best friend of mine, in total secret, for 1/2 a year. this 'secret' relationship halted when she ended things with me saying that 'it wasn't for her anymore ...
A. 15 March 2008: yeh you were a usefull diversion when the going got rough with her man and she probably strings everyone along. manipulative
i would end this while its on your terms to give her a bad taste of her own medicine and be free from the torment she care... (read in full...)
Manipulative behaviour
Q. Help! I really need some advice and very quickly. I have a situation which I just don't know how to deal with. I am a woman who has a really close relationship with a gay man, - we are best friends, and he and his partner and I are really close. ...
A. 15 March 2008: you need to stand up now!!!!!
get some strength and poise and when she makes a competitive comment (as everything you said about her screams competitive) laugh it off and make one back.
meet up with your friends on their own if you need a pr... (read in full...)
Since my BF told me he was bi, we did not have sex as much as before. What is happening?
Q. My boyfriend told me that he was bi, which is okay with me. We have had fun exploring with it. But lately he doesn't always want to have sex with me or go down on me as much anymore. He does other things to please me. He says because he is angry. He ...
A. 15 March 2008: your experimental behaviour in this relationship has sent him all over the shop. he no longer knows who he is or what he wants to buy (into).
the point is that he is experincing a sexual awakening-he may be confused and if he feels that he has t... (read in full...)
Behaved 'out of character' and now she doubts us
Q. Hi I have been seeing a beautiful caring girl for a year. We love each other and see says i'm kind, caring etc However, recently I lost my temper with her when i was drunk and was verbally abusive. I didn't hit her or anything, just shouted wh...
A. 12 March 2008: avoid drinking on antidepressants as this can have dangerous effects on your mood.
explain to her that there was an interaction between the medicine and the drugs you are on and explain it properly.
dont combine these drugs and control your beh... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I fancy some mutual masturbation?
Q. well i am not gay but i just really get the urge to masterbate with another guy but i just dont know how to tell him. sometimes i even want to have mutual masterbation with him. how do i tell him...
A. 11 March 2008: try having a go when your pissed then if it goes wrong you can claim the drink confused your judgement!... (read in full...)
He smokes pot when he's with his friends, and I hate it!
Q. I hate the fact that I want advice on this. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Unfortunately, we only get to see each other on the weekends because we are both in college and live about an hour away from each other. But we talk for ...
A. 6 March 2008: its not that bad to use occasionally. regular use is far more likely to cause problems. Its not really anyones place to control another but the desire to do so can be strong.
telling him how bad it is will porbably piss him off and if its not ... (read in full...)
My partner likes to contact gay men by text email or various websites. Is this normal?
Q. My partner likes to contact gay men by text email or various websites. He says its harmless fun, I have told him I cannot deal with this and he promises never to do it again, he has broken this promise now on 6 occasions, saying he is not doing ...
A. 4 March 2008: LEAVE NOW!!!!!!
this is a damaging situation and this is a consistently recurring behaviour pattern that anyone in their right mind would consider grounds for ending a relationship on. He has no respect for you.
to stay would be very desperat... (read in full...)
Do sleeping pills have nasty side affects?
Q. Are sleeping pills any good? Do they actually work and are there ones that dont make you sick? I was put on anti depressants some years ago but the side affects were horrendous, and i just couldnt take them. Ive got 2 kids and I have a lot going...
A. 4 March 2008: cut down the cigarettes as they will definately contribute to the insomnia as nicotine always raises levels of dopamine-a neurotransmitter involved in reward and excitement.
Drugs that raise levels of dopamine as their main effect are stimulan... (read in full...)
Have you dealt with a probable alcoholic taking anti-depressants?
Q. Would you consider 6-7 pints of Guinness a day a sign of alcoholism (sometimes more, sometimes less)? In Europe, is that normal, or is a sign of a heavy drinker no matter where you go? Also, this person is taking anti-depressants. I'm wondering if ...
A. 3 March 2008: anti depressants do have an effect with alcohol- SSRI's definately make the alcohol high a lot more rewarding and pleasurable and make it easier to ignore the bad side effects and dull the bad mood of a hangover (as the bad effects are barely ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my cousin, but I'm handicapped. How can I cope?
Q. I and my female first cousin are of the same age(17 yrs).We were in love from our very childhood(9 yrs) as well as we shared a tight friendship.We used to meet each other many a times.At night,we slept side by side and used to hold our hands,arms ...
A. 29 February 2008: well to be quite honest love between cousins often results in a higher incidence of genetic diseases as although its not incestous cousins share quite a bit of DNA.
maybe to make yourself feel better about losing this relationship imagine your chi... (read in full...)
I am unmarried and the teacher of my son might fancy me, what shall I do?
Q. I have a 6 year old that i take to school everyday and iv noticed a certain male teacher there who has just lately being smiling at me and says hello and im very attracted to him, im single so i dont have a partner.The problem is im not sure whether ...
A. 28 February 2008: i agree with talking to him but dont build up the possible sequence of events in your head so that the task seems daunting. simply chat and get to know him... (read in full...)
Dating other boys upset him, thus we broke up. What is the best way to win him back, or get over him?
Q. Hi guys im 15. basically i started talking to this boy for a couple of months and i guess i took advantage of all his compliments. I couldnt commit to anything with the boy because my freind also liked him for a little, he understood that but said ...
A. 28 February 2008: this is not getting off to a good start is it? Begining a relationship with trust issues is an exercise in pointless behaviour.
things are broken here so move on and get something thats interesting when its not removed from accessab... (read in full...)
How can I get motivated and get my life back?
Q. I'm sixteen years old and for the past six months been smoking cigarettes and weed regularly.I haven't been getting much exercise and have gained a lot of weight, lost motivation to finish getting my high school diploma and been depressed. I also ...
A. 28 February 2008: weed is a thing that makes you less bored and content to do less than you should. Cigarettes on the other hand will sap you of your energy in a big way and lead to laziness.
anyone reading this who disagrees take a look at heavy smokers that you... (read in full...)
I'm having seconds thoughts. How can I convince him to put off the wedding?
Q. Me and my other half have been togather three years we have our wedding planned for four months time. Recently i have been having second thoughts. We got together when i was in a very bad time and it's just recently i have been getting back to ...
A. 28 February 2008: tell him that you need more time-having a joint finacial possession is simply not grounds for getting married.
tell him that the pressure of the situation is making you feel uncomfortable and that you need time to relax as going from one stressfu... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I should be doing this stuff...
Q. I really like this kid. I don't know though, I'm trying not to get too involved because I don't want to get too attached because I'm sick of stuff like this but whatever anyways, he came over my house today and we did stuff. He tried to get it in, ...
A. 28 February 2008: if you can't say cock or penis you could probably do without having one inside you generating a risk factor in your life that your naivety will prevent you from dealing with efficiently, and coping with emotionally.
if this is not what you want... (read in full...)
My gay lover goes back and forth between me and his girlfriend. He says he is choosing her. Should I try to get him back?
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship with a guy who is 9 years younger than I am. As far as I know, I have been gay since my teen days, although I had one serious "relationship" with a friend in the past, who eventually moved on and got married. I met ...
A. 27 February 2008: theres a quote from a show on BBC3 the other day i saw.. i feel it applies.
"for christ's sake donna your like a todler playing with your own faeces-just because it tastes good doesn't mean its right".
Move on from this crap and stop being a... (read in full...)
We rowed like we never have before after his ex called...was I so wrong in what I said??
Q. Please help me. When I first met my boyfriend I'd known of him for 6 years, working together in a mental health hospital. I had originally asked him out over email before I left my job. Then after I'd been seeing him for 3 months, I found out that...
A. 26 February 2008: your lack of trust is an issue and you need to deal with it. it is why you have not got over the row as quickly as your boyfriend. his story sounds plausible given her personality issues (if he had left abruptly she might have tried to top ... (read in full...)
Is this a way of saying she needs time or are we actually breaking up for good?
Q. My girlfriend says she wants a break. She says her priorities are all messed up. This happened right after I told her that she doesn't show me affection. She thought she was hurting me and says she cant do that to me right now. She used the ...
A. 23 February 2008: when people are "always busy" sometimes they just dont want to be in our company. this could be for any number of reasons, but if they dont want you around them then dont force yourself into their time. are you being clingy and needy (that is ... (read in full...)
I can't get the fact that she went to a 'naked party' out of my head.
Q. I'm having a real problem getting my girlfriend's past out of my head. I know there have been some other questions like this on the board, but nothing that really matches. Basically, I've been dating a wonderful woman for three months. She's am...
A. 22 February 2008: the degree to which people are bothered by their partners deeds sexually with others outside of the relationship is the same as the degree to which they want to totally possess their partner.
before anyone disagrees read this...
people who wi... (read in full...)
I lost a lot of weight, and want more sex than my man can provide, how can I change things around?
Q. Hi, I am a 26 year old happily married woman. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together for 8. We are very happy and compatiable. The only problem I have with our relationship is that he doesn't want sex NEARLY as much as I do. ...
A. 21 February 2008: you know your own answer, try to have sex when he is not tired and get something real in your life as porn and sex are dominating your thoughts because you are very bored!!!... (read in full...)
The 'safe but unhappy' longterm or a risk on a wonderful older man?
Q. I am a 23-year old female. I met my partner 3 years ago and fell madly in love. He was without doubt the person I wanted to be with forever, marriage kids, the lot. But things have been declining for the last year, he has become not only less ...
A. 19 February 2008: the cheater is a user and your other man is stale and the relationship has run its course-your still young and you could do better than either of these men.
your confusion and indecision stems from the fact that both these options (men) are not ... (read in full...)
Question about anal sex and cleanliness...any advice?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have anal sex alot. The other day though it went really messy and embarrassing. How do u clean the anal area so that it is clean. He is really good though and washes his penis after but i just want my anal area to be clean. C...
A. 14 February 2008: poo can be a usefull lubricant as long as its runny! but seriously that is part of the mental thrill and is unavoidable and frankly the anus is not a vagina. It will be messy and if you can slide a wet wipe up there does that not suggest that it is ... (read in full...)
Did he dump me for not having sex or because of his mate?
Q. This is for anyone but like guys to answer as well for there point of view, There was this guy i started seeing at the beginning of the yr,he made the first move and meet up for our first date everything was going well, i stayed round his house a ...
A. 12 February 2008: this boy was using you for sex, he has probably worked out that after a few weeks of pressure and insistence if a girl has not jumped into bed easy then it will probably require some form of commitment (i would not call dating for a month and having ... (read in full...)
Involved with drugs, my lifestyle led to troubles in my relationship, how can I set things right?
Q. over and over she tried and over and over i lied and over and over she cried.it was 5 years we were together i was almost never at our apt. i do drugs and sell them to. I never let her see me on them. I lied to stay away and she also loaned m...
A. 8 February 2008: have you got a problem with meth? specifying what drug makes your message(which seems to lack disclosure of certain things you know but are maybe embarassed to admit) easier to answer. The answer is i'm guessing that she has had more than enough ... (read in full...)
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